Minnesota Timberwolves: Karl-Anthony Towns, PF/C, Kentucky, 7-0, Fr.
It was a lose-lose for Karl-Anthony Towns when it was revealed that either the Timberwolves or the Lakers had the top pick. Towns would either have to be exiled to Minnesota, where the weather is frigid and the people don't know how to vote properly, or he'd have to play in Los Angeles, where he'd have to deal with douchey celebrities, insane traffic, ridiculous taxes and earthquakes. At least the weather's nice when, you know, there isn't a giant cloud of smog in the air.
Los Angeles Lakers: Jahlil Okafor, C, Duke, 6-11, Fr.
The bad news for Jahlil Okafor, aside from playing a city in which he'd have to endure douchey celebrities, insane traffic, ridiculous taxes and earthquakes, is that he'll have to deal with Kobe Bryant and his BS. The good news is that Kobe is going to retire soon, so Okafor won't have a pretentious, overrated teammate who hogs the ball for very long. Wait, never mind, the Lakers will still have Nick Young on the roster. Sorry for getting your hopes up, Jahlil.
Philadelphia 76ers: D'Angelo Russell, G, Ohio State, 6-4, Fr.
I've been asked what my dad thinks about D'Angelo Russell, since it seems like the 76ers will be drafting him. He definitely has a strong opinion on him, and I'll share it in Thursday's Live NBA Draft Blog. You won't be disappointed.
Speaking of the live blog, one thing people tell me that they look forward to is my dad's reaction to whom the Sixers pick. It's added incentive to go to my parents' house for the NBA Draft every June.
Here are some of my dad's past reactions to his beloved Sixers' selections:
2014 NBA Draft:
With the No. 9 pick in the 2014 NBA Draft, the Hornets select Noah Vonleh, F, Indiana
8:30: My dad's a fan. "Thank God! I don't want that loser Vonleh. We can draft Doug McDermott now!"
With the No. 10 pick in the 2014 NBA Draft, the 76ers select Elfrid Payton, G, Lousiana-Lafayette
8:37: My dad's comments:
"Who the f*** is that?"
"Why do we need another point guard?"
"It's a trade for Andrew Wiggins. I guarantee it."
With the No. 11 pick in the 2014 NBA Draft, the Nuggets select Doug McDermott, F, Creighton
8:43: "Sixers are SOOOO DUMMMBB! FUTURE LARRY BIRD!"
8:44: "When the Sixers picked Elfrid Payton, Denver was probably dancing because they got the next Larry Bird."
8:46: My dad, looking at the newspaper with Elfrid Payton's stats: "He shoots 50 percent free throws!" He then handed me the newspaper.
My response: "FG stands for field goals."
2013 NBA Draft:
8:31: Sixers dealt Jrue Holiday and a first-round pick in 201? (couldn't hear it because Bill Simmons and Jalen Rose were yelling.)
8:32: My dad's going nuts. "The Sixers are crazy! They are crazy! What are they doing!? Holiday... he's the best player on the team!"
8:34: "F***ing idiots!" My dad yelled, walking to the bathroom.
8:35: "Keeping Evan Turner and giving up Jrue Holiday!? How can they do this? What a f***ing idiot team!" my dad yelled, walking out of the bathroom.
2012 NBA Draft:
8:57: My dad's super pissed that ESPN cut to a commercial. "They're always against the Sixers! They hate the Sixers! Always commercials when they draft!"
With the 15th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the 76ers select Moe Harkless, F, St. John's
8:59: Uh oh...
"Who the f**k is that? WHO THE F**K IS THAT!? SIXERS ALWAYS DO SOMETHING STUPID! ALWAYS!"
9:01: My dogs are freaking out because my sister walked in. My dad, pissed about the pick and all the noise, just freaked out: "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! IDIOTS! SIXERS AND THE DOGS ARE ALL IDIOTS!"
2009 NBA Draft:
8:49: The Sixers are just four picks away. My dad wants Tyler Hansbrough, Ty Lawson or Wayne Ellington. Yeah, he's not a front-runner.
8:50: With the 13th pick in the 2009 NBA Draft, the Indiana Pacers select Tyler Hansbrough, PF, North Carolina - My dad just groaned. "Oh no, my guy!"
9:03: My dad is beaming. The Sixers will have their choice of Ty Lawson and/or Wayne Ellington:
"Watch, if the Sixers draft these guys, they're going to be good next season."
9:09: My dad's pretty confident they're taking Lawson or Ellington... He also thinks they may take B.J. Mullens and trade him.
9:10: And on that note, t-minus three minutes and counting until my TV is debacled.
9:13: With the 17th pick in the 2009 NBA Draft, the Philadelphia 76ers select Jrue Holiday, G, UCLA - Oh... no....
9:14: My dad on the pick:
"What the f***!?!??! I was afraid they'd take him. What the f***... I was afraid they were going to take him... I hope we're going to trade him. Why didn't they take Ty Lawson? Son of a b****. Why not Ellington? Maybe they'll trade down. Maybe they'll trade Holiday..."
9:16: I just told my dad Holiday averaged 8.5 ppg and shot 30.7 percent from three-point range at UCLA last year. He looks defeated.
New York Knicks: Kristaps Porzingis, C, Latvia, 7-2, 1995
If there's something strange, in the neighborhood, who ya gonna call? Kristaps Prozingis! Take a look at this:
Kristaps battles ghosts in his spare time! How cool (and useful for New York) is that?
Orlando Magic: Mario Hezonja, SG, Croatia, 6-6, 1995
If you think Mario Hezonja is good, just wait until his brother Luigi Hezonja declares for the NBA Draft. Not only is Luigi Hazonja taller; he can also jump higher, which is extremely useful when trying to get to hard-to-reach places, like those spots where you have around 10 seconds to pick up the mushroom that gives you an extra heart.
Sacramento Kings: Emmanuel Mudiay, PG, USA, 6-5, 1996.
Emmanuel Mudiay would go higher than this, but he's a backstabbing terrorist who defected for China a year ago. That character concern is why he's going No. 6 instead of No. 3.
Denver Nuggets: Justise Winslow, SF, Duke, 6-6, Fr.
The Nuggets need to recover from foolishly firing George Karl, and Justise Winslow might just (Get it? Just?) be the solution. I like the idea of drafting Justise Winslow because he reminds me of Eddie Winslow from Family Matters. They have the same haircut and own the same last name, and like Eddie, Justise happens to be a basketball player who went to a smart school because his mom forced him to, overruling the fat cop father who didn't care about academics at all. If it wasn't for Harriet, Justise Winslow would've gone to a school with dumb athletes who take fake classes, like Ohio State.
Detroit Pistons: Stanley Johnson, SF, Arizona, 6-7, Fr.
In my opinion, Detroit should pick the dirtiest player possible so they can go back to their "Bad Boy" roots. What's LeBron going to do if the Pistons have a big man who is willing to strangle him?
Pick change; previously Sam Dekker, SF
Charlotte Hornets: Frank Kaminsky, C, Wisconsin, 7-0, Sr.
Michael Jordan's strategy with the Hornets has been to draft the worst player available. I'm not sure if Frank Kaminsky fits that theme, but Jordan has reportedly fallen in love with him. According to my sources, Jordan has downloaded various pictures of Kaminsky and has stored them on a secret folder on his computer.
Pick change; previously Devin Booker, SG
Miami Heat: Devin Booker, SG, Kentucky 6-5, Fr.
Unless you have an elite coach like Greg Popovich, I don't think the man sitting on the bench really matters. Case in point: The small Mexican dude coaching the Heat - I can't remember his name for the life of me; I'm tired from being at the beach all day - won two championships with LeBron James. Now that LeBron is gone, the small Mexican man can't even get his team to the playoffs. Some coach he was! It was all LeBron, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh.
What does that have to do with this pick? I'm not sure, but I don't have any sort of opinion on Devin Booker, so I thought I'd write that.
Pick change; previously Stanley Johnson, SF
Indiana Pacers: Cameron Payne, PG, Murray State, 6-2, Soph.
It's a little ridiculous that someone like Cameron Payne was allowed to declare for the NBA Draft after just his sophomore season at Murray State. Like that's a real school. What was his safety option, Boris College?
The NBA should follow the NFL's lead and force college kids to stay in school for three or more years. This would result in a better product for both college basketball and the NBA. College hoops play would improve tremendously - no more John Calipari and Coach K one-and-done BS teams dominating - and the NBA would be better since everyone coming in would be prepared to play in the pros. Well, everyone except those from Tennessee, because I can't see Rick Barnes getting anyone ready to be in the NBA.
Pick change; previously Trey Lyles, PF
Utah Jazz: Sam Dekker, SF, Wisconsin, 6-9, Jr.
Utah's biggest need is a talented white player, so Sam Dekker makes a ton of sense. Dekker betrayed Aaron Rodgers by sucking in the national championship, but he was great in his other games, so the Jazz might take him here, especially when you consider the pressing need he fills.
Pick change; previously Frank Kaminsky, C
Phoenix Suns: Myles Turner, C, Texas, 7-0, Fr.
Since Myles Turner went to Texas, I want to note how extremely happy I am that Rick Barnes found a job after he was fired. Barnes is one of my favorite people on the planet; not only is he a nice guy, but he's awesome to pick against in the NCAA Tournament. He's a great recruiter, but he can't coach his way out of a paper bag, which is why his teams always suck in the Big Dance. I'm glad to have Barnes around at another big school, where I can continue to take the other team in March.
Oklahoma City Thunder: Kelly Oubre, SF, Kansas, 6-7, Fr.
Sam Presti will take a player who evolves into a solid No. 3 option, and then he'll trade him for nothing.
Pick change; previously Cameron Payne, G
Atlanta Hawks: Trey Lyles, PF, Kentucky, 6-10, Fr.
Oh, and the NBA Draft would be better, too. Instead of the Hawks taking a gamble on a relatively unknown person like Trey Lyles, they could take a seasoned junior or senior we've watched for 3-4 years. Adam Silver, I'm begging you, if you plan on doing anything as NBA Commissioner besides kicking senile racists out of your league, please implement this 3-year rule.
Go to 2015 NBA Mock Draft: Picks 16-30 Sorry for cutting this into two halves; I've received complaints about load times and putting the mock draft on two pages saves bandwidth.