Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2015





Jerks of the Week: Aug. 3, 2015


JERK OF THE WEEK: Walt Goes to Vegas - Part 1: The Philadelphia International Airport

People were always shocked when I used to tell them that I had never been to Las Vegas before.

"But you're a degenerate sports gambler!" they'd say. This is absolutely true, but I place my wagers online. It's just easier, and the odds can sometimes be better. Besides, I don't have to leave my house to do this. I can just stay at home in my pajamas and click buttons to gamble my life savings away, all while eating Cheetos, or better yet, Chips Ahoy! Brownie-Filled Cookies. With that in mind, who the hell would ever want to leave home?

In addition to gambling on regular games, I've entered the Las Vegas Hilton Supercontest the past three years (now, just the "Supercontest"). I won't bore you with the details, but it's the premier NFL handicapping contest with a $1,500 entry fee and a grand prize that escalates every year (now $900,000). Thanks to America's idiotic gambling laws, you have to be there to enter, and you need a proxy to make your selections each week. My friend Matvei would enter for me, and his friend Andy, who lives in Vegas, served as our proxy.

Matvei wasn't sure if he wanted to enter the contest this year, which meant that I had to go to Vegas if I wanted to blow another $1,500. Thus, knowing the hard truth that I'd have to abandon my home and all of the boxes of Chips Ahoy! Brownie-Filled Cookies, I booked a hotel room and a pair of plane tickets for myself and my girlfriend.

As you can imagine, we had a great time. Though I didn't have my Chips Ahoy! Brownie-Filled Cookies to comfort me, it was nice to get away. We had some nice meals, relaxed by the pool and enjoyed the perfect weather; in the four days there, we didn't see a single cloud in the sky. Best of all, I collected tons of Jerks of the Week material.

"I'll be disappointed if I don't come away with enough jerks for two weeks' worth of entries," I told my girlfriend as we drove over to the airport. Well, I definitely have at least two weeks' worth of jerks, and I might even have five. You shouldn't be surprised though; this is Vegas we're talking about, after all.

As per usual in my vacation jerks entries, I'm going to begin with my horrible experiences at the Philadelphia International Airport. In fact, so much pissed me off there that this entire page might be dedicated to that abomination.


Checking Bags, Printing Boarding Passes:

Our flight was scheduled to be with American Airlines. That company, as well as US. Airways, is located in Terminal A of the Philadelphia International Airport, so that's where we went.

We immediately stood in line to use the American Airlines touch-screen panel so we could print our boarding passes. This seemed easy enough, as there were about six people ahead of us and lots of empty panels open. However, the Mexican woman directing everyone made sure that things wouldn't be so simple. Despite there being available panels, she kept the line moving at a crawl.

I wanted to say something, but the fat guy behind us beat me to it.

Fat Dude: There are screens open, people!

Mexican Woman: No. I'm holding zee line.

Holding "zee" line? What the hell does that mean? Why does the line need to be held, and why couldn't we use the open panels? In hindsight, I'm not even sure she worked there. Maybe she just enjoyed holding random lines in airports.

It should've taken us three minutes to use the panel, but we wasted close to 10 instead. We finally reached an open screen we were allowed to use and went on to enter our information. This is a simple process at the airport, but not in this instance because we received an error message saying that our flight details were not found.

I panicked. Did Expedia screw up my order? Was our vacation going to be ruined? I was going to ask the Mexican woman what was going on, but she seemed too busy holding "zee" line. Fortunately, another employee, a tall, black man, walked by.

Me: Hey, this isn't working. It's saying my flight information isn't found.

Employee: Where's your destination?

Me: Las Vegas.

Employee: You're in the wrong line. You should be over there.

He pointed to the U.S. Airways registers, which confused me.

Me: We're scheduled to be on American Airlines, though.

Employee: Yeah, but you're a domestic flight, so you have to go to U.S. Airways.

Uhh... confusing much? I later learned that American Airlines and U.S. Airways have merged, but that still doesn't explain why our American Airlines flight had to be on U.S. Airways. If it was supposed to be on U.S. Airways, why didn't they make me book tickets on a U.S. Airways plane? And couldn't they have explained this phenomenon ahead of time so I didn't waste 10 minutes in the wrong line?

We ventured over to the U.S. Airways line, which was way longer than the American Airlines one, despite the fact that no Mexican woman was holding "zee" line at this location. The problem was with the people behind the check-baggage counter. These people, who looked like they were half-asleep, were barely moving. In fact, I'm willing to bet that one of the employees was actually dead despite having his soulless eyes open. He didn't do anything; he just sat there and seemingly stared into space. Given that I've been to the Philadelphia International Airport on countless occasions, I expected something like this to happen, but that didn't make it any less infuriating.

After what seemed like an eternity, it was finally our turn to use the panel. The computer found our flight information this time, which was a relief. One of the final questions it asked me was whether I wanted to purchase Preferred Access for $26 per person.

"Don't do it," my girlfriend said. "It's a waste of money."

I didn't listen. I checked the arrow for Preferred Access, thinking it was crucial because we already spent so much time in line. Preferred Access, for those who don't know what that is, happens to be a perk that allows people to go through a shorter security check line and board the plane before everyone else (save for those in first-class). It'd be nice if they let you exit the plane prior to the other passengers, but they may not want to do that because it would create mayhem, given that most people are a**holes who don't check their bags and store them in overhead compartments instead, creating a huge logjam when everyone is trying to get off the damn plane upon arrival. F***ing dicks.


Security Check:

Sorry, I had to vent. Anyway, my girlfriend took the escalator to security check on the second floor. We looked around for a Preferred Access sign, but couldn't locate one. In fact, we couldn't even find the end of the normal line. The security line looped around close to us, and an angry-looking black woman, who happened to be standing at this location, told us to cut in line.

Angry Black Airport Woman: Go on, get in line round hmy'all.

Me: Where's Preferred Access?

Angry Black Airport Woman: Juss get in line, round hmy'all.

Girlfriend: I don't get it? Where's the end of the line?

Angry Black Airport Woman: I said get in line round hmy'all!

Girlfriend: We can't just cut in line!

Angry Black Airport Woman: Juss get in line round hmy'all!

Both my girlfriend and I were bewildered. This crazy security woman was just telling us to butt in line in front of people who looked pissed off upon hearing her demands. My girlfriend even tried going under the rope so she could find the end of the line, but Angry Black Airport Woman chased her down, shouting, "Go where I told you to get in line, round hmy'all!"

We had no choice but to follow this crazy lady's orders. I glanced at the poor people we were going to cut off. One sullen guy looked back at us and shrugged his shoulders.

"Just go ahead," he said. "Cutting in line is the American way."

Despite cutting in line, the wait was still longer than it should have been, given that we purchased Preferred Access. We saw another airport employee, a mustachioed Mexican man, so we figured he would know where he should go.

Me: Excuse me, where's the Preferred Access line?

Mexican Airport Man: I dunno.

Me: We're just looking for Preferred Access so we can get through quicker. We need to find the Preferred Access line.

Mexican Airport Man: I dunno where that is.

Girlfriend: You don't know where it is? Does it even exist?

Mexican Airport Man: I dunno, has nothing to do with me.

Wow, thanks for your help, a**hole. Seriously, how incompetent are these people? One maniac told us to cut in front of people, while another had absolutely no idea what was going on. This isn't the best example because I've encountered plenty of Best Buy employees who are morons, but imagine walking into that store and asking an employee where you can find laptops, only to have him/her answer, "I dunno, has nothing to do with me." And then, when you finally locate what you're looking for, some lunatic tells you to cut in front of people in line for absolutely no reason.

This is what us Philadelphians deal with when we go to the airport. Half of the employees are deranged and have foam coming out of their mouths, while the other half are rotting corpses who do nothing.

And I don't know which half is worse.





Food:

Thanks to the fact that we had to wait in three long lines, we had just 20 minutes prior to boarding. The flight to Vegas is five hours, and airplane food sucks, so we figured it would be smart to get some slices of pizza prior to takeoff.

There were a couple of things of note at the pizza place in Terminal B (yeah, we had to go to Terminal B after getting our boarding pass in Terminal A - I have no idea.) First of all, the prices are outrageous. Guess how much four slices of pizza, a bottle of water and a bag of chips came out to be? Twenty-eight freaking dollars. There's a pizza joint near my house where you can purchase a great-tasting, large pie for just $6. Yet, half of that, plus water and chips came out to be more than four times that amount.

How can the Philadelphia International Airport get away with this? Well, if you want pizza, and you're stuck at the airport, you're SOL otherwise. They basically have us all by the balls, and it sucks.

Second, there was no place to sit. That's because the tables were occupied by a**holes like these:



No, that dude doesn't have a blank face. I just erased it because A) I don't want to get sued, and B) MS Paint doesn't have a blur option for some reason, which is just ridiculous. We can put a man on the moon almost 60 years ago, yet MS Paint can't have a blur feature? Come on!

Instead, I want you to focus on two things:

First, the guy with the erased face has a Justin Bieber lesbian haircut. Let's all have a good laugh at this dude for copying the famous Canadian douche. Let's hope that our next U.S. President actually does something productive and banishes these tw**s from this country.

Second, look at the lesbian haircut man's left hand and the woman's right hand. Zoom in if you have to (yes, MS Paint has that feature). Do you see what I see? Yes, those are forks! These people are using forks and knives to eat their pizza!

I think you're well aware of what that means. Yes, these people are terrorists and plan on taking control of a plane and colliding it with an important place like the White House, the Pentagon, or the Chips Ahoy! factory. I'd have hope that TSA would apprehend these traitorous c***-suckers, but remember, half are lunatics and the other half are rotting corpses.







Plane Ride:

My girlfriend and I had to scarf down our pizza quickly because they were already boarding by the time we were halfway done our meal. The pizza was good; we both thought so, as did this fat man with a goatee who passed by us and said, "Mmm... looks good." He then ventured toward the pizza joint and wasn't seen again. He may have missed his flight because of the pizza. As a fat man, I find this very understandable. And I'm willing to bet anything that he didn't eat his pizza with a knife and fork.

Two things of note happened on the flight. First, the flight attendants served drinks twice. You'd think they'd do so more often on a 5-hour journey, but it seriously took them an hour-and-a-half to give drinks out to everyone. I don't get what took them so long. We were sitting near the back of the plane, which was unfortunate for us because they always started in the front. I remember looking up to see where they were and noting that they were in the exact same spot 10 minutes later.

The second time they served drinks, I tried to catch the attention of one of the stewardesses, who was pushing the cart toward the front. I was parched and didn't want to wait.

Me: Excuse me?

Stewardess: Yes?

Me: Can I have a Dr. Pe-

Stewardess: Front of the plane first. You have to wait your turn.

Ugh, f*** you, lady. My girlfriend laughed and said, "She shut you down!" She did, indeed. What a skanky stewardess.

The second thing worth noting was the man sitting to my right. He was a black man with a white afro. He was probably 60-something years old. He also had issues ordering stuff; when the snacks came around, here's what happened:

Stewardess: Snacks? Food items?

Old Man: Coffee.

Stewardess: No, sir, we're serving snacks now.

The old man was also shut down. I wanted to say, "You got served, son," but I also got served - while not getting served... you know what I mean.

My girlfriend and I eventually switched seats. I was trying to use my laptop, but the douche in front of me reclined, which nearly snapped my laptop screen in half. I could barely see what I was typing, so my girlfriend offered to change places.

This worked out for me, but not her. As we swapped, the old man looked at her and creepily said, "You just wanted to sit next to me, heh, heh, heh..." My girlfriend just laughed and looked away.

The old man, realizing he wasn't going to have any success gaming my girlfriend, whipped out his phone and began looking at pictures. Pictures of a naked girl in her 20s.

Yeah. You read that right, and I wish I were making this up. This old, black man had nudes on his phone. And he was enjoying them during the flight.

We eventually landed. It took us a billion years to get off the plane, thanks to the a**holes who stored bags in the overhead compartments. This, however, gave me the opportunity to witness something amazing. You know the woman the old geezer had pictures of on his phone? She was on the plane! This hot 20-year-old, who was sitting a few rows back, approached the old man and gave him a kiss on the cheek. They walked off the plane together and then held hands as they ventured toward baggage claim.

"That old man must have something good going on," my girlfriend said.

I would imagine so. Nevertheless, I figured that this would only be the beginning of the craziness I'd see in Vegas during my vacation. And I turned out to be right.

Check back next week for Part 2 of Walt Goes to Vegas!

LOADING COMMENTS...



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Jerks of the Week - Jan. 13, 2014: Snowed In and Going Insane
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 6, 2014: Christmas Shopping 2013
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 30, 2013: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 23, 2013: Toyotathon Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 16, 2013: My Elliptical - Struggles of a Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 9, 2013: Weird Food, Terrible Music and Rude Service
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 2, 2013: AT&T It's Not Complicated Commercials Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2013: Pizza Gluttony
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2013: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo!
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 11, 2013: Redskins Team Name Controversy
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2013: WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2013: Cereal Trilogy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 25


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 25


NFL Power Rankings - Nov. 21


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 23


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23









 





 

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