Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2017





Jerks of the Week: Jan. 30, 2017


JERK OF THE WEEK: Tales from the Hot Tub

Considering all of the entries I've had about my experiences in the hot tub at the local LA Fitness, I bet you're all thinking that I spend way too much time there. If so, that's utter nonsense. There's no such thing as spending too much time in a hot tub. If I weren't so busy with the Web site, I'd practically live in it. My skin could be peeling off after 10 consecutive hours in the hot tub, and I wouldn't care. The janitor would have to carry me out, kicking and screaming, as he attempts to close the building down each night.

Most of my trips into the hot tub aren't worth writing about. Most of the time, it's just me in there. Sometimes, there's just one other person. And sometimes there's a ghost. Seriously. In a recent hot tub experience, I felt like something was touching me underwater. I thought I was imagining things the first time it happened, but when it occurred twice more, I hopped out, got my goggles, and plopped back in to investigate. I looked all around, and nothing. Then, it happened again! Utterly spooked this time, I left for good.

Fortunately, I have not felt the bad-touch uncle ghost since, though I've had some other scary and strange experiences. Some include old friends like Skeletor and Diarrhea of Mouth Guy, and another includes a new person who will hopefully become a staple of Jerks of the Week going forward. I'm going to call him Old Bikini Man, but let's get to our old friends first...


Skeletor:

Last week, I published an entry called Skeletor's Hot Takes, where I detailed a list of Skeletor's strange opinions, such as Stephanie shouldn't be a name given to baby girls because it's too difficult of a name to spell. Skeletor, for those of you who are new, is an 85-year-old great grandmother (she literally has two grandkids with a third on the way) who routinely hits on me in the hot tub. She once invited me over to her house for some "Cobb salad." It's been quite disturbing, but also amusing at the same time.

One Monday evening, I entered the hot tub, relieved to be by myself. I thought the greatest threat was the bad-touch uncle ghost coming back, but to my utter disdain, Skeletor entered the pool area and immediately walked toward the hot tub. As she joined me, I closed my eyes, hoping she'd realize that I didn't want to be disturbed.

My plan instantly failed.

"Can you sleep while you're taking an airplane ride?" she asked.

Umm... what kind of a question is that to ask someone? Imagine if instead of saying, "hi" to someone, you just approached them and asked if they could sleep on airplanes. Actually, come to think of it, it's so crazy that it might work. If you're a single guy, try hitting on a girl at a bar by asking her if she can sleep on an airplane, and let me know how it goes!

"Can you sleep while you're taking an airplane ride?" she asked me again, in her southern accent, even though she claims to be from Denmark.

Me: Uhh... no, not really.

Skeletor: No, I can't either.

And that was it. The end of that particular topic. I have no idea why she asked me this, but whatever. I closed my eyes once more, but realized immediately that it was a futile plan.

"My son lives in Japan," she said.

Ooookaayyy...

Me: That's great.

Skeletor: Yeah, he flies on them airplanes all the time.

Conversation topic No. 2 complete.

I have no idea what these questions or statements were all about. Why was she asking/telling me these things?

She was sitting on the same ledge as me in the hot tub, but there was some space between us. I looked and saw a mustachioed, middle-aged man entering the hot tub. I realized that that this was my opportunity to stop talking to Skeletor for the rest of the evening.

I wasted no time and skootched over, creating a wider gap between me and Skeletor.

Me: You can sit down here!

Mustachioed Man: Are you sure? You two looked like you were having a conversation.

Me: No, please, I insist!

The man shrugged his shoulders and sat down. He was instantly accosted by Skeletor.

"Can you sleep while you're taking an airplane ride?"

I smiled and closed my eyes, and after about 15 minutes, it was time to get out. I stood up and looked at the other two individuals in the hot tub. Skeletor was still talking to the mustachioed man. The man looked at me with utter hatred, as I'm sure he quickly realized why I was so eager to move over.

Just a guess, but I'm thinking that he didn't accept the invitation to eat Cobb salad with her.





Diarrhea of Mouth Guy:

Diarrhea of Mouth Guy is obviously another person who won't shut up. He's one of those people who talks over you, even after asking you a question. I absolutely loathe those sorts of individuals because they're so self-absorbed with what they want to say and don't really care about anyone else's opinion.

I hadn't seen Diarrhea of Mouth Guy in a while, but there he was one Tuesday evening. Diarrhea of Mouth Guy apparently let himself go. He now sports an unkempt beard, which surprisingly had a lot of gray in it. I thought he was only a bit older than me, but this made him look like he was in his late 40s.

"Rahh, where have you been, rahh?" he asked.

I thought he was talking to me, but just as I was about to answer, a balding man in his 40s behind me replied.

Balding Man: Just been playing at various clubs recently.

Diarrhea of Mouth Guy: Haven't seen ya in a while. Which clubs were you playing at?

Balding Man: I was over at...

Diarrhea of Mouth Guy: Ever play at Sweeny's, rahh?

Balding Man: I was over at Jack's in Newtown on...

Diarrhea of Mouth Guy: I was near Jack's one night, rahh! When were you at Jack's, rahh?

Balding Man: Last weekend, actually.

Diarrhea of Mouth Guy: Why didn't you tell me you were at Jack's, rahh? I could've met up with you there and met the girl of my dreams, rahh!

Balding Man: I...

Diarrhea of Mouth Guy: I could've told a girl I knew a member of the band, and maybe she could've liked me, you never know, rahh.

Balding Man: I....

Diarrhea of Mouth Guy: Could've been the girl of my dreams. You made me miss a chance to meet Mrs. Right, rahh!

Wow. I never thought that this guy was cool or anything, but he's a dude in his mid- or late-40s who's banking on telling women that he knows a member of some random cover band that plays locally. Also, how is this the "perfect woman?" If your idea of a perfect woman is someone who's impressed that you know a balding man in his late 40s playing in some sort of local band, I'd say your standards of a "perfect woman" are pretty damn low.

Anyway, they transitioned to actual music conversation.

Diarrhea of Mouth Guy: What's the hardest instrument to play, gotta be the drums, right?

Balding Man: I'd say the sax...

Diarrhea of Mouth Guy: Rahh, gotta be the drums, right? Rahhh! So much adrenaline needed to bang on stuff, rahhh!

Balding Man: Drums aren't diffic...

Diarrhea of Mouth Guy: Wish I knew how to play the drums, rahhh! Then I'd be able to meet the perfect woman, rahhh!

Balding Man: You could learn, it's really not that...

Diarrhea of Mouth Guy: I'll never be able to learn something so difficult, rahhh! What about the harmonica, is that hard to learn?

Balding Man: I've been messing around on that thing for two years, and I can't...

Diarrhea of Mouth Guy: What about the harmonica, do you think I could meet Mrs. Right by playing the harmonica, rahhh?

Balding Man: Learning the harmonica is tougher than the dr...

Diarrhea of Mouth Guy: Maybe I'll learn the harmonica and then be in your band so I can meet the perfect woman, rahhh!

Balding Man: Ugh...

I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm willing to guess that Balding Man won't be telling Diarrhea of Mouth Guy when and where his next gig is. If I'm right, poor Diarrhea of Mouth Guy. How will he ever meet a woman who's interested in being talked over?







Old Bikini Man:

Unlike my old gym, where there is nothing but fat women bobbing and old men rotting in the pool, there are actually young people who swim on occasion. One Saturday afternoon, I entered the pool area and saw six high-schoolers swimming together. They were competitive swimmers, and the one girl there was wearing a Lower Moreland Lightning swim cap, which caught my eye because I swam for that particular club team while growing up.

I wanted to race some of them, but by the time I was done stretching, they all got out and went to the hot tub.

After my mile, I went over to the hot tub, and I was surprised to see that they were still there. I actually wanted to ask them who was coaching the team, but I never got the chance because an old, chubby man in his 70s continuously asked them questions, like where they were going to college. Most of them were seniors, so the questions were appropriate.

There was nothing weird about this, and I never imagined that this afternoon would turn into a writing experience. However, when the high-schoolers left, the old man turned to me and began asking me questions, like what I did for work. Once I told him I used to be a loan officer back in 2007, he began naming lots of people who made out like bandits in the housing crash, and he kept asking me if I knew them. I always answered no, so he droned on and on about what these people did to cheat everyone.

Still, nothing weird. The conversation was boring, but not strange. And that's when it happened. Two unbelievably hot chicks wearing bikinis entered the pool area. They looked like models, and they were so out of place; it's almost like they booked a flight to Miami and somehow landed in the LA Fitness parking lot.

The two hot chicks entered the hot tub, and the old man immediately shook his head. He then said one of the strangest sentences I've ever heard.

"Wow, I miss being young, I used to have a body like that!"

Uhh... what??? You used to have a body of a 22-year-old chick with a big rack, tight stomach and hot legs? What the hell does that even mean!?

The two girls overheard this, and then they looked at each other oddly as if they were thinking, "What the hell is this guy talking about?"

"Ahh, to be young!" he shouted. "What I wouldn't do for bodies like yours again!"

The two girls laughed nervously, and then decided that they had enough. They exited the hot tub posthaste and scurried into the locker room, where I imagine they got dressed as quickly as possible, revoked their memberships at the front desk and boarded the airplane from whence they came.

"What I wouldn't have done to have a body like theirs so I could grab that one in the white bikini and f*** her as hard as I could right here in this hot tub!" he screamed.

Wow. Fortunately, there was no one left in the pool area, save for me. That's when I decided that I had to leave.

Me: Gotta go to work, see ya.

Old Bikini Man: Wait, I wanted to ask if you knew some others from the housing crash.

Me: Maybe next time!

Yeah, there was no way I was going to linger around. Not with some old dude who wished he looked like a 22-year-old woman so he could bang the other 22-year-old woman. Not that there's anything wrong with that?

Actually, I don't know. There's definitely something wrong with that. There's generally something wrong with most of the people who go into this hot tub. But that's not going to stop me from spending time in there.

LOADING COMMENTS...



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Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 19


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 16


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5









 





 

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