Denver Broncos (4-0) - Previously: #2 - I wrote it on my NFL Picks page, and I'll write it here again: Vegas needs to start treating the Broncos like the 2007 Patriots. They need to be favored by at least 20 at home and 14 on the road versus teams that are average or worse. Why were they just -10 over the defensively incapable Eagles? It makes no sense.
A potential chink in the armor, however, could be Jack Del Rio. It's been rumored that Del Rio might take the USC job at the end of the collegiate season, which would be right before the team's playoff run. Del Rio is an outstanding defensive coordinator, so the Broncos would miss him. I'm sure Del Rio wouldn't miss Denver though. There are plenty of beaches around USC, so he'll be spending most of his time there.
Seattle Seahawks (4-0) - Previously: #1 - I'm moving the Seahawks down to No. 2 because they A) needed a crazy comeback to beat an ordinary Houston team and B) have some serious offensive line concerns. However, keep in mind that Seattle will have both Russell Okung and Percy Havin back around the beginning of December.
By the way, NFL Network needs to hire some better fantasy analysts. A tall black man whose name I can't spell appeared on NFL Red Zone prior to the 1 p.m. games, offering this sage advice: "Don't start Marshawn Lynch today. It's a traaaappp!" Ninety-eight yards and a touchdown later, and this guy still doesn't know the "don't sit your studs" adage.
San Francisco 49ers (2-2) - Previously: #3 Thank you, stupid ESPN and other media corporations, for brainwashing the public into thinking the 49ers weren't that good after their Week 3 loss so that I could make money on them this past Thursday. I really appreciate it. You guys are great.
Here were some brainwashed hate-mailers who thought I had San Francisco ranked too highly:
How dafuq is SF #3?
2 losing teams in the top 5? They have the same record as my Eagles and they obviously don't belong anywhere near the top 10, much less the top 5. Rodgers and Kaepernick can only take a team so far if everyone else sucks.
Derp dee derp.
I think these rankings are joke. You are what your record says you are- like Parcells used to say. The problem with these rankings is the author always puts emotion into their listings. That is why a 1-2 record team is ranked higher than 3-0 teams. The more emotional you are with your listings, the more stubborn you are to admit you were wrong about a team.
Derp dee derpety derp dee derp.
Your site sucks. LMAO, a team was just DESTROYED two weeks in a row, is in complete disarray, has their best D player out for possibly weeks, have no WR's, and you have them ranked #3 in the entire NFL? That tells me all I need to know. You guys are seriously idiots. Way to rank a ONE AND TWO team in the 49ers as #3 in the NFL. Seriously, you guys are a JOKE. And to think I once thought this was a reputable site. Wow are you guys stupid. Absolutely LAUGHABLE.
Da derp dee derp da teetley derpee derpee dumb.
Once again, if you'd like power rankings based on teams' records, check out nfl.com/standings.
New Orleans Saints (4-0) - Previously: #4 - The Saints just had a big win, but their season might be over because they lost Drew Brees.
Yup. Brees is now on the Titans:
New England Patriots (4-0) - Previously: #6 - As I said in the NFL Game Recaps page, the Jets' near-loss seems like eons ago. Tom Brady has really gelled with these new receivers. This team is going to be awesome once Rob Gronkowski and Danny Amendola return.
Speaking of Gronk, why are the Patriots so butt hurt over his decision to sit out until Week 6? Dr. Bill Belichick may believe Gronkowski is ready, but Gronk would know better than anyone. What if he comes back before he's ready and aggravates one of his million injuries? It's not like the Patriots need him right now anyway. It'd be different if they were 1-3 and desperate for a victory, but the important thing is having him ready for December and beyond.
Green Bay Packers (1-2) - Previously: #5 - Here's another team that the public is underrating because they are brainwashed. The Packers are literally two plays away from being 3-0. But hey, don't take my word for it. There's a reason they're seven-point favorites over the 3-1 Lions this week. The sportsbooks are usually way ahead of most people, so I'd trust their judgment.
Kansas City Chiefs (4-0) - Previously: #13 - Someone asked me recently if the 2013 Chiefs are the equivalent of the 2009 Kyle Orton-led Broncos. I think they're more like the 2011 version 49ers. They have outstanding defense and coaching, as well as a limited quarterback who can play well at times, but will ultimately lose in the playoffs because he's just not talented enough to claim a Lombardi in today's NFL. Having said that, Kansas City is probably the best team out of those that almost certainly won't win the Super Bowl.
Speaking of Smith, I talked about how the media brainwashes the public into thinking certain things. That's what's happening with Smith. Those like Michael Irvin will lead people astray by stating that Kansas City can actually win the Super Bowl with Smith. Why Irvin? He said this when asked who should be credited with the team's Week 2 victory over Dallas:
"I think Alex Smith deserve all the credits!"
So, holding the Cowboys' prolific offense to 16 points meant nothing then? Nice to know.
Detroit Lions (3-1) - Previously: #15 - The Chicago victory was the second time in four games that the Lions did their best to spoil a win by shooting themselves in the foot, only to be "outclassed" in that manner by the opposition. Jay Cutler was a freaking disaster.
With that in mind though, I think it says a lot that the Lions are playing bad football and are still winning. Reggie Bush makes their offense absolutely lethal. If Detroit stops making dumb, unforced errors, the team will be very dangerous.
One note on Matthew Stafford: Did you know that his favorite hobby is football? It's true. New FOX sideline reporter Molly McGrath (at least I think she's new) shouted the following at the camera during a recent telecast: "MATTHEW STAFFORD WAS ASKED IF HE HAS A HOBBY AND HE SAID FOOTBALL! HE SAID HE ONLY TOOK FIVE DAYS OFF IN THE OFFSEASON! BACK TO YOU!"
Thanks, Molly - for proving that sideline reporters are more useless than ever.
Atlanta Falcons (1-3) - Previously: #10 - Stop looking at records and consider that Atlanta A) is three plays away from being 4-0 B) lost to teams with a combined 11-1 record and C) has a completely banged-up roster. The Falcons will get healthier as the season progresses, and they have much easier opponents on the horizon.
Oh, and they also have a new kicker (thanks, TDAP):
Miami Dolphins (3-1) - Previously: #11 - The Dolphins beat the Falcons, but that was in Miami in a game in which Atlanta dominated. The Falcons win on a neutral field.
32. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-4) - Previously: #32 - Jacksonville.com's Vito Stellino talked about how Tim Tebow's camp wrote a letter to the Jaguars. "He says if they bring in Tebow for tryout and he's not answer, they can cut him and they're no worse off than they are now."
I replied (@walterfootball): "They're scared they'll bring him in, and he'll obviously look 100x better than what they have, and they'll look dumb."
Some butt-hurt Jaguar fan named @aus10jag had this to say in response "dumbest thing I have ever heard."
No. The general manager saying that he wanted to build around Blaine Gabbert, a quarterback who can't keep his eyes open in the pocket, was the dumbest thing you've ever heard.
Jacksonville would obviously be completely embarrassed by the situation. Besides though, Tebow would win some games and take the Jaguars out of Teddy Bridgewater contention, so perhaps going with Blame Garbage (thanks, Blue) is the best option.
31. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-4) - Previously: #31 - An e-mail from Daniel L:
If people still don't believe you about Freeman, they only had to watch the NFL Network after Sunday's games. I think it was Marshall Faulk who was talking about him, and you could tell he wanted to say something, but then just stated something along the lines of "there is some stuff going on with him, let's just leave it at that."
No doubt. The interview Josina Anderson conducted with Freeman on Sunday NFL Countdown was completely embarrassing, by the way. Such BS.
But hey, at least the Bucs have this guy (thanks, Chg)!
30. Oakland Raiders (1-3) - Previously: #30 - An exchange between my friends (and forum mods) Injured Reserve and Body Burner:
Injured Reserve: Just saw a guy in a wheelchair downtown wearing a Darren McFadden jersey. Has there ever been a more accurate fan representation of their favorite player?
Body Burner: Was it actually McFadden?
Injured Reserve: Most likely.
Is anyone - besides the wheelchair guy - even remotely surprised that McFadden is injured again? The guy is made out of glass.
29. St. Louis Rams (1-3) - Previously: #28 - I was asked the following question following Thursday's game: "Walt - who are the announcers for NFL Network? They are seriously an embarrassment... Did you catch the mistake of calling Frank Gore "Al Gore?" Pathetic.
Almost as pathetic as the Rams themselves. I can't believe this team was competitive last year. They absolutely suck right now. What happened to James Laurinaitis and Chris Long? Why aren't they good anymore? And as for Cortland Finnegan - how did he become the worst starting corner in the NFL?
28. New York Giants (0-4) - Previously: #24 - The Giants are garbage, but I can't believe that some people are stupid enough to suggest that Tom Coughlin is on the hot seat. Umm... didn't he just win the Super Bowl two years ago? Coughlin is a top-five NFL coach and can get almost any job he wants. The Giants are lucky to have him; it's not his fault that his team is terrible. No one could win with this group.
- DINK AND DUNK offense.....fire this idiot or buy him a copy of Madden
- it is a sad state they didnt like Ariens because he was predictable? maybe, but we were predictably in the playoffs every year
- where is Marcus Wheaton?...Todd can't find a place for him? he'd rather run Cotchery on a reverse? ...instead we get 22 targets for our former #3 receiver and 16 for Cotchery and Brown none for Wheaton...this guy has no idea what to do with talent
Sounds like it's time for the awesome Haley pervy gif!
26. Washington Redskins (1-3) - Previously: #23 - When does a team win and move down in the power rankings? When they need injuries to two running backs to barely beat Matt Flynn. Seriously, Washington would probably be 0-4 if one of Terrelle Pryor/Darren McFadden/Marcel Reece had lasted the entire game.
25. Philadelphia Eagles (1-3) - Previously: #27 - A message from Facebook friend Jay B. about the Week 3 game:
After 1 quarter tonight, QB Dog Killer is by far my best fantasy player. On an IDP League I have Justin Houston (3 sacks, a fumble recovery, and a tackle for loss) and Eric Berry (A Pick 6). I'm so glad Chip Kelly is running this offense. Keep up the good work!
Speaking of Kelly, I loved that he was arrogant enough to believe the altitude wouldn't affect his players because his former Ducks won big in Colorado. Hurrr durrr. As I've said before, Kelly will be coaching USC (or Texas) come 2015.
24. New York Jets (2-2) - Previously: #25 - Is there a football version of the Harlem Globetrotters? If so, Geno Smith can try out. His nifty behind-the-back maneuver on his goal line was a thing of beauty - if you happened to bet lots of money on Tennessee and laughed as yet another Jets' quarterback embarrassed himself, that is.
23. Buffalo Bills (2-2) - Previously: #26 - The Bills have two fluky home wins, but they're two victories nonetheless. I can't make fun of them this week, so it's time for the Adventures of Stupid Vince and Senile Bud! In this week's episode...
Bud Adams: What is this news!? Man servant, help me decipher this telegram I just received via carrier pigeon.
Vince Young: Derrr, what is telegraph? And pigeon have no hand so how he carry telegraph?
Bud Adams: Telegram, man servant, telegram. What is the meaning of this? It says that Jake Locker is injured so I must sign a new quarterback. Who in blazes is Jake Locker?
Vince Young: Derrr, I tink Jake Lockers guy who throw ball on team with T and fire ha.
Bud Adams: Why should I be concerned with this? I have more important things to worry about. Take a look at this other telegram, man servant. It says the government will shut down soon. What in blazes are they talking about?
Vince Young: Derrr, I tink govorment have switch like light bulb and he click on off on off ha.
Bud Adams: A switch, you say? Why wouldn't they keep the switch on? No doubt keeping the government working is important!
Vince Young: Derrr, I dunno I no even know what govorment do ha.
Bud Adams: Weh? You don't know what the government does? Didn't you take any classes in college that taught you this? Where did you go to school anyway?
Vince Young: I forgetted where go. I dunno class. I go room and guy talk but I no understand what he say. Then we have test. I no write anyting down and only draw pretty picture but guy still give me A or letter that come after A, I forget what call ha.
Bud Adams: Pretty pictures, eh? Perhaps you can become my art advisor, man servant. Yes, that's exactly what I'll have you do going forward.
Something new this year - I'm keeping track of precise run defense, pass defense and pass protection rankings in Excel. The benefit to this is that it'll be broken down by week. Here are the download links: