2015 Hall of Fame Game Live Blog

My Thoughts During the 2015 Hall of Fame Game Live Blog – Live Updates

What is this? I’ll be posting my thoughts during the Steelers-Vikings game here. That will include everything from the actual game, to the TV personalities, to the commercials, etc. Anything goes. This page will be updated every five minutes or so Sunday evening, so I hope you join me for the first NFL game in six months. Football’s back.

Feel free to post your thoughts in the comments below.

7:59: The live blog is underway! It’s starting a bit later than I wanted it to because I was grading the Lavonte David extension.

8:01: For the billionth year in a row, I have to voice my displeasure about NBC’s decision not to have a pre-game show before the Hall of Fame Game. Instead of football analysis, they had a sitcom where Daryl from the Office was some teacher. I watched the entire thing, and it was awful. I’m going to have nightmares about it.

8:02: Seriously, the plot of this episode was that Daryl knew a British rock star who spoke to his class, but only because he wanted to sleep with the principal, who was a former groupie of his. The principal did drugs and banged this rock star, but was re-hired when Daryl sang for her in some bar. Daryl’s career has gone downhill a bit since the Office ended.

8:04: But really, why didn’t any channel have a pre-game show. I would’ve even been willing to watch Bill Polian drool for 30 minutes. Come on, ESPN, get your act together and stop showing boring baseball.

8:08: I could have used a pre-game show because I completely forgot who was being enshrined into the Hall of Fame this year. I was sincerely shocked that Jerome Bettis was one of the inductees. I always liked Bettis, but he never seemed like a Hall of Fame-caliber player to me.

8:09: Ugh. The Olympics are in a year? Can we cancel them already? And why is Michelle Tafoya covering swimming in Russia? Is anyone on this planet even paying attention to that? I guarantee this Hall of Fame Game will draw 1,000 times more viewers. Leave it to NBC to do something dumb.

8:11: I also forgot that Dick LeBeau is no longer on the Steelers. It was stupid to get rid of him. They should’ve kept him around forever. Even after he died – they could just haul his corpse out and put a headset on it.

8:12: I never got that. Why do players wear uniforms if they’re not going to play? Seems like a waste of time. And don’t say it’s in case of an emergency. If all the Vikings’ running backs go down tonight, will Mike Zimmer insert Adrian Peterson? Of course not.

8:13: Football!!!

8:14: Who the hell is this Stingly person? Why did the Steelers even bother showing up to this game if they’re going to play bums?

8:15: False start on third-and-10! A predictable screen! This Landry Jones offense sure looks explosive.

8:16: Teddy Bridgewater on the field. I’ll be keeping track of all the quarterbacks’ targets this preseason, as usual.

8:17: Kyle Rudolph is alive!

8:18: I’m terrified that Teddy Bridgewater is going to get hurt every time he scrambles. So fragile.

8:19: And Mike Wallace does something worthless, as usual. At least he didn’t walk off the field and quit on his teammates after that play.

8:20: “The Vikings picked up Charles Johnson off the Cleveland practice squad.” Nice job, Browns.

8:22: Ugh, Vikings go for it on fourth down and fail on a predictable run. I like going for it, but why run when Adrian Peterson’s not on the field? Let Bridgewater do something.

8:24: As a Vikings’ bettor tonight, if we don’t get at least six turnovers from Landry Jones, I’ll be disappointed. He is terrible.

8:25: Umm… what the hell? Landry Jones completed a forward pass. He’s never done that before.

8:27: I’m glad Tim Brown finally got into the Hall of Fame. He was a star receiver on many of my fantasy teams. In fact, I think he was on my first-ever fantasy team along with John Elway.

8:30: For those not paying attention, the Vikings are now using their second-string defense, which would explain how Dri Archer picked up a third-and-14.

8:31: I’m surprised the Steelers didn’t get credited for the first down. I’m actually more shocked that Landry Jones completed a second forward pass. Someone needs to test him for steroids because I’ve lost a lot of money on Jones and his horrible quarterbacking over the years.

8:33: Oooohhh a new show called Blindspot. Can’t wait until NBC cancels it in November!

8:35: If we’ve learned anything from this game, it’s that the Vikings are going to be in deep trouble if they sustain some defensive injuries this year. The fact that their second string can’t stop bums like Jones (albeit with steroids), Stingly and Archer has to be quite disconcerting.

8:37: With horrible Toyota Jan commercials on now, I need to mention that I’m exhausted. I had my birthday party at my house last night, and some people ended up leaving at 5:30. Oh, and there was vomit in my bed, so I had to sleep on my couch. Much more in Jerks of the Week after my Vegas entries.

8:38: Fumble! Hope this stands.

8:40: A third Blindspot commercial? NBC is really pushing for this show to be canceled in late November instead of early November.

8:41: Mr. Robinson! That’s the horrible show with Daryl I was telling you about. It’s a primetime show? Holy crap, NBC is awful.

8:42: The Vikings need to rethink this whole “Mike Kafka is our backup” thing. He’s pretty bad, though it goes along with the theme of the Minnesota reserves being crappy.

8:43: Oh, awesome, a concert to go along with the return of football. Because football fans love hip new music.

8:44: Blair Walsh whiffs, knowing his Steelers +3 bet is secure.

8:45: Hey, that’s cool, the guy’s name is tattooed on the Blindspot chick’s back.

8:46: Heroes Reborn!!! I just wet myself. Oh, and yeah, binge watch, but don’t watch Season 4, which was a disaster area.

8:47: Comment from below:

Seriously???? Blogging this @#$@? Get a life, SON. Go get laid!!

Uhh… I did like six hours ago. My girlfriend moved into my house. Why don’t you get a life rather than commenting on a preseason live blog, bro?

8:49: NBC advertising a fantasy football site. Sure, go to them if you want to pay to read about how Toby Gerhart is an RB2. Or you can use this site or other resources that happen to be free. Not much of a choice.

8:51: Someone needs to give Landry Jones’ steroids to Mike Kafka. I don’t think he’s going to complete a pass longer than two yards.

8:52: Why the hell is Ryan Shazier still playing? What if he gets hurt? Mike Tomlin will look like an idiot if that happens.

8:53: Comment from my editor about the previous “get laid” comment:

“keep posting comments jerry; pay the WF, inc. bank acct :P”

8:54: This No Escape movie should be a reminder to all Americans that we should never, ever leave our country.

8:56: Ugh, one-handed catches by guys named Phillips. This is not going to end well.

8:57: Chill out with the roids, Landry. You don’t want your throws to be too powerful.

8:59: Shaun Suisham bet on his own team, I see.

Steelers 3, Vikings 0

9:01: Cordarrelle Patterson’s career is going as planned, I see.

9:03: How are Peyton Manning and Andy Dalton “pretty good company?” Manning, sure, but Dalton? Viking fans will be pretty depressed if Bridgewater’s career evolves like Dalton’s has.

9:04: Mike Kafka completed a first down! It’s a miracle!

9:05: Speaking of miracles, Matt Asiata reversed field. Never thought I’d see that happen either.

9:07: Pretty cool that the Vikings can put together a “four-by-one” relay. That’ll be useful once their defensive starters get hurt.

9:08: Mike Kafka to MyCole Pruitt touchdown! Go Landry Jones steroids!

Vikings 7, Steelers 3

9:09: Wow… this is our new extra point? F*** you, Roger Goodell. You are horrible.

9:10: Comment from Steelers Pens Fan: “You know it’s gonna be a fun one if Walt is questioning if the players have bets this early.”

Oh, I always question players having bets. Always.

9:11: Glad Carrie Underwear is coming back this year. Tony Romo was pretty dumb to break up with her.

9:14: Sylar versus the guy from that show about the terrorists. Now this is a movie I can get behind.

9:15: I think Connor is about to get fired for watching football while on the job.

9:17: Trae Waynes sucks. He’s getting torched tonight.

9:18: When some teams told us that they didn’t have Waynes as their No. 1 cornerback, I was surprised. Now, not so much.

9:20: Going for it on fourth-and-1!

9:21: Jesse James drops a touchdown! Wow. Never have I been so happy about a Penn Stater doing something terrible.

9:22: Without NFL.com Fantasy Football, what would friends talk about? Umm… ESPN Fantasy Football? CBS Fantasy Football? Yahoo! Fantasy Football? I dunno.

9:24: Why in the world is Shazier still playing? This is VERY stupid.

9:25: Keith Butler: “Yeah! Yeah! Good job! They ran with a slow running back three times and we stopped them! Yeah! Good job! Go team!”

9:26: And now it’s halftime. Can’t wait for some more commercials about Blindspot.

9:27: Ha! Called it! WHY IS MY NAME TATTOOED ON HER BACK!? AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHY IS MY GOOGLE-PLUS ACCOUNT NAME TATTOOED ON HER BACK BELOW THAT!?

9:31: On that game in which Jerome Bettis made that tackle – I got SOOOO much hate mail for that. Back then, I wrote for the Centre Daily Times, and I had my own column, Walter’s Wide World of Sports. Earlier that week, I wrote that the Steelers had no chance to beat the Colts. Whoops. I learned a lesson that day. Well, two lessons. First, never say a team has no chance. Second, never bet on Peyton Manning in the playoffs.

9:34: I know this commercial is fake, but if they ever find a way to really create holograms of Jan, I may just end my life.

9:36: These Mr. Robinson commercials are just sad. “I can’t wait to funk it up with you.” That’s one of the best jokes they have. Think about that for a second.

9:37: So, if I’ve learned anything from NBC tonight, it’s that they have just four shows this fall:

Blindspot
Heroes Reborn
America’s Got Talent
Mr. Robinson

You know, NBC should be EXTREMELY thankful that they have a contract with the NFL; otherwise, no one would ever turn on that channel.

9:39: Second half underway! For the record, halftime was 12 minutes.

9:40: Taylor Heineken in at quarterback. I hope he starts somewhere some day so Chris Berman can incoherently shout, “And Taylor Heinicke chugs it down into the end zone!”

9:42: Vikings go four-and-out. Blegh.

9:43: For the millionth time, Bridgewater’s Pro Day had NOTHING to do with him dropping. Teams were already down on him, and we had reported it in advance. It’s amazing that these TV analysts keep lying to the public like this.

9:45: I swear, the downfall of the American civilization has begun with selfies.

9:46: Speaking of TV analysts lying, either Al Michaels or Cris Collinsworth noted that Mike Kafka was the No. 2 quarterback. That’s not true, as someone pointed out below. Shaun Hill is actually the backup. Sorry for repeating bad information.

9:47: Trae Waynes flagged again. He looks awful.

9:49: I’m shocked. The Vikings had three defensive plays without Waynes screwing up.

9:51: All this Mr. Robinson show is Daryl playing on his keyboard, apparently, because that’s what he did to rescue his school’s principal from the clutches of that British pop star. What bozo thought this show would be watched by anyone?

9:54: “Taylor Heinicke sacked… like a sack of potatoes… except that potatoes make vodka… and not beer… Tom, help me out here!” Ah, I miss NFL Primetime.

9:56: I can’t imagine how horrifying that Old Spice commercial would be while watching it high.

9:58: NBC has soccer, too! Makes for a great back-to-back with Mr. Robinson!

9:59: Jesse James is single-handedly ruining Pittsburgh’s chances of winning this game – despite Trae Waynes’ best efforts.

10:00: The whole Adrian Peterson thing was so stupid. He shouldn’t have been suspended more than four games. I don’t even think he should’ve gotten any punishment. Anyone who tries to tell someone else how to parent their own children is a complete a**hole.

10:01: Nice return by Stefon Diggs. Vikings down to the 1!

10:03: My girlfriend just walked into the office and looked at the TV. She caught a peek at the Viking jerseys and said, “Oooh, that’s a pretty blue color.” Hey, Vikings, you may want to think about going to a new purple hue so that you’re, you know, purple.

10:04: My editor on Diggs: “Well, he did what people thought he would do … and then he’ll be broken by Week 2.”

10:05: Why is there a baby for the NFL promo? NBC is being terrible again.

10:06: Are the officials that incompetent? How was that not placed inside the 1-yard line? Not like it matters anyway.

Vikings 14, Steelers 3

10:07: I have to say, I hate this new extra point rule, and I know for a fact that I will be screwed by it multiple times this year, but it does add an element of excitement.

10:08: NBC apparently has a fifth show. The Player. It’s going to be a good one because there’s a spade in one of the letters, and there’s a black guy who looks like Shannon Sharpe in it.

10:09: Ah, now we know why Bill Polian wasn’t drooling for a half hour on ESPN. He was inducted into the Hall of Fame. It all makes sense…

10:11: “Everybody knows Peyton, they’re not surprised that he’s here.” What does that mean? How does everyone know Peyton? Seriously, is his diary available online somewhere?

10:14: “And Taylor Heinicke drowns the Vikings’ chances by throwing into the Fogg! Tom! Isn’t that funny, Tom!?”

10:15: OK, cool, the Steelers have an identical interception. What a relief.

10:18: End of the third quarter. Fifteen more minutes to get screwed and suffer a bad beat.

10:19: I don’t like how there’s a new main character in Heroes Reborn. Couldn’t Matt Parkman be the main character? I know he’s gained 500 pounds, but still. Reading minds makes you hungry, apparently.

10:21: My editor just notified me that Shaun Suisham left the game with a knee injury. No word on how serious it is yet.

10:25: A comment from below:

Calling Waynes terrible because of the hall of game game is just sad. This whole cynical thing is just sad.

My response: Sorry! He’s having a great game!

Seriously, how dumb is that comment? I can’t say that Waynes is playing horribly? I never said he’s a sure-fire bust, but he’s having an awful night. There is zero debating that, but I guess that’s incorrect, according to some people.

10:28: The NBC announcers really are running out of material. The story of this Army Ranger guy is cool, and I hope he makes the roster, but the Steelers are not going to be designing plays for him anytime soon.

10:30: In what world is Kelvin Beachum better than Maurkice Pouncey? What is going on here?

10:34: A comment from below:

“Jesse James is making Limas Sweed look like Antonio Brown. Christ.”

He really is. And I’m grateful for it.

10:35: Kind of rude of Junior Seau not to show up to his own Hall of Fame induction ceremony.

(Kidding, of course)

10:37: Seven minutes left. Don’t screw this up, Vikes.

10:41: I think it’s stupid that these teams have to play five preseason games. They should both be off next weekend. That would give the coaches in the Hall of Fame Game more incentive to use their starters more, which would help NBC’s crappy ratings.

10:42: Nice job by these Landrover a**holes getting married on a rainy mountain in front of none of their guests. I’m sure the guests were pleased about that.

10:44: NBC has a sixth show: Best Time Ever, with Neil Patrick Harris. More like Worst Channel Ever.

10:45: Pass interference flag No. 38 on the Viking corners tonight.

10:49: I might be jinxing myself with this, but Landry Jones’ toss to that ref was one of his best throws of the night.

10:53: Call the FBI! There’s a coke addict with tattoos in the back in a random bag!

10:54: Serious take on Blindspot: I’m probably going to watch a couple of episodes, but I fear that NBC is making the same error it was guilty of with the Blacklist. It’s probably going to be a procedural where they solve a different tattoo on her body each week. Procedurals are terrible, and I don’t get how TV networks don’t understand this.

10:55: No. 1 fantasy site. Ha! Just like Kafka is the Vikings’ backup, right Michaels?

10:56: Victory formation! Congrats to all you fellow degenerates who bet the Vikings with me.

10:57: Thanks for reading my incoherent thoughts! I’ll have Fantasy Football Rankings updated later tonight, along with a game recap and updated stock reports.

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