Last update: Sometime in the month of 2017.
Next update: Who in God name would update the mark draft lot of time?
Emmitt Smith's 2017 NFL Mock Draft: Picks 1-16
I've been writing Emmitt Smith mock drafts ever since ESPN unjustly fired him. My reasoning was that we all missed Emmitt's grammatically flawed analysis on the "Worldwide Leader," and I was protesting ESPN terminating his contract. Emmitt was definitely the highlight of my Sunday mornings, and America deserves to hear him once again.
This is my 10th Emmitt mock draft. Last year, I had Matt Millen take half the picks, but I thought that Emmitt deserves his own mock draft, especially on his 10-year anniversary. I can't believe it's been a decade already! Where has the time gone?
This is what a 2017 NFL Mock Draft would look like if Emmitt Smith created one. This is satire, so don't take this seriously, especially if you happen to be irritated by everything and have no sense of humor.
My real 2017 NFL Mock Draft - Emmitt's 2016 Mock - Emmitt's 2015 Mock - Emmitt's 2014 Mock - Emmitt's 2013 Mock - Emmitt's 2012 Mock - Emmitt's 2011 Mock - Emmitt's 2010 Mock - Emmitt's 2009 Mock - Emmitt's 2008 Mock
| A reminder of what we've been missing on Emmitt-less ESPN.
Washington Redskins: Mitchell Trombone, QB, North Carolina
The Redskin debacling himselves right now. First the Redskin refuse to sign Kurt Cousin to a contract. Probably this because he think Cousin having incestsexual because his name Cousin and he have sexual intercoursims with cousins. Then the Redskin say that their guy Scott McCloud an alocholism. I do not even know who Scott McCloud is, but this seem real serious. Now, the Redskin probably gonna take Mitchell Trombone who under some controversial himselves. At the combine, he told the journalisms that he gonna change his name. His previously name Mitchell Trombisky but now he Mitchell Trombone.
Tennessee Titans: Obi One Cannoli, S, Connecticut
Obi One Cannoli remind me of one of my favorite TV movies. Star Trek. Obi One Cannoli a real old guy who live in the desert of Africa. One day a youngin come see him to train him so he can beat up the bully. Then he paint Obi One Cannoli fence and win the karate tournament. Then they go up into space and battle the evil man Dark Vader. Dark Vader kill Obi One Cannoli but he help train the youngin but then the youngin find out that Dark Vader his steph father who got his mother pregnated. He then wish for his birthdate that his dad Dark Vader never gonna tell a lie and Dark Vader almost losts a court cased but he win and then he fly into airplane and rescue the youngin who flying to a new place with his mother. Then he have a birthday again. I watch Star Trek eight time so I know the story by heartness.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: A.J. Howard, TE, Alabama
I look on my list of prospect and I surprise that A.J. Howard not tooken on my mark draft yet. Real surprise. Real very surprise. A.J. Howard a real good tied end who play for the Alabama. In the championship against Auburn he catch a lot of passes. I forgetted how many which mean no one will ever knowed unless he remember in his brain. Unfortunotately for myselves, I real forgetfulness sometime. I forgetted what I eat for my first meal of the day, or what the first meal of the day even call. It have something to do with the word fast, and there a break involve somewhere, but I cannot remember for the lives of me. Oh yes, I remember what it call. Fastbreak. A.J. stand for apple juice. I usually eat this for fastbreak.
Denver Broncos: Quincy Peyton, QB, Arkansas Tech
The Bronco win the Super Bowl championship five year ago, but he not do anything since. The Bronco have to right the ship. Unless they have to go left, and then in that case they have to left the ship. The guy who can left the ship are the other Manning brother. All my lifes I been hearing about how the Manning have three Manning brother. First there Peyton Manning. Then there Eli Manning. But who the third brother I been wondering but now we know the answers. It Quincy Peyton Manning from Arkansas Tech which sound like it from the future. Arkansas from the past and now Arkansas Tech from the future because there a lot of tech involve. Quincy Peyton Manning can used the tech to destroy the other team and win the Super Bowl championship again.
Detroit Lions: Mason Schreck, RB, Buffalo
Mason Schreck remind me of that green guy in the movie, the one with a horse for a friend and he try to save the princess from the evil guy who throw fire. I can't remember this guy name or the movie name what is call, but he remind me of Mason Schrek for some reason. That movie are one of my favoritest movie of all time because it have my favorite actors: Eddie Murphy's Law, Mike Morgan and Cameron Dallas.
Miami Dolphins: J.T. Watt, DE, Westconsin
It real amaze to me that J.T. Watt gonna come into the National League of Football. This mean that he if he join a team, he and J.J. Watt probably gonna be the first father-son duo to ever play in the league at the same time. I do not know this for factual, but there not exist a thing that you can check to see if this real factual. If only you can logged into the American Online and type something in but I guess this not inventioned yet. Irregardless, this real special and J.T. Watt probably real proud of his son J.J. and how he play for the Houston Texas.
New York Giants: Joe Mixon, RB, Oklahoma
This probably the first time in football history that the son of a president of the United States American gonna be playing football. Joe Mixon the son of formal president Richard Mixon, who was the president of the country in 1492. Richard Mixon have a lot of controversial thing. He got arrest for the Watergate scandal. I do some research on the Watergate scandal and it involve Richard Mixon going to a gate with water and turning the key and letting the water out of the gate. This cause major flood and animal die except for two each and they all go on Noah's Ship and survive the great flood of 1492, and one of the people on the ship was Christopher Columbia. He discovery America.
Oakland Raiders: Patrick My Homes, QB, Texas Tech
Patrick My Homes gonna probably fit in real good with the Raider because the Raider, in case you been living in a rock, gonna move to Vegas, probably in the month of 2020. This real stupid on my opinion. The state of Las Vegas have a real problem and that is there casino everywhere. What if players gonna start gambling on the casinos? They probably gonna get bank ripped and then he gotta do anything he can for money so he gonna throw game. I do not know what throw game mean but I hear everybody saying it. It probably mean a player gonna take the game and throw it somewhere far away that nobody ever gonna find it because he throw it so far.
Houston Texans: Deshaun Kizer, QB, Notre Dame
The Houston Texas need a quarterback real bad. Like very real bad. Their quarterback last month was Brick Ostrich who was so bad he got bench, and the only reason he got to play in the doggone playoff was because he hold head coach Bill O'Reilly's son hostage. I am so glad he got trade to the Brown after I learnt about this. The Texas can moved on with a new quarterback Deshaun Kizer, who remind me of that one guy in the movie. His name Kizer Shoes and he the one who kill someone in the movie and the movie never telled you who he is. I was real disappointment with that film because I still wondering who Kizer Shoes are!
Seattle Seahawks: Forrest Lamp, G, Western Kentucky
Is it just a pigment of my imagination or do the Seahawk not has a good offense line? Ruskell Wilkens running around like a head with its chicken cut off. The Seahawk obviously need offense linemen and one good linemen probably Forrest Lamp. I know this because everybody say he love lamp. Why do everybody love lamp? I do not like lamp. I like the light on the ceiling instead. If you has a cat like me, you know how danger a lamp can be. Sometime a cat jump real quick and knock over the lamp, and then the lamp break. Cat cannot jump into the ceiling and break the ceiling light unless he a real jumpy cat.
Kansas City Chiefs: Sam Donald, QB, USC
Why the Chief keep losing in the doggone playoff? I hate to say it because I hate to be the bear of bad news, but it because of Alex Smith. Alex Smith gotta be made the scape ghost for the losts. Emmitt always have been afraid of the scape ghost. My daddy always say that when someone do something wrong there is always a scape ghost so when I once stoled a cookie from the... uhh... jar that have cookie, I hid under my bed for weeks because I was afraid the scape ghost was gonna come and debacle me. The Chief need a new quarterback and he probably gonna take Sam Donald because he look real good for USC, which stand for United State of California. Sam Donald remind me of Donald Trunk, who do not a bad job of president of United State. He work real hard and a lot of thing, and he and his family real beautiful, including his wife Millenium Trunk.
Dallas Cowboys: Chris McCaffrey, RB, Stanford
A lotta people arguing who the more important is for the Cowboy? Dak Priscitt or Ezekey Elliott. This what the scientist like to call a parallelodox. It is like the great question, what come first, the chicken or the steak? Or if a tree fall in the forest, do it really fall? We never knowed the answer to these question, so why not the Cowboy gonna take Chris McCaffrey, the twin son of Ed McCaffrey, who use to play for the Bronco? If Chris McCaffrey good, then we probably gonna know Priscitt the reason for the Cowboy success but if not then Ezekey Elliott gonna probably be the one who get all of the glory and the acclaimed.
Green Bay Packers: Pat Elf Line, C, Ohio State
Aaron Rodger sometime say the guy on TV not knowed what he talking about and I always assume he talking about myselves, and then I get depression. Real depression. But somebody tell me recent that Rodger talking about some guy name Todd McShame who work for ESPS. I think I use to work for ESPS but I do not recall. But speaking of Rodger, he starting to get old so the windex of opportunity closing real fast for the Packer. He gotta help Rodger so why not take offense linemen like Pat Elf Line? Pat Elf Line remind me of the elf guy, the people who live in the forest woods. He real tall and have pointy ear, and he enemy with the Dorks, the small guy who live underground.
Pittsburgh Steelers: Pat Elf Line, QB, Ohio State
When I sawed Antonius Brown videotaping his coach Mike Tomlinson after the Steeler beat the Chief in the doggone playoff, all I could do was shake my head. Antonius Brown videotaping people but now he have to play against Bill Billick who the master of videotaping. Trying to videotape the Patriot like bringing a gun to a knife fight. You gonna be not only outclass, but you gonna be inclass, too also as well. The Steeler deserve credit for beating the Chief, and I like to give credit where credit is dude, but I would rather than air on the side of cautios against the Patriot. As it turn out, the chicken come home to roast because the Patriot blowed out the Steeler!
Atlanta Falcons: Dan Feeney, RB, Indiana
I real surprise Dan Feeney in the draft. He a real old guy who live next to the guy from my favorite TV show World Meets Boy. This about a show who have a guy name Cory Matthew who growed up and marry a girl name Tapioca, and he sometime ask Mr. Feeeny for question, probably because Mr. Feeney his teacher but I not sure about this. Mr. Feeney sometime speak to him in class but do that mean he his teacher, or are he a old man who sneak into the school to pray on young kid? If it's the ladder, I hope he at least pray to God and not Satin.
New England Patriots: No pick for cheat!!!
The Patriot showing his true color. Which are red, white and green. Bill Billick get this pick from the Saint for Brandon Crooks. How he gonna get a pick and get a player at the same time and not gived anything up? Bill Billick once again cheating. First he record people with a video camera, probably naked cheerleader, and then he also cheat by inflating football. I guess the saying go that cheaters never prospect. I never understood what this mean until I see Bill Billick cheating right before our very eyesight.
I cannot belief this the end of my mark draft. It was great experiment writing the mark draft for the month of 2017. I will be back next week in the month of 2018 for my next mark draft. People telling me that there are great quarterback on 2018 like Sam Donald, who name sound familiar for some reason. It real, very familiar and why this is on the tip of my lip. I will spend the next 365 year thinking about this.
Real 2017 NFL Mock Draft
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