Last update: Sometime in the month of 2013.
Next update: Who in God name would update the mark draft lot of time?
Emmitt Smith's 2013 NFL Mock Draft: Picks 1-16
I'm really glad Emmitt's on Twitter. Once in a while, I get to a read a tweet like, "Here come's Mr. Woods. He's on his game today.This."
The way the sentence just ends with the word "this." The way the word "come" becomes possessive. It just brings a smile to the faces of those who follow Emmitt, which is crucial in this dreary world we live in.
Unfortunately, it's not the same as having Emmitt on TV. And as I've vowed, until someone hires him, I'll continue to pump out these Emmitt Mocks.
This is what a 2013 NFL Mock Draft would look like if Emmitt Smith created one. This is satire, so don't take this seriously. But please read it - Emmitt put blood, sweat and cry into it.
My real 2013 NFL Mock Draft - Emmitt's 2012 Mock - Emmitt's 2011 Mock - Emmitt's 2010 Mock - Emmitt's 2009 Mock - Emmitt's 2008 Mock
| "This mark draft take me two month to build! That equal 12 month's!"
NFL Picks - Dec. 6
Pittsburgh Steelers: Jarvis Johnson, DE/OLB, Georgia
The Gata probably the best school in the universe, or even the state of Florida. But it do have swore enemy, and that is the Georgia college. The Georgia college is evil. The football player wear black and red color - and those color belong to the devil himselves. Why anybody want to be association with the guy who live in the under the ground and jam the big fork in your backside do not make sense.
Jarvis Johnson very evil but he also very good player, even though it pain me to see these. Very pain. But speakin' of pain, I read in the Wikipedius that Jarvis Johnson broke his back and then run a 4.90 in his Pro Day. This very impressive. I run real fast, but if somebody step on a crack and broke my back, I guarantee I not even be runnin' 4.90 or even 5.90, so Jarvis Johnson real remarkable player who deserve to go to the Pittsburgh, the city of steal where folk steal thing.
Dallas Cowboys: Emmitt Smith Jr. the IV, RB, Gata
Every month I write this mark draft, and every month I try to convince the Cowboy to draft the fruit of my loom, Emmitt Smith Jr. the IV from the Gata. But every month the Cowboy do somethin' differently. Last month, he draft Morris Morrison, and he not do anythin' this past season!
I have no choiced but to copy-paste what I wrotted in the 2012 mark draft. It take me all day to learn how to do these. The guy at Best Buy when I stop in and ask say hit control-C then control-V. So I hit control then C then control then V and now I gonna try this tactic.
COPY-PASTE DO NOT WORKED ON THIS COMPUTER. THIS COMPUTER BROKENED SO I'M GONNA BUY NEW ONE AFTER I FINISH MARK DRAFT!
New York Giants: Burn Werner, DE, Florida State
What happen to the Giant? The Giant winned the Super Bowl a month ago, but now he do not even maked the doggone playoff. The Giant fall from space and now he need to recover. But he not gonna recover by releasing good player like Osi Umeansora. The Giant now need to find replacingment for the great offensive end.
Burn Werner is a guy FootballWalter.com have in his mark draft. Do not call me a copycat or even a copydog, I just think it is a great pick! Plus, Burn Werner name remounded me of a story I had when I was growin' up. We had a fire place and I want to put my hand inside. My father, Emmitt Smith Jr. the II, tolded me my hand gonna get burneted if I do these, but I do not listen. I put my hand in the fire then I gotted burnted. I try this four more time and then I finally learnted my lesson - if you put your hand in fire place, it gonna burnted real bad!
Chicago Bears: Mantis Te'o, LB, Notre Dame State
I know I already has Mantis Te'o goin to the Dolphin, but the Bear need him too because they got rid of Brian Laskers, the great offensive linebacker in the Bear history. I almost cry when I read in the Wikipedius that Laskers got release. He a great player, and it remounded me of when the Cowboy sign me up to play with the Cardinal.
I also read in the Wikipedius that Mantis Te'o gotted ask if he a homophobe at the National Football Combintation. What Mantis like to do in his spare tires is his own business. If he like to have some guy ridin' him in his behind, what do that have to do with footballs? Unless of course, your behind so sore the next day that you cannot move and play football so maybe these ball clubs on to somethin'. But the National Conference League of Football need to be like the America Army, Navy, Marina, Airplane Folk or Lifeguard. They has a don't tell, don't say policy. Football need to has the same thing.
Cincinnati Bengals: Robert Woods, WR, USC
The Bengal only have old receiver. Terrell Owens and Chad Johnsoncinco have so old age, he need to go to unretirement home and play shuttle board and hopscotch with old folk. I do not mean to insultment them but they so old they eat dinner at midnight at New Country Buffet.
If the Bengal getted somebody like Robert Wood, it really go make them youngness at receiver. Plus, Robert Wood have same name as Robin Hood, the super hero who stole frommed the poor and gived to the rich so the rich got back the tax he give to the governorment. Robin Hood probably do the same thing in the NFL. He steal from the bad player on the ball club because he so worthless and he give to the bestest player because he mean so much to the wins and the losseds. It make me wish I have somebody like Robin Hood on my ball club when I play with the Cowboy!
St. Louis Rams: Tavon Austin, WR, West Virginia
I do not know for the light of me why the Ram have two pick in the mark draft. He probably steal from Roger Goldman. I ask my barber, and he say the Redskin have to give the Ram a pick for gettin' RGIII. But the Redskin now have RGIII but he have no pick to make the ball club better. Why the Redskin have to lossed a pick because they has a great quarterback? The Cowboy never lossed pick because he have Troy Aiken.
The Ram need a guy who can catch ball. They losted Amen Dola to the Bronco in the free agent, so he must now find replacingment for the small receiver. Tavon Austin also small as well, but he even quicker than Amen Dola. Some may even say he faster than the seed of light. I ask the famous science Alberto Einstein about this because he invent lightning, and he say that Austin is indeed faster than the seed of light - so even science say that the Ram have to pick this guy!
Minnesota Vikings: Tyler Bay, QB, Tennessee
It pain me to watch Adrian Petersman. Don't get me right. Petersman not only one of the best runnin' back in the conference, he one of the best runnin' back in the NFC West. But it pain me because he cannot have any doggone playoff success if Christian Pondscum the startin' quarterback of the Viking. Pondscum do not even play in the doggone playoff against the Packer last month. He say his stomach hurt. Well guess what, Pondscum? My shoulder nearly fall off, yet I keep playin' for the Cowboy - and you do not even play for the Cowboy!
The Viking sign Rashad Jennings in the free agent, so he need to find a new quarterback that can get the ball to Jennings up the field. How about Tyler Bay? Bay get into troubles for thrown' beer bottle on car and truck, but maybe car and truck was mean and he deserve to get the beer bottle throwned on himselves? Why nobody ask Bay if the car or truck say bad word to him or make obtuse gesture? Beside, if Bay can hit a movin' truck or car with a beer bottle, I'm sure as hell belief that he can hit Jenning with a footballs.
Indianapolis Colts: Knife Davis, RB, Arkansas
When the Colt trade Peyton Manning for Andrew Luck, I skepticless. Very skepticless. But then Luck look real good when he play as a rookie in comeback. He make a lot of comeback, so he very fortunate. He so fortunate, his parent should change his name to Andrew Fortunate. That is a good nicked name for Luck. I love nicked name. My favorite nicked name is Kobe Bryant, who call himselves the Black Momma.
But I digest. Andrew Fortunate have receivers in Reggie Wayne and Darrius Heyward-Wayne. Now he need runnin' back. Remember the Colt use to have good runnin' back? He have Marshall Faulk and Edgerrin Jones. Now the Colt need to draft somebody like Knife Davis, who run so sharp he like... uhh... a sword or scissors.
Minnesota Vikings: Luke Joeckel, OT, Texas A&M
Why the Viking have two pick in a road? Why he have to stolened from the Seahawk? I all most not givin' the Viking any pick at all but as I writted before, I am a big fan of Adrian Petersmen and I want him to have successfulness not just in the regular season but also the irregular season.
I just realize that I forgetted put Luke Joeckel in my mark draft. It must have slit my mind. Maybe the Viking will trade up for Joeckel with all the pick he have stolened from the Seahawk and then Petersmen will have bestor blockin' than he already have now. If Petersman have bestor blockin', then that mean he maybe gonna run for 3,000 yard next month.
Green Bay Packers: Michael Hyde, CB, Iowa
I watch the Packs in the doggone playoff, and he fold like a book that fold. Colin Cooper run all over himselves, and he keep runnin'. If the game do not end, Colin probably keep on runnin' until his leg fallened off.
Michael Hyde also remind me of a game I use to play when I was children. It is a famous game call hide and go speak. The point of the game was one person have to go hide, while the other person have to go speak.
Houston Texans: Justin Hunter, WR, Tennessee
The Texas have a big problem. He do not have a number five receiver across from Andre Johnsons. Andre always have to do everything by himselves, so the Texas probably be best off if he draft a receiver with this pick 27.
Justin Hunter sound like strong man. Hunter name after the super heros who hunt a lot. They hunt lot of animals like deer, mantilope, lion, tiger, bear, shark, big animal with horn, kangaboo and deer. If Hunter can hunt all of those evil animal and eat themselves alive, he can probably play football in the National Conference of Football and be the number four receiver across from AJ. AJ stand for Andre Johnson and not apples juice.
Denver Broncos: Bacarri Rambo, S, Georgia
I was besides myselves when the Bronco play the Raven in the doggone playoff. The Raven go on to win and win the Super Bowl, but he could has easy lossed to the Bronco, accept that Rahim Jones falled down like a fool and then Jacoby Moore score the winnin' touchdown in the end zone. I hate to make Rahim Davis the scape ghost, but he irresponsible for the lost.
The Bronco need a strong or powerful safety like Bacarri Rambo. Rambo the guy in the movie that fight in the jungle. He train and he train and he train some more and then he debacled the big black guy in the boxing rink at the end.
New England Patriots: Ryan Snipe, WR, Texas A&M
I was very shocking when the Patriot lossed Wes Worker in the free agent. Wes Worker, the heart, soul and fireman of the ball club. He small guy, but he fast and quickness. Very quickness. But Bill Billick apparently do not think so. He let the Worker walk all the way to the Bronco, which could spell trouble with a capital F come doggone playoff time.
The Patriot try to make the mends by signin' Amen Dola, but Patriot need two small Europe America receiver to make up for the one they lossed because Worker so good. But Ryan Snipe also good as well. Ryan Snipe is grandson of Wesley Snipe, the famous actor who played in Blade, Murder at 1600 O'Clock, Demolition Derby and Blade III. I do not know if he in Blade II because I have not seened it, but I am 20-20 about that.
Atlanta Falcons: Tyler Effort, TE, Notre Dame State
Everybody thought Tommy Gonzalez was gonna go into unretirement this offseason, but then he surprise everybody by stoppin' his unretirement. He probably move home and his wife tell him to mow the fence, paint the lawn and clean out the shutters. This may have seem easy at first, but then at second, Tony Gonzo probably got tire from doin all of those chore, so he probably decide to go not retirement at that very moment, or maybe even the next moment.
With that being says, the Falcon could still draft a tied end because maybe Gonzo will not mind the chore next month. The best tied end in the mark draft is Tyler Effort. Tyler Effort name after the great Bob Effort, who try to so hard that folk name his last name Effort, and that is where the original of the word Effort comeds from.
San Francisco 49ers: David Quessenberry, G/C/OT, San Jose Sharks
The 49er got caught cheatened at the Super Bowl. He losin' big time to the Raven, and then all of a suddenly, the lightning disappear. It turn out that the receiver Michael Treecrab go into the tunnel and flick the switch to make the lightning vanish into thin hair. Then the referee figure out what happen and he return the lightning to its rightful place instead of the wrongful place. I do not knowed what this have to do with this pick, but I digestin' again.
I am lookin' at list of draft prospect for this mark draft, and one name in particularly very interest me. David Quessenberry. I never heard of the vegetable Quessenberry, so I go to the Acme store and ask guy who workinged there where I can buy box of Quessenberry. He very confusion for a while, and then he lead me to place in the Acme where they selled strawberry, blueberry, greenberry and raspberry. I ask him again and he look at myselves like I has three head stickin' out of my heads.
Baltimore Ravens: Laundry Jones, QB, Oklahoma
Falco hit the jackpit this free agent! My mind got blowned up when I see Falco getted $120 billion contact from the Raven. Falco did winned the Super Bowl, but his contact gonna bankrapture his ball club. They already lossed Ray Lewis, Ed Lewis and other guy. So when Falco complainin' about not havin' good player around him in a circle, he only lookin'at himselves to blame. As the old sayin' go, he who cast the first stone also cast a magic spell.
When Falco start complainin' the Raven probably wish they have a new quarterback. Why not Laundry Jones. He win a lot of game in the country of Oklahoma, and even if he not good at passing ball, he can live down to his nicked name and do laundry. I'm sure the Raven have plenty of smelly stocks!
This mark the collusion of my mark draft, which mean the end. When the real mark draft happen, please do not sented me any hate mails to my mail blocks because I got very hurtful last month when I did my last mark draft. Everybody make fun of me because I only gotted four pick right. First of all, four pick real good. Second, uhh... I forget... and third, I also forget... and last but not last, gettin' mark draft pick good real hard. You almost have better chanced of gettin' struck by thunder twice in a row than gettin' a lot of pick good.
Real 2013 NFL Mock Draft
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