Michael Strahan: 9 tackles, 1 sack, 1 forced fumble.
Leroy Hill: 13 tackles, 1 sack.
Scrubs of the Week:
Santana Moss: 2 drops, no effort on Marcus Trufant pick-six.
Jeff Garcia: 2 INTs, 1 fumble.
Run Defenses: Rush yards per carry allowed to running backs: (Last game/Season)
The Playoff Teams:
New England Patriots (16-0) - I wonder what Tom Brady did with his week off. Let's do some oddities to guess what: 3:1 - Took 100 supermodels out on a date - at the same time. 3:1 - Argued with Peyton Manning about who has produced the best commercials. 3:1 - Whispered to every reporter who asked to interview him. 3:1 - Organized all of Bill Belichick's "home movies" in alphabetical order.
Indianapolis Colts (13-3) - The Peyton Manning Priceless Pep Talk of the Week: "Hey, San Diego Chargers. I threw six interceptions against you earlier this year. I'll admit that. But little do you know that my performance on that day was to set you guys up for a fall. In my infinite genius, I calculated that it was probable I'd be playing you in the postseason. So, instead of gameplanning, I went out with Mike Vanderjagt, and we got drunk, smashed some cars and insulted some French people. Good times, good times. So, where was I? Oh, you guys suck and I'm going to rip you a new one when you come into my house. Pwnage." That was Peyton Manning, and he hopes his priceless pep talk has helped you!
Jacksonville Jaguars (12-5) - The Most Awkward Moment of the Year Award goes to John Madden, who during the Jacksonville-Pittsburgh said, "Look at David Garrard's legs. Just look at them. So strong. Look at everything from the 9 on down. Those legs remind me of turkeys and chicken. Yum yum." OK... maybe he didn't say that last part, but come on, you know he was thinking it.
Green Bay Packers (13-3) - Emmitt Smith loved giving his "analysts" of the Wizard of Oz , Little Red Riding Hood and Hansel and Gretel, so he got excited at the prospect of doing something like this every week. Emmitt will now discuss The Three Little Pigs: Once upon times, there was three little pig. One pig build his crib out of straws, but the wolf blow it and eat the pig. The second pig build his crib out of stick, but the wolf blow it bigger this time, and eat the pig.But the third pig were smart and had brick. So, the pig go to wolf's crib and blow his house down, and eat the wolf.
Dallas Cowboys (13-3) - I'm looking at Wade Phillips in that "Sixty Stretch Farlaahhhaa" commercial and he doesn't have his triple chin yet. Exactly how much weight did he gain these past six months? For his sake, I really hope Jerry Jones gives the job to Jason Garrett; Phillips could weigh 6,000 pounds by New Years 2009.
San Diego Chargers (12-5) - The Chargers knocked off the Titans, who eliminated the Browns from the playoffs. According to Uncle Charley Casserly, Romeo Crennel will be given a contract extension. What the third-round drafter of David Ragone failed to report is that the Browns and Crennel are at an impasse. Crennel looked at the deal and was displeased with how many chocolate chip cookies Cleveland was offering him.
Seattle Seahawks (11-6) - I like the Seahawks, but I'm concerned with Matt Hasselbeck's hand. He didn't look too sharp after he re-injured it against the Redskins. Speaking of quarterbacks, Phil Simms said this at halftime during the Chargers-Titans tilt: "Philip Rivers needs more time to deliver his throws in the second half." Ummm... no, what Rivers needs is a better attitude. He has to stop yelling at everyone on the sideline, calling his opposition "baby" and tattletaling in an attempt to get everyone in trouble. I guess Rivers had more "time," in the second half, but I'm willing to bet Norv Turner put Rivers in time out during halftime.
New York Giants (11-6) - Thanks to FOX for letting us know that Eli Manning's perennial late-season struggles stemmed from the weather. And here I thought it was his life-long dream of stocking shelves at Wal-Mart. But hey, Manning played great, and I'm not sure I can make fun of him anymore. I'm going to cry now.
Pittsburgh Steelers (10-7) - I'd like to thank the Steelers for ruining my nap. At 28-10, I thought the game was done. I was tired and wanted some sleep. But noooo... they just had to make a game out of it and barely cover the number. Ugh. But despite its loss, Pittsburgh played pretty well, considering it couldn't run the ball, tackle, be physical or gameplan effectively. Oh, and Mike Tomlin should just throw away his flawed charts and go for two after every single touchdown next year.
Tennessee Titans (10-7) - I'm willing to bet Romeo Crennel called Jeff Fisher after his 16-10 victory over the Colts, and thanked him for knocking his squad out of the playoffs. Now, instead of gameplanning for the Chargers, Crennel can sit at home and eat chocolate chip cookies all day!
Washington Redskins (9-8) - What do the Redskins and Titans have in common? Other than the fact that they were both six seeds with mediocre quarterbacks... THEY BOTH SCREWED ME. Thanks for having your games covered going in the fourth quarter. Thanks for having both of your kickers miss chip-shot field goals. And thanks for melting down and failing to beat the number. I'd give you both the middle finger, but my bookie already broke both of them.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-8) - In the wake of Tampa Bay's loss, I think we can all agree now that resting starters for the entire game is a mistake. The Buccaneers looked lost on offense. And how weird was it that Eli Manning out-performed Jeff Garcia? I feel really bad for him - to be the guy who allowed Eli to get his first postseason victory is something he'll have to live with for the rest of his life.
The Rest: 13. Cleveland Browns (10-6). 14. Philadelphia Eagles (8-8). 15. Minnesota Vikings (9-7). 16. Houston Texans (8-8).
17. Buffalo Bills (7-9). 18. Chicago Bears (7-9). 19. New Orleans Saints (7-9).
20. Arizona Cardinals (8-8). 21. Detroit Lions (7-9). 22. Denver Broncos (7-9). 23. Carolina Panthers (7-9). 24. Cincinnati Bengals (7-9). 25. San Francisco (5-11).
26. Oakland Raiders (4-12). 27. Atlanta Falcons (4-12). 28. New York Jets (4-12). 29. Baltimore Ravens (5-11). 30. St. Louis Rams (3-13).
31. Kansas City Chiefs (4-12). 32. Miami Dolphins (1-15).
When absolutely and shut up make some picks against the spread and have some intelligent picks, be it college or pro, let us know. Otherwise shut up can keep feeling important that he has learned how to swear from grown ups and gets periodic visits while he tries to integrate ( big word for you I know, look it up) into society from people like absolutely to help him with his fragile mental state,