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Week of June 13 Wrap

Monday Night Matchup


The top three potential replacements for John Madden on Monday Night Football.

NBC took Sunday Night Football away from ESPN when they agreed to terms with the NFL this spring. Now, NBC will be taking John Madden away from Monday Night Football. Madden agreed to a 6-year deal to be NBC’s color commentator for their NFL coverage starting in 2006.

If Al Michaels does not join Madden in the booth for Sunday Night Football, and remains the play-by-play announcer for Monday Night Football, he will need a worthy partner. It’s safe to say that it will not be Madden, because he hates flying, and would never make it on time via Madden cruiser.

Below is my list of color commentators who would best succeed Madden as Michaels’ partner.

1. Charles Barkley: I’m not exactly sure how much Barkley knows about football, but I don’t care. I’m sure he knows what a first down is. Is there a more entertaining sports personality on television than Barkley? When he talks, everyone listens, whether they agree or disagree. Plus, Barkley would never be afraid to criticize any player or team, especially since he doesn’t have to stay loyal to anyone, unlike former NFL players and coaches. When ABC was looking for someone funny and hired Dennis Miller, they should have hired Barkley instead.

2. Chris Berman: Yeah, I know. He’s not a color commentator. He’s a play-by-play announcer. I know. And I don’t care. Berman knows enough about football to be the analyst in the booth. I think we would all look forward to hearing the Boomer-isms on Monday night. “Marshall, Marshall, Marshall!” would be blasting on television sets across America. The only clause is that Berman would have to keep doing NFL Primetime with Tom Jackson.

3. John Gruden: If Tampa Bay has another losing record, there is a good chance that Gruden will be fired. If so, he should join Michaels in the Monday Night booth. Gruden would offer a good mix of knowledge and entertainment -- I would watch just to see what he has to say about certain players or coaches. He would at least have to give the viewing audience some of his patented glares. Michaels would start joking about how Gruden has to wake up in a few hours -- he reportedly wakes up at 3:17 a.m. -- and Gruden would stare down Michaels because he would realize that he is only going to get two hours of rest. Priceless.

4. Bill Parcells: I list Parcells below Gruden because I think he will remain with the Cowboys after this season. Parcells worked for Sunday NFL Countdown for a few years, and was very entertaining. He knows football as much as anyone, and isn’t afraid to criticize certain players and coaches.

5. Mike Martz: There is a very good chance that Martz will be fired after this season. If so, he should be considered for the Monday Night job, only because I know the following conversation would occur:

Martz: They should have thrown the ball.
Michaels: But it was third and one, and their third-string quarterback is in the game.
Martz: Yeah, but they should have thrown the ball.
Michaels: But their quarterback is 1 for 7 for two yards and three interceptions.
Martz: Yeah, but they should have thrown the ball.
Michaels: How were you a coach for so long?
Martz: I would have thrown the ball.

6. Tom Jackson: Only if Jackson continues to do NFL Primetime with Chris Berman.

7. Ron Jaworski: Only if Merrill Hodge does not follow Jaworski into the booth -- and leaves ESPN all together.

8. Tony Kornheiser: The PTI host said he tried out for Monday Night Football and was beaten out by Dennis Miller. Ouch. I don’t know if Kornheiser was serious or not, but ESPN should consider him. He is obviously opinionated and has no loyalties to any players or coaches. Of course, Kornheiser should continue to do PTI, so maybe he shouldn’t get the gig after all.

9. Tony Siragusa: He’s funny and knows a lot about football. He would be a good fit for Monday Night Football, assuming Goose could actually fit into the booth. Michaels would probably have to squeeze into a corner.

10. Dave Chappelle: His coverage of the racial draft on the Chappelle Show was great, so he has to be a candidate. The downside? He might flee to a tent across the world the night before a game. I think we’re all waiting for the third season of the Chappelle Show.

Let’s skip ahead…

45,203. Joe Theismann: I know what ESPN is thinking. They will move Mike Patrick and Theismann into the booth if Michaels joins Madden on NBC. They cannot, under any circumstances, let Theismann near the booth. He’s terrible, but there are worse broadcasters…

346,348. Bill Maas: Do you really want a sonnet about how great Jake Plummer is? I didn’t think so.

502,863. Jerry Glanville: If I want to hear a goofy old guy laugh about nothing, I'll attend one of my family reunions. I don't need to hear this on Monday Night Football.

2,834,772. Count Chocula: I only list the Count to point out that he is ahead of other candidates. Actually, there are a few positives to the Count being in the booth. He has a pretty cool accent and he wouldn’t be afraid of criticizing anyone because he’s a vampire. Plus, Michaels would be happy, because he’d get all the cereal he wants. Actually, Chocula should be ahead of Theismann, Maas and Glanville. What was I thinking?

92,483,641. Neil Everett: You know when you hear someone’s voice and you cringe? The perfect example of this is listening to Fran Drescher. Everett is the new Fran Drescher, except he’s not a semi-decent-looking woman. Everett unequivocally has the most annoying voice on television right now.

5,555,555,554. My dog, Diana: Only because she’s better than…

5,555,555,555. Dennis Miller: If he’s on Monday Night Football ever again -- even as a guest -- I’m never watching it as long as it exists.




2014: Live 2014 NFL Draft Blog - May 8
2014 NFL Week 1 Recap - Sept. 5
2014 NFL Week 2 Recap - Sept. 12
2014 NFL Week 3 Recap - Sept. 19
2014 NFL Week 4 Recap - Sept. 26
2014 NFL Week 5 Recap - Oct. 3
2014 NFL Week 6 Recap - Oct. 10
2014 NFL Week 7 Recap - Oct. 17
2014 NFL Week 8 Recap - Oct. 24
2014 NFL Week 9 Recap - Oct. 31


2013: Live 2013 NFL Draft Blog - April 26
2013 NFL Week 1 Recap - Sept. 10
2013 NFL Week 2 Recap - Sept. 17
2013 NFL Week 3 Recap - Sept. 24
2013 NFL Week 4 Recap - Oct. 1
2013 NFL Week 5 Recap - Oct. 8
2013 NFL Week 6 Recap - Oct. 15
2013 NFL Week 7 Recap - Oct. 22
2013 NFL Week 8 Recap - Oct. 29
2013 NFL Week 9 Recap - Nov. 4
2013 NFL Week 10 Recap - Nov. 11
2013 NFL Week 11 Recap - Nov. 18
2013 NFL Week 12 Recap - Nov. 25
2013 NFL Week 13 Recap - Dec. 2
2013 NFL Week 14 Recap - Dec. 9
2013 NFL Week 15 Recap - Dec. 16
2013 NFL Week 16 Recap - Dec. 23
2013 NFL Week 17 Recap - Dec. 30
2013 NFL Week 18 Recap - Jan. 6
2013 NFL Week 19 Recap - Jan. 13
2013 NFL Week 20 Recap - Jan. 20
Super Bowl XLVIII Recap - Feb. 3
Super Bowl XLVIII Live Blog - Feb. 2


2012: Live 2012 NFL Draft Blog - April 26
2012 NFL Week 1 Recap - Sept. 10
2012 NFL Week 2 Recap - Sept. 17
2012 NFL Week 3 Recap - Sept. 24
2012 NFL Week 4 Recap - Oct. 1
2012 NFL Week 5 Recap - Oct. 8
2012 NFL Week 6 Recap - Oct. 15
2012 NFL Week 7 Recap - Oct. 22
2012 NFL Week 8 Recap - Oct. 29
2012 NFL Week 9 Recap - Nov. 5
2012 NFL Week 10 Recap - Nov. 12
2012 NFL Week 11 Recap - Nov. 19
2012 NFL Week 12 Recap - Nov. 26
2012 NFL Week 13 Recap - Dec. 3
2012 NFL Week 14 Recap - Dec. 10
2012 NFL Week 15 Recap - Dec. 17
2012 NFL Week 16 Recap - Dec. 24
2012 NFL Week 17 Recap - Dec. 31
2012 NFL Week 18 Recap - Jan. 7
2012 NFL Week 19 Recap - Jan. 14
2012 NFL Week 20 Recap - Jan. 21
Super Bowl XLVII Recap - Feb. 4
Super Bowl XLVII Live Blog - Feb. 4


2011: Live 2011 NFL Draft Blog - April 28
2011 NFL Week 1 Recap - Sept. 12
2011 NFL Week 2 Recap - Sept. 19
2011 NFL Week 3 Recap - Sept. 26
2011 NFL Week 4 Recap - Oct. 3
2011 NFL Week 5 Recap - Oct. 10
2011 NFL Week 6 Recap - Oct. 17
2011 NFL Week 7 Recap - Oct. 24
2011 NFL Week 8 Recap - Oct. 31
2011 NFL Week 9 Recap - Nov. 7
2011 NFL Week 10 Recap - Nov. 14
2011 NFL Week 11 Recap - Nov. 21
2011 NFL Week 12 Recap - Nov. 28
2011 NFL Week 13 Recap - Dec. 5
2011 NFL Week 14 Recap - Dec. 12
2011 NFL Week 15 Recap - Dec. 19
2011 NFL Week 16 Recap - Dec. 26
2011 NFL Week 17 Recap - Jan. 2
2011 NFL Week 18 Recap - Jan. 9
2011 NFL Week 19 Recap - Jan. 16
2011 NFL Week 20 Recap - Jan. 23
Super Bowl XLVI Live Blog - Feb. 6


2010: Live 2010 NFL Draft Blog - April 22
2010 Hall of Fame Game Live Blog - Aug. 8
2010 NFL Kickoff Live Blog - Sept. 9
2010 NFL Week 1 Review - Sept. 13
2010 NFL Week 2 Review - Sept. 20
2010 NFL Week 3 Review - Sept. 27
2010 NFL Week 4 Review - Oct. 4
2010 NFL Week 5 Review - Oct. 11
2010 NFL Week 6 Review - Oct. 18
2010 NFL Week 7 Review - Oct. 25
2010 NFL Week 8 Review - Nov. 1
2010 NFL Week 9 Review - Nov. 8
2010 NFL Week 10 Review - Nov. 15
2010 NFL Week 11 Review - Nov. 22
2010 NFL Week 12 Review - Nov. 29
2010 NFL Week 13 Review - Dec. 6
2010 NFL Week 14 Review - Dec. 13
2010 NFL Week 15 Review - Dec. 20
2010 NFL Week 16 Review - Dec. 27
2010 NFL Week 17 Review - Jan. 3
2010 NFL Week 18 Review - Jan. 10
2010 NFL Week 19 Review - Jan. 17
2010 NFL Week 19 Review - Jan. 24
Super Bowl XLV Live Blog - Feb. 6


2009: Live 2009 NFL Draft Blog - April 25
2009 Hall of Fame Game Live Blog - Aug. 10
2009 NFL Kickoff Live Blog - Sept. 10
2009 NFL Week 1 Review - Sept. 14
2009 NFL Week 2 Review - Sept. 21
2009 NFL Week 3 Review - Sept. 28
2009 NFL Week 4 Review - Oct. 5
2009 NFL Week 5 Review - Oct. 12
2009 NFL Week 6 Review - Oct. 19
2009 NFL Week 7 Review - Oct. 26
2009 NFL Week 8 Review - Nov. 2
2009 NFL Week 9 Review - Nov. 9
2009 NFL Week 10 Review - Nov. 16
2009 NFL Week 11 Review - Nov. 23
2009 NFL Week 12 Review - Nov. 30
2009 NFL Week 13 Review - Dec. 6
2009 NFL Week 14 Review - Dec. 13
2009 NFL Week 15 Review - Dec. 20
2009 NFL Week 16 Review - Dec. 27
2009 NFL Week 17 Review - Jan. 4
2009 NFL Week 18 Review - Jan. 11
2009 NFL Week 19 Review - Jan. 18
2009 NFL Week 20 Review - Jan. 25
Super Bowl XLIV Live Blog - Feb. 7


2008: Live 2008 NFL Draft Blog - April 26
2008 NFL Kickoff Blog - Sept. 4
NFL Week 1 Review - Sept. 8
NFL Week 2 Review - Sept. 15
NFL Week 3 Review - Sept. 22
NFL Week 4 Review - Sept. 29
NFL Week 5 Review - Oct. 6
NFL Week 6 Review - Oct. 13
NFL Week 7 Review - Oct. 20
NFL Week 8 Review - Oct. 27
NFL Week 9 Review - Nov. 3
NFL Week 10 Review - Nov. 10
NFL Week 11 Review - Nov. 17
NFL Week 12 Review - Nov. 24
NFL Week 13 Review - Dec. 1
NFL Week 14 Review - Dec. 8
NFL Week 15 Review - Dec. 15
NFL Week 16 Review - Dec. 22
NFL Week 17 Review - Dec. 29
NFL Wild Card Playoffs Review - Jan. 4
NFL Divisional Playoffs Review - Jan. 11
NFL Championship Sunday Review - Jan. 19
Super Bowl XLIII Live Blog


2007: NFL Draft: Day 1 Review Blog - April 28
Quarterback Rankings - June 25
NFL Kickoff Blog - Sept. 6
Chief Carl Has Lost a Step - Sept. 9
The NFL Cheated the Patriots - Sept. 16
NFL Week 3 Wrap-Up - Sept. 23
NFL Week 4 Wrap-Up - Sept. 30
NFL Week 5 Wrap-Up - Oct. 7
NFL Week 6 Wrap-Up - Oct. 14
NFL Week 7 Wrap-Up - Oct. 21
NFL Week 8 Wrap-Up - Oct. 28
NFL Week 9 Wrap-Up - Nov. 4
NFL Week 10 Wrap-Up - Nov. 11
NFL Week 11 Wrap-Up - Nov. 18
NFL Week 12 Wrap-Up - Nov. 25
NFL Week 13 Wrap-Up - Dec. 2
NFL Week 14 Wrap-Up - Dec. 9
NFL Week 15 Wrap-Up - Dec. 16
NFL Week 16 Wrap-Up - Dec. 23
NFL Week 17 Wrap-Up - Dec. 30
NFL Week 18 Wrap-Up - Jan. 6
NFL Week 19 Wrap-Up - Jan. 13
2008 Championship Sunday Diary - Jan. 20
Super Bowl XLII Live Blog - Feb. 3


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