Seattle Seahawks (11-1) - Previously: #1 - Go to my NFL Game Recaps page for analysis of the Seahawks-Saints game.
Denver Broncos (10-2) - Previously: #3 - Once again, I'm at a loss in terms of which team to put at No. 2. It's effectively a tie between the Patriots, Broncos, Saints and Panthers. I'm moving the Broncos up to No. 2 for their impressive victory at Kansas City, but I'm concerned that Peyton Manning will fade away when the weather gets colder and windier.
The Broncos will at least be able to lean on Knowshon Moreno. What's gotten into Moreno, anyway? He's been great this year, but he's crawling around like a baby and crying during the game:
I'm getting the feeling that Moreno is mentally insane. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he kidnapped people and chained them in his basement so he could make them watch highlights of himself from his Georgia days. Denver authorities: If there are missing people in the area, please check Knowshon's basement.
New England Patriots (9-3) - Previously: #2 - New England will be criticized for having trouble with Houston, but the team was coming off two prime-time games and was clearly unfocused. How could the Patriots take the Texans seriously after watching them lose to Oakland and Jacksonville? Houston, however, wanted revenge for its playoff loss and saw that matchup as its Super Bowl.
Besides, the other teams had near-losses to inferior competition as well. The Panthers could've easily went down to Miami last week, while the Saints lost at the Jets.
Carolina Panthers (9-3) - Previously: #4 - The Panthers will be No. 2 if they win at New Orleans next week. I'm pretty upset by this Carolina situation though. I'm sure you all saw that Riverboat Ron poster at the stadium:
I find this extremely offensive. Ron Rivera can't be known as Riverboat Ron. He should be referred to as Commander Adama. That's what I'll always call him, anyway.
So say we all.
New Orleans Saints (9-3) - Previously: #5 - I already discussed the Saints, but I have to say that I have this feeling that the coveted NFC homefield advantage may not mean all that much. I know it sounds crazy considering how good Seattle is at home, but I think the Seahawks could be fat and happy, and consequently could lose due to overconfidence. I'm not saying it will happen, but I don't think it's a lock that Seattle will coast into the Super Bowl.
San Francisco 49ers (8-4) - Previously: #6 - Rams fans are cute. They actually thought their team had a chance in San Francisco. Here's a sample from the hate mail I'll be posting in my NFL Picks this week:
How can he say Tavon Austin (a player deemed most explosive in the draft and has even been compared to Barry Sanders) has scored four fluky touchdowns over the span of two games. Maybe me and Webster have different understandings of what fluke means. But last I checked no one scores four flukes on 13 touches. Also how can he support Kaep and ignore the fact that he has in reached 200 passing yards 3 times. His accuracy is scattershot and he can only their bullets.
This guy needs to put down the crack pipe. I've never heard anyone compare Tavon Austin to Barry Sanders. They don't even play the same position. Derp. And "last time I checked, no one scores four flukes on 13 touches?" Where did he check this stat? Is there a site that lists most flukes scored on fewest touches?
See what I have to deal with? At any rate, the 49ers are definitely a Super Bowl contender, but I'm interested to see how they perform against the Seahawks next week.
Detroit Lions (7-5) - Previously: #10 - The Lions are the ultimate wild card in the playoffs because they can beat anyone with their overwhelming talent. However, they can also lose to anyone because they're undisciplined and poorly coached. They made so many errors against the Packers, yet still won 40-10. If they can play mistake-free football, they can win the Super Bowl.
Kansas City Chiefs (9-3) - Previously: #7 - And I thought Alex Smith would be the Chiefs' downfall. The defense has sucked the past three weeks. They couldn't keep Peyton Manning from scoring once in the red zone? And they couldn't kick a meaningless field goal at the end of regulation to give me the cover? How utterly selfish.
If there's one lesson to take away from all of this, it's that Bill Parcells' adage of "You are what your record says you are" is a fallacy. The Chiefs were once 9-0, but they weren't close to being the best team in the NFL. If you subscribe to the dumb ESPN mindset of just looking at records, definitely change your way of thinking.
I've been using this spot for my power rankings hate mail, so I might as well keep it that way...
Lions lose to a team that means nothing to them:"they were looking ahead." Saints in their version of Auburn-Alabama on the road in one of the tougher stadiums to play in in the NFL(with a matchup versus probably the best team in the league on the road as their next game):"it should be a rule that they drop them 2 spots." #FAILlogic
How about your Saints losing to Geno Smith and the Jets? Care to explain that one?
The Jaguars beat the Texans IN HOUSTON dominating the game from start to finish and you place the Jaguars 32nd and the Texans 31st? Your credibility stinks like rotten fish.
A Jacksonville fan complaining about his team being too low!? I didn't even know there were Jacksonville fans!!!!
for gods sake stop trying to b funny it's not ur thing. Neither is power rankings, picking spreads and pretty much ur life's work (this doodie site of yours).
I don't need to try. It comes so naturally!
Cam Newton must have tea bagged Walt in his sleep. Another week, another win and this bozo just takes shots at Cam.
In my sleep? Oh no, I was awake. And I enjoyed it very much, thank you.
7 game winning streak and I see the Cam Newton hate is still strong with this one.
All I said last week was Cam Newton was the least-proven out of Tom Brady, Peyton Manning and Drew Brees. Do all of these Panther fans sniff glue, or something?
Arizona Cardinals (7-5) - Previously: #9 - Another comment from below:
The Cardinals, a top 10 team? Really? Really?? Those guys always SUCK
These Cardinals don't suck. They have an outstanding defense. Carson Palmer has been better of late, but he had a couple of first-quarter turnovers that killed the team. Andre Ellington was missing though, so perhaps that game would've gone differently.
Baltimore Ravens (6-6) - Previously: #11 - I like the direction the Ravens are heading. They already have a great defense, and they'll be getting Dennis Pitta back next week. Pitta will be huge for the offense because it'll give Joe Flacco a solid No. 2 option. The offensive line is still a problem, but Baltimore will be a dangerous team when the playoffs come around.
NFL Power Rankings: Week 14 - Bottom 10
32. Washington Redskins (3-9) - Previously: #29 - The Redskins are the worst team in the NFL. They don't have the worst record (sorry, Parcells), but all three of their wins were fluky. They beat the Raiders with Matt Flynn, the Bears who lost Jay Cutler in the first half, and then the Chargers with the help of the officials. The Giants were sleepwalking Sunday night, yet Washington wasn't able to beat them.
31. Cleveland Browns (4-8) - Previously: #25 - The Browns are 1-8 in games that Brian Hoyer didn't start. They should be demoted to the CFL for losing to Jacksonville at home.
I have no Gong rant for you this week because of the forum issues we had, but instead, here's something creative you Cleveland fans can do with your Trent Richardson jerseys:
30. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-9) - Previously: #32 - In honor of yet another Pyrrhic victory, here's a poem I've written entitled Goodbye Teddy:
Jacksonville barely knew you,
You'll be playing for Houston,
While the Jaguars reek like poo.
Teddy will throw touchdowns,
And lead Houston to postseason,
The Jaguars just had to win a game,
For really no apparent reason.
What will Jacksonville do now,
Their fans cry out and shout,
Maybe they can sign Tim Tebow,
Though their inept GM won't go that route.
There's always Chad Henne,
Or maybe Blaine Gabbert will open his eyes,
That is just wishful thinking,
But at least ticket prices won't rise.
The Jaguars will win just three games,
At least the fans can watch NFL Red Zone
As the franchise goes down in flames.
29. Houston Texans (2-10) - Previously: #31 - Hey, so that's what the Texans can look like if they actually try to win a game. They almost had their revenge. Almost...
Anyway, I love how the NFL Network has spent the past two weeks promoting this dumb Houston-Jacksonville contest. As if anyone's going to watch. They'd be better off with the following ad campaign:
"THIS THURSDAY NIGHT, THERE WILL BE A FOOTBALL GAME! WHO'S PLAYING, YOU ASK!? WELL THAT'S A MYSTERY! WE WILL REVEAL THE MATCHUP ON THURSDAY EVENING, SO TUNE IN AND FIND OUT WHO WILL BE PLAYING!!!"
28. Minnesota Vikings (3-8-1) - Previously: #28 - I have a feeling Ziggy Wilf approached Rhett Ellison during the week and said, "Hey, Rhett, I need to lose this game to land Teddy Bridgewater or Marcus Mariota. Do stupid stuff to help us lose, and I'll guarantee you a roster spot next year. Oh, and if you've seen my mustache comb, please let me know."
If Ellison is cut soon, you'll know why.
27. Oakland Raiders (4-8) - Previously: #27 - I have nothing interesting to say about the Raiders, so this is a good time for more Andy Reid memes!
Last week, I posted what Reid looks like on those fancy LED HDTVs:
This week, here's a look-alike picture:
26. New York Jets (5-7) - Previously: #26 - The Jets have lost thier previous three games, all of which have been against opponents .500 or worse, by a combined score of 89-20. Wow.
On the bright side, my Las Vegas Hilton Supercontest partner Matvei provided some great one-liners about the Jets:
- Betting on this Jets offense is like betting on the Flintstones car in the Daytona 500
- Good news - just parlayed Geno for OROY with Rosie O'Donnell to win the 2014 Miss America. Liking my chances
- After drafting Geno Smith GM John Idzik bought 500 shares of Enron and booked a cruise on the Titanic
- His wife was worried about leaving the kids at home, but the quick thinking Idzik hired Brad Childress to babysit
- Idzik is also set to claim $15 million from his deceased cousin from Kenya named Fawaz Al Ketbi
25. Atlanta Falcons (3-9) - Previously: #30 - The Jets beat the Falcons long ago, but Atlanta seems to be getting its act together.
Speaking of the Jets, what happened to Geno Smith? He actually played very well in that victory over the Falcons, but he has regressed terribly since. It sounds like it's time for...
The Adventures of Derek Anderson's Magic Flask!
Geno Smith is studying the playbook, trying to figure out where it all went wrong.
Geno Smith: No, just frustrated. You see, I've been trying to figure out whom to throw it to, but everyone's wearing the same color jersey, so Coach Ryan is mad half the time I complete a pass, but then he's happy the other half.
Derek Anderson: I uusussee toooo havvvee thaaa prrrobbbzzz buuttt noowoww I juuust driiinkk and forrggeess mmy woorrriesss hic!
24. Buffalo Bills (4-8) - Previously: #22 - I have no idea how the Bills blew that game. They should have beaten Atlanta. But hey, at least Ralph Wilson profited off another game in Toronto.
Can we all vote that having a team play its home games in Canada is a stupid idea? The Bills are now 1-4 in Toronto, and some a**hole in the stands kept blowing an annoying horn throughout the first half. Hopefully the Canadian authorities found that douche and took all of his vanilla pudding away.
23. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-9) - Previously: #23 - So, Mike Glennon may not be the answer after all. These next four games will be huge for him.
By the way, I posted the following picture last week, stating that Bobby Rainey is good enough to be a first-round fantasy pick next year because he can produce on a bye:
Some people posted below that this happened because Rainey was on the Browns during Week 5. Guys, I know this. I might be stupid, but I'm not THAT stupid.
NFL Power Rankings: The Rest: 11. Cincinnati Bengals (8-4). Previously: #13
12. Philadelphia Eagles (7-5). Previously: #17
13. Dallas Cowboys (7-5). Previously: #16
14. Indianapolis Colts (8-4). Previously: #14
15. San Diego Chargers (5-7). Previously: #12
16. Pittsburgh Steelers (5-7). Previously: #15
17. Green Bay Packers (5-6-1). Previously: #8
18. Miami Dolphins (6-6). Previously: #20
19. New York Giants (5-7). Previously: #19
20. Chicago Bears (6-6). Previously: #18
21. Tennessee Titans (5-7). Previously: #24
22. St. Louis Rams (5-7). Previously: #21
Antonio Gates: 5 catches, 41 rec. yards. 1 fumble.
Run Defenses, Pass Defense, Pass Protection:
Something new this year - I'm keeping track of precise run defense, pass defense and pass protection rankings in Excel. The benefit to this is that it'll be broken down by week. Here are the download links: