Open Rants by Ben McArdle




NFL ALL CRIMINAL Team
Published at 3/12/2017
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Millen  Bill


QB:

Ben Roethlisberger: Big Ben has been accused of sexual assault two times in his career, once of assaulting a 20 year old Georgia college student at a dance club, and the other time he was accused of raping a Nevada resort hostess.

Oh he also has won two Super Bowls and will go down as one of the Steeler’s greatest QBs of all time


Michael Vick: Michel Vick was a great college quarterback, and became a dynamic and fun to watch player in the pros, and in 2004 becoming the greatest football player Madden ever put in their games with a dynamic 99 overall rating. That being said, he went to jail for dog fighting in 2007 in one of the NFL's biggest scandals of the 21st century, something that earns him a spot on this roster.


RB:

Adrian Peterson: In 2011 AP had a potential career ending injury, only to come back a season later and fall nine yards short of the single season rushing record and earned himself a league MVP award. Even though Bo Jackson is the only league running back to ever play pro baseball and football, it can be argued AP has a great swing of the bat as well, as he was arrested in 2014 for child abuse, allegedly beating his son with a tree branch, a "switch."


Le’veon Bell: This young running back once told a cop, "I didn't know you could get DUI for being high" and that is part of the incident that lands him on this list. Bell, alongside a fellow Steelers RB and teammate LeGerrette Blount, were arrested for driving high and for possession of "that sweet sweet chiba," and since that day bell has continued to be suspended by the league for breaking their substance abuse policy. Bell is a amazing back though, coming less than 200 yards away from 2000 from the line of scrimmage in 2016, while missing 4 games, while having multiple Pittsburg Steelers team records.


WR:

Randy Moss: Arguably one of the greatest receivers to play the game, Moss was electric on the field and has career and season accomplishments to prove it, holding the record for most receiving touchdowns in a season with 23, racking up 4 first team all pro appearances, as well as being third all time in career receiving yards. But Moss' career could have stopped before it started, as he was arrested for being part of a racially charged fight while in high school, that led him to lose his scholarship from Notre Dame, then he was kicked off the FSU team when he violated his probation and was sentenced to more jail time. He was a kid, and it didn't effect his pro career, but it could have. 


Michael Irvin: Thee Super Bowl rings, a Hall of Fame jacket, and as one the greatest Cowbows ever to play the game, Michael Irvin ended his career as an all-time great. But off the field he ran into a few issues, one in particular included a motel room noise complaint, that led to Irvin and a teammate arrested in a room full of cocaine weed and topless girls. Drug charges continued to happen throughout his life and career, but he was a stud on the field.


Plaxico Burrerss: Giants fans remember Plaxico as the guy who scored the game winning touchdown in the Super Bowl against the 18-0... I mean 18-1 Patriots. He also helped the giants go 9-1 to start the next season. Sounds like Giants fans love him right? Not really so unconditionally anymore, because that 2008 season was slightly effected when the Giant's star receiver shot himself in the leg with a gun he wasn't supposed to have on him in the first place. So Plaxico went from a fan favorite, to the guy who shot himself with the gun in his jeans' pocket. 


TE:

Aaron Hernandez: He may not be the best TE ever, but he sure knew how to ruin defenders lives on the field, He was part of the Gronkowski- Hernandez TE pair that led the Patriots to Brady's 5th Super Bowl appearance, and 2nd loss to the G-men. He also was part of many murders, and when I say many, I mean he was part of a double homicide, as well as killing his fiance's sisters' boyfriend. He is in prison for life without the possibility for parole, and he still hasn't been tried on multiple cases. Hernandez really embodies the "NFL ALL CRIMINAL TEAM" spirit. 


OG:

Nate Newton: He had a NFL salary, but couldn't resist making another 75K per drug deal. This Six-time Pro Bowler couldn't help his competitive nature, trying to be the best dope dealer in the game. He was arrested once in a van with two girls because of violating traffic, something you shouldn't do when you have over 200 pounds of weed in your van. He was a great guard though...

Bryant McKinnie: Super Bowl ring, Pro Bowl selection, beat up a club's bouncer and resisted arrest. All in a days work for this tackle/guard who also once ran into trouble with teammates and others for being on a boat full of prozzies and acts that would make your grandma cry. 

OT:

David Deihl: A great Giant for 10 years, and a key player on two world champion football teams, Deihl had a career to be proud of. One of the moments he may not be so happy about is back in 2013 when he was arrest for driving while intoxicated, with a blood alcohol content of .182, which is .174 over the legal limit of .08. He was arrested for slamming his BMW into two parked cars in Queens, but in his defense, those parked cars came out of nowhere.

Jason Peters: Not every drag racer is a Nine time Pro Bowler, but this Philadelphia Eagle was able to do both and still has his job. 

C:

Barret Robbins: This Pro Bowl center ran into trouble when he punched two women in Boca Raton, but at least he didn’t resist arrest, instead he just sat down on a bench right afterwords. He also had issues with battery of law enforcement officials, and burglary.  

DT:

Albert Hanynesworth: Seven years and $100 million dollars, thats how much money it cost the Washington Redskins to sign this future NFL DPOY. Yet that wasn’t enough money to stop him from fondling the breast of a hotel worker in Downtown Washington. Luckily for him the charges would only cost him a fine of up to $1,000, not putting a dent into that contract of his.


DE:

Aldon Smith: He started his career with two 16 game seasons, two seasons that tallied 33.5 sacks, more than 3 time DOPY JJ Watt had in that time period. He hasn’t played a full season since then though for multiple reasons, one being when he was at a LA airport, and his comments towards the TSA officials led them to believe he had a bomb, and his lack of cooperation led to his detainment. A few DUIs later Aldon has found himself without any downs on the field since his 9 game 2015 season.  


Jared Allen: Allen announced his retirement from the NFL by posing a video of him riding a horse into the sunset, yet it is surprising he didn’t fall off that horse, as he has been arrested three times for DUIs in the past 15 years, two coming only five months apart. This NFL DPOY and Idaho State Legend tore up the NFL for over ten years, making four all pro teams and leading the league in sacks twice, but he still had his fair share of run ins with the law.


OLB:

Lawrence Taylor: Arguably the greatest player of all time, and easily the greatest to play a defensive position. LT was the NFL’s MVP in 1986, a three time DPOY winner, a ten time all pro, and a two time Super Bowl champion. He was a force, but he also had a drug issue that he brought to his NFL life. He played games high, and did well, one opposing QB said it was scary to run away from a man who was high and chasing you down. LT would use teammates’ urine in drug tests so he wouldn’t be suspended, once failing a drug test and being forced to miss 6 games in a season, saying decades later he knew the urine he used wasn’t clean, but if he had used his own he would still be suspended. This guy would smoke in the locker room, do whatever he wanted, and pay the consequences. His actions were not acceptable, but it made him the player he was, and we love him for that. 


James Harrison: Yet another NFL DPOY finds themselves on this list, with another two Super Bowl rings on his fingers, what a coincidence. Harrison, and undrafted OLB from Kent State, got momentum 4 years after his draft year, and spent from 2004-2012 with the Pittsburgh Steelers. Over this time he collected 5 pro bowl appearances and multiple awards and career highlights, he also managed to be charged with simple assault for a domestic altercation with his then girlfriend. He managed to miss prison though, because this NFL LINEBACKER took anger management class, which definitely worked…


MLB:

Ray Lewis: On the field this man knew how to murder offensive schemes and players, going down in history as one of the best linebackers to play the game. 2 Super Bowl rings, 13 pro bowls, 2 DPOY awards, nothing was wrong with his on field persona, but thats not what makes him so memorable to the Baker and Loller families. Those two men were murdered in January 2000, allegedly by Ray Lewis and associates. While he was never sentenced, he admitted he lied to the police about being there, and the all white suit he was wearing that night has never been found. Oh, also the blood of Baker was found in his limo. So did him and his friends do it… maybeeeeee.

Joey Porter: Former third round pick Joey Porter was a Steeler, a Dolphin and a Cardinal over his 12 year career, retiring 2 sacks shy of 100 and with a black and yellow ring on his finger. He also managed to punch a 6’5 Offensive Tackle, named Levi Jones, in the face as well as finding a way to be arrested by assaulting a bouncer and then lifting the cop arresting him into the air. 

CB:

Darrelle Revis: “Revis Island” is a lovely place when the weather is nice, 7 pro bowls a AFC DPOY award, and a New England Super Bowl ring, but when it rains it pours on this island. Revis was arrested in Pittsburg this year being charged with aggravated assault, robbery, conspiracy and making terrorist threats, all stemming from his alleged role in a Pittsburg altercation. 5 charges in total for the guy who is missing out on $15 this year because he got cut.

Dion Sanders: Was he a great baseball player? Not really, but he is the only person to play in a World Series and a Super Bowl. so thats something. What else has he done? Hall of famer Dion “Primetime” Sanders was an all pro CB eight times, DPOY once, two SB rings, as well as a NFL record for career return TDs. But can he read? Yes, yes he can. He didn’t though in 1996 when him and his friend passed “Forbidding trespassing” signs and decided to fish late at night on a restricted lake. Is this a big deal, no not at all, but did he get arrested, yessir. Dion also told the Giants at his NFL draft combine that he didn’t want to do their test because he wouldn’t be around when Big Blue was drafting, so he walked out. LEGEND

S:

Darren Sharper: His time in Green Bay got him a Ring, and season awards and pro bowl recognition. Two counts of rape and  Five felony counts highlighted his time in New Orleans, and Arizona state is where he was charged yet again with sexual assault. Nevada State is where he was charged with another two sexual assaults, do you see why he made this list?

Adam “Pacman” Jones: An arrested drug dealer once told the police that he told Jones to slow down and to focus on football more. Jones has had multiple assault charged involving dancers, as well as reckless driving charges, and his play on the field hasn’t been that clean either. He is a great player in the backfield though, this former top ten pick has had a all pro appearance in his day. He makes this team somewhat because of the extent of what he’s done.

K:

Josh Brown: In documents that the police received, Josh Brown admitted that he viewed himself as God and thought of his wife as a slave. I am paraphrasing but he did mean what he said. This guy was horrible to his wife, for years, and got suspended by the commissioner of the league for one game… 

Brown should have gone into MMA because we know he can punch, and he connected on 84% of his kicks in his 13 year career.

P: 

Todd Saurbraun: Four time all pro, great college career, career average of 44 yards per punt, and a DUI charge. Todd finds his way on this list as one of the only successful punters to do anything that warrants a charge. 




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