Updated: Oct. 16
San Francisco 49ers (1-5) - Previously: 32.
Is C.J. Beathard the greatest quarterback of all time? Seriously. He couldn't be stopped against the Packers, as he and the offense averaged 10 yards per play in the opening half. The only team that averaged 10 yards per play in a game this year was the Rams over the Vikings in a Week 4 Thursday night victory.
So, yes, Beathard is the best quarterback of all time. He's amazing. I mean, sure, he couldn't score at all against a mediocre Arizona defense, but whatever.
Oakland Raiders (1-5) - Previously: 29.
I saw someone on NFL Network ask the question, "Who's to blame for the Raiders' 1-5 start," and someone answered, "Jon Gruden."
I don't think there's anyone to blame. The Raiders are clearly building for the future. They have four first-round picks over the next two years. They're in re-building mode, so what does it matter if they're 1-5? If anything, it'll help them long term. They're set up well with two first-round picks for Khalil Mack, and I think they'll be competitive by the time they get to Vegas.
Arizona Cardinals (1-5) - Previously: 31.
Josh Rosen played very well in his first start despite losing to the Seahawks. However, Rosen has taken a step backward the past two games. Still, he'll have a good chance to get his first home victory of his career with a battle against the Broncos coming up. Denver has serious problems winning on the road, so check out Vance Joseph's track record in away contests below.
Buffalo Bills (2-4) - Previously: 30.
True story: Nathan Peterman told his team "I got this!" and then proceeded to throw a game-losing pick-six. You can't make this stuff up.
Does anyone find it a coincidence that Peterman did this right after Derek Anderson was signed? Hmm... I think you know what time it is!
The Adventures of Derek Anderson's Magic Flask!
Josh Allen: Ouch! Ouch! I hurt my arm. I think I'm done for the afternoon. Will someone please lead us to victory without me?
Sean McDermott: Nathan, you're up.
LeSean McCoy: No, not Nathan Peterman, coach! Anyone but Nathan Peterman!
Charles Clay: Oh God, we're going to lose!
Sean McDermott: Nonsense, Nathan has looked great in practice. I actually considered starting him today. What great throws in practice! Nathan, are you ready?
Nathan Peterman: I got this!
Sean McDermott: Nathan, before you go into the game, talk to Derek Anderson. He's here to mentor you young quarterbacks!
Nathan Peterman: OK. Derek, do you have any advice?
Charles Clay: Welp, at least he looked good in practice.
New York Giants (1-5) - Previously: 27.
It's time to sit Eli Manning. He's done. He's been done for years, and everyone has known this, save for the idiots who attacked his benching last year. And Manning must be benched now. The Giants must find out what they have in Kyle Lauletta before they spend the top-overall pick in the 2019 NFL Draft on Oregon quarterback Justin Herbert, which is what I have happening in my 2019 NFL Mock Draft.
(That said, I think Manning's going to have a great game Monday night at Atlanta.)
Denver Broncos (2-4) - Previously: 22.
Oh, Vance Joseph. You had the fans so excited when you had Chad Kelly take a knee prior to halftime. But only you could crush their spirits by re-inserting Case Keenum into the game.
Also, the Broncos play on the road this week, so I'd like to once again post Joseph's road track record:
1-8 straight up, 1-8 against the spread.
Denver's sole road victory under Joseph has been at Indianapolis in Week 15 last year when the Jacoby Brissett-led Colts were playing a Thursday game coming off a grueling overtime battle against Buffalo. Indianapolis was competitive early, but simply ran out of gas
The Broncos have been outscored by an average margin of 27.8-14.6 on the road. In fact, only one of their eight losses has been decided by single digits, which was a 21-14 defeat at Oakland last year.
Indianapolis Colts (1-5) - Previously: 24.
What I wrote last week still applies: "It's so hard to rank the Colts right now. They just have so many injuries, and it's unclear who will be available in Week 6." Make that Week 7.
It's amazing how many drops the Colts have. They dropped 12 total passes in two games heading into the Jets contest, and yet they had two drops versus New York that turned into interceptions. The Colts had seven drops in total. That means, they've dropped 19 passes the past three weeks. NINETEEN! This team is a mess, but won't be nearly as bad when T.Y. Hilton and some of the other key players return to the field.
New York Jets (3-3) - Previously: 28.
The Jets have put together two nice wins, but before New York fans get too optimistic, let's not forget that the victories came at home against two teams (Denver, Indianapolis) with a combined record of 3-9. Still, it's worth noting that aside from one pass in which he panicked, Sam Darnold played a good game.
Detroit Lions (2-3) - Previously: 26.
The Lions were 2-3 heading into their bye. That sounds nice, until you consider that their two wins were against the sleepwalking Patriots, who didn't try at all against them, and the Packers, who whiffed on 13 points worth of kicks via Mason Crosby. I'm not sure if the public buys into them yet, especially considering that there's no spread posted yet on the Miami-Detroit game. What I do know is that the Lions' win over the Packers looks MUCH worse after the 49ers' dominance at Lambeau on Monday night.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-3) - Previously: 19.
"The Buccaneers are in rough shape. I know they're 2-2, but three of their next four games are against the Falcons, Bengals and Panthers, with two of those contests being on the road. The lone exception in that span is Cleveland, and even that's not an easy game. The defense is abysmal, so the Buccaneers could easily be 2-6 in four weeks."
Welp, they're 2-3 right now. The good news for the Buccaneers is that they could be battling an injured Baker Mayfield this upcoming Sunday, as Mayfield was limping around pretty badly against the Chargers.
Seattle Seahawks (3-3) - Previously: 23.
You could make a case for the Seahawks to appear as an overrated team in the Overrated-Underrated page as well. They clobbered the Raiders, who suck, and they played a close battle against the Rams, but Los Angeles didn't bring its "A" game, especially when considering that two of its three best receivers were knocked out with concussions prior to halftime. The Seahawks still have major problems, and I continue to feel confident about my under 8 wins wager I have on them.
Houston Texans (3-3) - Previously: 21.
The Texans are such a weird team. You could make the case that they could be 5-1 right now, had they not made mistakes against the Titans and Giants. Conversely, they could just as easily be 0-6 as well. I think they're a bit better than their 3-3 record indicates, but Bill O'Brien's incompetence is really weighing them down. Deshaun Watson's questionable health isn't helping.
Miami Dolphins (4-2) - Previously: 20.
Let's not overreact to Miami's win over Chicago. The Dolphins got the Bears in a rough spot, as Chicago's defense melted on the field in 100-degree heat and humidity. Had the Bears just taken care of the ball in the second half, they would've won.
Anyway, I thought Adam Gase's press conference following the Chicago game was interesting. Gase seemed very frustrated that Tannehill couldn't play, and he even snapped at a reporter, "I'm tired of answering questions about him."
There's no line on the Dolphins-Lions game right now because of Tannehill's status, but based on how Gase reacted, I wouldn't be surprised if Brock Osweiler is named the starter even if Tannehill is healthy!
Atlanta Falcons (2-4) - Previously: 17.
Given the amount of public action on the Falcons in Week 7, I was ready to put them in the overrated-underrated page, but then I realized that it could just be a fade of the Giants.
Still, people shouldn't read much into Atlanta's win over the Buccaneers. Those were just two bad teams with utterly horrible defenses battling each other. The Falcons can't stop anyone, so it wouldn't surprise me if Eli Manning has his best game of the season next week.
Cleveland Browns (2-3-1) - Previously: 15.
I'm not moving the Browns down very far in these NFL power rankings. Baker Mayfield suffered an injury in the first quarter when he tripped over the first down marker. He took three consecutive sacks immediately after that and couldn't move around well the rest of the afternoon. The Browns struggled to maintain drives as a result, and they ended up getting blown out. If Mayfield can recover, the Browns should be able to bounce back, but he'll need to be 100 percent against the Buccaneers in a potential shootout.
By the way, why does the NFL still have first-down markers? NBC can calculate how long field goals will go, and yet we still need first-down markers? Get the f**k out of here. The NFL has had the technology to put chips in the ball for more than a decade now, and yet they keep slacking on it and keep everything antiquated. How sweet would it be if we knew precisely where a player was down, or if a player is out of bounds because of a chip in the ball? The game would be so much smoother. The NFL really needs to get its s**t together.
Green Bay Packers (3-2-1) - Previously: 14.
I have a small list of needs for the Packers in the 2019 NFL Draft:
Retirement home for Clay Matthews
Cincinnati Bengals (4-2) - Previously: 6.
I think it's important to note that the Bengals haven't been the same since losing Tyler Eifert in the Atlanta game. Their offense just hasn't been as potent. In fact, it wasn't even as potent versus the Falcons! In the five drives following the Eifert injury, they went punt, punt, turnover, field goal, then touchdown at the end. This was a game in which they hadn't punted before the Eifert injury. In fact, they barely even got to third downs, as they had just three of them prior to the Eifert injury in the third quarter!
Furthermore, Cincinnati lost Nick Vigil early against Pittsburgh. Vigil is a good coverage linebacker, and the Bengals couldn't cover Vance McDonald after he left the game.
Jacksonville Jaguars (3-3) - Previously: 11.
A live look at Jalen Ramsey when asked why he criticized Dak Prescott and not his own quarterback:
Anyway, I'm not ready to really downgrade the Jaguars just yet. For some reason, they just didn't put any effort into the Dallas game. I suspect they'll try harder in subsequent games. Now, if they struggle to beat the Texans, then I'll consider dropping them in these NFL power rankings.
Baltimore Ravens (4-2) - Previously: 8.
I still don't think losing to the Browns, especially in Cleveland with all the possums running around, is anything to be ashamed of anymore. And I still believe that, even in the wake of the Browns' blowout loss to the Chargers, as Baker Mayfield got hurt in the first quarter and was ineffective for the rest of the game.
Baltimore, meanwhile, bounced back very nicely with a win at Tennessee racking up an absurd 11 sacks. I think we'll find out just how good the Ravens are when they take on the Saints, who are already a huge public dog.
Philadelphia Eagles (3-3) - Previously: 5.
The Eagles rebounded well, but there are still some concerns on the offensive line. Jason Peters looks done, while Lane Johnson is obviously very banged up. Two pieces of good news: The nine days off should help Johnson heal, while the Eagles have a very promising rookie left tackle in Jordan Mailata. I'm wondering if the Eagles will use the extra time off to prepare Mailata to take over for Peters.
New Orleans Saints (5-1) - Previously: 4.
The Saints looked amazing last Monday night, but let's not forget the fact that they hit the Redskins with a maelstrom, as all of the players had so much energy to help Drew Brees set the all-time passing record. Their defense remains a concern, but perhaps the bye will allow the coaching staff to make some adjustments.
(And by the way, by the time Sunday rolls around, it'll be a month since the Rams have covered the spread in any game.)
Kansas City Chiefs (5-1) - Previously: 2.
There's no shame in losing to the Patriots in Foxboro, especially given that the Chiefs were missing their top two defensive players, Eric Berry and Justin Houston. The latter should be back soon, which will provide a huge boost. I'm not so sure about Berry, but if he can get on the field this year, that'll be huge.
Still, it won't be enough, so I'd like to recommend that the Chiefs trade for Patrick Peterson. Arizona is reportedly shopping Peterson, and he would be a great replacement for the departed Marcus Peters.
New England Patriots (4-2) - Previously: 1.
The Patriots validated my No. 1 ranking of them last week, beating the Chiefs despite a crazy comeback by Patrick Mahomes. The game went down to the wire, but let's not forgot that New England was up 24-9 at halftime. The Patriots slowed down after that when they lost their right tackle.
Bill Belichick, as usual, was up to his old tricks...