Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2015





Jerks of the Week: Nov. 30, 2015


JERK OF THE WEEK: Another Wedding

I wrote about my sister's wedding a couple of weeks ago. Believe it or not, I had another wedding to go to just several days later. My high school buddy Chris was getting married, and he invited me.

Honestly, I was surprised to receive the invitation. I was happy to get it, but shocked nonetheless. Chris and I were great friends in high school and throughout college, but we hadn't spoken a single word to each other in three years since I went to his birthday party back in June 2012. I actually wrote about that evening - it was an adventurous night in which some girl repeatedly punched me for no reason. I thought I'd be able to hang out with that group more often again - why we parted ways in the first place is a very long and entertaining story I'll perhaps share in the future - but for one reason or another, it never happened. Thus, I was both thrilled and stunned to receive the invitation.

Better yet, unlike my sister's wedding, this wasn't going to be on a Sunday, so I could actually drink alcohol. It was on a Saturday, so I couldn't go crazy because I had to prepare for the next day, but I wouldn't have something hanging over me the entire time. Also, the reception was just a 5-minute drive away, so the traveling aspect in terms of alcoholic consumption didn't matter very much.

However, despite this reception being so close, my girlfriend and I were running late to it. That, of course, occurred because I couldn't put on my tie once again.

I'm so sick of this damn thing. And please don't tell me to watch a video. I've watched a video. In fact, I've watched all of the videos. These cocky a**holes all go, "Tying a tie is so easy just watch me, hwa hwa hwa!" yet I can never get it. There was even a chick with big boobs wearing a pink tank top instructing me...



But not even her lovely breasts were able to aid me. My girlfriend tried as well, but she couldn't get it either. It was close, but either the knot was wrong or the thinner side was longer than the thick side. She then gave up, and I tried again, only to fail numerous times. The wedding began at 6, and yet we were still trying to tie my tie at 6:20.

"This is f***Ing impossible!" I yelled. "No one knows how to tie a tie! It's all bulls***! Everyone fakes it by having on clip-ons! This cannot be f***ing done!"

My girlfriend took over and was close on her next attempt, so we decided to go with it. The thin side was still coming down farther than the thick side, and the knot was crooked, but at least it was on.

I can't express enough how sick of ties I am. Why do people wear them? They're impossible to put on for those of us who have no dexterity; they are uncomfortable; and I think they're ugly. From now on, I'm going with either a clip-on tie like everyone else, or the open-collar look, which I think is more presentable. I've written this before, but if John Reese from Person of Interest can pull it off...



...Then so can I - even though I'm a lot fatter and much less hammy.




My girlfriend was worried about being late, but I assured her that it wasn't a big deal.

"People bulls*** for like an hour while eating and drinking cocktails; it won't be a problem," I said. And sure enough, I was right. People were standing around in the lobby hall as we walked in, and no one even acknowledged that we were tardy. We said congratulations to the bride and groom, and then we found my friend Frank, whom I was BFFs with all throughout grade school. As with Chris and I, we hadn't spoken in three years as well; he was at the same party.

"Walt, you'll never guess who's here!" Frank's wife exclaimed. "Remember that girl who kept punching you at Chris' party? She's here, and she looks extra angry tonight so you better avoid her!"

Crap. I was with a date this time, so perhaps she wouldn't hit me. Or maybe she wouldn't recognize me. There were lots of guests at the wedding, so avoiding her would be pretty easy - or at least I hoped so.

After talking to Frank and his wife for about 15 minutes, my girlfriend and I decided to grab some food. If I had known what they were serving, I would've done so earlier. They had buffalo chicken bites, bacon-wrapped tiny hamburgers, fried shrimp and other delightful items. Everyone was about to go into the reception area, so I grabbed two plates and piled on whatever I could onto them. I think I ultimately had eight fried shrimp, 10 buffalo chicken bites and seven of those bacon-wrapped burgers.

I carried both plates with me to the table, and I got all sorts of looks from people. I even heard some comments.

"Have enough food, Walt?" Frank asked.

"You know we're going to be serving dinner, right?" Chris asked.

Yes, I know there's going to be dinner, and no I don't have enough food, actually! If I had a third arm, I would've piled food onto a third plate.

I don't get all the criticism. I mean, sure, it's not common for someone to have two platefuls of cocktail food with him, but that's because everyone else doesn't know the value of great appetizers like I do. As a fat man, I'm a self-proclaimed food connoisseur, and I'm well aware that there are few things better than buffalo chicken bites, fried shrimp and bacon. Other people might not be - especially pretentious a**holes who go to fancy-shmancy restaurants and pay $80 for fufu a la tutu. But not me. If I see buffalo chicken bites, fried shrimp and bacon, I'm going to eat as much of it as possible, even if my stomach explodes. I just don't care.

The questions didn't cease when I sat down. I took my seat and placed the two plates onto the table. This black woman I had never met before, who was sitting to the left of me, laughed and asked, "You all set?"

"No!" I spat back. "I'm not all set because I don't have a third arm, and if I did, I'd have even more buffalo chicken bites, fried shrimp and bacon, but God's a douche because he didn't give me a third arm, so f*** you and f*** all of you because I'm not all set!"

OK, OK, I didn't say anything of that. I just said, "I'm hungry" and shoved a buffalo chicken bite into my mouth.

I continued stuffing my face. As I reached for my sixth fried shrimp, my girlfriend, who was looking pretty embarrassed to be with me, put her hand on my arm.

"You have to stop," she said. "They're about to do the introductions."

"I can't eat during the introductions!?" I asked. "That's complete bulls***!"

Begrudgingly, I left my food alone as everyone walked in. After the bride and groom were announced, I thought it would be time to go back to eating, but the maid of honor and best man delivered their speeches. The maid of honor, the bride's sister, had some heartfelt things to say, and my girlfriend began crying.

"I don't even know these people," she said as she sobbed.

I eventually cried as well. I went to the bathroom after the speeches, and when I returned, my remaining buffalo chicken, fried shrimp and bacon were gone.

"WHERE DID THEY GO!?" I growled.

"Oh? I don't know," my girlfriend said. "I guess the waitress took them away."

NOOOOOOOOOOO AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHY GOD, WHY!? FIRST, NO THIRD ARM, AND NOW MY FOOD VANISHING!!!!

Thanks to some skank waitress stealing my food, I was suddenly hungry - even more so than usual. Dinner was being served, but they were calling up tables one-by-one. Because we were the rejects who weren't as close to the bride and groom, we were one of the higher table numbers, so we would be called up last.

I stewed around a little bit and even suggested to my girlfriend that we should go up and get our food. I discussed this a few weeks ago. Whenever I've been in a situation like this, I always get my food as soon as possible before my table is called. Like, what are they going to do, turn you away? Kick you out of the wedding? Food servers don't care; they're just happy to be paid, and they don't want to piss anyone off.

Because I didn't know anyone else at the table, save for my girlfriend and friend Dan, whom I went to high school with, I didn't want to be the only one eating dinner. Not being drunk didn't help either; if I had at least four drinks in me, I would've done it regardless.

However, it seemed like an eternity already. The people who were called up earlier were already finishing their meals. It seemed ridiculous to have to wait so long. I was so frustrated that I had it. I got everyone's attention and made an announcement:

"Let's go get our food," I suggested to the entire table. "I'm starving, and I don't want to wait any longer. I do this all the time. They won't care that we're getting dinner early. What are they going to do, kick us out?"

"I'm down if everyone else is," my girlfriend said. Dan nodded his head. Everyone then agreed to do so.

I was proud of myself. I was the captain of the table, leading my troops into the food line. A true hero, if I do say so myself.

I stood up and turned around. A fat woman with a frog face looked at me menacingly.

"Sit down!" she commanded. "It's not your turn to get food."

Wow. I sat down and sulked. Everyone looked at me as if I let them all down.

"This is the first time that's ever happened to me, I swear," I said, but no one was buying it. In a split second, I went from hero to zero. I was some loser who didn't even have his tie on right. And I didn't even have any buffalo chicken, fried shrimp or bacon to console myself.






Being rejected by the frog lady wasn't actually a huge deal because we were called up five minutes later. I was hoping for more buffalo chicken, fried shrimp and bacon. Alas, none of those items were available. Instead, one of the servers asked me if I wanted something strange called chicken prosciutto.

Me: What's that?

Server: Chicken prosciutto.

Me: Yeah, but what is it?

Server: Chicken prosciutto.

Me: I know, but what is it!?

Server: It's chicken prosciutto.

I wanted to punch this person in the face. What the hell is chicken prosciutto? I get the chicken part, but what the f*** is prosciutto? Is that some sort of cheese? Is that some sort of mustard? Is that some sort of vegetable or fruit? Is that some sort of broccoli? Is that some sort of fabric softener? It literally could've been anything.

I began hyperventilating. My girlfriend, seeing this, calmed me down.

"Babe, that's just chicken with cheese and ham," she said.

Well, why the hell didn't this a**hole say so? Ugh. As a food connoisseur, I can tell you for sure that the naming procedure for food is what's hurting the dining industry. Instead of asking me if I wanted chicken prosciutto, the server should've asked if I wanted chicken with ham and cheese. I would've said yes in a heartbeat!

Simplifying food names would make life so much easier. In fact, it might make me open to trying new things. Like, what if fufu a la tutu is really a double bacon cheeseburger with French fries on the inside? I would love fufu a la tutu if that were the case!

At any rate, I scarfed down dinner, which was very good. I was content to just sit there the entire time. Unfortunately, my girlfriend had other ideas.

Girlfriend: Let's go dancing!

Me: Ugh. No.

Girlfriend: Come on! Please?

Me: No.

Girlfriend: Please, Walt? Please!?

I finally gave in, and no, I'm not going to rant about how much I hate dancing again. For that, click on the previous link to my sister's wedding.

I will reference one thing from that entry, though. Remember that awkward dance I did when my girlfriend and I were announced, the one where I just clenched my fists, moved them up and down, and tilted my body 10 degrees both ways? I did this on the dance floor at Chris' wedding. My girlfriend referred to this as the "white man shuffle" and even began mimicking my moves! At least until she realized how stupid it looked.

We danced for a while. Eventually my back began to hurt, and I was getting bored.

"You're miserable, aren't you?" my girlfriend asked.

I was, but not just because I was dancing. I noticed that the chick who punched me at Chris' party also happened to be on the dance floor.

"Let's go get dessert! Quickly!" I shouted.

"But they're not serving dessert yet!" my girlfriend replied.

"Who cares!? Let's just get some dessert now!"

We went over to grab some tasty treats, and the frog lady wasn't around to stop us this time. I piled at least six sprinkle cookies onto my plate and went back to the table. The aforementioned black lady sitting next to me looked at me and chuckled.

"You all set again?" she asked, laughing.

I had the urge to dump my dessert plate onto her head. However, I did not. Food connoisseurs don't waste valuable sprinkle cookies.

LOADING COMMENTS...



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Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 17


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 16


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5









 





 

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