Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2017





Jerks of the Week: Feb. 20, 2017


JERK OF THE WEEK: Walt Goes to the Super Bowl, Part 2

Last week, I wrote Walt Goes to the Super Bowl, Part 1, which involved my usual hardships at the Philadelphia International Airport. I thought about conspiring with terrorists and their Bob-ombs because of a lack of pizza; I embarrassed myself by having a buffalo chicken crumble on my hoodie; and I sat next to a smelly pirate hooker on the plane ride. Fortunately, I arrived in Houston in one piece...

I met up with our senior draft analyst, Charlie Campbell, at the George Bush Airport in Houston. Charlie's flight arrived 50 minutes before mine, so we agreed to take a cab together to our hotel.

While walking to baggage claim, I was immediately bombarded with a swarm of people who resembled protestors. I thought they were going to lecture me on why I was an evil person for not joining their cause, but instead, they gave me some sort of pamphlet with a Falcons logo on it. "Go Falcons, wooo!" they shouted loudly, piercing my eardrums. Then, they tried to hand me more of the same pamphlet, but I walked by them, trying to tell them that they already gave me one. This did not work, as they tried shoving more Falcons pamphlets down my throat.

I never thought I'd say this, but I wish I had been accosted by smelly protestors instead of Falcons fans. Somehow, some way, Falcons fans are worse.

What was in the pamphlet? How the hell should I know? I just tossed it in the garbage when they weren't looking. I figured it was some sort of literature to help convert me into a Falcons fan, ultimately having me join them in committing suicide. Well, I'm not joining your damn Falcons cult, you sickos!

Charlie and I eventually reached our hotel room, where we awaited a call from one of Charlie's friends, an individual who works in an NFL front office. The plan was to hang out with him for the entire evening. I imagined that this would involve going to some sort of sports bar and talking football.

I was completely wrong. I had no idea what I was in store for.




Charlie's friend called and said he was leaving for the Leather and Lace party.

Leather and Lace? Uh oh, I thought. I didn't own a leather jacket or lace lingerie, and even if I did, I never imagined that I'd need to pack those articles of clothing. I was soon relived to see that Charlie wasn't wearing any leather or lace either, so I at least wouldn't stand out as a non-conformist.

We cabbed over to the Leather and Lace party, and were immediately met by giant, 350-pound security guards, who told us we couldn't enter without a ticket. Charlie texted his friend to notify him that we were here. As we waited for him, Charlie did a quick search on his phone and discovered that tickets for this particular party were $400! Considering the most I've ever spent to enter a drinking establishment was just $10, I thought that this was a little outrageous. How could this possibly be worth $400? I'd soon discover the answer.

Charlie's friend soon retrieved us and told the bouncers that we were his guests, so they let us in. We were led through what appeared to be the main room and then a long hallway with all sorts of crazy sports memorabilia, and then we entered a huge dance room. The place was packed, and it didn't take me too long to notice that this Leather and Lace party featured the hottest group of women I had ever seen. Almost every single female there was unbelievably attractive, and many of them were wearing short dresses that exposed their cleavage. For a moment, I thought I was in one of the "In the VIP" pornos! If I were single, I would have, well, been super awkward and not talked to any of these women out of fright.

Once I settled myself down and talked to everyone in our group, I finally took notice of something bizarre. In the middle of the room, there was a 30-foot-tall woman. I'm not joking. Here's a picture:



Look at that. If she and Shawn Bradley had children, their kids would be 18 feet tall and would have to actually look down to dunk a basketball in the NBA.

OK, she's obviously not really 30 feet tall, as she was on stilts or something of that nature, but it was still impressive. They had her swaying back and forth, which must have been insanely tiring. My horrible back hurts just from standing for a half hour, so I can't even imagine how she must have felt by the end of the night. Then again, she looks fit, unlike myself, a short, fat dude with all sorts of bodily problems.

Charlie then made a great suggestion: We should go get a drink because it was open bar. Fortunately, the line was short, and before I knew it, a brunette bartender with long earrings who could've easily been a supermodel, was asking what I wanted to drink. I was so stunned that I nearly choked when telling her what I wanted to drink.

Me: Hey... hey, can I have a Tom Collins?

Supermodel Bartender: We don't- that- we- have- only- Smirnoff- Grey Goose- vodka- mix-

The place was so loud I couldn't hear her; I could only make out every third word or so, but from what I gathered, she said they didn't have gin to mix Tom Collins with, and they only had some types of vodka.

Supermodel Bartender: I- give- how- about- vodka- with- soda?

Me: Yeah, that sounds good to me!

I have no idea what she said. I once again had to piece the puzzle together. I assume she wanted to give me some sort of vodka and soda. I shouted back, "Grey Goose and Sprite," and she nodded her head. A minute later, she handed me a vodka and Sprite, which was delightful.

This got me thinking. She literally could have offered me anything, and because she was a supermodel bartender, I would've agreed to it. I've run the following scenarios through my head...

Me: Hey, can I have a Tom Collins?

Supermodel Bartender: We don't have any gin. How about I give you the blood of sacrificed virgins?

Me: Sure, sounds good, I'll drink whatever you think is best.

Or...

Me: Hey, can I have a Tom Collins?

Supermodel Bartender: We don't have any gin. How about I give you some diarrhea that came out of my a**hole?

Me: Sure, sounds good, I'll drink whatever you think is best.

Or...

Me: Hey, can I have a Tom Collins?

Supermodel Bartender: We don't have any gin. In fact, we have nothing for you. You're going to wait here and not go anywhere forever, and you'll die of thirst, but you'll try drinking some of your urine first out of utter desperation for survival.

Me: Sure, sounds good, I'll drink whatever you think is best.

Anyway, after a couple of drinks, Charlie's friend decided that it was time to head to another party. This was both shocking and intriguing. If we were leaving a $400 party to go somewhere else, how awesome would the next place be?

This next party was called the Bar Stool Sports party, which I had heard of because former Colts punter Pat McAfee retired to write for them. That sounded fun, but little did I know that I would nearly die prior to reaching that party.






This might be shocking to you because it was to me, but it was absolutely frigid in Houston the Friday night prior to the Super Bowl. I had looked at the weather forecast prior to flying there, and the days before my arrival were all in the 80s. The days following my departure were all in the 80s. Yet, two of the three days I'd spend in Houston would be in the high 50s or low 60s, and the one exception, the day of the Super Bowl, would be 70, but rainy. This would only happen to me!

Still, high 50s didn't sound terrible. What I failed to realize that this was the daytime temperature. It dropped to the low 30s/high 20s Friday night, which was horrible for me because all I was wearing was a thin button-down shirt. It didn't take me very long to begin shivering while waiting for our Uber. Fortunately, it didn't take very long to arrive, and we were soon at the Bar Stool Sports party.

Well, we were right outside of it, anyway. I was standing behind some people in our group, when I heard shouting. One of the bouncers was screeching at a woman we were with. I only heard some of it, which was, "You don't talk to a police officer like that! You're never getting in now!"

Police officer? Wow, chill out, a**hole. You're a freaking bouncer; not a police officer.

No one really knew what to do. Except Charlie, who vanished for a minute and then reappeared with a personal cheese pizza.

"They're giving those away," he said, as he must have noticed me salivating. "They're free, but you have to take a picture."

A picture? That's it? I'd give my left nut for a free cheese pizza!

I walked over to an adjacent truck and asked for a cheese pizza, and the guy just handed me one. Then, some mustachioed individual with a camera pointed to a barrel full of Fiji water.

"Take a bottle, and let me take your picture," he said.

I followed his instructions, and soon enough, I was enjoying a free cheese pizza and a free bottle of water. This was the best night ever! I have no idea what this shady individual was doing with these pictures. He could be pleasuring himself to the picture of me at his very moment, but I don't care. I got a free cheese pizza!

As soon as I scarfed down the free pizza, the fake cops/bouncers finally decided to let us in. Well, most of us. Charlie's friend and his family were able to enter, but the fake cop blocked both me and Charlie.

Fake Cop: You're not in line! Get in line!

Charlie: But we're with them.

Fake Cop: Get in line now! You're not in line! You have to be in line!

Me: But there is no line.

This is true. There was no line. There literally was no one in line. What this douche bag wanted was for me and Charlie to stand in front of him, rather than follow the people we were walking in with on the side. It literally made no difference, but we followed this lunatic's orders by making a 90-degree turn, finally standing in front of him.

Fake Cop: No more entry!

Me: But we're in line now.

Fake Cop: I said no one gets in!

Charlie: But our friends just walked in ahead of us.

Fake Cop: No one gets in anymore!

This guy was f***ing insane. I'm willing to bet that he was bullied as a kid, so he decided to become a fake cop so that he could enforce the rules. He was probably the douche who tattled on everyone in grade school. That's why no one liked him.

It felt like we were standing outside forever. Other people tried to get in, but this a**hole wouldn't let anyone in. Not even hot girls. This one attractive chick actually left the party and realized she forgot her hat.

Cute Girl: Hey, I forgot my hat inside.

Fake Cop: No one's allowed in anymore!

Cute Girl: But I need to get my hat. I was just in there.

Fake Cop: No entry, period!

Meanwhile, it was absolutely frigid. I was freezing my a** off. It was so cold that I felt like I jumped into an ice-covered lake. I even saw people I recognized, like NFL Network's Ian Rapoport, but I didn't care. I was developing frostbite, and I knew that I would soon be dead if I didn't get some warmth.

It got so cold that Charlie and I decided to just f*** it and go back to the hotel. We found a cab, but at that very moment, we got a call from Charlie's friend, who was confused about what happened. Charlie explained everything, and his friend said he could get us in. We then retreated back to the entrance, where we saw Charlie's friend talking to the fake cop, explaining that we were, in fact, with him. He then begrudgingly moved aside and told us that we could enter.

The Bar Stool Sports party was also a good one. I'd say the Leather and Lace party was better, but this one had bartenders wearing swim suits. Again, I need to remind you that I thought we were going to a sports bar to talk football!

As I was waiting for a drink, Charlie and I noticed someone else we knew: Jared Goff! For those of you who don't follow football, Goff - or, as I like to call him, Jared Goof - was the first-overall pick of the Los Angeles Rams in the 2016 NFL Draft. He's a quarterback, or so he says. Goof was absolutely terrible as a rookie, and both Charlie and I were stunned that he was here.

Seriously, why was Goof partying at the Super Bowl? He was so horrible as a rookie that if I were him, I'd be ashamed to be seen in public like this. He should've been studying film instead; not partying it up like a football player who actually deserved to. The second-overall pick, Carson Wentz, was nowhere to be seen, and that's because he's actually a professional athlete. He once was caught studying film while on a date. That's how dedicated he is to football. He wasn't at some random party at the Super Bowl.

Anyway, Charlie and I were there for only a bit. For some reason, the bars closed at 2 p.m. in Houston. This is the rule in most states, but you'd think the governor or mayor would extend drinking hours for the Super Bowl. That's what a logical government person would do to increase revenue, but apparently not.

As we were leaving, we spotted two acquaintances. We chatted for a bit, but I was bumped into some guy who was completely intoxicated. He introduced himself as Dave.

Acquaintance: Hey, are you OK to drive home?

Dave: Yeaahshh I'mmm fiinnene myyy grurrllfrriendn gonnana dririivee memeee homemmmee hic!

Acquaintance: Where's your girlfriend?

Dave: Shheee'ss riririghhgt thheheree caann't yoouu seeee hhheerr hic!

Dave pointed to a corner. A bare corner, with no one there. He was so hammered that he thought a woman - his apparent girlfriend - was standing in this corner that wasn't occupied by a single human being.

Believe me when I tell you, Dave wasn't even the drunkest person we encountered all weekend. I'll save that for next week, as well as the story about our trip to the Playboy Party!

LOADING COMMENTS...



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Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2013: WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2013: Cereal Trilogy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 21


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 16


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5









 





 

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