Seattle Seahawks (6-1) - Previously: #2 - If the Seahawks weren't an elite team, they would've lost Thursday night. It had "trap game" written all over it, but Seattle is just too good to fall for something like that. I've moved them up to where they should've been all along.
Speaking of Thursday night games, they really suck. The players are usually not prepared for a game, while Brad Nessler continues to mail it in, calling Greg Little "Mr. Dependable" three weeks ago and referring to Jay Feely as "Jim Feely" this past Thursday.
The worst part of the Thursday night package is Michael Silver. The former Yahoo! writer ran a Peyton Manning-Andrew Luck feature, but somehow managed to sneak in his anti-Tim Tebow bias by saying, "as Tebow mania died in Denver." What does Tebow have to do with Manning versus Luck? And why does Silver always have to yell? Seriously, I wish he'd shut the f*** up because the way he talks is so obnoxious. Any psychologist will tell you that speaking loudly like he does is a sign of a histrionic or narcissistic personality disorder, so why is this guy allowed in front of a camera?
San Francisco 49ers (5-2) - Previously: #3 - I'd brag about having the 49ers in the top three this whole time, but I'm the idiot who bet $330 against them this past weekend. So I guess that means I have to give myself a derp. Da derp dee derp da teetley derpee derpee dumb.
Again, this is a perfect example why records don't mean all that much, particularly at the beginning of the season. As I've said before, Bill Parcells' quote of "you are what your record is" happens to be a fallacy that sharp bettors have exposed for years. ESPN heards its viewers around like sheep, saying stuff like "OMG TEAM X IS UNDEFEEEATTEEDD OMG OMG OMGGGGG." Well, if the Chiefs had the 49ers' schedule, they sure as hell wouldn't be undefeated.
Denver Broncos (6-1) - Previously: #1 - I'm not dropping the Broncos only because I'm overreacting to one game. They had issues putting the Jaguars away - they're the only team to struggle with that this season - and they could've easily lost at Dallas. The defense is a joke, even with Von Miller back, and Peyton Manning is fluttering weak passes downfield. I think we all made the mistake of falling in love with this team because they put up "Star Wars" numbers against bad opponents like the Eagles, Giants and Raiders.
Speaking of the defense, Matvei texted me during the game:
Matvei: I didn't know there were any beaches in Indianapolis because Jack Del Rio clearly found one and spent the entire time on it this week.
Me: Peyton Manning obviously knows where the secret beach is.
New Orleans Saints (5-1) - Previously: #4 - The Saints were on a bye, so I'm going to post two comments frombelow. One is concise and well thought-out. The other is a childish response from someone who is butt hurt (and I have no idea which team he's clamoring for, so I'm putting it here):
I'd probably go with the Saints ranked higher than than the 49ers. If it weren't for that last minute drive by Brady, they'd be undefeated. And like you said, there's no shame in losing under those exact circumstances. As for the 49ers with their injuries/arrests on defense, their game plan seems somewhat distorted currently. Kaepernick can beat you at times, but is somewhat inconsistent.
I think that's fair. I could definitely see the argument that New Orleans should be above San Francisco. I just think the 49ers are the tougher team and would win on a neutral field. It's also worth noting that Jim Harbaugh has beaten the Saints twice in two opportunities, so maybe he just has their number.
You are a fraud Walter. You keep repeating the same tripe every single week & whining about covering the spread. Countless people have told you that you need to clean up your act, admit that you're wrong, etc. with very compelling arguments. But instead, you copy their comments & post them on your game recap page, proceeding to type up some stupid response in a vain attempt to come off as funny. But you couldn't even make a high-school student chuckle. You just repeat the same dumbass jokes over & over again. I can't call your site credible because YOU aren't.
Give me a break, man. I'm working hard to improve my comedic responses. I can currently make middle-school students chuckle, so I'll be having high-school students chuckle in no time!
Wow, that looks VERY bad on the NFL's part, and I'm saying this as someone who had the Jets as my top pick this past week. It's worth noting that letting the missed field goal stand wouldn't have guaranteed the Patriots a victory, but they definitely would've had a great shot.
Green Bay Packers (4-2) - Previously: #6 - Solid win by the Packers. Sure, it was against the inept Brandon Weeden, but they were missing so many key personnel. This team will be a tough out come playoff time once they get everyone back.
I have to use this spot to vent about trading in fantasy football. Look at the following offer I was given in one of my leagues (standard scoring):
Hmm... should I take two middling receivers whom I would probably cut upon acquiring for an awesome running back? Tough choice. Very difficult.
This deal would be akin to offering two turd sandwiches to someone eating a delicious cheesesteak. I feel like the person who proposed this deal to me was either trolling or wishing that this trade would appear on this Web site. If the latter is the case, congrats, crappy fantasy football trader. Mission accomplished.
Indianapolis Colts (5-2) - Previously: #7 - I definitely would've moved the Colts way up this week, but they lost Reggie Wayne to a torn ACL. That's huge. Perhaps they'll still have a chance to move up if they trade for Hakeem Nicks, as suggested here.
If you didn't catch Sunday NFL Countdown, all of the analysts seemed to have sand in their vages concerning the Peyton Manning-Jim Irsay situation. In fact, at one point, I'm pretty sure Tom Jackson said, "How dare Jim Irsay insult Peyton Manning, me and my daughters by saying what he said?"
Mike Chappell, beat writer for the Colts since 1989, tweeted this: "Sorry, but ESPN talking heads so full of sh** on so many levels. Some good points on Irsay/Manning. But so much sh** ...."
The whole thing was ridiculous. Why are people taking Irsay seriously? This is what he looked like when he made those statements:
Irsay is a troll, and ESPN simply fed the troll with a 20-minute segment comprised of many sandy vages.
Kansas City Chiefs (7-0) - Previously: #8 - I've been asked to post more Andy Reid memes, but I'll do that below. Some of the Kansas City fans who have posted in the comment board are too butt hurt by this ranking, so I need to address it.
First of all, here are some of the complaints if you're too lazy to scroll down:
--> "No team they've beaten currently has a record over .500 (and please don't make the dumb argument that Denver hasn't either). That'll change next week unless the Eagles and Cowboys tie" WAIT... WHAT? From CBS... "As for the strength-of-schedule criticism, Kansas City's six opponents have an 11-19 record minus the six games the Chiefs have won. The Denver Broncos' opponents also are 11-19." KC and Denver have five common opponents. Against those teams, the Broncos have a point differential of +85 while KC has a +78... Yeah that screams SO MUCH BETTER!!!
--> Hate from the Chiefs fans, I dont think so. You just keep betting and picking against the Chiefs and we will keep winning and collecting your money from the book. However we do understand your hate of the Chiefs. After picking them as the breakout team of the year last season you are still trying to justify the pie you had to wipe off your grill. #1 Ranking in the AFC West by the NFL,#8 by Walter Football both fall into the who cares round file. Do have a bit of pity on you however. After all you cant use classic Todd Hailey action pic on our team comments anymore. ROFL
--> Man.. you clearly have a bias against KC.. I'm not even a KC fan and I see it. You've hated on JC his whole career, and now you rank them 8th when they are undefeated. I agree their offense has struggled, but they've still managed to put up 25+ pts in 4 of their six wins. I'm not saying they need to be 1 or 2, but your blatent hate for them is just annoying.
--> Exactly how is KC #8 when they are one of two unbeaten teams? We know you hate KC.
I must apologize. As a born-and-raised Philadelphian, I just simply have a natural disdain for the Chiefs. Please don't hate me because of that!
I'd reply to these, but I feel like a couple of people gave great responses in the comment board:
--> You Chiefs fans are funny. You don't need validation from this site that KC is having a good season. Your defense is very good and your starting RB is great. It's your QB that is the big worry. He manages a game well which is working right now because the defense is so stout. Will Denver move the ball all over KC? Probably not but they have a better chance than KC does of completing drives. Again, go to a different site if you wanna see KC ranked higher. All of the other mindless sites rank them high because they're undefeated.
--> To Chiefs fans: I'd be mad too if my team was 6-0, ranked 8th and hardly given a good reason for it. But I can't disagree too much with the teams Walt has ahead of the Chiefs. I put it like this, do the Chiefs beat any of the 7 teams Walt has ahead of them in a best of 7 series? Other than the Colts and the Packers, IMO, no.
Couldn't have said it better myself. The Chiefs are a solid team, but they're not elite, despite their record, because they just don't have the quarterback to win a Super Bowl. The seven teams above them do, and I would take any one of them over Kansas City on a neutral field. It's a shame because this Chief team would've had a shot to go all the way about 12 years ago, but the rules have changed. Since the no-contact rules were implemented, the only squads to win the Super Bowl have been those with elite or second-tier signal-callers. Alex Smith isn't on either of those levels. He does a good job of managing games, but he's the type of quarterback to convert only one third down in a conference championship.
San Diego Chargers (4-3) - Previously: #13 - San Diego's win over Indianapolis looks so much better in the wake of the Colts' victory over the Broncos. I was also very impressed with how the Chargers mauled the Jaguars after such an emotional victory. Very workman-like. This never would've happened under Norv Turner.
I have even better news for the Chargers. You've acquired Larry Fitzgerald! Seriously. What, you don't believe me? Just check out NFL.com's Gamecenter (thanks, TDAP):
Cincinnati Bengals (5-2) - Previously: #11 - The Bengals are in the same boat as the Chiefs. They have a great defense (albeit, not as good as Kansas City's) and an explosive play-making running back (albeit, not as good as Kansas City's), but they're handicapped by a quarterback with limitations. Like Alex Smith, Andy Dalton is good enough to lead Cincinnati into the playoffs, but not talented enough to win a couple of games there.
On second thought, perhaps I should re-think that "albeit, not as good as Kansas City's" bit when referring to Cincinnati's defense. Just look at what it was projected to do last week in fantasy (thanks, Scott E.):
Holy crap. Yeah, the Bengals' defense is definitely better than the Chiefs' defense.
NFL Power Rankings: Week 8 - Bottom 10
32. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-7) - Previously: #32 - Adam Schefter tweeted something interesting out Sunday morning, saying that he's heard that Teddy Bridgewater and his head coach, Charlie Strong, will be a packaged deal in the NFL. I then replied (@walterfootball), "Jaguars to fire Gus Bradley after one year? Because Bridgewater is going to the Jaguars." Minutes later, CBS' Pete Prisco tweeted that Jacksonville would not be firing Bradley, even if he goes 0-16.
Let's remember that, because Jacksonville is now nine double-digit losses away from being the first team in NFL history to go 0-16 while losing all of its games by 10 or more. It's not all Bradley's fault, but the Jaguars haven't been legitimately competitive in any game this year. If Cam Cameron can get axed after one 1-15 campaign, Bradley can certainly be sent packing following a historically bad season.
31. Minnesota Vikings (1-5) - Previously: #27 - Here's a news clipping an e-mailer found:
Well, I'm glad the Vikings are so concerned for the Cardinals' welfare that they're willing to hold Freeman out as Arizona plays a scrimmage against itself. Perhaps they should've done the same thing Monday night.
30. St. Louis Rams (3-4) - Previously: #25 - If the Rams were serious about winning games - they're only one game out of a wild card spot right now - they'd bring in Tim Tebow. Just saying. But because they're stubborn, stupid and homoclitic, they'll ride it out with Kellen Clemens and finish with a 3-13 or 4-12 record.
Here are some options the Rams have:
1. Sign Tebow. Am i rite, Skip Bayless?
2. Sign Pat White. No idea why he's not on an NFL roster. He won me lots of money in August.
3. Beg Marc Bulger to come out of retirement. He hasn't been on an NFL roster since 2010, but he would still be better than Clemens. Meh, on second thought, he'd just mail it in, just like he did in his final years in St. Louis.
4. Trade for Matt Schaub. Because he'll have another chance to throw a pick-six against the 49ers.
5. Tank and hope that the inferior teams win enough games so the Rams can land Jake Matthews or Anthony Barr.
Aside from the Bulger option, all of those choices seem solid to me - even Matt Schaub. He has been a solid quarterback in the past, and the Rams have enough weapons for him to succeed. And by succeed, I mean lead them to the playoffs and lose right away.
29. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-6) - Previously: #31 - The Buccaneers move up two spots! Yay! Well, it's only because the Rams lost Sam Bradford for the year and the Vikings are garbage. But yay anyway!
Oh, and check out the Walking Bucs if you haven't already. Is it a coincidence that Doug Martin injured his shoulder just one day after I wrote about him nearly being infected by zombies?
28. Cleveland Browns (3-4) - Previously: #28 - The Browns should cut Brandon Weeden right now. How many more dumb backhanded and underhanded tosses can the fans take? Weeden might be one of the worst quarterbacks I've ever seen.
Here's this week's Gong Rant:
Weeden is useless team imploder. McGahee is done, so get in the guys that can move. Little blows dicks and should not be on the field. Coaching staff is not doing what they can to win the game. And as always, Cleveland is cursed with puke football in a football city.
Brown pants and white shirts looked terrible as well. Browns suck. and best is we will bust out in the draft again, like always, but again we will bust out with two first round picks, just like last few times. Go go gadget stupid.
27. New York Giants (1-6) - Previously: #29 - Go to my NFL Game Recaps page for analysis of the Giants-Vikings game.
By the way, I want to note that out of respect for Bud Adams, who passed away Monday morning, I won't be doing the Adventures of Stupid Vince and Senile Bud. I'll find a way to incorporate Stupid Vince into a feature sometime soon, but R.I.P. Bud Adams.
26. Philadelphia Eagles (3-4) - Previously: #21 - Believe it or not, I talked to someone at my gym last week who said that Nick Foles improved this season because he cut his hair. I wish I were making that up. Speaking of Foles...
The Adventures of Derek Anderson's Magic Flask!
Nick Foles: I'm like so cool with my awesome new haircut and stuff.
25. Washington Redskins (2-4) - Previously: #26 - I'm not sure how much stock to put in a home victory over Josh McCown. The fact that Washington allowed 41 points to a team that was quarterbacked by McCown for three quarters is an embarrassment.
Speaking of embarrassing, check out the situation Atlanta was in this past Sunday:
How the hell did they manage to cover?
24. Buffalo Bills (3-4) - Previously: #30 - Poor Buffalo fans. Thad Lewis isn't good enough to lead the team into the playoffs, but he's not incompetent, so he's helping the team win enough games to take them out of the running for Jadeveon Clowney and Anthony Barr. The front office will draft a decent player, but he won't be enough to get the organization over the hump. Then, the same thing will happen next year, and the year after that, and the year after that... It's sad, but Bills' backers are used to this endless cycle of mediocrity.
23. Oakland Raiders (2-4) - Previously: #23 - As promised, here are some Andy Reid food memes:
Two weeks ago:
Last week, I went with an actual dinner item rather than a snack:
For those wondering, the Titans moved up this week because Jake Locker returned earlier than expected (the impending week off will help him get back on track), while several teams moved down, like the Bears, who won't have Jay Cutler for a while.
Something new this year - I'm keeping track of precise run defense, pass defense and pass protection rankings in Excel. The benefit to this is that it'll be broken down by week. Here are the download links: