Emmitt on the Brink - Season 8: Week 8



Emmitt on the Brink.

The premise: Coming off a Super Bowl victory, the Patriots open the 2013 season with a blowout win. Unfortunately, they get into trouble for Spygate II. As punishment, Roger Goodell orders the Patriots to fire Bill Belichick and replace him with Emmitt Smith. Three years later, the Patriots beat the Bears in the Super Bowl, 2-0. After the game, Emmitt announced his retirement.

This is a weekly feature that will take a newspaper reporter's perspective and follow Emmitt through his post-retirement days.

Of course, you can always look at all of Emmitt's quotes in the Emmitt Smith Anthology.
Emmitt Smith 2015 New England Patriots head coach.

Emmitt tasked to find Kim Jong-Jongson




ENTERING THE NORTH KOREA NUCLEAR FACILITY


By Alex Rodriguez, Special to the NFL Bible Network
Friday, July 19, 2019


Emmitt, Ray Rice and Dianna Marie Russini wasted no time driving over to the North Korea Nuclear Facility. They expected to encounter a swarm of guards, but to their surprise, no one was patrolling the perimeter.

"Something's fishy," Russini said, with Rice nodding in agreement. Emmitt, however, seemed confused.

"I do not see any fishies!" Emmitt shouted, with the other two hushing him to keep him quiet. Emmitt lowered his voice. "I'm a li-bit hungry and can go for some fishies right now."

Rice and Russini ignored Emmitt and cautiously proceeded toward the gate. Russini tried the key, and it fit perfectly. The door opened easily, and once again, the three individuals were astonished at how convenient all of this was.

"Something's wrong..." Rice said warily, but the group had no choice but to proceed.

The three of them followed a long, winding hallway with no doors or anything else on the cement walls. They made three left turns, and as soon as it seemed as though they were about to come back to where they started, they encountered a navy-blue door.

"What now?" Rice asked.

As soon as he finished asking his question, Kim Jong-un's voice echoed through the hallway.

"He caught us!" Russini exclaimed, but the three of them couldn't figure out where the voice was coming from until they saw a speaker located next to the door.

"Wercome to North Kora Nucrear Facirity!" the voice greeted them. "To get to nucrear reactor, you have to pass three triars. First triar begin now. If you fair, you wirr die horribre death!"

A hologram appeared on the door. On it was a question, "Who is the best reader is North Korea history?" with the following responses beneath it: "A. Count Chocura, my favorite cerear. B. The guy who used to beat me up in schoor and I hate him so I have him kirr! C. Kim Jong-un. D. Kim Jong-ir, stupid father."

Emmitt reached for the "A" selection, but Rice grabbed his arm right as he was about to touch it.

"Count Chocula isn't real, Emmitt!" Rice shouted.

"I know this of course," Emmitt replied, coolly. "But Kimberly Jong-un a crazy man and when we were in his office, I looked at the wall and he had a poster of Count Chocolate on his wall wearing a crown on his face."

"But Emmitt," Russini replied. "Count Chocula never ruled over North Korea. I know of Kimberly's fondness of Count Chocula, but to say that Count Chocula is a better ruler than him... it doesn't make sense."

"Well, if it do not make sense, it better make dollar," Emmitt answered, touching the "A" key before they could stop him again. Rice and Russini cowered in fear, but it was all for naught.

"Congraturations, you pass first triar!" Kim Jong-un's voice commended them. "I armost greatest rurer in North Korea history, onry second to Count Chocura, who greatest man ever to rive! He much better than my stupid dad who never ret me pray with My Rittle Pony, so I kirr him in his sreep! Hahahahaha!"

The voice continued to laugh for several minutes. Emmitt, Rice and Russini stood impatiently as they waited for it to finish.

"OK, now that I have good raugh, I now open door," the voice said. "Now, onry two more triar to go!"

And just like that, the blue door opened quickly, revealing another long, winding hallway.

"Two more of these things?" Russini asked. "I'd almost rather deal with guards."







THE FINAL TWO TRIALS AT THE NORTH KOREA NUCLEAR FACILITY


By Alex Rodriguez, Special to the NFL Bible Network
Friday, July 19, 2019


The next hallway was even longer than the last. This time, Emmitt, Ray Rice and Dianna Marie Russini made five lefts, yet they didn't come back to where they started, which confused them.

"I am confuse, very confuse," Emmitt said. "If four left make a square, and a rectangle is sometime a square but not always a rectangle, is a triangle a square sometime too but not always a triangle but sometime a rectangle?"

Rice began to answer, but the three individuals finally came upon another door. This one was white. Once again, Kim Jong-un's voice emanated from the speaker.

"Wercome back, this triar two," Jong-un's voice said. "First triar test your basic knowredge of North Korea history. This triar going to test your interrigence!"

The hologram on the door morphed into a rectangle. Suddenly, 21 horizontal lines appeared in the middle. They were in six groups that were separated by the following numbers of horizontal bars: three, then five, then four, then three, then four, then two. The final two groups were joined together by a dash. To the right of these lines, an upside-down "L" appeared. Beneath all of this were all of the letters of the English alphabet.

"We pray one of my favorite game, Hang Man," Jong-un's voice explained. "For this game, pretend rike you are praying me right now as if I happen to be in front of you. I arways rike to win Hang Man, it make me very upset when I roose. If you roose this charrenge, you going to die miserabre death. If you win charrenge, you may proceed to third triar."

Rice tapped the "M" key cautiously, and an M appeared at the end of the fourth group. It didn't take him long to realize that the final three words were "Kim Jong-un." Once all of the keys were inputted, the puzzle read like this:

_ _ _ | g i _ _ _ | _ i k _ | K i m | J o n g - u n

Rice tried a "T," but that was incorrect, as a head was instantly drawn on the upside-down L. An "E" provided to be more fruitful, as did an "L" and an "S."

_ l l | g i _ l s | l i k e | K i m | J o n g - u n

"All girls like Kim Jong-un!" Russini squealed. "I should have known he'd use something so vain!"

Rice giddily tapped the "A." He reached for the "R," but this time Russini was the one to stop him.

"Wait, wait, wait..." she said. "Wait just a second. Didn't Kimberly say that he likes to win at Hangman? And didn't he say that we had to win the challenge; not the game?" Rice lowered his hand almost instantly.

"You're right," he said. "There was a trick with the first trial, and that's the trick here. We're supposed to lose!"

Rice tapped "Z" a bunch of times until an entire body appeared on the upside "L." The words "Game Over" appeared on the screen in giant, red letters.

"Crap, do you think we made the right decision?" Russini asked.

"Congraturation, you pass second triar!" the voice blared. "I rove win at Hangman and you ret me win, so you show smart. And before I open door, I need to say that message on Hangman is true. Arr girrs rove me so much they cannot get enough of me. Even if I was common individuar in society they arr rove me because I so sexy."

Russini laughed and shook her head. Fortunately, Kim Jong-un couldn't actually see her.

The door opened, and the heat instantly overtook the three individuals. They saw the red door ahead, across a walkway with lava beneath it.

"Wercome to third triar!" Kim Jong-un's voice echoed. "First triar you show history and knowredge. Second triar you show interrigence. Now third triar arr about athretic abirity and physicar fitness!"

A giant turtle with a spiked shell instantly materialized on the bridge. Behind him was a golden ax.

"Defeat the evir Bowser, and you going to finarry have access to nucrear reactor!" Kim Jong-un's voice once again shouted.

The holographic Bowser began breathing fire, which the three heroes were able to avoid by ducking. Bowser then jumped into the air, almost randomly, and shot another fireball, which missed them by a fraction of an inch.

"How are we supposed to kill this thing!?" Rice shrieked. "If only Bowser were a woman! Where's Wendy O. Koopa when you need her!?"

"We gotta get the golden hammer!" Emmitt shouted back. "I play the Super Mario Cousins game with my son, Emmitt Smith IV the Jr. III. If you touch the golden hammer, the bridge going to disappear, and Bowman gonna fall inside the hot!"

"But how do we get the ax with him guarding it!?" Russini asked, dodging another fireball.

"When he jump, we have to run under himselves and then get the golden hammer!" Emmitt replied, evading a fireball himself.

"OK, he hasn't jumped in a while," Rice said. "He's due for one. On three! One... two... THREE!"

The three sprinted toward Bowser, who leapt into the air once more. It didn't make sense for him to do this, but he did so anyway. Emmitt, Rice and Russini were now all behind Bowser.

Emmitt wasted no time reaching for the golden ax.

Almost instantly, the bridge crumbled, and the holographic Bowser fell into the pit of lava.

"Congraturation on beating third triar!" Kim Jong-un's voice praised them. "But our nucrear reactor in another castre! Hahahahahahahahahahahahaaha!"

Before they knew what happened, they were being grabbed from behind. "Bring them back to the dungeon!" a voice commanded.

Emmitt spun around quickly enough to see who was giving the orders. It was Jared Fogle.


Emmitt on the Brink Archive:

Emmitt on the Brink Home Page
Season 1, Week 1 - PATRIOTS WIN 84-0 ON SUNDAY; LOSE ON MONDAY - Sept. 12
Season 1, Week 2 - PATRIOTS WIN 11-4 AMID CONFUSION; VICK ARRESTED - Sept. 19
Season 1, Week 3 - PATRIOTS ESCAPE WITH 7-2 WIN; BENGALS FLEE STADIUM - Sept. 26
Season 1, Week 4 - PATRIOTS-LIONS GAME MOVED TO...? - Oct. 3
Season 1, Week 5 - EMMITT'S PLAN TO NEUTRALIZE CHIEFS, TEBOWS FAILS - Oct. 10
Season 1, Week 6 - EMMITT SUSPENDS TWO COACHES; DEVISES OWN GAMEPLAN - Oct. 17
Season 1, Week 7 - AL DAVIS FINDS PROOF OF SABOTAGE; FILES GRIEVANCE - Oct. 24
Season 1, Week 8 - PATRIOTS PREPARE FOR DECLINING DOLPHINS - Oct. 31
Season 1, Week 9 - STEROID SCANDAL HITS FOXBOROUGH - Nov. 7
Season 1, Week 10 - EMMITT TO APPEAR ON REALITY TV SHOW - Nov. 14
Season 1, Week 11 - MORELLI SUSPENSION PENDING; CBS' PORTER CRITICIZES GOODELL - Nov. 21
Season 1, Week 12 - MANGINI'S BIRTHDAY RUINED - Nov. 28
Season 1, Week 13 - CRENNEL EDGES REID IN CHARITY EVENT - Dec. 5
Season 1, Week 14 - MORE THAN 100 NFL PLAYERS TO BE SUSPENDED - Dec. 12
Season 1, Week 15 - COACH NEARLY MISSES INTERNATIONAL GAME - Dec. 19
Season 1, Week 16 - PATRIOTS FIGURE TO ROLL IN MIAMI - Dec. 26
Season 1, Week 17 - AFC PLAYOFF PREVIEW - Jan. 2
Season 1, Week 18 - PLAYOFF ROUND 1 RESULTS - Jan. 9
Season 1, Week 19 - PLAYOFF ROUND 2 RESULTS - Jan. 16
Season 1, Week 20 - PATRIOTS TO THE SUPER BOWL! - Jan. 23
Season 1, Week 21 - DID THE PATRIOTS WIN IT ALL WITH EMMITT? - Jan. 31

Season 2, Week 1 - PATRIOTS KICK OFF 2014 SEASON AGAINST THE JETS - Sept. 18
Season 2, Week 2 - JERRY JONES MAKES SURPRISING ANNOUNCEMENT AT HIS WEDDING - Sept. 25
Season 2, Week 3 - MICHAEL VICK SAVES THE DAY IN EAGLES LOSS - Oct. 2
Season 2, Week 4 - AL DAVIS UNLEASHES SECRET WEAPON AGAINST PATRIOTS - Oct. 9
Season 2, Week 5 - MAJOR CHANGES PREVALENT THROUGHOUT THE LEAGUE - Oct. 16
Season 2, Week 6 - PATRIOTS WIN ON A CULTURAL NIGHT IN MIAMI - Oct. 23
Season 2, Week 7 - DANIEL SNYDER HIRES NEW COACHES - Oct. 30
Season 2, Week 8 - SEVERAL PATRIOTS TO APPEAR ON GAME SHOWS - Nov. 6
Season 2, Week 9 - FAVRE RUINS PACKER PLANS AGAIN - Nov. 13
Season 2, Week 10 - PATRIOTS COULD BE IN TROUBLE AGAIN - Nov. 20
Season 2, Week 11 - PATRIOTS HIRE FORMER NO. 1 PICK, SPY - Nov. 27
Season 2, Week 12 - MANGINI'S BIRTHDAY PARTY RUINED AGAIN - Dec. 4
Season 2, Week 13 - THANKSGIVING GAME RECAPS - Dec. 11
Season 2, Week 14 - PATS, BILLS TRAVEL TO NORTH KOREA - Dec. 18
Season 2, Week 15 - PATRIOTS PRACTICE CANCELED; LAUGHING GAS RELEASED - Dec. 26
Season 2, Week 16 - PATRIOTS ONE WIN AWAY FROM PERFECTION - Jan. 2
Season 2, Week 17 - PERFECTION AGAIN - Jan. 9
Season 2, Week 18 - PLAYOFF ROUND 1 RESULTS - Jan. 16
Season 2, Week 19 - PLAYOFF ROUND 2 RESULTS - Jan. 23
Season 2, Week 20 - PATRIOTS ADVANCE TO SUPER BOWL; WILL FACE RAMS AGAIN - Jan. 30
Season 2, Week 21 - PATRIOTS CRUISE TO EASY SUPER BOWL VICTORY; BECOME FIRST TEAM TO GO 19-0 - Feb. 14

Season 3, Week 1 - PATRIOTS KICK OFF 2015 SEASON AGAINST THE DOLPHINS - Sept. 11
Season 3, Week 2 - PATRIOTS FACE AN EASY CHALLENGE AGAINST INJURED LIONS - Sept. 18
Season 3, Week 3 - PATRIOTS AWARDED WIN AS JETS STADIUM IS IN RUINS - Sept. 25
Season 3, Week 4 - PATRIOTS FACE COWBOYS' SECRET WEAPON - Oct. 2
Season 3, Week 5 - PATRIOTS LOSE VALUABLE MEMBER OF TEAM - Oct. 9
Season 3, Week 6 - PATRIOTS OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR IN HOT WATER AGAIN - Oct. 16
Season 3, Week 7 - GOODELL AIMS TO IMPROVE PLAYER SAFETY; LEAGUE ANGERED - Oct. 23
Season 3, Week 8 - EMMITT DISTRAUGHT AFTER WAR OF WORDS WITH DENVER COACH - Oct. 30
Season 3, Week 9 - MANGINI'S CELEBRATION RUINED; COACH TO MISS GAME - Nov. 6
Season 3, Week 10 - PATRIOTS QUARTERBACK TO MAKE CAMEO APPEARANCE ON ENCOURAGE - Nov. 13
Season 3, Week 11 - AL DAVIS' DARK MAGIC BACKFIRES; PATRIOTS NOW 10-0 - Nov. 20
Season 3, Week 12 - EMMITT RETURNS TO PATRIOTS AFTER INTERVIEW - Nov. 27
Season 3, Week 13 - FORMER QUARTERBACK HOLDS SYMPOSIUM - Dec. 4
Season 3, Week 14 - PATRIOTS DRAFT SON OF FORMER NFL QUARTERBACK - Dec. 11
Season 3, Week 15 - EAGLES RECEIVER LEADS ALL PLAYERS IN PRO BOWL VOTING - Dec. 18
Season 3, Week 16 - PATRIOTS-VIKINGS GAME TO BE MOVED - Dec. 25
Season 3, Week 17 - WEATHER RUINS PATRIOTS-JETS FINALE - Jan. 1
Season 3, Week 18 - PATRIOTS, RAIDERS AWAIT WINNERS OF WILD CARD ROUND - Jan. 8
Season 3, Week 19 - PATRIOTS-RAIDERS TO MEET IN AFC CHAMPIONSHIP THIRD STRAIGHT YEAR - Jan. 15
Season 3, Week 20 - OLD FOE RETURNS TO HELP PATRIOTS VANQUISH RAIDERS IN AFC CHAMPIONSHIP - Jan. 22
Season 3, Week 21 - PATRIOTS REPEAT AS CHAMPIONS - Feb. 8

Season 4, Week 1 - EMMITT LOOKING FOR WORK - Sept. 11
Season 4, Week 2 - CHRIS JOHNSON WANTS MORE MONEY - Sept. 18
Season 4, Week 3 - ARIAN FOSTER INJURED, ARRESTED AND SUSPENDED - Sept. 25
Season 4, Week 4 - DESEAN JACKSON BANNED FROM NFL - Oct. 2
Season 4, Week 5 - EMMITT REPLACES HANK WILLIAMS ON MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL - Oct. 8
Season 4, Week 6 - ANDY REID ON THE HOT SEAT AGAIN - Oct. 15
Season 4, Week 7 - HARBAUGH, SCHWARTZ PREPARE FOR BATTLE - Oct. 22
Season 4, Week 8 - NO TEAMS SHOW UP FOR TERRELL OWENS' WORKOUT AGAIN - Oct. 29
Season 4, Week 9 - JAMARCUS RUSSELL DISCUSSES COACHING STRATEGY - Nov. 5
Season 4, Week 10 - SANDUSKY BLOWS WHISTLE ON VICK - Nov. 12
Season 4, Week 11 - VICK DOG RAPE FALLOUT - Nov. 19
Season 4, Week 12 - SUH ASSIGNED TO ANGER MANAGEMENT - Nov. 26
Season 4, Week 13 - SKITTLE WARRIORS FAIL TO ISSUE VERDICT ON STEVE JOHNSON - Dec. 3
Season 4, Week 14 - EMMITT STOPS EVIL TIM TEBOW - Dec. 10
Season 4, Week 15 - SKITTLE WARRIORS ARREST SAM HURD - Dec. 17
Season 4, Week 16 - THE BEAST IS UNLEASHED; HELL IS UPON US - Dec. 24
Season 4, Week 17 - NEW NFL LOCKOUT HAS EVERYONE MIFFED - Dec. 31

Season 5, Week 1 - ALL SAINTS' GAMES SUSPENDED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE - Sept. 3
Season 5, Week 2 - BOUNTYGATE II SEXUAL ACTS CONTINUE - Sept. 10
Season 5, Week 3 - REPLACEMENT OFFICIAL TARGETED AS MAJOR SUSPECT IN BOUNTYGATE II - Sept. 17
Season 5, Week 4 - GREG SCHIANO GOES TOO FAR THIS TIME - Sept. 24
Season 5, Week 5 - POLICE STRIKE OVER; EMMITT HAS WARRANT IN HAND - Oct. 1
Season 5, Week 6 - ROGER GOODELL ARRESTED AND RELEASED - Oct. 8
Season 5, Week 7 - A LONG, BUT USEFUL DETOUR FOR EMMITT AND HIS CREW - Oct. 15
Season 5, Week 8 - EMMITT IS ARRESTED! - Oct. 22
Season 5, Week 9 - EMMITT FINDS A FRIEND IN JAIL - Oct. 29
Season 5, Week 10 - NOT ENOUGH EVIDENCE TO CONVICT JONATHAN VILMA - Nov. 7
Season 5, Week 11 - ERIC MANGINI AND ASIAN ERIN ANDREWS' WEDDING - Nov. 14
Season 5, Week 12 - BOUNTYGATE II GOES BEYOND THE NFL - Nov. 21
Season 5, Week 13 - JERRY JONES FINALLY FIRES HIMSELF - Nov. 28
Season 5, Week 14 - EMMITT FINALLY ON RIGHT TRACK TO FINDING BOUNTYGATE II MASTERMIND - Dec. 5
Season 5, Week 15 - EMMITT FINALLY MEETS MASTERMIND OF BOUNTYGATE II - Dec. 12
Season 5, Week 16 - EMMITT'S FRIENDS TO THE RESCUE! - Dec. 19
Season 5, Week 17 - EMMITT AND FRIENDS REWARDED FOR ENDING BOUNTYGATE II - Dec. 26

Season 6, Week 1 - CONTROVERSIAL DIVISIONAL REALIGNMENT IN THE NFL - Sept. 7
Season 6, Week 2 - MORE PUNISHMENT FOR RILEY COOPER - Sept. 14
Season 6, Week 3 - BROWNS SHOCK NFL WITH ANOTHER TRADE - Sept. 21
Season 6, Week 4 - EMMITT FOUND IN THE MOST UNUSUAL PLACE - Sept. 28
Season 6, Week 5 - EMMITT MEETS WITH FBI FOR LLOYD INVESTIGATION - Oct. 5
Season 6, Week 6 - EMMITT QUESTIONS BOB KRAFT - Oct. 12
Season 6, Week 7 - THE WALKING BUCS - Oct. 19
Season 6, Week 8 - NFL ADMITS TO TWO OFFICIATING BLUNDERS - Oct. 26
Season 6, Week 9 - CONTROVERSY OVER OTHER NFL TEAM NAMES - Nov. 2
Season 6, Week 10 - MARTIN AND INCOGNITO SQUARE OFF IN TOURNAMENT - Nov. 9
Season 6, Week 11 - NFL ANNOUNCES RELOCATION OF JAGUARS - Nov. 16
Season 6, Week 12 - JOSH FREEMAN'S SECRET IS EXPOSED - Nov. 23
Season 6, Week 13 - NFL SUSPENDS MERIWEATHER, HITNER INDEFINITELY - Nov. 30
Season 6, Week 14 - DISASTER STRIKES AT LOWE FAMILY TURKEY BOWL - Dec. 7
Season 6, Week 15 - A FATEFUL BARBEQUE AT BELICHICK'S HOUSE - Dec. 14
Season 6, Week 16 - WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO AARON HERNANDEZ - Dec. 21
Season 6, Week 17 - TROUBLING TIMES AHEAD - Dec. 28

Season 7, Week 1 - EMMITT AND FRIENDS ESCAPE DOWNTOWN ABBOTT - Sept. 5
Season 7, Week 2 - WHAT HAPPENED TO JOSH GORDON - Sept. 12
Season 7, Week 3 - EMMITT AND FRIENDS LOST AT SEA - Sept. 19
Season 7, Week 4 - EMMITT AND FRIENDS EXPLORE MYSTERIOUS ISLAND - Sept. 26
Season 7, Week 5 - MANZIEL REVEALS SECRET TO EMMITT - Oct. 3
Season 7, Week 6 - EMMITT AND FRIENDS FIND THEMSELVES IN MIDDLE OF GANG WAR - Oct. 10
Season 7, Week 7 - EMMITT CONFRONTS LEADER OF THE BLOODS - Oct. 17
Season 7, Week 8 - JIM IRSAY DESTROYS CRIPS' HEADQUARTERS - Oct. 24
Season 7, Week 9 - EMMITT TRAPPED INSIDE THE TOWN - Oct. 31
Season 7, Week 10 - NEW THREAT IN WALKING BUC APOCALYPSE - Nov. 7
Season 7, Week 11 - DESEAN JACKSON SAVES EMMITT FROM ANDY REID - Nov. 14
Season 7, Week 12 - UNDERSTANDING JUSTIN BIEBER�S POWERS - Nov. 21
Season 7, Week 13 - THIEF THROWS WRENCH INTO PLANS - Nov. 28
Season 7, Week 14 - OLD NEMESIS TRIES TO THWART PLANS - Dec. 5
Season 7, Week 15 - ADRIAN PETERSON'S STORY - Dec. 12
Season 7, Week 16 - GATHERING THE WALKING BUCS - Dec. 19
Season 7, Week 17 - ADRIAN PETERSON USES THE SWITCH OF DESTINY; CARL NICKS ATTACKS - Dec. 26

Season 8, Week 1 - OUTRAGE OVER DEFLATEGATE - Sept. 15
Season 8, Week 2 - EMMITT STOPS SEEMINGLY HORRIBLE CRIME - Sept. 22
Season 8, Week 3 - CHIP KELLY ACCUSED OF BEING RACIST AGAIN - Sept. 29
Season 8, Week 4 - EMMITT SAVES JAY CUTLER WITH SOME HELP - Oct. 7
Season 8, Week 5 - MORE EVIDENCE AGAINST TOM BRADY - Oct. 14
Season 8, Week 6 - INSIDE EMMITT'S MEETING WITH KIM JONG-UN - Oct. 21
Season 8, Week 7 - DIANNA MARIE RUSSINI�S PLAN TO STEAL NORTH KOREA�S NUCLEAR KEY - Oct. 28
Season 8, Week 8 - ENTERING THE NORTH KOREA NUCLEAR FACILITY - Nov. 4
Season 8, Week 9 - ESCAPING FROM JARED FOGLE'S DUNGEON - Nov. 11
Season 8, Week 10 - KIM JONG-UN MAKES STARTLING ANNOUNCEMENT - Nov. 18
Season 8, Week 11 - EMMITT AND HIS CREW MEET WITH MICHAEL SAM - Nov. 25
Season 8, Week 12 - OLD NEMESIS ABDUCTS EMMITT AND FRIENDS - Dec. 2
Season 8, Week 13 - EMMITT AND COMPANY INVADE JARED FOGLE'S MANOR - Dec. 9
Season 8, Week 14 - KIM JONG-UN MAKES ULTIMATE THREAT AGAINST AMERICA - Dec. 16
Season 8, Week 15 - THE STARTLING TRUTH ABOUT KIM JONG-UN - Dec. 23
Season 8, Week 16 - ROGER GOODELL AND KIM JONG-UN - Dec. 30

Season 9, Week 1 - EMMITT'S BUTTERFLIES - Sept. 13
Season 9, Week 2 - EMMITT SEEKS HELP FOR NEW DANGER - Sept. 20
Season 9, Week 3 - EMMITT IN HOT WATER AFTER INTERVIEW - Sept. 27
Season 9, Week 4 - EMMITT SAVES OLD FRIEND FROM TROUBLE - Oct. 3
Season 9, Week 5 - JOHNNY MANZIEL RECOUNTS EVENTS OF PAST FIVE MONTHS - Oct. 10
Season 9, Week 6 - EMMITT INCITES RIOT - Oct. 17
Season 9, Week 7 - COLLEGE STUDENTS AIM TO DEBACLE EMMITT AND FRIENDS - Oct. 24
Season 9, Week 8 - THE GRAND MASTER PLAN OF THE LEAGUE OF FAILED GENERAL MANAGERS - Oct. 31
Season 9, Week 9 - HOW A SHARK SAVED EMMITT'S LIFE - Nov. 7
Season 9, Week 10 - EMMITT MEETS WITH DONALD TRUMP - Nov. 14
Season 9, Week 11 - CAN EMMITT SURVIVE ATTACK FROM COLLEGE IDIOTS? - Nov. 21
Season 9, Week 12 - EMMITT EXPOSES HILLARY CLINTON - Nov. 28
Season 9, Week 13 - THE CONNECTION BETWEEN HILLARY CLINTON AND MATT MILLEN - Dec. 5
Season 9, Week 14 - EMMITT SEEKS TO SAVE THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE - Dec. 12
Season 9, Week 15 - INSIDE THE EVIL DIMENSION - Dec. 19
Season 9, Week 16 - GOOD EMMITT VERSUS EVIL EMMITT - Dec. 26

Season 10, Week 1 - A YEAR OF EVIL EMMITT - Sept. 12
Season 10, Week 2 - EVIL EMMITT MEETS WITH ROGER GOODELL - Sept. 19
Season 10, Week 3 - BROCK OSWEILER HOSTS ESPYS - Sept. 26
Season 10, Week 4 - THE SINGLE RANGER SEEKS TO HELP EMMITT - Oct. 2
Season 10, Week 5 - EVIL EMMITT AND EZEKIEL ELLIOTT JOIN FORCES WITH DANTE FOWLER - Oct. 9
Season 10, Week 6 - EMMITT SEEKS OUT ELI MANNING IN MISTISSIPPI - Oct. 16
Season 10, Week 7 - EMMITT REQUESTS THE RICE OF PASSAGE - Oct. 23
Season 10, Week 8 - EMMITT ENTERS THE DRAGONLORD'S CASTLE - Oct. 30
Season 10, Week 9 - EMMITT MEETS DRAGONLORD ROSIE O'DONNELL - Nov. 6
Season 10, Week 10 - OBTAINING BRETT FAVRE'S GOOSE EGG - Nov. 13









NFL Picks - Nov. 17


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 16


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


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2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5




 





 

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