Jerks of the Week - April 20, 2015





Jerks of the Week: April 20, 2015


JERK OF THE WEEK: It Follows

My friend Body Burner messaged me on Facebook a recent Saturday afternoon and asked me if I wanted to hang out. I declined, telling him that I was planning on seeing It Follows at the movies with my girlfriend. His reaction:

Body Burner: I take it your girlfriend is dragging you to see that.

Me: Nah, I actually want to see that.

Body Burner: Eww!

What can I say? I'm a fan of horror movies. Granted, they mostly suck now, but I still enjoy watching them. And besides, the last time I had been to the movies was the previous summer, so I was long overdue to pay an arm and a leg to watch some film for two hours.

The movie tickets were actually a combined $23 for the both of us. However, we spent much more than that because we wanted to get snacks and drinks. My girlfriend and I decided to purchase two Icee drinks mixed with Coke as well as pretzel bites with cheese dip. While paying for these items, the cashier asked to see proof of home ownership because I was mortgaging my house just so I could buy these things. No worries though; AMC charges 3.5 percent interest, so it's not like I'll be living in a cardboard box anytime soon.

The theater was surprisingly empty for a Saturday afternoon. Well, maybe people just didn't want to be cool like us and watch It Follows, but their loss, our gain as far as I'm concerned. Besides, we thought that going around 4 p.m. would be best; we'd avoid the early rush of the screaming kids and annoying parents and beat the stupid pre-teens who have nothing better to do than hang out at the mall on a Saturday night.

Anyway, the group in front of us was comprised of three chicks. I thought I recognized one of them - a brunette with glasses - until I heard her speaking to her friends. She had one of the deepest, masculine voices I've ever heard from anyone - male or female. I then became convinced that I didn't know her because I've never met a transsexual person before. Not that there's anything wrong with transsexual people - they're a lovely race, from what I hear - but I just haven't had the pleasure of meeting any of their sort just yet.

What's odd is that the bespectacled transsexual chick and her other friend left as soon as the movie began, abandoning the third girl they were with. I don't know why they bought movie tickets and sat there until the movie started, only to leave before watching it. However, I am ignorant because I know nothing of the transsexual culture, so if this is commonplace for transsexuals, I must apologize. After all, there is nothing truly wrong with purchasing a movie ticket and not watching the film; it's odd for me, but I'm just a straight, Caucasian male, so I don't really know anything about culture.

Even without the bespectacled transsexual chick and her friend, there were about 30 people in the entire theater. I only had issues with three of them - a trio of black women sitting next to each other a couple of rows behind us. Throughout the movie, they would chuckle and yell things to each other like, "Laquesha say what!?"

I was appalled by this. Black people are usually quiet in movie theaters, so they took me by surprise. I would've angrily lashed out at them, but whenever I felt mad, I dipped a pretzel bite into cheese and popped it into my mouth. And then, all was right with the world... until I grew hungry for another cheese-dipped pretzel bite.

As for the actual movie, it got off to a solid start. I'm going to be spoiling stuff here, so if you've really wanted to see this movie, stop here and come back after you've watched it. No hard feelings. Just make sure you bring your house deed to the theater so you can purchase some of the concessions.

Spoilers begin in 3... 2... 1...




All right, so for those still with me, the movie began with something I've never seen in a horror film. A scantily clad hot chick, who had nothing to do with the overall storyline, ran around nonsensically and was eventually murdered by some monster. I was blown away. I feel like this sort of plot mechanic is going to change the entire horror genre going forward. I'm dead serious. People, please make sure to check out It Follows just so you can witness this phenomenon first-hand before it's in every single scary flick.

We then got to meet the protagonist, a semi-attractive blonde named Jay, whose name reminded me of this guy I used to work for at a swim club more than 10 years ago. He was a sociopath who cringed every time he had to give someone a 10-cent raise (seriously) and cheated on his wife by banging a Mexican woman in the boiler room. He eventually married the Mexican woman, but recently went to jail because he pointed a gun at this Mexican woman when she yelled at him for cheating on her with someone else in that very same boiler room. I'm going to have plenty of stories about this deranged lunatic if/when my Jerks of the Week book ever gets published.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah... Jay - the semi-attractive chick; not the nut-job swim club owner - floated in the pool for a minute, and then we got to watch her put on lipstick for just as long. Meanwhile, this strange music continuously played in the background. Jay's friends asked her to hang out, but she told them she couldn't because she made plans to go out on a date.

A quick note on Jay's friends because two of them had no relevance to the plot. The one who did was some geeky kid who had a crush on Jay, but I'll have more on him later. The other two were Jay's sister Kelly and some average-looking chick with glasses. The latter spent the entire movie reading out of a clam. I wish I could describe this better, but it's almost like she had this clam that appeared to be a mobile device. Except she never called anyone on it; she just read out of it. Upon seeing this, my girlfriend asked what time period this was supposed to be in, and I was just as confused. The clam made it seem futuristic, but the two TVs in Jay's house weren't HD, and all they watched were black-and-white movies the entire time. So weird.

Meanwhile, Kelly was the hottest chick in the movie, but she had some awful line where she frustratingly said, "Jay gets all the guys..." From that, you might think she's ugly, right? Take a look at this picture; she's the one on the right:



How does someone with a body like that fail to get a date? And because that's a bit blurry, here's what Kelly's face looks like:



If you can't tell, this is one of my pet peeves. It's the worst when super-attractive girls in movies moan and groan about not being able to hook up with dudes. They need to start casting 300-pound chicks who stuff Doritos in their face the entire film. That way, when they whine, "NOM NOM NOM, ME LOVE DORITO BUT NO MAN LOVE ME, NOM NOM NOM," it's more realistic.

Oh, and if you're wondering, the actress's name is Lili Sepe. At first glance, I thought her name was Lil' Sepe, and that Mr. and Mrs. Sepe followed the footsteps of Mr. and Mrs. Wayne and Mr. and Mrs. Bow Wow and gave their daughter a stupid first name. I'm glad that it's Lili and not Lil', because this is a trend that cannot continue.

At any rate, Jay seemed to be having a good time on her date with a guy named Hugh. They played a game where they picked someone in the crowd to trade places with. When Hugh guessed some girl in a yellow dress, and Jay couldn't see her, Hugh freaked out and asked to leave. This didn't bother Jay too much, who scheduled another date with Hugh. The two banged in Hugh's car, and while Jay relaxed afterward in the back seat, Hugh went to his trunk, pulled something out and then incapacitated her with chloroform.

I've had many dates end this way, but here's the weird part: Jay woke up, tied to a wheelchair in a parking garage. Hugh told her that "it's coming for you." He then wheeled her to the edge and pointed out that a naked woman was walking in her direction. "Don't let her touch you, or you'll die," he said. "This thing can look like someone you know, or a stranger in the crowd, but it will continue to follow you wherever you go. I passed it on to you, but if it kills you, it'll come back after me ... so don't die."






True to Hugh's word, this thing, which was referred to as a "spirit," followed Jay around the entire movie. She first saw it when she was sitting in one of her classes. She looked out the window and spotted this old woman walking toward her:



Jay bolted out of the classroom and saw that the old woman was now in the hallway, heading right for her. She yelled at it, but people looked at her like she was crazy because the spirit was invisible to them. Jay sprinted to her car and drove home. The spirit then returned that night. It broke a window in her house and followed Jay upstairs. Now a tall man with gouged-out eyes, the spirit nearly got to Jay, but she managed to climb out her window and run toward the local playground.

Enlisting the help of her sister and friends, Jay eventually found Hugh, who explained what this spirit is. He did so in this scene:



Some weird stuff here. First of all, what the hell are they all drinking? Does that say Coolidge Cola? WTF is that? I guess the soft-drink war has been Coke vs. Pepsi vs. Coolidge Cola this whole time, and I didn't even notice. Also, why are they all drinking out of straws? I can understand if one of them is a germophobe, but all three of them?

At any rate, the spirit was essentially described as a shapeshifting being that wanders toward its target until that person has sex with someone. Then, it follows that person until they either bang someone else or die. The spirit then goes back to the preceding person, and so on. In short, it's basically just like a bad case of genital herpes.

The spirit, which is invisible to everyone but the people it has gone after, has one weakness: It's slow. It can only walk. So, as Hugh said, "I would drive real far, so it would give me some time to rest and think about what to do next."

Umm... so, here's a question: If an evil spirit that can only walk is following you, do you:

A) Remain in the same town for a while so that it can catch up to you within a matter of hours?

B) Lock yourself in your room and wait until it comes to your house?

C) Get on a plane and fly to a different continent?

Unless you're a complete moron, you answered "C." Jay, however, did "A" and "B" repeatedly. In fact, she even tried to kill the spirit toward the end of the movie by luring it into a pool. The plan that she and her friends hatched was to lead the spirit into the pool. Once it was in, Jay would swim to the other side and get out. That's when her friends would dump all sorts of electronic devices like TVs (again, non-HD ones) and toasters into the pool.

OK, so, this may not sound like a completely terrible idea. Why not electrocute the damn thing? Except that in an earlier scene, Jay shot the spirit in the head with a gun she found. Blood spat out of it, and it collapsed - for two seconds. It then got up and began pursuing Jay again. So, if you can't vanquish the spirit by shooting it in the head, why did they think they could zap it to death? Their plan made absolutely no sense.

I feel like there's only one logical solution if you don't want to go anywhere. You just trap the damn thing. At one point during the movie, someone threw a blanket on the spirit, so everyone could see where it was. By that way of thinking, why not get a chain and tie it around the spirit? The chain could be attached to a building, or something heavy.

But that requires effort. The aforementioned "C" answer is definitely the right choice. I mean, what's the spirit going to do if you fly to Australia? Walk on the bottom of the Pacific Ocean? What if a shark eats it? Even if Jay didn't have a passport, she could book a ticket to San Diego, remain there for five days, and then fly back to her home (somewhere in Michigan).

Here's the math: I Googled how long it takes to walk a mile, and the average human spends 15 minutes doing so. This spirit is slow, so that's a good estimate, but let's say 12 minutes, just to be safe. The distance from Michigan (where the movie was set) to San Diego is 1,957 miles, per a Google search. Thus, it would take this thing 163 hours, or 6.8 days, to traverse the distance on foot. How pissed would it be if it walked westward for five days and then had to turn around and walk for five more days the other way, only to turn around once more when Jay got on another flight? I mean, sure, Jay would have to spend a ton of time in airports and on flights, but she wouldn't have to spend every waking hour worrying if the spirit was right around the corner.

Instead, after a failed attempt to fry the spirit - it proved its intelligence by throwing the electronic devices into the pool rather than going in it - Jay banged the dweeb, and in the movie's final scene, the two are walking down the street, holding hands, with someone - presumably the spirit - following them.

So, let's break down the dweeb's decision-making process:

1. He opted to bang the less-attractive, cursed sister when he could've hooked up with the prettier, un-cursed sister, who sounded pretty desperate to get boinked.

2. Rather than pass off the curse to someone else - how about some random hooker in Las Vegas? - he chose to keep it himself.

3. He and Jay now roam the streets of their hometown rather than board a flight for another country, where they'd be able to avoid the spirit for quite some time.

None of this made any sense, but then again, neither did my decision to see this movie.

LOADING COMMENTS...



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Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 17


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 16


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5









 





 

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