32. Indianapolis Colts (0-11) - Previously: #32 - The Colts lost again, and adding insult to injury, famous GameCenter user Taton didn't even post.
Poor Taton must have cried himself to sleep after Indianapolis' latest defeat, so let's pretend he posted during the game.
After the Panthers went up 10-0:
- Colts D must step make Cam Norton incomplte!!!!!
When the Colts finally scored a touchdown to make it 10-7:
- Colts score touchdwn flattered Panthers D mus stop Norton throw imcomplete!!!!
When the Panthers scored again:
- That is sux Coach Cadwell never learn from mistake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When Curtis Painter threw his first fourth-quarter interception:
- Cristis Prainter quit pick!!!! If C. Prainter get 1 more pick I wont watch Colt game no more!!!!!
When Painter tossed his next interception:
- Prainter Praintrr Praitner why you keep picking!!!!!! Byebye Colt no hope for win!!!!!!
31. St. Louis Rams (2-9) - Previously: #31 - Sam Bradford is quickly going to become the next David Carr if his front office doesn't give him some protection. But hey, at least the Rams didn't draft a defensive tackle who karate kicks opposing players.
Speaking of Ndamukong Suh, I sat down with him for an interview:
Me: Hey Ndamukong, thanks for taking the time to talk to me.
Ndamukong Suh: No problem, Walt.
Me: So, let's address what happened on Thanksgiving. Everyone thinks you intentionally kicked the Packer lineman on the ground. What exactly happened there?
Ndamukong Suh: My foot got tangled up, and then it slipped.
Me: Really? I mean, it really looks like you kicked him on purpose. You did slam his head into the ground multiple times seconds earlier.
Ndamukong Suh: I really don't like how you're making me out to be the bad guy here. If I were you, I'd watch what I was saying.
Me: But I'm just asking innocent qu... ouch! You kicked me!
Ndamukong Suh: What? That was an accident. Sorry. My foot got tangled up.
Me: But our feet weren't even close to each... ow! Why did you just toss a dagger at me?
Ndamukong Suh: It slipped out of my hands. My arms got tangled up.
Me: What? No way... I... dude, why did you just fling a boomerang at my head?
Ndamukong Suh: I didn't do it on purpose! I swear!
Me: You did! Ndamukong... put down the holy water and the axe. What are you, Simon Belmont? No, sorry for the Castlevania joke. I didn't do anything... please... I yield!
Ndamukong Suh: Whatever I do next will be by accident! Buhahahahahahahaha!
30. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-8) - Previously: #29 - Blaine Gabbert sucks, so here are more Notes from NFL.com GameCenter (the first two from Facebook friend Jay B):
1. "KC ur g a y really y r u gonna lose too the dolphines!!!!!!!!!!1"
Not that there's anything wrong with losing too the Dolphines.
2. "Packer fans here are a joke. Nothing even remotely intelligent to say at all, Every time I read one of their post I think I get a lil dumber."
But if your IQ is already zero to begin with, how can you get a lil dumber?
3. "WHO DO THE Giants PLAY NEAK WEEK"
I don't get what this guy is trying to say. Neck week? What's that?
29. Kansas City Chiefs (4-7) - Previously: #30 - If you missed it, Cris Collinsworth said the following prior to kickoff Sunday night:
"The Chiefs believe they still have a shot to make the playoffs."
Aww, how cute. If the Chiefs truly had a "shot to make the playoffs" prior to the Pittsburgh game, then the following is true as well:
- I have a shot at a threesome with Alison Brie and Kim Kardashian.
- Rosie O'Donnell has a shot at a threesome with me and a pepperoni pizza.
- This doughnut on my desk has a shot at not getting eaten by me.
Too bad the Chiefs are stupid! NOM NOM NOM DOUGHNUT NOM NOM NOM!!!
28. Cleveland Browns (4-7) - Previously: #27 - Did you know that the Browns are still mathematically alive for the No. 1 seed? Did you know that the Titans have a 2-percent chance to get the No. 5 seed in the AFC? How about the fact that the Raiders, despite being 7-4, have just a 4-percent chance of getting a first-round bye?
I got all of these numbers from PlayoffStatus.com - a pretty cool site worth checking out.
27. Minnesota Vikings (2-9) - Previously: #24 - Last week I expressed my disdain for NFL.com's slight edge meter. Well, they haven't rectified the problem. Consider this graphic from the Atlanta-Minnesota page:
Again, how the hell does that arrow signify a very slight edge? It'd be no different than having the following graphic:
Man, Rosie O'Donnell must have voted 50,000 times to make that a very slight edge.
26. Arizona Cardinals (4-7) - Previously: #26 - It's a miracle that the Cardinals won at St. Louis because John Skelton was really inaccurate, as usual. There was one throw where I commented, "Great pass to the cheerleaders!"
It's hard to blame Skelton though. I mean, he was under the influence...
The Adventures of Derek Anderson's Magic Flask!
John Skelton: I'm John Skelton and my arm is so massive that I just throw the ball as hard as I can downfield and hope something good happens. Buhahahaha! Hark, who are those pretty girls over yonder?
Derek Anderson: Heyyyyzzz iffff yewww wannnaerr tallkkk toooo thummmm havvve a sssipp offff thissssss hic!
*** Ten minutes later... ***
John skelton: Heeyyy babbeezzz, I'mm quaarrrbback hic! Cannn I geett picccc of yourrrr gurrrllls nakkkuddd nnnn innnnn bikinuusss pllluzzzz.
You know, I wouldn't be at all surprised if drunken John Skelton is really Aaron3619.
25. Carolina Panthers (3-8) - Previously: #25 - I think Panther fans will appreciate the following quote from a Dolphin fan on GameCenter:
Had Matt Moore started the season instead of Chad Henne, I think the Phins would be atleast .500 maybe a game over. He's not a bad quarterback. I'm sure if he can keep his mojo like he did when he took over for the Panthers in 09 when Delhomme got benched, he'll win over the fans and be the starter for next season.
So, the Dolphins are supposed to pass over one of the many franchise quarterbacks in the 2012 NFL Draft because Matt Moore is "not a bad quarterback?"
I told you that you'd appreciate that, Panther fans.
24. Washington Redskins (4-7) - Previously: #28 - Rex Grossman threw a really stupid interception at Seattle - I know, newsflash - and afterward, the FOX announcers said something strange. I forget who it was (maybe Jim Mora Jr?) but it went something like this:
There's offensive coordinator Kyle Schottenheimer telling Rex Grossman not to throw interceptions.
Kyle Schottenheimer? I thought Kyle Shanahan was the offensive coordinator. Maybe that's why the Redskins suck. Perhaps Marty Schottenheimer's long-lost son kidnapped Mike Shanahan's son and commandeered Washington's offensive coordinator position. That has to be why Grossman commits three turnovers every single week.
23. San Diego Chargers (4-7) - Previously: #23 - The Chargers suck, but thanks to forum member CrazyCarl, I at least know they're entertaining.
Seriously, how much does this video epitomize San Diego's year? The Chargers were 4-1, but they completely pissed this season away. And is it a coincidence that Nick Novak's kick leaked to the right?
Yeah, I'm sorry. I know Cris Carter used that joke Monday night. I guess I should start saying "hee hee hee honk honk" too.
2011 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Detroit Lions (7-4). Previously: #11
12. Atlanta Falcons (7-4). Previously: #13
13. Denver Broncos (6-5). Previously: #16
14. Cincinnati Bengals (7-4). Previously: #12
15. New York Jets (6-5). Previously: #14
16. Houston Texans (8-3). Previously: #15
17. Miami Dolphins (3-8). Previously: #21
18. Tennessee Titans (6-5). Previously: #18
19. Philadelphia Eagles (4-7). Previously: #17
20. Buffalo Bills (5-6). Previously: #23
21. Seattle Seahawks (4-7). Previously: #19
22. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-7). Previously: #20
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