Emmitt on the Brink – Season 9: Week 1

Emmitt on the Brink.

The premise: Coming off a Super Bowl victory, the Patriots open the 2013 season with a blowout win. Unfortunately, they get into trouble for Spygate II. As punishment, Roger Goodell orders the Patriots to fire Bill Belichick and replace him with Emmitt Smith. Three years later, the Patriots beat the Bears in the Super Bowl, 2-0. After the game, Emmitt announced his retirement.

This is a weekly feature that will take a newspaper reporter’s perspective and follow Emmitt through his post-retirement days.

Of course, you can always look at all of Emmitt’s quotes in the Emmitt Smith Anthology.

Emmitt Smith 2015 New England Patriots head coach.

Emmitt Smith announce his unretirement!

EMMITT’S BUTTERFLIES

By Alex Rodriguez, Special to the NFL Bible Network
Thursday, Aug. 22, 2019

It had been exactly one month since his friend disappeared. Everyone else gave up the search already, believing that she had either defected for the enemy or had been killed in action without anyone noticing. Emmitt, however, refused to give up on her.

“Dianna Marie Russia,” I will find you one day or maybe one week, whichever come firstly,” he said to himself.

Still, it was difficult. Dianna Marie Russini had basically vanished into thin air once Emmitt and his friends exposed the truth about Roger Goodell and Kim Jong-un – that they happened to be the same person. Once it became clear that Goodell was pretending to be Kim Jong-un so that he could have more power, and that he didn’t actually possess any nuclear weapons, all was supposed to be right with the world. And it was – except that Dianna had vanished.

Where did she go? Why did she vanish? Was she still alive, or did she meet the ultimate debacle? These are all questions Emmitt pondered as he drove around the city in search for his dear friend.

Emmitt’s search came to a temporary halt, as protestors flooded the street. What they wanted was irrelevant to Emmitt, but he was forced to wait until police cleared the area.

Emmitt did what he usually opted to do when he needed inspiration. He reached into his pocket and brandished a picture of his hero, which he always kept handy. It was more than three years since his hero passed, yet Emmitt thought of him on a daily basis to help motivate his search.

“Muhammad Aladdin,” he said to himself. “You the greatest there ever was, there ever will be and the greatest there ever will been. What should I does? I mean do?”

He stared at the photograph for some time, hoping that it would respond somehow. He then took out the other piece of paper from his pocket – the one he gazed at to snap back into reality.

He shook his head as he read it:

Emmitt felt a sharp pang in his gut. “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” he muttered to himself. “How could I screw up the great one Muhammad Aladdin’s sacred quote?”

To this day, Emmitt vowed to remember that it was bees – not butterflies – that stung. The amount of grief he received for that tweet would never let him forget that.

It was an unseasonably cool day for an August afternoon, so Emmitt decided to roll down his window and turn off the air conditioning. When were these protestors going to move? What could possibly be so important?

Something caught the corner of Emmitt’s eye. Something colorful. It was a butterfly, which floated toward his window. Emmitt marveled at its blues and greens.

“Such a pretty flybutter,” he said, reaching out his hand. The butterfly landed on it.

Emmitt felt a piercing pain right where it landed, which caught him by surprise. The butterfly, seemingly satisfied that it harmed its victim, flew off to find its next pray.

“The flybutter! It sting me!” Emmitt gasped. “How do this happen? I mean how does this happen? Do? Does? I forget which one unincorrect but I have to tell everybody!”