Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013





Jerks of the Week for March 4, 2013


Jerks of the Week: Jerks of Tulane

I wrote last week that it was my goal to become a more open-minded and worldly writer. It hasn't been long since I published those words, but I think you'll be pleased to learn that I've made quite a bit of progress toward that goal.

Here are some ways I've been more open-minded and worldly lately:

1. There was a commercial on TV recently for a company called Western Sky. I don't know what the hell Western Sky is - I'm thinking some sort of airline - or what they were trying to sell, but the point is that a non-Caucasian woman with tan skin and dark hair was talking about something.

I normally would have assumed she was a Mexican and then went about my business, but I then thought about it and determined that she was a Native American. The fact that I was able to determine that she was a Native American - and not a Mexican - proves that I'm more open-minded and worldly. Something like that takes an inordinate amount of skill, if I do say so myself. I mean, sure, the words "Western Sky is a Native American-owned company" were on the bottom of the screen, but I feel like I deserve all of the credit for determining her race.

Before I move on, one random thing about Native Americans. My friend the Reverend recently played the "What Does Walt Know" game where he asks me random questions in front of people to determine what I do and don't know. For example, I correctly told him what "steampunk" was, but didn't exactly know what a whisk (I just tried to spell it "wisk") looked like. One of the questions was, "What's the difference between Indians and Native Americans?" My response: Indians are from the country of India, and Native Americans are from the country of Native America.

Everyone agreed that I was right. Of course I was. That's pretty easy to remember. Now, if you asked me to locate both India and Native America on a map, I'd be dumbfounded. They're both somewhere in Asia - I know that much.

2. I opened my freezer Tuesday evening and noticed my box of frozen dinosaur chicken nuggets. My sister usually puts them in the oven thing when we have people over, but I never bothered with them because I don't know how to operate my oven thing.

It was time for a change. I was more open-minded and worldly, after all. I took out the box and noticed that there was a microwave option for these things. I happily put them on a plate and stuck them in the microwave. Forty-five seconds later, I was stuffing dinosaur chicken nuggets into my mouth.

3. I went jogging in the rain after covering the NFL Combine. The gym was already closed and I needed exercise, so I went outside even though it was pouring. I had to change my socks when I came back home, but they were all in the hamper. All my socks were, that is, except for my black socks.

I've worn white or gray socks my entire life. I've never worn regular black ankle socks. I put them on and... they felt very comfortable! This just proves that it's beneficial to be more racially diverse. Take note, racists.

Anyway, those are just three instances where I've been more open-minded and worldly lately. I'm sure I could come up with plenty more if I had the time. I have to say that I'm proud of myself. I never thought that visiting my girlfriend, Awesome Girl Who Loves Football in New Orleans would spark such a magnificent transformation within me.

Of course, simply being in New Orleans was fun. I didn't check out Bourbon Street or anything because I didn't feel like driving my jeep/tank, but I did get to see Tulane's campus a few times because Awesome Girl Who Loves Football had classes on the three of the days I was there.

I had some time to kill while Awesome Girl Who Loves Football was in class, but don't think that this was a boring time for me. What I was able to do was walk around and find Jerks of Tulane. I didn't think this would be much of a challenge because as I came to realize from my days at Penn State, college campuses are flooded with jerks worth writing about. I predictably found quite a few...


1. Two Cool Thugs

Tulane is one of the whitest schools in the country. Its nickname is "Jewlane," and as Awesome Girl Who Loves Football once told me, the only non-white people on campus are the athletes.

She was right on the money. I hardly saw any diversity while walking around campus. However, I did spot two white guys who thought they were black. I was walking by a place called "Cancer Corner," a section where people gather to smoke cigarettes. A short white guy was reading a book when another white dude approached him. I overheard their bizarre conversation as I walked by:

White Guy No. 1: What up G?

White Guy No. 2: What up dogg?

White Guy No. 1: Not much homez. Whatchu up to?

White Guy No. 2: Just livin' da life.

White Guy No. 1: Coo, coo.

These guys were clearly too cool for school. This school in particular. I bet they applied to an all-black school, but were miffed when they were rejected because of their skin color.

See, that's the problem with schools that have a student body comprised of just one race. If the all-black school these cool dudes applied to was more open-minded and worldly like me, it would have realized that these guys weren't really white, despite the color of their skin. It's just a shame that we have to live in such a closed-minded world.





2. Zeta Recruiting

The center of Tulane's campus is McAlister Drive. There were tons of booths for sorority recruitment set up my first day on campus. The sorority people, mainly from one called Zeta, constantly approached girls who walked by and gave them information.

Unfortunately, no matter how many times I strolled by their stands, they didn't say a single word to me. This perplexed me, and I later complained to Awesome Girl Who Loves Football.

Me: I can't believe these Zeta people. Some nerve they have!

Awesome Girl Who Loves Football: What do you mean?

Me: Not one sorority girl today asked me to join their sorority! Not one!

Awesome Girl Who Loves Football: Umm... maybe that's because you're a guy?

She was right. I am a guy. But I don't think that's any reason for a sorority not to recruit me. There are sometimes female kickers on football teams. There was a woman hockey goalie once. There were a couple of guys who went to Girls' High School in Philadelphia. So, why can't I be invited to a sorority? It would be sexist of Zeta not to approach me, so there must have been some other reason.

I thought about it, and I came to realize that I'm just not cool enough. This made me super depressed.

I spent time trying to figure out how I could possibly appeal to Zeta, and that's when I figured it out - all I need to do is talk like the cool people I overheard earlier. If I go back to Tulane and walk around campus muttering to myself, "What up dogg? How's it hangin', G?" I guarantee that sororities will be lining up to give me bids.


3. The $2 Cookie

Sororities weren't the only stands set up on McAlister Drive. There also happened to be a bake sale. This obviously interested me because I'm extremely fat.

I spotted a bake sale while Awesome Girl Who Loves Football was in class. I eagerly approached the stand with drool pouring out of my mouth.

Asian Bake Sale Girl: Yay, a customer!

Me: Oh man, I'm so hungry. I ate an hour ago so I'm starving.

Asian Bake Sale Girl: Well, these chocolate chip and oatmeal raisin cookies are 50 cents each. The brownies and the red velvet cake are $1 each and...

Something caught my eye. On the left side of the table there were these monstrous cookies. They were chocolate chip, but they looked like they were on steroids. I guess the Asian girl saw me eying those because she skipped the rest of the items on the stand.

Asian Bake Sale Girl: Those are $2 each and...

Me: What!? Did you just say $2 for a single cookie?

Asian Bake Sale Girl: Yeah, they're $2. They're...

Me: I've never been so outraged in my entire life! How can a cookie be $2?

Asian Bake Sale Girl: They're chocolate chip cookies with Oreos baked inside of them.

Me: Umm... what?

Asian Bake Sale Girl: We baked an Oreo into a chocolate chip cookie. They're $2 each.

Me: I think... I think this is the happiest day of my life.

I bought one of those Oreo chocolate chip cookies. I wasted no time and took a bite. My body began convulsing. I think Asian Bake Sale Girl asked me what was wrong, but I don't remember much after that. The next thing I recall, I was standing right outside of the building where I dropped off Awesome Girl Who Loves Football. She walked outside minutes later.

Awesome Girl Who Loves Football: Are you OK?

Me: Cookie... Oreo... baked inside...

I had difficulty explaining what just happened, but I eventually told her what I ate. The next day, Awesome Girl Who Loves Football gave me Oreo-filled brownies that she baked for me for Valentine's Day. I nearly died of happiness as I devoured them.







4. Tulane Meter Maids

Tulane's a great campus, but not if you want to drive anywhere. A**hole students cross the street without looking, while skateboarders hover around the street, completely oblivious to oncoming traffic. One such douche bag wouldn't get out of the way until I honked my horn at him. I seriously wanted to run him over.

Parking's even worse. There are designated spots to park and you have to feed a meter, which would be fine, except that there's a 45-minute limit on the meters. This makes absolutely no sense, given that a typical Tulane class is 50 minutes long. Think this is a bit of a coincidence? It's an obvious ploy for Tulane to generate extra revenue via parking tickets.

When Awesome Girl Who Loves Football was in class, I had the annoying task of constantly feeding the meter every 40 minutes or so to avoid a ticket. This was especially difficult given that I seldom had any change. I constantly had to go into stores and annoy cashiers by asking for four quarters in exchange for a $1 bill. When I didn't have any ones, I was forced to purchase something just to get change.

For example, I went into a place called Le Gourmet and brought a banana to the register. The black lady behind the counter looked at me quizzically.

Cashier: That all you havin'?

Me: Yes.

Cashier: I take care of you lata after these otha folk pay for their sandeches.

Me: Umm... OK.

What a b***h. I can't believe she made me wait in line just because I wanted to buy a measly banana. The worst part is that because I had to wait, I was late on the meter and got a ticket.

It was ridiculous. Tulane parking people are brutal. I was late by a couple of minutes on three occasions and I was given a parking ticket each time. In total, I racked up five parking tickets. Here's proof:



One instance was especially aggravating. It was close to 70 degrees and sunny on one particular day, so I wanted to stay outside while working on stuff for this Web site. I was approaching my 45-minute limit on the meter though, so I sat right outside of Le Gourmet, which is right where my Jeep was. I literally could see my Jeep from where I was sitting. I got to typing something and I lost track of time, though I still sporadically checked if any meter maids were walking around. I didn't see any, but when I finally realized what time it was, I was two minutes past the meter expiration. I thought I was OK, but nope - I had another ticket.

At this point, I figured that the Tulane meter maids had some extraordinary abilities. They apparently were both capable of being invisible to avoid detection and psychic to know exactly when a meter expired. I yelled, "F***ing a**holes!" in frustration.

As it turns out, I was feeding the wrong meter. You see, the meters on McAlister drive are very old and bent crookedly. It's also very difficult to distinguish which meter belongs to which parking spot. I felt so stupid when I came to this realization.

When Awesome Girl Who Loves Football and I were leaving campus that afternoon, I spotted one of the meter maids. He looked like he crawled out of a gutter - he was a short, squirrely Indian man with glasses and a thick mustache. I had to say something to him.

Me: Hey, I kept getting tickets for this car, but only because I was putting tickets in the wrong meter. Look, they're bent crookedly, so I couldn't determine which one was mine.

Meter Maid: Ehh... ehh... ehh...

Me: Is there anything you can do about this?

Meter Maid: Ehh... ehh... maybe go to ehh... parking office... ehh...

This guy looked super scared of me, almost as if he thought I was going to punch him for giving me parking tickets. But at that point, I didn't care. Why? Because I'm not going to pay these damn parking tickets. I wasn't driving my car in my city, so why should I give a crap? The Tulane meter maids can go f*** themselves.


5. The Black Car

I was waiting for Awesome Girl Who Loves Football to finish up her classes on my last day in New Orleans so we could go to the airport. I completely ran out of change, so I decided to sit in my Jeep until she came back. If the squirrely Indian man approached my car and wanted to ticket me, I was going to cause a huge scene.

That didn't happen. Not seeing a meter maid would have surprised me, but for some strange reason, about 10 black people congregated right in front of my Jeep. As Awesome Girl Who Loves Football later joked, it was like all of the black people on Tulane's campus decided to meet at that very spot.

I'm not sure what they were talking about, but I got a surprised look from a black chick, who shirked, "I didn't realize somebody in that car!"

She and her friends eventually started laughing and pointing to the car to the left of me

Black Person No. 1: That's a black car!!!

Black Person No. 2: Haha that definitely a black car!!!

Black Person No. 3: Haha black car!!!

A black car? Why was that so amusing? Were there no black cars in New Orleans? I looked out of curiosity - and the car wasn't black. It was silver.

I was so confused. Why were the black people calling a silver car a "black car?" It didn't make any sense to me whatsoever. I mean, you'd think that blacks, of all people, would be able to determine the difference between a black car and a silver car. If we're talking about a white guy from some hick county in the middle of Pennsylvania, sure, he might not be able to distinguish between the two, but why couldn't those black people do it?

And you know what? Typing that last paragraph just made me realize that I'm still very ignorant about things in this world. If I don't know why black people don't know what a black car looks like, then I'm nowhere near as open-minded and worldly as I originally thought.




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Jerks of the Week - Dec. 16, 2013: My Elliptical - Struggles of a Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 9, 2013: Weird Food, Terrible Music and Rude Service
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 2, 2013: AT&T It's Not Complicated Commercials Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2013: Pizza Gluttony
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2013: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo!
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 11, 2013: Redskins Team Name Controversy
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2013: WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2013: Cereal Trilogy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 19


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 16


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5



 





 

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