Seattle Seahawks (1-1) - Previously: #1 - The Seahawks are going to get everyone's best shot this season, so they better be prepared. Even God tried his best to beat them on Sunday, making it 120 degrees in San Diego when it's usually just 80.
In all seriousness, I feel like Seattle was looking ahead to Denver and was just caught unawares by how physical San Diego was.
Denver Broncos (2-0) - Previously: #3 - I think this Denver team is overrated; it's been one play away from going to overtime against the Colts and Chiefs (both at home), and Peyton Manning isn't as good as he was last year. And yet, I can't find another team to put No. 2 in my power rankings. Every other team has some major flaw, which I'll discuss this week. It's going to be an interesting season with parity being very prevalent again, unlike last year. Maybe that's why all of the underdogs have been covering.
San Francisco 49ers (1-1) - Previously: #2 - Major flaw: Discipline. The 49ers outplayed the Bears by a wide margin in the first half Sunday night, but completely killed themselves with mistakes. Remember though that San Francisco also suffered an early home blowout loss last year to Indianapolis, so I'm not going to dock them. At least not yet.
I trust Jim Harbaugh to get his team's act together, but playing like the Cowboys is not a recipe for success. It was so brutal to watch. Matvei (LVH Supercontest partner) and I had the 49ers in our joint entry (I have my own and ours), and Matvei summed it up best in a text to me during the second half: "Three picks and 120 yards of penalties, this game has aged me 15 years."
New England Patriots (1-1) - Previously: #5 - Major flaw: Offensive line. This wasn't an issue against the Vikings because the Patriots didn't have to throw the ball very much, thanks to a big lead, but the Patriots can't pass protect whatsoever. Maybe Bill Belichick will attempt to solve this issue by trading away his next-best offensive lineman for another mediocre tight end he won't use.
New Orleans Saints (0-2) - Previously: #4 - Major flaw: Tackling. What the hell happened to this defense? It's almost like Rob Ryan got so confident from last year's output that he thinks he can duplicate it while taking out all of his defensive starters for drinks before each game. The Saints had a dominant defense last season, yet many of their players can't make simple tackles anymore.
I'm not moving the Saints down much. I'm confident they'll fix things. They still have eight home games on their slate, and they'll continue to dominate at the Superdome. Hopefully the bartenders in New Orleans are smart enough not to serve shots to Ryan and his boys prior to kickoff.
Green Bay Packers (1-1) - Previously: #6 - Major flaw: Offensive line. The Packers can't block either. They can't even snap the ball. Watching them spot the Jets a 7-0 lead right away because of a botched exchange was so frustrating because I had Green Bay -7.5 on both of my Supercontest cards. They won by seven, and I missed the cover by half a point. Someone shoot me now.
On the bright side, we got to watch the Jets melt down, which is always fun. That brings me to...
The Adventures of Derek Anderson's Magic Flask!
Derek Anderson: Hey Geno, I've been searching for my magical flask ever since Josh McCown hid it last week. Do you know where it is? I'm dying for a drink. If only I were a Saint defensive player...
Geno Smith: No, I don't. Maybe Coach Ryan knows.
Derek Anderson: That's a good idea. Coach Ryan, do you know where my magical flask is?
Rex Ryan: TIMMEME OOUUTT TIMMMEE OOUTUTT TIMMMEE OUUTTT!!!
Derek Anderson: What? Why are you calling timeout?
Rex Ryan: WHOOO OCALLLLEDD TIIMMMEE OOUUTT HIC!
Derek Anderson: You just did.
Rex Ryan: YOOUUU CALLLINN MMEE LLIIIARR HIC!
Derek Anderson: No disrespect, but you were yelling for a timeout earlier.
San Diego Chargers (1-1) - Previously: #9 - Major flaw: Offensive line. The Chargers are another team with blocking issues. Stud center Nick Hardwick is out for the year, while Chad Rinehart and Johnnie Troutman have struggled thus far. Still though, San Diego looked great against the Seahawks, and it'll be interesting to see if they have any sort of letdown at Buffalo. Playing a game across the country during an early start time after such an emotional victory will be quite difficult - especially without Seahawk-hating God on their side.
Cincinnati Bengals (2-0) - Previously: #8 - Major flaw: Andy Dalton. The Bengals, who have lucked out by playing two teams heading into Thursday night games, aren't going to rise much higher than this no matter what they do during the regular season because I don't think Dalton can win in the playoffs. He's been responsible for his team's major red-zone woes thus far, but they haven't been exposed yet.
Arizona Cardinals (2-0) - Previously: #10 - Major flaw: Offensive line. I was impressed by the Cardinals winning a cross-country early-start game without their starting quarterback until I remembered how putrid the Giants are. Still though, their blocking will continue to be a big issue.
By the way, would it kill the Cardinals to let us know about Carson Palmer's shoulder before Sunday morning? Most people like the NFL because of fantasy football and gambling. Thus, the fantasy players and bettors are paying a high percentage of every NFL player and coach's salary. So, why not cater to fantasy owners and bettors? I never understood this. It would be like a dentist informing you while you're on the chair that his best drill isn't available and that he has to use a rusty backup drill to fix your cavity. You wouldn't stand for that, right?
Philadelphia Eagles (2-0) - Previously: #12 - Major flaw: Won't be able to get the officials to win games for them every week. Speaking of which, here's my NFL Game Recaps page where you can find analysis of the Colts-Eagles game.
NFL Power Rankings: Week 3 - Bottom 10
32. Oakland Raiders (0-2) - Previously: #32 - A picture's worth a thousand words, and this one epitomizes a thousand Raider losses:
31. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-2) - Previously: #23 - I was trying to come up with what Gus Bradley was possibly thinking when he watched Chad Henne blow a 17-0 lead to the Eagles, but all I pictured was a mouse running on a wheel in his brain. Really, I feel like 31 of the other NFL coaches would've made the correct decision and went with Blake Bortles.
That's what I wrote last week. Now, I'm picturing a deformed mouse with a drinking problem (aided by Rob Ryan, perhaps) staggering on a wheel. What the hell is Bradley doing? Why isn't he starting Bortles? Why is he giving the opponent a free timeout with a shot at a Hail Mary? Why wasn't his team prepared whatsoever for the Redskins?
30. New York Giants (0-2) - Previously: #31 - The Giants weren't as awful as I thought they'd be against the Cardinals, so I need to keep ranting about Gus Bradley's complete stupidity.
Here's what I'd like to suggest: I feel like Jacksonville's starting quarterback gig should be put to a vote. All Jaguar fans should be polled because Bradley has proven to be too incompetent to make the decision. And because I've lost so much money betting on the Jaguars these two weeks, I feel as though I should get a vote as well.
Vote Blake Bortles
Who's with me!?
29. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-2) - Previously: #25 - Matt McGuire posted a fantastic rant about the Buccaneers in the forum Sunday night. It's definitely worth reading if you're a Bucs' fan.
Meanwhile, I'm still wondering why the St. Louis-Tampa game began at 4:05. Hurr durr there are usually thunderstorms in Tampa during late afternoons in the summer so let's schedule a 4 p.m. start there in September hurr durr. Seriously, how do these people have jobs?
28. Kansas City Chiefs (0-2) - Previously: #24 - Too many injuries. Better luck next year.
On the bright side, it's time for more Andy Reid memes!
Last week: Perhaps here's the reason why Charles didn't get the ball:
This week: Some of the plays took a while to get in. Maybe this is why:
27. Pittsburgh Steelers (1-1) - Previously: #16 - Nine points in the previous six quarters. Unreal.
The Steelers don't score points, so I won't post words. Not my own, anyway. As you may have guessed, it's time for hate mail from the comment board at the bottom of the page. I was excited to see so many derp posts this week!
The Dolphins dominate your #4 team and only move up 1 spot. Are you retarded?
The proper term is mentally challenged. Much like your precious Dolphins looked at Buffalo this past Sunday.
Panthers lose one player of pertinence all offseason in Jordon Gross and you not only drop them 20 spots, but then after your crap "skillz" at being even a decent analyst are obviously exposed, instead of even remotely raising them to where the should justifiably be, top 12, a playoff team. You continue to crap on them. Well, I hope you enjoy the crow this year just like the crow you ate last year.
What crow? The Panthers were one and done in the playoffs, and they probably won't even get that far this year. Only lost "one piece of pertinence?" You swallow some glue before making that post?
So, the Bills don't get credit for beating the "crappy Bears." Are these the same Bears you had ranked 14th (as in: maybe a playoff team, maybe not) just 3 days ago? You do realize the Bills won on the road, right? Against starters?That I'm curious how low Inconsistent Walt will have the Bills after they're 2-0.
Why are you calling me "Inconsistent Walt?" I've been pretty consistent in always saying the Bills aren't any good. They're still not.
So the Dolphins dominate New England and Walt ranks New England #5 and Miami #14? You're a son even a father can't love.
Well, at least my mom's proud of me for not overreacting to Week 1 results.
Pyrrhic? I thought you just passed out on your keyboard.
I'll admit that I had a bit too much to drink while typing that.
wow�moved Seattle back to one so quickly? You spent the offseason uplifting SF because "Crabtree now healthy" and Seattle "lose to many parts - not determined now they've won the SB"�.when if you actually realized Harvin is now healthy and Seattle is more determined to win a 2nd one�stating as such the moment after they won in Feb�.seriously man, you spread yourself too thin on this site�.it all suffers.
You're complaining because I moved the Seahawks from No. 2 to No. 1? So, if I didn't "spread myself thin" - whatever the hell that means - I would've just kept them at No. 1? Are you out of your mind?
Falcons offense is dangerous with everyone healthy. Get ready to bump them up your rankings next week despite having crappy defense.
Yeah, I'll definitely be bumping them up after that great performance at Cincinnati. Ten points 0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o!!!
26. Tennessee Titans (1-1) - Previously: #19 - Got this text from Matvei yesterday as well:
Terrible news: "Jake Locker" is Jake Delhomme's married name.
That would actually explain quite a lot.
25. Dallas Cowboys (1-1) - Previously: #29 - I enjoyed this joke I heard during the offseason:
Where did Rod Marinelli take Henry Melton to dinner while recruiting him to come to the Cowboys?
Where he can get experience working for a clown: McDonald's.
24. Washington Redskins (1-1) - Previously: #30 - I found this picture on Twitter:
Unfortunately for the Eagles, Kirk Cousins doesn't look like he's about to blow his head off with a shotgun.
23. New York Jets (1-1) - Previously: #26 - I moved the Vikings into the bottom 10 before the announcement came that Adrian Peterson would be reinstated. Peterson is back, and thus, the Jets remain in the bottom 10 despite their impressive performance at Green Bay.
I just had to interview Roger Goodell about everything that went on this past week. Luckily, he had time to sit down with me. Here's the transcript:
Me: Hey Roger, thanks for agreeing to the interview.
Goodell: No problem, Walt. You do great work even though you make fun of me almost every week.
Me: Thanks! So, will Adrian Peterson be suspended for abusing his child?
Goodell: Nope. I never saw the video.
Me: Why do you need to see the video though? You know what happened.
Goodell: No, I don't. I have no idea how warm it was during that afternoon in Texas... when I was sharpening that tree branch. It was nice and sharp. Someone was getting beaten hard with it. And then Adrian came along, and I knew it was meant for him to use. See, if there was a video, I would know all of that.
Me: Yeah... wait, what?
Goodell: If I didn't see the video, how did I know that Adrian was wearing his pink polo shirt that day? How would I know that he had something stuck in between his teeth? Had I seen the video, I wouldn't have known any of that.
Me: But you do know all of that...
Goodell: Right, so I clearly haven't seen the video. Just like I didn't see the video of Ray Rice. I have no idea what happened. Maybe he punched her, maybe he didn't. Maybe I held the elevator door for him, maybe I didn't.
Me: But haven't you seen the TMZ video of Rice punching his fiancee?
Goodell: Nope, the people working for me never passed it on to me. If I had seen the video, I wouldn't have known that he knocked her out in a single blow. I also wouldn't know that Rice reeked of alcohol that night. Vodka, to be exact. I smelled it on his breath as I held the door for him. See, Walt, it's impossible for me to know all of this!
Me: Uhh... so are you admitting that you made Peterson's switch and helped Rice beat up his wife?
Goodell: No, that's just silly, Walt. I would've needed to see the video for that to happen, and the people working for me never showed me the videos, so I have zero clue about what happened.
Me: Hmm... well, I feel like I've learned a lot today.
Goodell: Have you? Oh, Greg Hardy?
Hardy: Yes, boss?
Goodell: Come here please and beat Walt up. Just remember that I never saw this because no one showed me the video!
NFL Power Rankings: The Rest: 11. Carolina Panthers (2-0). Previously: #17
12. Indianapolis Colts (0-2). Previously: #7
13. Detroit Lions (1-1). Previously: #11
14. Atlanta Falcons (1-1). Previously: #13
15. Baltimore Ravens (1-1). Previously: #20
16. Minnesota Vikings (1-1). Previously: #15
17. St. Louis Rams (1-1). Previously: #18
18. Houston Texans (2-0). Previously: #21
19. Chicago Bears (1-1). Previously: #22
20. Buffalo Bills (2-0). Previously: #28
21. Cleveland Browns (1-1). Previously: #27
22. Miami Dolphins (1-1). Previously: #14
Something new this year - I'm keeping track of precise run defense, pass defense and pass protection rankings in Excel. The benefit to this is that it'll be broken down by week. Here are the download links: