32. St. Louis Rams (0-2) - Previously: #32 - Until the Rams actually prove that they're worthy of being an NFL team, I'm not going to comment on them. Instead, I'll like to interview Ed Hochuli.
Hey, Ed. Thanks for joining me. "Look at my mus-kells! I vill crush you!"
31. Cincinnati Bengals (0-2) - Previously: #31 - Ah man, that was not my most successful interview ever. Though my nose is broken and I'm missing an eyeball, I will say that I put up more of a fight than the spineless Bengals have these past two weeks. Seriously. Would it kill them to put forth an ounce of effort? It almost seems as if these guys are being forced to play football.
30. Kansas City Chiefs (0-2) - Previously: #27 - In a press conference, Larry Johnson said he doesn't see himself being a part of the Chiefs much longer. Like Shaun Alexander last year, Johnson looks done. So much for my dual-running back plan. Last week, I suggested that Herm Edwards should eliminate the quarterback position and go with Johnson and Jamaal Charles in the backfield. Conservative Herm would love this because he already coaches as if the forward pass were never invented.
29. Oakland Raiders (1-1) - Previously: #30 - According to reports, Al Davis has wanted to fire Lane Kiffin for months now. So, what happened? It's time for oddities! 1:10,000 - Crazy Al can't do anything without his next shipment of goat blood, and it hasn't come in yet for some reason. 1:100 - When reminded that he wanted to ax Kiffin, Crazy Al keeps saying, "Huh? Who is Blaine Kiffin guy?" 2:1 - Art Shell is the only person crazy enough to want to coach the Raiders. 8:1 - Crazy Al is biding his time until either Bill Belichick or Tony Dungy is available. 1:10 - With all of the money he used on Javon Walker, Crazy Al doesn't have any money to spend on a new coach.
28. Miami Dolphins (0-2) - Previously: #25 - I can understand losing to the Cardinals. Everyone in the NFL (except for many Bengals) is a professional football player. But getting blown out by a franchise that has one playoff victory in the past five decades? It's a good thing Bill Parcells isn't the coach of this team, or he would have cut the kicker or something.
27. Detroit Lions (0-2) - Previously: #26 - Forty-eight points. Forty-eight!!! What happened to the great defensive players Matt Millen brought in? Oh... wait... Seriously, what's taking the Lions so long to fire this guy? Millen's almost like Milton from Office Space. Maybe Detroit fired him but just forgot to file the paperwork. Instead of the stapler, it's "My... m... my... m... m... my... r... rec... re... r... receiver..."
26. Atlanta Falcons (1-1) - Previously: #24 - Welcome to the real NFL, Matt Ryan. Like victories against the Rams, wins versus the Lions shouldn't count either.
25. San Francisco 49ers (1-1) - Previously: #29 - OK, so maybe J.T. O'Sullivan isn't the worst thing since sliced bread. I don't know how he did it, but he threw for 321 yards and a touchdown. That said, I had a pretty good laugh when I saw that the Seahawks sacked O'Sullivan eight times. Mike Martz is awesome. I hope he never loses his touch. In fact, if I'm hired as a general manager and the owner asks me to sabotage his franchise, the first two guys I'm hiring are Martz and Art Shell. Matt Millen will be my scouting director, while Wade Phillips is definitely the motivational speaker I'm bringing in for the playoffs.
24. Washington Redskins (1-1) - Previously: #28 - So, the Redskins were so unprepared that they failed to install a no-huddle offense in their opener. And Jason Campbell looked clueless in Jim Zorn's West Coast offense. Yet, just 10 days later, Washington was sharp and Campbell seemed pretty comfortable in his new scheme. What a difference 10 days can make. It's amazing what can happen when a team's head coach stops devoting all of his time to tanning and surfing.
23. Baltimore Ravens (1-0) - Previously: #23 - I'm pissed off. If Brian Billick were still the coach of the Ravens, I'd be able to joke around about how he spent his week off nursing Kyle Boller's injured shoulder in his New Hampshire cabin. But noooo.... Baltimore had to fire Billick and replace him with John Harbaugh. Damn it, why can't Harbaugh suck like Billick?
2008 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. San Diego Chargers (0-2). Previously: #12
12. Minnesota Vikings (0-2). Previously: #11
13. Arizona Cardinals (2-0). Previously: #15
14. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-1). Previously: #16
15. Carolina Panthers (2-0). Previously: #18
16. Seattle Seahawks (0-2). Previously: #13
17. New England Patriots (2-0). Previously: #19
18. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-2). Previously: #10
19. New York Jets (1-1). Previously: #14
20. Houston Texans (0-1). Previously: #20
21. Chicago Bears (1-1). Previously: #22
22. Cleveland Browns (0-2). Previously: #21