Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2015





Jerks of the Week: July 13, 2015


JERK OF THE WEEK: Sherlock Walt, and the Cases of the Scrambled Eggs and Missing Pepsi Bag

The previous time I wrote about the gym in Jerks of the Week, I vowed to ask Homeless Grudge Woman what the hell she's doing by continuously walking around the pool a dozen times and freaking everyone out in the process. I also posted a picture, proving that this abomination is not some figment of my imagination:



I have not been able to confront her about her crazy actions because I haven't seen her around. She hasn't stopped coming to the gym; I've just had bad luck, as we haven't been going to the gym at the same time, apparently. I discovered this when a friend of mine snapped a picture of Homeless Grudge Woman an hour before I arrived:



I was so frustrated that instead of commenting on the new red shirt she probably found in a dumpster somewhere, I lashed out at my terrible luck via text:

Me: Ugh why am I never there to ask her what the hell she's doing!?!?

Friend: Her timing is impeccable. She just finished about 12 laps!

Me: Impressive! I think that's a record for her.

Friend: I know, she usually cuts out after 7-8!

Me: She must be building up her stamina. All the hard work is paying off!

Friend: I know, did ya see the muscle tone!?

Me: If I didn't know any better, I'd think she was training for the Olympics.

I do know better, but not nearly enough. Why does she walk around the pool instead of the track? Why does she think the government is spying on her? Which trash can did she find that red shirt in, because I'm kind of jealous and want one? These are all questions that need to be answered, so I've been going to the gym more frequently so I can see her and find out.

I unfortunately haven't had much luck in that regard. However, I've collected plenty of writing material, as my gym is full of so many other freaks and weirdos. In fact, everything in this entry happened in just one visit.

I kind of figured things would be bad when I heard a conversation between two women in the lobby. They were both in their 50s, and this one white lady with red hair was talking to some fat black woman. I overheard what they were saying as I was passing by...

Red-Headed Woman: Why don't you go swimming for exercise?

Black Woman: I have fearness! A lotta fearness!

Red-Headed Woman: Fearness?

Black Woman: Yeah, a lotta fearness! I have fearness of the wata! The wata givin' me fearness!

My Microsoft Word document looks like it's bleeding right now from all of the red squiggly lines in that conversation. It apparently disagrees with the black woman that "fearness" is a word. But when you have an uncanny case of hydrophobia, I guess you can create whatever sort of words you wish. I guess it's better to speak like an idiot rather than live a life of utter fearness.




I swiped my card and walked right toward the men's locker room. I took a piss and then went to the sink to wash my hands when I was taken aback. In one of the sinks, there happened to be giant clumps of scrambled eggs and ketchup everywhere. I ordinarily wouldn't mind scrambled eggs and ketchup, but not when it unexpectedly appears in front of me in a bathroom sink.

What were the scrambled eggs and ketchup doing there? Why did someone dump them into the sink instead of the trash can? And who the hell brings scrambled eggs and ketchup into the men's locker room - let alone the gym - to begin with?

My thoughts were interrupted when Grandpa Pimp walked into the bathroom area of the locker room. Grandpa Pimp, for those of you who don't know, is an old man who wears a Pi symbol around his neck. He always shows me pictures of his hot granddaughters and keeps telling me that he wants to set me up with them even though I have a girlfriend. He complained about both of them to me...

Grandpa Pimp: Hello, young man! I told you about my youngest granddaughter, yes? Let me show you a picture of my youngest granddaughter.

Me: You've shown me pictures. Lots of pictures.

Grandpa Pimp: Ah, I told you that she's going to journalism school in London, yes?

Me: Yup.

Grandpa Pimp: She's going into school stupid, and she'll come out of school stupid!

Uhh... OK? Why are you telling a total stranger that your granddaughter is a moron? I mean, granted, anyone who wants to leave America to go anywhere for more than a week is an idiot, but she's your own flesh and blood. Plus, she's young and stupid, so there's plenty of time for her to learn what's what.

Grandpa Pimp: I'll tell you why she's stupid. She doesn't want to marry a man. She just wants to have fun. All of the boys want to date her because she's pretty, but she chases them all away. Do you know why?

Me: Why's that?

Grandpa Pimp: Because she's spoiled. All she wants to do on dates is go to see Broadway musicals in New York. She wants to go to the opera. She wants to go to art museums. She wants to go shopping and buy expensive clothes. She wants to eat at expensive restaurants. No man wants this. He wants to have fun with a girl; not spend hundreds of dollars every night!

Wow. I never thought I'd agree with Grandpa Pimp, but I was completely with him on this. To any woman reading this, if you want a guy to take you to the opera or to Broadway or to fancy-shmancy restaurants and museums, keep dreaming. It's not happening. I mean, sure, it'll occur on special occasions, but no real dude is going to want to do this every weekend, or every month, for that matter. And if you do find a guy who always wants to see operas with you, then he's gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but don't be too surprised when you walk in on him banging his intern Francois on your dining room table.

Just when I thought Grandpa Pimp and I would be on the same page, he began complaining about his eldest granddaughter.

Grandpa Pimp: My other granddaughter, she's smarter because she already married a man who will take care of her. But she's not that smart, you know why?

Me: Why?

Grandpa Pimp: Because she married a China man!

Me: Oh.

Grandpa Pimp: She's stupid! Why would she marry a China man? Her father is ashamed. He's the vice president of American Express, and he wishes he could introduce his daughter and nice son-in-law, but he has to say, "This is my daughter, and her China-man husband!"

I found myself wondering if Grandpa Pimp's son actually says that. It made me wonder if it was worth befriending more Asian people so I could come up to my current friends and say, "Hey man, how's it going, this is my China-man friend."

How does the "China man" deal with this anyway? Like, it's not his fault that he's Chinese; this girl he married loves him, and that's all that should matter, right? It's a bummer for him that both his father- and grandfather-in-law both despise him, but I suppose there are worse things.

Anyway, Grandpa Pimp went on to say something strange.

Grandpa Pimp: I always talk to my wife about you.

Me: What? Really?

Grandpa Pimp: Yes.

Me: What do you say?

Grandpa Pimp: How I wish you could marry one of my granddaughters! But my oldest granddaughter is married to a China man, and my youngest granddaughter is too stupid!

First-world problems, I guess? I told Grandpa Pimp that I was flattered and then excused myself because I wanted to go swimming. I got to the pool, and to my horror, I saw that it was completely occupied by kids. The two lifeguards on duty looked like they wanted to kill themselves.

The lifeguard closest to me came over and told me that the pool would reopen at 4:45. It was currently 4:25, so I had 20 minutes to kill. I turned around and started toward the locker room when the other lifeguard, a big-time stoner, walked toward the first lifeguard.

Stoner Lifeguard: Yo, can you check the baby pool, I think some kid pooped in it.

Other Lifeguard: Why don't you do it?

Stoner Lifeguard: I dunno, I just wanna chill out.

I normally wouldn't have mentioned this conversation, but I noticed a red stain on Stoner Lifeguard's t-shirt. It was a ketchup stain... which meant that the scrambled eggs and ketchup from the locker room bathroom were his!

Of course... it made so much sense. Stoner Lifeguard got baked prior to work - or at the beginning of his shift - went out and got breakfast from somewhere, and scarfed it down in the bathroom so no one would see him. Case solved!






Little did I know that there would be another mystery at the gym that very day. I went back into the locker room and heard a familiar voice yelling at one of the camp counselors. It was Grandpa Pimp. I went over to see what was wrong.

Grandpa Pimp: MY BAG IS GONE! SOMEONE TOOK MY BAG! ONE OF YOUR KIDS TOOK MY BAG!

Camp Counselor: It wasn't one of my kids. It was one of the other camps.

Grandpa Pimp: WHAT KIND OF PERSON GOES INTO A LOCKER AND STEALS A BAG!?

Camp Counselor: I don't know, sir, but like I said, it wasn't one of my kids.

Grandpa Pimp: THESE DAMN KIDS THINK THEY CAN GO INTO LOCKERS AND STEAL BAGS LIKE THEY ARE STEALING CANDY! AND YOU CAN'T CONTROL THOSE KIDS!

Camp Counselor: Like I said, sir, none of my kids stole it.

Grandpa Pimp: WHAT DO I DO NOW!? ALL OF MY CLOTHES WERE IN THE BAG! YOU WILL HAVE TO REIMBURSE ME FOR MY CLOTHES!

The camp counselor tried to calm Grandpa Pimp down, but it wasn't working. The old man was extremely furious. The counselor's only reprieve was when Grandpa Pimp saw me and began complaining about everything to me. He was shouting that his "Pepsi bag" was stolen, and that all of his valuables were in there. Eventually, the assistant manager of the gym came into the locker room and asked him some questions, such as...

Assistant Gym Manager: Did you lock your locker?

Grandpa Pimp: NO! WHY WOULD I LOCK MY LOCKER!?

Assistant Gym Manager: That's what it's for?

Grandpa Pimp: I DIDN'T LOCK IT, BUT THAT DOESN'T GIVE ANYONE THE RIGHT TO OPEN LOCKERS AND TAKE WHAT'S IN THEM!

Assistant Gym Manager: I agree with you, but you should've locked your locker. What does your bag look like?

Grandpa Pimp: IT IS A BLACK BAG WITH A PEPSI SYMBOL ON IT! ALL OF MY PRECIOUS ITEMS ARE IN THERE!!!

The assistant gym manager told Grandpa Pimp that none of the kids had left yet, so it was possible that the bag was still in the building. Minutes later, the assistant gym manager returned to the locker room, holding a black bag. He asked, "Is this yours?" to Grandpa Pimp. I was about to interject and say "no" because it had a Sierra Mist logo on it instead of a Pepsi symbol, but I was apparently wrong.

"MY BAG! MY BAG! YOU FOUND MY BAG!"

Grandpa Pimp unzipped it and began rummaging through it. I asked the assistant gym manager where it was, and he said it was downstairs in the camp room. He said that one of the kids mistook it for his bag, which is why he grabbed it.

I found this to be a logical explanation until I realized how unlikely it was that there were two people at my gym who had Sierra Mist bags. I was about to comment on this, but Grandpa Pimp interrupted me.

Grandpa Pimp: MY UNDERWEAR!!!

Assistant Gym Manager: What's wrong?

Grandpa Pimp: MY LUCKY UNDERWEAR IS MISSING!!!

Assistant Gym Manager: Lucky underwear?

Grandpa Pimp: YES MY LUCKY UNDERWEAR!!! I ALWAYS WEAR IT WHEN I NEED LUCK, BUT IT'S GONE! SOMEONE STOLE MY LUCKY UNDERWEAR!!!

I would've offered to help Grandpa Pimp, but it was now 4:45, and the pool was opening up to members again. Besides, searching for an 80-year-old man's lucky underwear was one case I didn't want to crack.

LOADING COMMENTS...



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Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 24


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 23


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5









 





 

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