Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011
Jerks of the Jersey Shore for Aug. 8, 2011
JERK OF THE JERSEY SHORE: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
If you didn't read the previous three Jerks of the Week entries, I've been discussing the plethora of Jerks of the Jersey Shore I found while on vacation the week of July 11.
Three weeks ago, I discussed the Jerks of the Beach. A week after that, it was Jerks of the Boardwalk. Last week, it was Jerks of the Pool. Now, for my final entry, I present Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants.
To make things clear, my hotel (technically a motel) didn't have a restaurant. It was a pretty cheap place - about $170 a night - so all they served in the lobby was coffee. I could have splurged out for a fancier hotel for $350 a night, but I wasn't trying to impress anyone. All I needed was a bed, a heated pool and many jerks to mock.
1. Air Conditionings Man:
I seldom stay at hotels. In fact, the last time I booked a night was two years ago at my college roommate Dennis' wedding. Read all about that crazy night in my Live Wedding Retro Blog.
When I checked in and reached my room after struggling with the stupid pool gate for five minutes, I saw that someone left a couple of beige blankets on a chair outside of my room. I figured I'd just bring them in later; it was already 3 p.m., so I wanted to head to the beach.
After coming back from the beach with my sister Jackie and my cousin Megan, I asked them about the beige blankets.
Me: Hey, are those mine? Am I supposed to bring them into the room?
Jackie: Umm... I wouldn't touch those.
Me: Are you sure? What if they blow away, and then this hotel charges me like $200 for their lost beige blankets?
Jackie: I wouldn't risk it. Looks shady.
Well, after we came back from getting ripped off at Gilligan's Waterpark, we were shocked to see a Mexican man sitting on those very same beige blankets. The Mexican man, whom I will refer to as Air Conditionings Man, was startled upon seeing us.
Air Conditionings Man: I so sorry, so sorry, excuse preeze.
Me: Sorry for what?
Air Conditionings Man: I put blanket on your chair and I sit on dis chair, so sorry, so sorry, excuse preeze.
Me: It's fine. Don't worry about it.
Air Conditionings Man: So sorry, so sorry, excuse preeze, I sit in dis chair because I no want to sit in front of air conditionings.
Me: Air conditionings?
At this point, Megan looked at me and silently mouthed "Ohhhkaaaay?" clearly realizing that this man was completely out of his mind.
Air Conditionings Man: I no want to sit in front of air conditionings, so sorry, so sorry, excuse preeze.
Me: I'm not sure what you're talking about, but you can sit in my chair. I don't care.
Air Conditionings Man: No. No. I go. So sorry, so sorry, excuse preeze.
I'm still not sure what the hell that was about, but lesson learned - never touch any beige blankets you may find outside of your hotel room.
2. People on Phones:
When I came back from Ocean City, N.J., my mom asked me if I had a relaxing vacation. I couldn't say I did because I didn't sleep very well.
I had no problem getting to sleep, but I was constantly woken up at 7 a.m. by loud a**holes talking on cell phones outside my room. Since I usually go to bed between 2:30 and 3:30, I got only five or so hours of sleep each night.
The first morning, there was an obnoxious black guy outside my room. For about 30 straight minutes, I heard nothing but "yee... yee... yee..." It was like I was listening to some stupid Puff Daddy rap song. All that was missing was some corny "P. Diddy rollin' in the city" lyric.
It was even worse the next morning. Some guy was shouting nonsensical things at the top of his lungs. One thing I remember him saying was:
"I played field hockey in college then I went ter England ter play field hockey dere!"
Isn't field hockey for women? Not that there's anything wrong with men playing field hockey, but still. Eventually, I had enough. I mustered what energy I had and walked to the window. I pulled back the curtain and saw him - he was a silvery-haired man in his 60s wearing a Phillies t-shirt. He was leaning over the railing and just blabbering away on his cell phone.
I banged on the glass. He turned around and looked startled. I was tired and cranky, so I let him have it.
Me: No one gives a damn about your homoerotic adventures in England, a**hole!
Field Hockey Man: Sorry!
Field Hockey Man walked away, but I kept yelling even though he was out of earshot.
Me: If you want to discuss how some Brit field hockey players named Jeeves, Edmond and Pennington sucked your c*** in the locker room, do it somewhere else!
He didn't hear me, but I didn't care. Thanks to my rant, I slept peacefully for the rest of the morning.
3. Pancake Thief:
I went to various breakfast places during my stay at Ocean City. There was always one hot waitress at these restaurants, yet I was never lucky enough to have them wait on me. I always got the fat waitress, or the Skeletor-looking waitress, or the old waitress, or the waitress with the monstrous mole on her face. I swear, it was a conspiracy against me.
My first morning there, I went to a nice breakfast place. I tried to place an order, but had issues doing so.
Fat Waitress: What would you like?
Me: I'd like a tomato-and-cheese omelet, home fries, three pancakes, bacon and orange juice.
Fat Waitress: Are you sure? That's a lot of food for one person.
Me: Yeah, I can finish everything.
Fat Waitress: But the pancakes are pretty big, and the home fries are served in a large portion.
Me: No! I can do it!
How dare she question me? I can eat lots of food, and I figured if anyone would understand this, it would be a fat waitress.
She finally relented and served my feast 10 minutes later.
Fat Waitress: Do you need anything else?
Me: No! Go away! NOM NOM NOM NOM!!!!!!!
Forty-five minutes after this, I nearly devoured everything. All that was remaining was three-quarters of my final pancake. I was still eating, when this Guido bus boy who looked like he was straight out of MTV's Jersey Shore approached my table.
Bus Boy: Ey yo, you done wid dis pancake?
My mouth was full, so I couldn't respond with something like, "No, a**hole, I'm still eating it." Unfortunately, since I was chewing and couldn't answer his question, he took that as a yes and took away my pancake.
I'm sure Fat Waitress was pleased when she saw Pancake Thief carrying my unfinished pancake to the kitchen. In fact, I'm positive they had the following exchange:
Pancake Thief: Ey yo, he din't finish dis pancake. You say he won't finish dis pancake, ey yo.
Fat Waitress: MUHAHA ME KNEW MAN WOULD NOT FINISH PANCAKE NOW ME EAT PANCAKE NOM NOM NOM NOM!!!
I'm never eating there again.
4. Mushroom Cut Moron:
Excluding the one night where I ate at various places and had my French fry feast ruined by a bubble-blowing whore, I ate dinner at Prep's Pizza.
Mack & Manco is renowned as the best pizza joint at the Jersey Shore, but I have to disagree. Prep's Pizza, located at 10th and Boardwalk, edges out Mack & Manco by just a bit. If you ever try Prep's, however, stick with the plain. I'm not a fan of their pepperoni pizza, though I never had Mack & Manco's pepperoni, so I can't give you a comparison. If you are looking for great pepperoni pizza, I encourage you to try Station Pizza in Northeast Philadelphia. I have wet dreams about that stuff.
Hold on one second... I need to wipe the drool off my keyboard.
My mom and sister visited me on my last day at Ocean City. We went to Prep's for dinner, and as I sat at the table, looking forward to my meal, I spotted this unbelievably hot chick walk in with her family. I couldn't figure out her hair color because it was dark in there, but she was tan, wearing a short white shirt and a skirt. She had great legs.
I didn't know what to drool over - the pizza or her legs - but then I noticed that she and her father were doing something odd. Instead of just sitting down, they tested every single chair to see if it wobbled or not. Not just at the table - but the entire restaurant.
I'm not a fan of wobbling chairs, but they took it too far. She and her dad finally found chairs that didn't wobble after about 10 minutes of searching and testing. Well, whatever. She's hot, so she can do whatever she wants, whether that's seeking out good chairs, kicking sand in my face or killing toddlers.
Hot Legs Chick and her dad weren't the only people dining at that table. Several other of their presumed family members walked into Prep's including a boy of about 10 years old wearing an obnoxious orange t-shirt and sporting a horrendous mushroom haircut. I had a mushroom cut at that age too, but it was the 90s. At least I had an excuse.
Mushroom Cut Moron couldn't sit still. He bounced around the table, annoying everyone there. When he got to Hot Legs Chick, he asked her how old she was.
I listened closely. I really suck at determining ages, so I wanted to see if she was over 18, as I presumed when I first saw her.
Mushroom Cut Moron: How old are you?
Hot Legs Chick: How old do you think I am?
Mushroom Cut Moron: Ummmmmmm... 81?
Hot Legs Chick: You're right!
Idiot! This was my one chance to learn something about her - aside from her OCD regarding wobbling chairs - and this Mushroom Cut Moron ruined everything!
5. Ice Cream Hoarder:
Mushroom Cut Moron wasn't the only jerk at Prep's that evening. There were three people sitting behind me - a bald dude wearing a wife beater and sporting a goatee, and his wife and 12-year-old son.
I didn't think anything of them until my mom pointed out that the bald guy was the only one at the table eating something. I turned around, and sure enough, he was stuffing ice cream into his mouth while his wife and son stared hungrily at him.
I can only imagine the conversation that led up to this.
Ice Cream Hoarder: ME WANT ICE CREAM!!!
Son: Me too, dad! I want chocolate and vanilla.
Ice Cream Hoarder: YOU NO GET ICE CREAM!!!
Wife: Why, dear? We can all have ice cream together.
Ice Cream Hoarder: NO!!! ME EAT ALL ICE CREAM!!!
What an a**hole. I don't know why he didn't allow his family to eat ice cream with him, but they were clearly hungry. When he went to the bathroom, his wife grabbed the remaining ice cream and finished it off.
Ice Cream Hoarder came back from the bathroom minutes later. I made sure I saw his reaction, and it was a confused one. He scratched his head and asked, "Where'd my ice cream go?"
I can't see this ending well. If Ice Cream Hoarder ever learns the truth, I have a feeling that his marriage will end with a divorce or a homicide. Let's hope he's not reading this.
6. Alternate Universe Bathroom:
I wanted to go to the bathroom before we left Prep's. There were two people waiting ahead of me to use the unisex bathroom - a woman in her 40s and a little girl with blond hair and freckles.
No big deal, right? Two people shouldn't take that long, I thought.
Ten minutes later, I was still waiting for her the first lady to come out. Finally, the door opened. To my astonishment, the lady was now with two little girls - one white and one Asian.
I didn't see her walk into the bathroom with two little girls. They couldn't have appeared out of thin air, so I figured I just didn't see them walk in with her.
It was now the little blond freckled girl's turn to use the bathroom. I waited for five minutes, and nothing. I waited for 10 minutes, and nothing. An older woman, whom I presumed to be her mom, approached me.
Mother: Is a little blond girl in the bathroom?
Me: Yeah, she's been in there for a while though.
The mother knocked on the bathroom door, but didn't hear an answer. She then banged on the door, but still heard nothing but silence. She gave up and walked back to her table.
Five minutes after that, the blond freckled girl was still in there. Her mother came back and banged on the door again. Finally, the door opened.
Mother: What took you so long?
Little Girl: I dunno?
The little girl shrugged her shoulders as if she didn't understand what her mom was so stressed about.
Finally, it was my turn. All I had to do was piss, but based on what I had seen so far, I half expected the year to be 2025 when I exited the bathroom. Maybe I'd even have a pair of daughters as well.
I walked out of the bathroom what seemed like two minutes later. I was about to ask my mom if the year was still 2011, but I didn't need to. I immediately noticed that Hot Legs Chick and her family were gone.
Damn you, Alternate Universe Bathroom, and your time-sucking vortex. How dare you ruin the miniscule chance I had with Hot Legs Chick?
7. Seven Howes Kid:
I didn't just lie on the beach, drool over hot chicks, bathe in the pool, stuff my face with food, yell at inconsiderate a**holes outside my hotel room and strike out with the lifeguard at the waterpark on vacation. I also mini-golfed.
I love mini-golf. I think it's better than regular golf. I don't even know why people watch regular golf. What's the fun if there are no windmills, clown faces and frustrating ramps involved? Tiger Woods, in my opinion, deserves no credit for anything he's done in his career until he can shoot 10 under par at Congo Falls Adventure Golf.
Not that I can get 10 under at Congo Falls Adventure Golf or anything. I shot a hideous +9 with my mom and sister, but in my defense, I was in a food coma after devouring all that Prep's pizza.
Earlier that day, I had some time to kill, so I went mini-golfing at another place by myself. Everything was going smoothly until I got to the ninth hole. I was actually two under par, so I was proud of myself. However, I had to wait a while to go on Hole 9 because there were people in front of me.
I birdied Hole 9, but had to wait even longer on Hole 10. Hole 11 was worse - it took forever in comparison to Hole 10.
I finally noticed why there was such a delay. There was a family in front of me - a young married couple and their 7-year-old fat son. Whenever the kid messed up, they retrieved the ball and let him start over. He was seriously going four or five times on each hole.
I guess they saw my frustration because the fat kid's mother looked at me and said, "We're sorry!"
You better be sorry, a**holes. Don't you realize that I have places to be and hot chicks to stare at?
What really pissed me off about this was that the fat kid thought he was doing well. After luckily sinking a hole-in-one on Hole 15 - albeit on his third try - he proudly boasted, "I got seven howes in ones!"
I really wanted to say, "Shut up, liar. You're like 50 over par," but I didn't want to jinx myself. I was THIS close to getting 10 under par and surpassing Tiger Woods as the greatest golfer in the universe.
Unfortunately, my dreams shattered when I overheard some turd behind me brag, "I'm 12 under par! Yes!"
Oh well. Maybe I'm not the greatest golfer ever, but my -8 score says that I'm nearly as good as Tiger. Now, if only I could bang as many women as he does...
8. Water Gun Kid:
I wasn't the only one held up by Seven Howes Kid. There was the bragging douche behind me, and there was also another family that was comprised of a woman in her late 40s, a 14-year-old boy with bucked teeth and a 10-year-old girl.
It was really hot out, and I guess the 14-year-old (whom I'll refer to as Water Gun Kid) was getting restless waiting for the Seven Howes Kid to finish his turn. Water Gun Kid came up with an idea and shared it with his sister.
Water Gun Kid: We should have a water gun fight when we get back to the house.
Sister: But we don't have water guns.
Water Gun Kid: Yeah, we do!
Sister: No we don't!
Water Gun Kid: Ya-huh!
This went on for several minutes. Finally, the sister used her mother as an unbiased arbitrator.
Sister: Mom, do we have water guns?
Sister: See, told you so!
Water Gun Kid: But we can use the pots and pans from the kitchen as water guns!
Wow, awesome idea! Constantly filling up pots and pans from the kitchen with water and then splashing other people? Sounds like great fun. Not.
Seriously, how ghetto is that? Not that I'd expect anything different from the Jerks of the Jersey Shore.
More Jerks of the Week:
Jerks of the Week - Home
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein
2013 Fantasy Football Rankings - May 21
2014 NFL Mock Draft - May 21
Charlie's 2014 NFL Mock Draft - May 20
2013 NBA Mock Draft - May 3
NFL Picks - Feb. 3
© 1999-2013 Walter Cherepinsky : all rights reserved
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