My Thoughts on the 2016 NFL Draft - Live on Draft Day!
What is this? I'll be posting my thoughts on the 2016 NFL Draft here. That will include everything from the actual picks, to the ESPN personalities, to the commercials, etc. Anything goes. This page will be updated every five minutes or so, so I hope you join me for the 2016 NFL Draft!
Also, you can discuss the 2016 NFL Draft in the new Draft Day page, or post a comment below. The Draft Day page will have comments from all draft pages, announced picks and the top remaining players available on our Big Board.
2:05: I'm checking in to post a couple of interesting betting props I see on Bovada. Two stand out, though you have to pay heavy juice on both:
Ezekiel Elliott Under 8.5 -250: I'll be surprised if Elliott falls out of the top eight. He could go No. 4 to the Cowboys, but if he doesn't, it sounds like the Browns will either take him or trade with a team interested in selecting him.
Myles Jack Over 8 -400: I wouldn't go crazy with this one because the 49ers could select Jack at No. 7, but it's more likely that he'll be chosen in the early teens.
6:30: And the Live 2016 NFL Draft Blog is underway! It took a while, but my 2016 NFL Mock Draft is complete. Check it out if you haven't already. I'm shocked I haven't suffered a seizure trying to figure out whom the Chargers were going to take.
I mean, seriously. They wouldn't do themselves any harm by leaking which player they like the most? They could still trade. The need for this smoke screen is absurd. The crazy thing is that no one knows what they're going to do. Not one reporter has claimed any info. We polled our contacts around the league, and they've all had different answers. I think I'm going to openly root against San Diego going forward because of this.
6:32: I'm glad FOX Sports' Alex Marvez cleared up that Ronnie Stanley won't be the pick. I think the Stanley rumor started because people around the league learned that GM Tom Telesco's mentor, Bill Polian, liked Stanley more than Laremy Tunsil. Everyone had San Diego going with Tunsil, so they switched to Stanley. I moved to Stanley for two hours in my mock draft before swapping back to DeForest Buckner. I'm actually fine with it being Stanley or Tunsil because that means my mock will be OK. If it's Jalen Ramsey, my mock could be f***ed. And for that reason, it's going to be Ramsey. I guarantee it.
6:35: I'm going to watch ESPN during draft coverage because of tradition. But the lead-up to the draft is more difficult. Lindsay Czarniak's nail-scratching voice is killing my ear drums, but the NFL Network isn't any better because of this stupid red-carpet stuff. Who cares what these prospects are wearing? I'd be impressed if a prospect showed up with sweat pants and a t-shirt with Cheetos stains on it. That's what I'm wearing right now!
6:39: Oh cool, Nick Saban is on his way to the draft. I'm sure he ran over several of his players and ruined their careers on the drive over.
6:41: Hey, Nick, why do you run your players into the ground when you should be preparing them for the NFL instead?
6:42: On the Live Draft Chat page, we are discussing two important things: women and betting. Britt McHenry is someone I mentioned as a positive for ESPN, despite her habit of yelling at incompetent workers. She's great.
6:44: GiantsFanMike on Ezekiel Elliott's shirt: "He looks like a f***ing moron." I'll say. He shopped in the children's section of the clothing store. I don't buy my own clothes, but even I know not to do that.
6:48: Holy moly, forget Britt McHenry. Who is this Kelly Harntig (spelling?) chick? I don't know why she's wearing an underwater animal around her neck, but she's ESPN's No. 1 girl right now.
6:50: I wish Kaylee Hartung (correct spelling) would interview me.
Kaylee: So, Walt, what are you wearing for the draft?
Me: I got this white t-shirt prepared. Going with this Cheeto stain on my left chest. Matching it with my Penn State pajama pants. Thought about my Star Wars pajama pants, but thought my Penn State pajama pants matched the stain better.
6:53: "As we bring you Spoortsceenter ooon theee rooooaaaad raaaaahhh." Man, it's like nails on a chalkboard.
6:57: Just was asked in the live chat if I've ever done an NFL Draft drinking game. That sounds like an awesome idea. I'll try to do it for 2017, and I'll take all suggestions!
6:59: You know what I hate? When parents say, "My son told me he would play in the NFL when he was 3 months old!" How many kids dream of playing in the NFL and don't make it? I wanted to play in the NFL or the NBA. I'm 33, so I doubt that's going to happen!
7:00: Someone needs to invent an app for TVs that automatically mutes when Lindsay Czarniak speaks. Whoever does this should win the award as the greatest human being ever.
7:03: I'm super confident that the Chargers are going to take Ramsey. Why? Because it'll ruin my 2016 NFL Mock Draft. If I mocked Ramsey to the Chargers, I'd be convinced they'd take DeForest Buckner. Either way, I'm f***ed.
7:05: Michael Irvin with a selfie stick. Ugh. I've written that selfie sticks are emblematic of the extreme narcissism that's running rampant in America right now. Selfies in general piss me off, too. Unless you're a hot chick showing off cleavage, no one wants to see stupid pictures of you. Just stop it.
7:09: I was asked on Facebook for a bold prediciton in Round 1. My response: "Mel Kiper's hair will fly off his head and suffocate Todd McShay."
In all seriousness though, I've heard some strange names for Round 1, such as Jason Spriggs, Le'Raven Clark and Kamalei Correa.
7:13: An interview with Roger Goodell! I have some questions for him...
7:16: Here's what this interview should've been like:
- "Hey Roger, why is Greg Hardy allowed to play and Josh Gordon isn't?"
"Because women typically aren't football fans, so I don't care about them. I also do not have to mate with a woman because I'm an automaton, constructed by the owners to make them money."
- "Hey Roger, why do you keep going after Tom Brady?"
"Because, Chris, Tom Brady declined an invitation to my birthday party. I had a pinata there, Chris. A pinata!"
- "Hey Roger, why do you hate hungry orphans?"
"Because hungry orphans are incapable of purchasing season ticket licenses. If this were to change, we would cater more toward starving orphans, but as for right now, to hell with them."
7:18: UGH. Chris Berman just mentioned the 9:30 starts in London. I'm all for London games, but not at 9:30. So, if you're an NFL fan in Los Angeles, you have to wake up at 6:30 a.m. on a weekend to watch? Stupid. It also screws with fantasy football lineups. Damn it, why couldn't Brady just show up to Goodell's birthday party and play with his pinata?
7:20: Just end the Pro Bowl, Goodell. I've actually never watched a single Pro Bowl in my life. Not one. It's the most useless sporting event ever. A May baseball game means more, and that's when you know something is incredibly pointless.
7:22: More Goodell: "I spent some time at a local school today, sucking blood out of students to preseve my life force."
7:23: I'll give Goodell this: He has mastered the Tom Jackson-style of fake laughter at Chris Berman's jokes. Impressive.
7:25: Anyway, getting back to what I was saying before the Goodell interview, I wish someone on Facebook would've asked me for an easy prediction (not involving the top two picks). My answer, as always, "Stupid teams will do stupid things to screw up my mock draft."
It's true: In fact, I wrote this in the live blog last year when Washington opted for Brandon Scherff over Leonard Williams: "Stupid teams make stupid picks and ruin stupid mock drafts. Way to take a guard in the top five, derp dee derp dee doo."
7:30: Half hour to go. Just 30 minutes until my mock draft is shot to hell!
7:33: A quick word on the Raiders going to Las Vegas: I think it's the dumbest thing ever. The Raiders will have absolutely no home-field advantage in Vegas. Sure, some people live there, but I'd say the majority of the "fans" at the games will be people who are just on vacation. Unless Mark Davis is using Vegas as leverage, he's insanely stupid.
7:34: What Jon Gruden just said about 45-50 players who could go tonight is the truth. We've heard repeatedly that only 20 or so prospects had first-round grades.
7:35: Is there a need for an introduction like this? Anyone watching the NFL Draft knows who these prospects are by now.
7:37: Is it just me, or does Jared Goff look like he's stoned the entire time? He has that distant look, as if he's thinking about eating Doritos the entire time.
7:39: Are there really fans in the stands yelling, "Let's go!?" Let's go where?
7:40: Carson Wentz, on the other hand, looks like he farms 16 hours a day and has never touched weed in his life. That's another reason to draft him over Goff.
7:44: The Catch, new tonight on ABC! Why advertise this during the draft? Is there an NFL Draft fan watching this and thinking, "I was looking forward to the draft all year, but I'm going to watch the Catch instead!?"
7:47: Nice of ESPN to send Shelley Smith to Hawaii and Los Angeles. Can't imagine where they'd send her if they didn't like her. Iraq? Afghanistan? Camden?
7:48: Has Tom Telesco really been taking calls since dawn? Who's been calling him? Are there really that many teams eager to move up from No. 3?
7:50: I like the one comment in the live chat about how the NFL Draft should be run like the Sorting Hat from Harry Potter. So, if someone's going to be a crappy player, the hat can just go, "... ... Cleveland!"
7:51: Carson Wentz says he's not nervous because there's a plan in place. A plan? There's a plan? Where is this plan so I can see it and stop stressing about mock drafting?
7:54: I wrote this in the live chat... I just realized that these prospects were about 7 years old when I was a freshman at Penn State. Ugh, so f***ing old. My back hurts, I get random pains, and I have to drop five deuces per day. I might as well move to Florida.
7:56: Agreed with Berman on Mortensen. He's awesome, so hopefully he returns soon.
7:58: Won't be surprised if Jaylon Smith goes in the third round. I have the Packers taking him.
7:59: Berman joked about Mel working on the 2017 NFL Draft. Well, here's a 2017 NFL Mock Draft!
8:01: "Confidence is most crucial tonight?" What does confidence have to do with the NFL Draft?
8:03: You know, Suzy Kolber told Goff and Wentz that the next question they'd be asked is how it would feel to be in the NFL, but Goff just looked like he was asked if he wanted salt on his potatoes.
8:05: Berman says fans in St. Louis can still cheer for the Rams. Oh, that's cool. Maybe they should've shown up to the games.
8:06: The Rams are on the clock! I'll bet anything this pick is Eric Fisher.
8:08: By the way, I already have NFL Draft Grades posted for the Rams and Eagles taking Goff and Wentz.
8:10: Wow, there's a picture going around on Twitter about Laremy Tunsil hitting a pipe. He apparently didn't pay someone off.
8:11: I don't get why Goff throwing 1,600 passes in his career is a good thing. That just means he was trailing often.
8:13: Whoever posted that pic/video of Tunsil right now is both an a**hole and an idiot. The former because doing so is a douche move. The latter because the team that drafts him may not even know about it until after they pick him.
8:14: Rams pick is in! It took them eight minutes for some reason.
With the No. 1 pick, the Rams select Jared Goff, QB, California
8:16: I GOT ONE PICK RIGHT YES YES YES YE SYE YYSYSYSYSYS!!!
8:17: I wasn't keeping score at home, Boomer. Please tell me about this trade.
8:19: It'd be great if the Eagles trolled everyone and took Jalen Ramsey.
With the No. 2 pick, the Eagles select Carson Wentz, QB, North Dakota State
8:24: Two for two. But here's where my mock draft absolutely goes to s***.
8:26: Hilarious tweet I saw from an Eagles fan: "I guess this means we're not getting Mariota."
8:27: I have a feeling I'm going to fall behind soon, unfortunately. I miss the good old days when picks were 15 minutes long.
8:28: Just saw a rumor that the Chargers have loved Joey Bosa this whole time. That would be nuts.
With the No. 3 pick, the Chargers select Joey Bosa, DE/OLB, Ohio State
8:34: Wow. Just wow. Stupid teams do stupid things.
8:35: Crazy if the Cowboys take Elliott. You can find a running back anywhere. Hell, DeMarco Murray was a day-two pick.
With the No. 4 pick, the Cowboys select Ezekiel Elliott, RB, Ohio State
8:41: Wow. Wow wow wow wow wow. Apparently, it's 1995 again, and running backs need to be chosen in the top five. Someone needs to inform Jerry Jones that you can find running backs anywhere. Oh wait, he did, with DeMarco Murray. He got him in the third round...
8:43: Jaguars pick is in. At this rate, they're taking Taylor Decker. Stupid teams do stupid things.
With the No. 5 pick, the Jaguars select Jalen Ramsey, DB, Florida State
8:49: It's really amazing that year after year, the best players fall a bit in the draft. Dumb teams should just send out memos to every mock drafter saying, "Hey derp dee derp, we're going to do something dumb, derp dee doo."
8:50: I'd like to actually get a pick correct here, so please, Ravens, take Laremy Tunsil.
With the No. 6 pick, the Ravens select Ronnie Stanley, OT, Notre Dame
8:56: So, smart teams do dumb things now.
8:57: It's fair to wonder if the guy who hacked Tunsil's account wanted to ruin my mock draft. It'll be a miracle if I get another pick correct!
8:59: Funny joke about Rex Ryan being pissed Stanley didn't fall because of his good feet.
With the No. 7 pick, the 49ers select DeForest Buckner, DE, Oregon
9:04: Titans move up. Don't know for what, but this has to be Laremy Tunsil. If it's not, he's going to be in for an ugly free fall.
With the No. 8 pick, the Titans select Jack Conklin, OT, Michigan State
9:09: Ugly free fall it is, unless the Giants save him.
9:10: The Bears have traded up! Every team is conspiring to ruin my mock draft! Jerks!
With the No. 9 pick, the Bears select Leonard Floyd, DE/OLB, Georgia
9:17: Welp, I had Floyd at No. 9. Not to the Bucs, but I did have him ninth. So, to raise my low self-esteem, I'll mark that down as a correct pick.
9:18: Yeah, I know. Lame. But I need to feel better about myself. Maybe I should've dressed better and thrown away my Cheeto-stained shirt.
With the No. 10 pick, the Giants select Eli Apple, CB, Ohio State
9:24: The biggest winner of this pick is Chris Berman, who has already dubbed Eli Apple "the Big Apple." How creative!
9:25: This draft is insane. If someone told me that Tunsil would fall out of the top 10, and would be chosen after Eli Apple, I would've had them locked up in a mental ward.
9:26: Oh, and I guess the Giants aren't concerned about Apple's lacking cooking skills. That's good news, I guess.
With the No. 11 pick, the Buccaneers select Vernon Hargreaves, CB, Florida
9:32: It's like someone took my mock draft and took a crap on it. This is embarrassing.
9:33: The Tunsil fall is so weird. It's not like he was seen smoking crack. He didn't kill anyone. It's freaking weed. You know, something that is legal in multiple states. Who the f*** cares?
9:35: Funny tweet: "WHY DOES ESPN ALWAYS FUCKING GO TO COMMERCIAL WHENEVER THE SAINTS PICK? IT ALWAYS HAPPENS. AND YES, I'M YELLING IN ALL CAPS." I feel like my dad yells this when the 76ers are on the clock each June.
With the No. 12 pick, the Saints select Sheldon Rankins, DT, Louisville
9:41: Ugh, screw you Dolphins for submitting the pick so quickly and not allowing me to catch up. Now, make it up to me and give me the Myles Jack pick!
With the No. 13 pick, the Dolphins select Laremy Tunsil, OT, Ole Miss
9:43: FR90RE E0R ERIOIER ;IJRE IJRRE PIEJP
9:48: Some guy on ESPN just said Branden Albert's not getting any younger. Who's not getting younger? I'd like to meet this person and perhaps steal their ability, much like Goodell stole blood from the kids for his life force.
9:49: "I got hacked and we trying to find out who did it." - Laremy Tunsil. I wonder what sort of sleuth team Tunsil has behind this.
With the No. 14 pick, the Raiders select Karl Joseph, S, West Virginia
9:55: Tunsil and Karl Joseph go back to back. Never would've imagined that in a billion years.
9:56: Could this be Myles Jack? Or perhaps the Browns will take someone I have in the 17-24 range to further ruin my mock draft?
With the No. 15 pick, the Browns select Corey Coleman, WR, Baylor
9:57: Another pick ruined - and in the 17-24 range!
With the No. 16 pick, the Browns select Taylor Decker, OT, Ohio State
With the No. 17 pick, the Browns select Keanu Neal, S, Florida
With the No. 18 pick, the Browns select Ryan Kelly, C, Alabama
10:13: Site was down, but I got a pick right!!!!
With the No. 19 pick, the Bills select Shaq Lawson, DE, Clemson
10:21: Lawson's shoulder is going to require surgery? Wasn't he medically cleared? Shouldn't us mock drafters be notified of this?
10:22: Stock down to Paxton Lynch for wearing sunglasses inside in a bowling alley. How are you supposed to bowl with sunglasses?
With the No. 20 pick, the Jets select Shaq Lawson, DE, Clemson
10:28: Matvei pointed out to me that I had the Jaguars picking Ezekiel Elliott in this live blog. Between that, and my crappy mock, and the site crashing, I'm having a pretty s***ty day.
10:29: Texans move up. Hopefully for William Fuller, or I'll lose my mind.
10:31: What dad gives McDonald's to his daughter on her wedding day? Why not give her some food from the wedding, you cheap son of a b***h?
With the No. 21 pick, the Texans select William Fuller, WR, Notre Dame
10:35: I'm caught up now, and I just realized that I totally missed something I was going to post when the Colts were on the clock...
E-mailer John R. told me that he missed the Jim Irsay tweets from my NFL Power Rankings and requested for some to appear in my live draft blog. Sounds good to me! Here are some memorable tweets from Irsay at the beginning of the draft:
I JUST ENTERED WALTER FOOTBALLS MOCK DRAFT CONTEST & IM GONNA WIN I NO WHO THE COLTS WILL TAKE. JALIN RAMSEN!!!1
"@ColtsFan716 "Ramsey will be top 5 pick." SHUT UP YOU'RE AND IDIOT RAMSAY WILL BE ARE PICK ARE GM BILL GRIGSON TOLD ME SO!!!
ITS ALL MOST TIME FOR THE DRAFT TO START WERE IS EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SRSLY GUYS THE BUILDING IS DARK AND RADIO MUSIC CITY HALL IS EMPTY WERE DID EVERY1 GO IS NEW YORK UNDER ATTACK BY MUSLAMS?!?!?
"@ColtsFan511 "The draft is in Chicago; not New York." WHAT THE FVUK Y DID NO1 TELL ME THIS FCUK U ROGER GODALL FVCK U!!!!!
O WELL THE DRAFTS STUPID ANYWAY IM GONNA GO LOOK FOR SOME HOOKERS AND SNORT SOME BLOW WITH THEM LOLOLOL
With the No. 22 pick, the Redskins select Josh Doctson, WR, TCU
10:44: Some are surprised Laquon Treadwell is still on the board, but they shouldn't be. All of these receivers were pretty even heading into the draft.
With the No. 23 pick, the Vikings select Laquon Treadwell, WR, Ole Miss
10:50: Poor Bengals. They wanted a receiver so badly, yet the four first-rounders are all off the board.
With the No. 24 pick, the Bengals select William Jackson, CB, Houston
10:56: Holy crap, Artie Burns wins the draft for the girl he's sitting next to.
With the No. 25 pick, the Steelers select Artie Burns, CB, Baylor
10:58: Broncos trade up. For Paxton Lynch, presumably.
With the No. 26 pick, the Broncos select Paxton Lynch, QB, Memphis
11:09: Major dap for Charlie calling the Broncos moving up for Paxton Lynch. I, on the other hand, slotted Lynch to Denver 24 hours ago. And then I changed the pick. AAARRGGHH.
11:11: Why are the fans booing? That's not nice.
With the No. 27 pick, the Packers select Kenny Clark, NT, UCLA
11:15: The 49ers move up to No. 28. Presumably to take Myles Jack?
With the No. 28 pick, the 49ers select Joshua Garnett, G, Stanford
With the No. 29 pick, the Cardinals select Robert Nkemdiche, DE/DT, Ole Miss
11:25: MY SIXTH CORRECT PIICICICKKK YYEEESSSS!11
11:31: Robert Nkemdiche almost said he believes in destination. If this NFL thing doesn't work out, he can become a travel agent.
With the No. 30 pick, the Panthers select Vernon Butler, DT, Louisiana Tech
11:39: I was hoping this would be Germain Ifedi, but Chris Berman teased Derrick Henry by teasing the "Heisman winner." I actually had to recall who that was.
With the No. 31 pick, the Seahawks select Germain Ifedi, OT/G, Texas A&M
11:40: Ha! It's Ifedi! My seventh pick correct! That's... uhh... that's very mediocre. In fact, probably a little pedestrian. But hey, could've been worse.
11:41: It just dawned on me that I had more picks correct in the 17-31 range than in the 1-16 segment. How is that possible? I'll tell you how: stupid teams and stupid players f*** up mock drafts.
11:57: I'm all caught up on my NFL Draft Grades! With that in mind, I'm signing off. Thanks so much for reading my incoherent thoughts and enduring my crappy mock draft, which was hurt by an 11th-hour change by the Cowboys and Laremy Tunsil's Twitter account. Cool that I had some hits at the end though. And congrats to Charlie, who hit on eight selections in his mock.
Stay tuned tonight/tomorrow morning for my Round 2 and 3 Re-mock (as well as Charlie's). My NFL Draft Grades will continue all day tomorrow and Saturday, and Tony Pauline will be posting more rumors.