Jerks of the Week - March 10, 2014





Jerks of the Week: March 10, 2014


JERK OF THE WEEK: Winter Olympics

I hate the Olympics. I really do. I feel like a broken record because I write the same thing every two years, but nothing I publish can properly describe my disdain for these games.

One thing I can't stand is that everyone starts pretending like they care about these random sports even though they neither completely understand them nor do they keep track of them during the other 205 weeks in each 4-year cycle.

For example, people who watched the bobsledding event might say to a coworker, "I can't believe Martavias Gustaffson didn't win the gold in the men's bobsledding competition!" Really? You can't believe it? The only reason you've heard of Martavis Gustaffson is because that a**hole Bob Costas told you about him. Why haven't you watched any of Martavius Gustaffson's other competitions during these other four years if you're so into bobsledding?

It's so stupid, and I guarantee that I'll get five e-mails saying, "F*** you a**hole Martavious Gustaffson is the man!" And that's just part of the problem. These people won't even know that I just made Martevias Gustaffson up - and that I spelled his first name differently each time I wrote it - because they are bandwagon douche bags who pretend to like the Olympics only because everyone else does.

Others will proclaim, "I watch the Olympics to support my country!" What? How exactly are you supporting your country by rooting for athletes you've never heard of? And how do athletes winning the gold medal help a country, exactly? In fact, what you should be doing is cheering on athletes from countries run by communist dictator a**holes who will publicly execute these athletes if they don't medal. If they don't place here, they just get fewer endorsement deals. If they don't place in China, they "disappear" and are never heard from again.

If all of the countries in the world want to get together for some sort of competition, I'm fine with it as long as the following three items are satisfied:

1. Other TV stations don't air reruns of my favorite shows during the Olympics. I hate that. It's so pathetic that they're scared that their ratings will suck because the Olympic viewership will dwarf their shows. That won't happen. The only reason it does now is because they air reruns. It's like the chicken and the egg. People have no choice but to watch the Olympics because nothing else is on.

2. For the love of God, no Bob Costas. He's a self-righteous douche who thinks he's better than everyone else because he can give long lectures on TV about how terrible we are. F*** you, Costas. If I want to waste electricity in my house and slowly drain away my planet's resources, there's nothing you can do to stop me.

3. Have this Olympic competition be for something productive (i.e. not sports). As I wrote two years ago when I made the Summer Olympics my Jerk of the Year, "I say that if all the countries want to get together and have a competition, it should be about scientific stuff. They could battle each other to see who can create the best invention to benefit mankind. Perhaps these Olympics would lead to a cancer cure or risk-free fat reducers."

I can see it now:

Canada: We cured cancer in our Olympic organ-I-zation, eh?

Corrupt Judge: Great.

Russia: Vee make cure for Eboola veeroos vhile vee make borscht.

Corrupt Judge: That's good. What about you, America?

America: We found a way to make all of our fat chicks hot!

Corrupt Judge: We have a winner - America takes the gold!

Would you rather watch a country turn all of its fat chicks into hot ones, or would you rather see Mertaveous Gustaffson win the gold in the bobsled? I rest my case.




Unfortunately, the Olympics aren't going to change, so I might as well find some positives with it. Believe it or not, I managed to discover a few good things that happened in Sochi:


1. Bob Costas' Eye:

I wasn't watching a second of NBC's Olympic coverage, but Bob Costas' eye problems still seemed like a gift from God. If you somehow missed it, Russian president Vladimir Putin poisoned Costas. As it turns out, Coatas made Putin feel bad about rooting for the Redskins despite their controversial name. Putin, as a consequence, had his henchmen infect Costas' eye. It looked like this at first:



That wasn't too bad, but the situation continued to worsen. Soon enough, Costas' eyes completely changed colors:



It then got so bad that NBC had to pull Costas off the air, just as he was about to give his next lecture. Now, NBC typically overreacts stupidly to the most inconsequential things, but they were right to put Costas into quarantine. I actually obtained a photo of what Costas looked like at the worst possible moment. I urge you all to look away if you're at all squeamish. In fact, you should probably exit this window.

If you're brave, feel free to scroll down a bit to see what happened to Costas:

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Next time, let Putin cheer on the Redskins in peace, Costas.


2. Learning About Sochi:

When people on TV first started saying the "Sochi Olympics," I thought Sochi was a company - I figured one that makes energy drinks of some sort - and that they really meant, "The Winter Olympics, brought to you by Sochi."

I wondered for the longest time why people gave me strange looks every time I said something like, "I refuse to drink Sochi now that they're sponsoring the Olympics." I just figured that I was talking to people who pretended to like the Olympics. I honestly had zero clue that Sochi was a city in Russia. It doesn't even sound Russian. If it were called St. Sochigrad or Sochikov, I could buy it. But "Sochi" seriously sounds like an energy drink.

I finally realized that Sochi was a city when TV broadcasts mentioned that it has bathroom stalls with two toilets and brown water running from the faucets. I found this all amusing - only because people seemed so shocked by this. Of course a city in Russia has weird bathrooms and broken plumbing. It's freaking Russia! It was a second-world country two decades ago, and it was run by communist idiots who naturally made life unbearable for everyone who wasn't in their close circle. Why would they suddenly have normal toilets and drinkable water in just 20 years? Rome wasn't built in a day, and Sochi toilets weren't built in two decades.

I hope this taught the Olympic committee a lesson - that all Olympic games should be held in countries that actually have their s*** together. Whatever moron who thought having the Olympics in Russia would be a good idea should not have a job anymore.


3. America Lost in Hockey:

After both the American men and women lost to Canada in hockey, some bar on Twitter tweeted out, "We're not serving Canadian beer in our bar for the rest of the week!"

Yeah! Way to show Canada who's boss, random bar! All drinking establishments should have already been doing this as soon as Justin Bieber and his lesbian haircut proved to be an insufferable nuisance in this country, but better late than never, I guess.

I'm honestly glad that both American teams lost in hockey, and before you call me a traitor to this country, hear me out. Hockey is the only sport in the Olympics that most sane people truly care about. They won't admit it, but it's true. I'm sure there are a couple of people in this country who eat "peanut butter" out of their buttocks and live and die by the luge results, but once again, I'm only talking about mentally functioning individuals.

With that in mind, it's good that America lost in hockey. The entire rest of the world hates us - probably because we have single-toilet urinals and uncontaminated running water - so there's no reason to infuriate the other nations even further. If we lose, they laugh at us and yell, "America sucks after all, haha!" If we win the only sport that anyone really cares about, they'll start planning to go to war with us because they'd hate us even more.

So, you see, if you rooted for America to win in hockey, you were promoting war and death counts in the millions. And I'm the bad guy for cheering on Canada?






Despite these silver linings, the Olympics sucked overall. The games were boring, the figure skating was fixed, and NBC's coverage was once again awful because it couldn't broadcast the games live because it wanted to make as much money as possible. I'd call the NBC higher-ups hypocrites, but they had to come up with cash to pay for Costas' eye transplant.

The Olympics can improve though. I have some great ideas I wanted to share with you:


1. Speed Skating Obstacles:

Timed speed skating is stupid. I think we can all agree with this. Who cares if Person A can skate faster than Person B? How is that applicable in everyday life? I can see why running would be a big deal - back when the Olympics were first created, unarmed men had to run from wild beasts, and the slow ones would get eaten - but what does being the fastest skater mean? You can't even use the classic "skating away from polar bears" argument because a polar bear would eat someone before he or she could put on skates.

To make speed skating more enjoyable, I say that there should be obstacles for the competitors to avoid. For example, the skaters should have to leap through a ring of fire on the first lap. The second go-around should have thin ice with sharks underneath it. Hungry polar bears should be dispatched on the third lap. And the fourth and final lap? How about half-polar bear, half-shark hybrids that throw rings of fire at the skaters!?

How cool would that be? I'd definitely watch. Sure, some people might die, but it's all in good fun. Besides, it's not like TV viewers didn't suffer the same fate after gazing into Costas' eye.


2. Skiing Upgrade:

I feel like skiers should have to face obstacles as well, but for them, I'd recommend just one thing:



Call me crazy, but the Winter Olympics seem incomplete without man-eating yetis.


3. Curling and Drinking:

Curling is incredibly stupid, but it's still the second-coolest sport in the Winter Olympics after hockey. It seems like something anyone can pick up and do with some friends outside of a bar and then become good enough to compete in at the Olympics four years later.

With that in mind, all curlers should have to drink at least 12 beers before their curling competition. It's the only drinking sport in the Olympics, so it would make sense for everyone to be intoxicated while doing it. How hilarious would it be for someone to score the winning point in a curling match and then vomit all over the person trying to put a medal around their neck?


4. Shooting Games:

You know that sport where you ski and shoot targets? I have an awesome idea on how to improve it, and I even think I could make it into a book and/or a movie.

OK, so you gather two people from each country. You do it randomly, though the poor people have a higher chance of being selected because no one cares about them, am i rite? Then, these people are shipped off to the Olympics, where they are wined and dined for several days. After some training, they are placed in a snowy forest with nothing but skis, a shotgun and about a dozen shells. Once some voice in the sky counts down from 60, these people can begin shooting each other or forming alliances until there's only one survivor.

How cool would that be? And how great is my idea? I'm telling you, I'm going to write a book about this, and I'm going to be super successful and make millions.


5. Embrace Figure Skating Scandals:

As it's run right now, figure skating is a complete joke. In fact, any sport that has judging can't be taken seriously. Human judges can easily be influenced by a variety of things, so until we develop cyborgs that can accurately judge figure skating, diving, etc., these sports should be banned from the Olympics.

Unfortunately, that's not realistic, so I have an alternative solution: Embrace the corruption in figure skating.

You heard me. Crooked judging can be made into a positive. How, you ask? Make it into a reality show of sorts. Have cameras following these judges around to see what sort of shady/strange individuals care enough to pay them off. Wouldn't that be cool? Imagine one of Putin's henchmen telling a judge that he'll kill their children if they don't give the highest score to the Russian skater. That's some epic TV!

You could also do the same thing with the skaters. You could maybe have someone conjure up stories about one skater saying something about the other, promoting one to channel her inner Tanya Harding and bash the knees of another skater with a hammer. We haven't had a "WHYYYYY!?!?! WHYYYYYYYY!?!?!?!?! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?!?!?" moment in so long, and I feel like America desperately needs one.

Actually, you know what? What I just described sounds like the reality garbage that's been on TV while the Olympics have been on. I'm tired of that stuff, and I'm sick of the Olympics. Can't they just pull a Bob Costas and disappear for a while?




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Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 24


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 23


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5



 





 

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