"He was back to a 1 p.m. kickoff for the first time in a couple of weeks, and he predictably rebounded."
Yeah... you don't get to say "predictably," Walt. You predicted the Bengals to flail again. You predicted the Rams to cover the seven. You predicted Dalton's "late-season swoon" to continue. You were dead wrong, and you can't even admit it.
Disclaimer: These are not real interviews. They are purely satire. They were featured weekly in my NFL Power Rankings.
I make fun of Brad Childress a lot. I even call him Brad Clueless all of the time. Clueless... I mean Childress agreed to an interview to explain himself.
ME: Hey, Brad. Thanks for joining me.
CHILDRESS: "Hello, I ... glad to ... here, thanks for ... me."
ME: Huh? What are you talking about?
CHILDRESS: "Ugh! Get with the program, Walt! Verbs are the most important part of speech in our language, so I've decided that I'm not going to use them anymore."
ME: Why? That's just idioti... Oh, I know. It's to defend your strategy of not using Adrian Peterson as much as you should, right?
CHILDRESS: "That'... right, Walt!"
ME: That's pretty weird, but whatever floats your boat, man. Let me ask you - why do you keep doing stupid stuff like kicking to Reggie Bush?
CHILDRESS: "That's easy. Bush returning a couple of punts was the only way the Saints were going to catch up to us. If the Saints didn't take the lead, we would have never have gotten a great winning drive from Gus Frerotte. So, it was vital that Bush returned those punts so we could come back and win the game."
ME: But... why didn't you just settle for winning the easy way?
CHILDRESS: "That ... no sense. ... me, I'... an NFL head coach, and I ... more than you!"