Boston Celtics: Willie Cauley-Stein, C, Kentucky, 7-0, Jr.
Given that it's the Celtics' pick, I thought I'd address the Bill Simmons news. Simmons was one of my favorite writers back when I was getting into journalism. I was kind of pissed at him when he said that this very Web site's traffic would decrease after Emmitt Smith was fired, and I grew a bit tired of the whiny attitude toward Roger Goodell and stuff, but I still enjoyed Simmons' podcast with Cousin Sal. I'm sure Simmons and Sal will still be together after the former leaves ESPN, so I'm happy about that. But ESPN is stupid for letting him go. ESPN pays racist, brain-dead idiots like Stephen A. Smith millions of dollars to ramble nonsensically, yet it can't pay Simmons? How does that make sense? I've grown tired of ESPN's BS - bulls***; not Bill Simmons - and this is yet another reason why the "Worldwide Leader" has turned into a complete joke.
Pick change; previously Kelly Oubre, SF
Milwaukee Bucks: Rashad Vaughn, SG, UNLV, 6-5, Fr.
The Bucks are now using a new logo. In response, I've decided to go back to their original one. There's no reason the Bucks should've stopped using this logo. And don't get me started on the Sixers trying to use an image of Benjamin Franklin dribbling a basketball. I hope my dad didn't see it, or he may have strangled someone at work.
Pick change; previously Bobby Portis, PF
Houston Rockets: Tyus Jones, PG, Duke, 6-1, Fr.
The two teams I was rooting against in the playoffs this year were the Rockets and Clippers, so it saddened me when they were matched up against each other in the second round because I knew one would advance to the Western Conference Finals. The Clippers are annoying and douchey - particularly with how they dealt with the aftermath of the Donald Sterling situation - while the Rockets are unbearable to watch because of Dwight Howard. I've made it known that I despise Howard because he whines and cries too much. Plus, he's overrated. If you can't have him on the court in the final couple of minutes because he's such a big liability, how great of a player could he possibly be?
Washington Bullets: Jerian Grant, G, Notre Dame, 6-5, Sr.
Another thing Adam Silver needs to do is force the Washington Wizards to change their name back to the Washington Bullets. The a**holes running (and ruining) Washington may not be in favor of that, but they are incompetent idiots whose opinions should be disregarded. That is why I will continue to refer to this team as the Washington Bullets, and you should too.
Pick change; previously Kevon Looney, PF
Toronto Raptors: Bobby Portis, PF, Arkansas, 6-10, Soph.
Toronto's general manager must be so excited for the draft tonight that he hasn't left the bathroom. Hopefully he comes back to the war room before the team is on the clock.
Pick change; previously Montrezl Harrell, PF
Dallas Mavericks: Montrezl Harrell, PF, Louisville, 6-8, Jr.
Rajon Rondo's master plan to sabotage the Mavericks worked perfectly. He is now gone, so the Mavericks need help at the position. They can draft some sophomore from Murray State no one has ever watched. Or, they can take a guy with a random, misplaced "L" at the end of his first name who doesn't fill that need.
Pick change; previously Rashad Vaughn, SG
Chicago Bulls: R.J. Hunter, SG, Georgia State, 6-5, Jr.
Great job by the Bulls for firing Tom Thibodeau. All Thibodeau did in Chicago was get the most out of his injury-ridden team every year and coax the players into putting 100-percent effort on the court every single night. What a terrible coach.
Portland Trail Blazers: Rondae Hollis-Jefferson, SF, Arizona, 6-7, Soph.
LaMarcus Aldridge is expected to leave Portland and go to a city where people know how to vote properly. Rondae Hollis-Jefferson will help them not suck as much after Aldridge is gone.
Fun fact: I thought Rondae Hollis-Jefferson's full name was "Hollis Jefferson" because of how college basketball announcers said his name in every game. That's all I got for this pick.
Cleveland Cavaliers: Nikola Milutinov, C, Serbia, 7-0, 1994
My girlfriend hates basketball. She'll watch football, but she thinks the NBA is incredibly boring. Yet, she joined me when I tuned into the Finals.
"Wow, I can't believe you're watching basketball," I said. Her response amused me:
"Basketball sucks, but I hate LeBron so much that I want to see him lose."
Pick change; previously Justin Anderson, SF
Memphis Grizzlies: Jarell Martin, PF, LSU, 6-9, So.
Reports indicate that the Grizzlies have made a promise to Jarell Martin to take him here. Breaking a promise means seven years of bad luck, so they better live up to their word.
Pick change; previously Chris McCullough, PF
San Antonio Spurs: Guillermo Hernangomez, PF, Spain, 6-11, 1994
Instead of scouting players and doing stupid stuff like that, I feel like NBA teams should just hack the Spurs' computers and find out which prospects they like because San Antonio hits a home run almost every time.
Pick change; previously Delon Wright, G
Los Angeles Lakers: Anthony Brown, SG, Stanford, 6-7, Sr.
Anthony Brown is another future Laker who won't have to deal with Kobe Bryant's BS - bulls***; not Bill Simmons - much longer. When Bryant retires, it might make Brown feel a bit better when he's forking over 99 percent of his paycheck to the bankrupt state of California.
Pick change; previously Jerian Grant, G
Boston Celtics: Jordan Mickey, PF, LSU, 6-8, So.
Nice job by the Celtics making the playoffs. Sure, they missed out on the chance to obtain Jahlil Okafor or Karl Anthony-Towns, but at least they were in the postseason. They didn't win a game or anything, but that playoff appearance is something fans will remember 10 years down the road, and they'll be happy that they battled the Cavaliers instead of trying to secure a franchise big man.
Pick change; previously Rakeem Christmas, PF
Brooklyn Nets: Chris McCullough, PF, Syracuse, 6-10, Fr.
I'm not sure if Chris McCullough is the brother of former Sixers center Todd McCullough, but if he is, the Grizzlies better watch out for the same recurring foot problems Todd had. They had enough injury issues in the playoffs last year.
Golden State Warriors: Cedi Osman, SF, Turkey, 6-8, 1995
The Warriors need to land a good player here. LeBron has to keep losing so my girlfriend can be happy.
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