Jerks of the Week - May 25, 2015





Jerks of the Week: May 25, 2015


JERK OF THE WEEK: A Tale of Four Neighborhoods: Con Artists, Dog Poop and a Stolen Watch

I scoffed at something I saw on Twitter recently. No, it wasn't the sort of douchey tweet from a politically correct hipster that I've complained about in the past. After all, those always bother me. There happened to be a parade of these losers the Saturday of the Preakness, as they were all whining about how horse racing is cruel and "inhuman." I can only hope that the right side of our government is currently preparing a rocket ship to send all of these a**holes toward the sun.

I'm not referring to this picture of the so-called "most powerful sports media members" either, though it did anger me:



I'm in sports media, and while I'm not as "powerful" as these people, it bothers me that I'm in the same profession as a troll like Skip Bayless (second on bottom left), a miserable creep like Mike Florio (top left), some guy in glasses on that top right I've never heard of, and a blatant racist like Stephen A. Smith (bottom left). I may have to dedicate a separate Jerks of the Week entry just for these twats.

What pissed me off recently was a tweet by some blatantly biased news organization that wrote something like, "Earth has just experienced its warmest winter ever!"

I call bulls**t. It was colder than 30 degrees every single day for a span of six or more weeks at some point. Oh, and don't forget the whole "Snowmaggedon" thing. I'm sure there are ways to twist information like this, such as factoring in how the winters of Arizona, Texas and New Mexico were like, but that's crap because those places never get as miserable as it does up north.

I will admit, however, that this month has been unseasonably warm. I remember there being a few chilly May days a few years ago, but it seems like that except for one recent day, it hasn't been colder than 70 degrees for quite some time.

It happened to be ridiculously hot and humid one recent Saturday when I came home from going to the gym and running some other errands. The level of swampass I had was reaching epic proportions. As I got out of my car, two little girls from the adjacent cul-de-sac sprinted up to me. The older one, perhaps 12, asked, "Excuse me, mister, would you like to buy a cup of ice water for 50 cents?"

I'm all for entrepreneurship, so I was more than happy to help out an aspiring capitalist. That turned out to be a mistake, but the silver lining is that this incident sparked this Jerks of the Week entry...


My Neighborhood: Con Artists:

I don't know what's up with the kids living in my neighborhood, but it seems like they're all out to swindle me. A couple of years ago, some Indian kids told me they were selling cookies, but they stole money from me because they sold me cookie dough instead of actual cookies. I was single at the time, so the cookie dough just sat in my freezer until my girlfriend made them for St. Stalin's Day last year - and they were disgusting.

As you can see, I should have known better to trust any kid in the neighborhood with a transaction, but I foolishly handed the 12-year-old girl a $1 bill, since I didn't have any change on me. I just assumed that she would return with a cup of ice water and a pair of quarters. I imagine that's what you're thinking as well. But again, I should have known better. Instead of giving me one cup of ice water, the girl returned with two. I guess she didn't have any change either.

Two cups of ice water! It was hot as balls out, but why would I need two cups of ice water? I had plans that night, so I didn't want to drink two cups of ice water because I'd have to constantly piss like an inhumanly treated race horse later on.

Believe it or not, however, two cups of ice water weren't enough. Not even close.

How can this be, you ask? Well, it's easy to down a "cup" of ice water when it looks like this:



They gave me two freaking Dixie cups of water - for a whole dollar! And if you think that's not enough of a rip-off, there was no ice in the water. It wasn't even cold. It was effectively tap water they got out of a sink. First the cookie dough, and now this? F***ing a**hole kids, send them up on that rocket ship!

Before I hatched any concrete revenge plans, I got a call. I figured I'd just stay outside for a while, with my two Dixie "ice" water cups and all to keep me hydrated. I was so pissed that I couldn't even concentrate on the call. All I could think about was how to destroy their precious "ice" water stand. Would I simply kick it over and laugh as all the water spilled onto the ground? Or, should I go for something more drastic, like setting their "ice" water stand on fire? This would expose them as frauds, as their "ice" water wouldn't be cold enough to put out the fire. Then everyone see that these little girl con artists for the true monsters they really are.

As I was consumed in thought, the younger girl, perhaps 8, came over with a third Dixie cup.

"Thank you faw being ow fawst customa!" she said, handing me more tap water.

Damn it. This genuine act of kindness made it impossible for me to crush their spirits. Maybe next time. Be warned, children of my neighborhood, for I won't be so forgiving the next time you attempt to swindle me.





My Parents' Neighborhood: Dog Poop:

My parents had to go Baltimore for a funeral recently. They have two dogs, so someone had to let them out. Because I work from home and have a flexible schedule, I was the natural candidate to run this errand. And because I like both of my parents' dogs, I didn't mind doing this.

My parents' Akita refused to go to the bathroom in the backyard because she happens to be very spoiled, so I took her out for a walk around the neighborhood. I missed my old stomping grounds; I was hoping to run into some old jerks like the Evil Vietnamese Kids or the bum in my old neighborhood, but they were nowhere to be found. It has since occurred to me that the evil Vietnamese kids might now be in college, while the bum could've been locked in a mental institution because he frequently talked to squirrels. Not that there's anything wrong with talking to squirrels, but normal people don't exactly get mad at them when they don't follow orders involving drug retrieval or world domination.

Luckily, I managed to find a new jerk. Before discussing him, I need to preface that I carried around a pooper scooper with me, so I fully intended on picking up my dog's crap.

My dog naturally began doing her business on someone's lawn. As soon she finished, I approached the fecal matter when I heard an old man shout.

Old Man: Hey you!

Me: Me?

Old Man: Yeah, you!

Me: What?

Old Man: You going to clean that up, or what?

Me: Yeah, that's why I have this.

Old Man: Well, hurry it up, already!

Really? What was the hurry? Was his lawn suddenly going to be ruined if I took five seconds longer to clean up? Was someone supposed to stop by his house and admire his stupid lawn in these five seconds? Why exactly did he want me to hurry up? If anything, he should've asked me to take my time and make sure I got everything.

I picked up the poop, but my conversation with this geezer wasn't quite finished...

Old Man: Why'd you come here?

Me: What do you mean?

Old Man: Did you bring your dog here to s*** on my lawn?

Me: What?

Old Man: You specifically chose my lawn for your dog to s*** on!

Me: Why would I do that?

Old Man: You tell me! You're the one telling your dog to s*** on my lawn!

Yes, that's right. Using my expertise in dog language, I commanded my parents' Akita to hold in her No. 2 until she came across this guy's lawn. I've never met this guy before, but that doesn't matter at all. Nope. Because my mission in life was to make sure my parents' dog crapped on this man's precious lawn.

I would've stayed and argued with this idiot, but I had better things to do - like hear my girlfriend's own bad dog poop experience...


My Girlfriend's Neighborhood: More Dog Poop:

My girlfriend came back from visiting her parents one evening, and she wasn't in a good mood. She told me what happened...

She was walking our dog Sherlock around her parents' neighborhood. Sherlock pooped, but she cleaned it up. She also said that she noticed some other dog crap on someone else's lawn, but because it wasn't our dog's, she didn't do anything about it.

Minutes later, a van sped right toward her and then slowed down. The window rolled down, and she saw that an angry black man was staring at her.

Angry Man: You didn't clean up your dog's s*** on my lawn!

Girlfriend: It wasn't my dog's poop. It was someone else's.

Angry Man: That's bulls***! It was your dog!

Girlfriend: No, I have my dog's poop in this bag here. It was someone else's.

Angry Man: Bulls***! Your dog pooped twice, and you thought you could get away with it!

Girlfriend: Why would I want to get away with it? I'd pick it up if it was my dog's. I picked up my dog's poop, so why wouldn't I pick up the rest?

Angry Man: Because you like leaving dog s*** on other people's lawns! I know it was you! I gave you a chance to admit that you did it, but now I caught you in a lie!

Girlfriend: I'm not lying!

Angry Man: Bulls***! I have cameras outside my house and you were caught on camera!

Girlfriend: No, I wasn't! Go watch your cameras and you'll see that I didn't do it!

I'm not sure why this black guy thought he could fool anyone into thinking he had cameras set up so he could catch people not picking up dog poop on his lawn. If he actually had cameras, he would've seen the culprit in the first place.

At any rate, he eventually got out of the car and began threatening my girlfriend. My girlfriend's dad saw this and stormed out of the house.

"If you don't get out of here right now, I'll call the cops!" he shouted.

The "cops" word was key, as the black man scurried back into his van and sped off.

It was a brilliant ploy to get rid of this douche. After all, the cops would've came to this black man's house, arrested him and then shot him because, well, you know, because he drove a van and stuff.







My Friend's Neighborhood: Stolen Watch:

A friend of mine also told me an interesting story involving a neighbor. Unlike my girlfriend and the crazy black guy, this friend was buddies with the other individual.

Per the story I was told, they were hanging out one evening. All they did was smoke on the friend's couch. The following day, my friend received the following text:

yo my two most expansive watches was stolened from my room i no u did it that 1 nite give it back 2 me cuz i caught u on camera tryin to steal it... confess up to youre crime.

My friend went on the following rant in the reply back:

OK, first of all, you know damn well that I didn't go into your room; I just stayed on the couch the entire time because we were smoking. Second, why would I steal your "expansive" watches? I don't even wear watches. Third, how would I know where your "expansive" watches are so that I could steal them quickly enough without you realizing? Fourth, why would I need to confess my crime if you have cameras? Wouldn't you just look at your camera footage to find out who took it? Because you clearly didn't if you think I did it. And finally, what the hell does "confess up" mean, exactly? Do you want me to confess, or to fess up? Because there's no such thing as confess up, you f***ing moron.

I feel like the camera ploy is something that people with limited intelligence use. If you actually have a camera set up - and why would this guy have one in his room? - then couldn't he just find out who nabbed his watches just from that? Why would he incorrectly accuse someone of swiping it if he has visual evidence? I'd say he didn't think this through, but it doesn't seem like his brain is "expansive" enough - used correctly there! - for him to have any sort of logical thought process.

And that begs the question, why is my friend hanging out with such a stupid person? I'm still not clear on the answer, but I saw another text from Missing Expansive Watch Man:

yo dogg i find my watches they werent stolened i just mistplaced them my bad

It appears as though this clown does indeed have a camera system set up - that's how he realized that he was the one who "mistplaced" them.

LOADING COMMENTS...



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Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 17


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 16


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5









 





 

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