Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011
Jerks of the Week for Nov. 14, 2011
JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Jerks of the Halloween Party
I had my annual Halloween party a couple of weeks ago. This made me excited because:
1. My sister told me she was going to make dinosaur chicken nuggets.
2. Hot chicks wearing slutty outfits would be attending.
3. There would be plenty of jerks to write about.
None of those three items would disappoint, especially the latter. For some reason, Halloween brings out the inner jerk in many people. I always have tons of jerks to write about this time of year:
Halloween 2007: A friend from college I hadn't seen in a long time came down for this party. Around 1 a.m., he disappeared. His car was still outside, and no one knew where the hell he was. He was unbelievably drunk, so we wanted to make sure he wasn't going to do anything stupid like drive home.
We looked all over, but couldn't find him anywhere. I even checked the laundry room - and walked in on my other friend banging some chick. Nice.
It turns out that my college friend went to his car and fell asleep in the back seat. See, we Penn Staters know that it's bad to drink and drive.
Halloween 2008: I was the jerk here. I have a friend named Ces, a small Asian guy. Some chick I was talking to at the time said that I should dress up as Cinco, a female version of Ces. So, I donned my Cinco costume to impress her - and it worked. Giggity.
Halloween 2009: This party was nuts. Some chick I dubbed Multi-Color Face Girl vomited all over my couch. There was also this fat Russian guy who really pissed me off for some reason.
Halloween 2010: I was too preoccupied trying to game Text Chick to notice any jerks. To make up for it, I discussed how my Russian Gypsy neighbors stole all my Halloween candy.
(UPDATE: One of my Russian gypsy neighbors is really hot, but she's married with a kid. FML.)
So, what sort of jerks would I find this year?
1. Pot Head:
This really hot girl brought her brother to the party. I had never met her brother before, so I didn't know what to expect.
When she arrived, she introduced me to him. He looked like he just rolled out of bed. His eyes were bloodshot, and he was wearing sweats. It appeared as though he was dressed up as a regular ole pot head.
Pot Head: Yooo mannn dooo youuu smoooke buuuddd!?!?!?
Pot Head: Yooo mannn dooo youuu smoooke weeeeed!?!?!?
Me: Nah. Great pot head costume though - I love it!
Pot Head: Whaaaaaaaat....???
It was at that point that I realized that he was super high. He asked me if he could smoke in my backyard. I just said "whatever" because I didn't want the hot chick to leave. Plus, I wasn't too concerned about my neighbors calling the cops. Russian people - Russian gypsies in particular - are very anti-police because of how terrible big government was in the USSR. No Russian I know trusts the cops whatsoever.
Anyway, my friend Body Burners was talking to me as I was grabbing a beer later that night.
Body Burners: Walt, I want to be a Jerk of the Week! How can I become a Jerk of the Week right now?
Me: Go smoke with that guy.
I pointed to Pot Head, who was just sitting there and smoking weed by himself. He spent the entire party doing that. Well, most of the party. He spent a few minutes trying to figure out how to use the ice machine on my refrigerator. He failed and had to ask for help.
Pot Head: Yoooo maaaaan how does thiiiis iiiccceeee maaaachiiiinne woooork?
Me: You press "Ice Type" to change it from water to ice.
Pot Head: Whooooaaaaaaaaaa...
You know, Pot Head is really lucky that he has a hot sister, or he wouldn't be invited to any parties.
2. Body Weight Alert Guy:
I like to come up with creative costumes. I mentioned that I dressed up as Cinco, a female version of Ces in 2008. Well, I actually donned a Ces costume in 2007. Two years ago, I was a Cobra Kai member. And last Halloween, I put on fake tattoos and a cheesy gold chain, and went as a Jersey Shore douche.
I was going to be a WalterFootball.com employee - I was going to wear a WalterFootball.com shirt, sweat pants, slippers and a robe, since that's what I have on right now (minus the WF.com shirt) - but that was before I watched the South Park Broadway episode.
I loved the fact that South Park joked that vegans wear life jackets so they don't drown. I also had a shirt similar to Fegan the Vegan's, so I put that on and had my sister buy me a life jacket.
I looked forward to confusing non-South Park watchers about my costume. I imagined the following conversation would take place with a hot chick:
Random Hot Chick: What are you supposed to be?
Me: A vegan!
Random Hot Chick: I don't get it.
Me: Vegans are afraid of drowning, so they wear life jackets to prevent that from happening.
Random Hot Chick: Oh, I'm so confused. Please take me to your hot tub upstairs so we can have passionate sex.
It didn't work. In fact, there was a drawback in that it made me look a bit overweight - much like Fegan, I suppose. I was made aware of this when a friend of mine I hadn't seen in about a month approached me.
Body Weight Alert Guy: Looks like you packed on a few pounds there!
Me: Really? In a good way or a bad way?
Body Weight Alert Guy: Oh, in a bad way, you should go to the gym more often.
Me: Ugh. Really? Are you sure it's not this life jacket?
Body Weight Alert Guy: Maybe... maybe...
My absolutely awesome costume sucked! No random hot chicks were confused by my life jacket, and they were possibly disgusted with my perceived weight gain. I wish I still had my Cinco wig.
3. Security Detail:
Two of my friends dressed up as Power Rangers in disguise. They wore red and green Power Ranger shirts, but also had fake mustaches to conceal their identity. I never suspected for a second that they were Power Rangers when they were wearing those fake mustaches.
They both got drunk, so they were doing pretty funny things. For instance, when they were playing beer pong, they played "defense" by moving their hands real fast on all four sides of the cup. As they did this, they'd shout, "This is how they do it in Europe!"
It was definitely one of the most hilarious and strangest things I've ever seen. What's funny is that this hot girl I was talking to remarked, "Umm... I've been in Europe before, and they definitely don't do that there."
Eventually, these two guys decided that they should be my security detail. I don't know why they chose to do this, but it was a good time. They would follow me around and clear a path for me. One of the guys told me to nod at him if I didn't want to talk to a specific person.
I thought it'd be fun to test this out on my friend Josh. I went upstairs and found Josh in the kitchen...
Josh: What's up?
*** I nod to my security detail. ***
Security Detail No. 1: Hey, hey, hey, get away from Walt! Get away!
Security Detail No. 2: Move away, sir! Move away!
Josh: What the f***?
Security Detail No. 1: Please do not talk to Walter!
Security Detail No. 2: Yes! Clear the way, clear the way!
So, my security detail was doing a good job, but I had to put them to the test. When they were on a bathroom break, I plotted something with my friend Man-Eaters. Our plan was to have the security detail come to the basement, and when I'd give her the signal, Man-Eaters would fire a beer pong ball at me. We wanted to see if my security detail would take a bullet for me.
Ten minutes later, I led the security detail to my beer pong table in the basement.
Me: Hey guys, someone down here is out to get me.
Security Detail No. 1: Who? Who!?
Me: I don't know. I received intelligence that someone means to do me harm.
Security Detail No. 2: We'll find them, sir!
My security detail questioned everyone in the room - except Man-Eaters! They even stepped on the aforementioned hot chick's finger, so I had to get her a Band-Aid.
I came back downstairs and signaled to Man-Eaters. She fired the beer pong ball and...
I fell to the ground. My security detail, who idly stood by as the beer pong ball struck my chest, started shouting, "Man down! Man down!"
Man down, indeed. Next time, I'm spending more money on my security detail so they actually take a beer pong ball for me.
4. The Cockblocker:
This happened at the end of the night. My vegan costume netted no hot chicks, so I sat eating doughnuts in my kitchen with some other people.
Meanwhile, a friend of mine was in the basement with a girl. I saw them sitting down there, so the other people and I opted to vacate the basement to give them some privacy.
Apparently, one guy didn't get the message. He came back down to the basement and talked to them for 30 minutes or so. My sister caught wind of this, and sent The Cockblocker a text:
The Cockblocker, as I was later told, finally figured out what he was doing when he saw the message. "Oh!" he shouted. "Oops!"
OK, so any normal person would then leave the basement so the two could be alone, right? Not The Cockblocker!
The following is an exchange that actually occurred. My friend gave me the specifics as I was at my laptop about an hour later, so I was able to jot down exactly what happened.
The Cockblocker: Look at what Walt's sister texted me.
Friend: What is it?
*** The Cockblocker shows my friend the text. ***
Friend: Haha yeah, pretty much.
The Cockblocker: I'm sorry bro.
Girl in Basement: What? What is it?
*** My friend told me what he was thinking at the time: No, you fool, don't show her the text! She's going to be embarrassed! ***
The Cockblocker: Here, look at this text.
*** My friend told me what he was thinking at the time: Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!! ***
Girl in Basement: Oh.
The Cockblocker: Well, I guess I'm going to go upstairs.
Girl in Basement: Yeah... me too...
Wow. Just wow. Not only did this guy cockblock, he cockblocked again once he told he was cockblocking. That's some serious epic fail.
You know, I'm glad I was shot and killed by a beer pong ball. If The Cockblocker did this to me, I would be very pissed off right now.
JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 2: Penn State Football Scandal
"Oh boy, Walt's going to defend Joe Paterno. He's just as crazy as those rioters at PSU. I'm not even going to read this. I'll send him some hate mail or post an angry rant on the comment board below. RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE!!!"
Based on some tweets and e-mails I received, I know some people might be thinking this right now.
For the tl;dr crowd, I'm not going to use this space to defend Paterno. I'm going to look at some facts, post some prominent quotes/links, and bring up a few points about the Jerry Sandusky scandal that the media has chosen to make the public unaware of.
- If Paterno knew that Sandusky was in fact raping kids, he had to go. It's as simple as that. But we don't know what he knows. If you're thinking, "OF COURSE HE KNEW YOUR AN IDIOT RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE!!!" please consider the following before you have an aneurysm:
a. The lawyer of the alleged rape victims said himself that it was too early to fire Paterno.
In other words, you've been lawyered.
b. Nowhere in the grand jury report does it say that Paterno knew very much. It says that Mike McQueary told Paterno vague details about having seen something of some sort of sexual nature, and that Paterno reported it to his superiors.
It's strange. I don't know why people love to assume that Paterno knew everything that was going on. Maybe he did. Maybe he didn't. But the fact remains that WE DON'T KNOW.
I loved Peter King's quote about this: "I love all these geniuses who know exactly what Paterno knew, when he knew it, and how he hid it. You are so, so smart."
c. The Board of Trustees said themselves that, "We don't have all the facts." Umm... so why do you get all the facts before making the decision?
If the Board of Trustees was so adamant about Paterno not coaching Saturday, that's fine. Put him on administrative leave. Tell the crazy reporters at your press conference, "Joe Paterno is still the coach of Penn State, but he is being put on administrative leave until we gather all the facts."
That could have prevented that insane riot that took place Wednesday night. Speaking of which...
- There was some idiot on ESPN who said something like, "No one had any idea that there would be this big of a riot!"
Umm... what? I posted the following on Twitter Wednesday night, minutes after the Paterno firing announcement, which was two hours before the riot began:
"Penn State riot tonight? I'd be really shocked if there isn't one. Campus police better be prepared."
I can't believe how stupid John Surma and the rest of the people on the Board of Trustees are. They have to be completely brain-dead to think that there wouldn't be a riot. Hell, there was a huge riot back in spring 2001 (I was a freshman) when Penn State lost to Temple in the Sweet 16. And that was over some stupid college basketball game.
Surma should be thrown in jail for a few days for inciting a riot. It's just unbelievable how poorly he handled this whole situation. Since the Board of Trustees was so hell bent on making Paterno their scapegoat, the smart move would have been putting him on administrative leave and then firing him during Thanksgiving break two weeks later. All the students would have been off campus, so there wouldn't have been a riot.
Jail, unfortunately, is not a realistic option for Surma, so I propose that he and the other morons on the Board of Trustees pay for all the damage that took place in State College on Wednesday night.
- Speaking of the riot, I would never defend flipping over cars, lighting fires and throwing rocks at police officers. But I definitely understand the anger behind the riot.
Paterno is the spirit of Penn State. He's like a surrogate grandfather to the students. An attack on him was essentially an attack on the university and the student body itself. That's why it's incredibly obvious that there was going to be a riot.
The manner in which this went down doesn't really help though, and that's a big part of the problem.
The Board of Trustees has wanted Paterno out for years. They asked him to step down in 2004, but he said "no." Still though, he has done way too much for the school to be dismissed via a short phone call. He's done too many great things to be axed without "having all the facts."
Surma is a pig. He and the other Board of Trustees should be ashamed of themselves. They need to be dismissed immediately for disrespecting the school, inciting a riot and acting recklessly. When the lawyer on the other side says you screwed up, you definitely f***ed up.
- Many ignorant people out there believe that Paterno didn't go to the police. He did. Gary Schultz is in charge of the Penn State police. The Penn State police department is a real police force. They're armed and accredited. So, really, Paterno did go to the cops, and the cops squashed it.
And really, if you talked to the police commissioner, wouldn't you think you had done enough? Plus, Paterno had the experience of Penn State cops doing an investigation four years earlier and not coming up with anything. Child services came up with nothing either.
Yeah, so there's that.
- As for McQueary, how the hell was he allowed to coach before receiving death threats? He's the one who allegedly witnessed this all go down. Why was he going to be coaching? What the hell is this idiotic Board of Trustees thinking?
OK, so if McQueary didn't kick Sandusky's a** upon seeing him rape a 10-year-old boy, I can understand that. Not everyone is Jack Bauer. Some people reading this might be thinking, "I would have killed Sandusky because I'm a man!" but they probably would have panicked and ran out of the locker room.
So, I don't blame McQueary for that. It's what he did afterward that pisses me off. If he did, in fact, witness what he says he saw, shouldn't he have done everything in his power to prevent Sandusky from raping another boy? Idly standing by and doing nothing makes McQueary the distant No. 2 bad guy behind Sandusky in this scandal.
And Paterno is way down that list. For now, anyway. If it's discovered that Paterno knew what was going on, then the right move was made. But we don't know the facts - which is exactly what the problem is.
- Oh, and if you're looking for a sarcastic spin on this, check out my Emmitt on the Brink - where the Philadelphia Eagles hire Jerry Sandusky, who then blows the whistle on Michael Vick.
If you've been reading this site for more than a week, you know how much I hate ESPN. If you haven't seen this yet, here's a video proving that the idiots over at ESPN are complete hypocrites.
Some thoughts on this:
1. If I learned one thing from ESPN this past month: It's OK not to report child rape to the authorities unless you're an 80-year-old Italian man.
2. For those of you who were duped by ESPN during the Joe Paterno coverage, I hope you now realize that you were watching an entirely media-created news event. ESPN is supposed to report the news. Instead, they manufactured the news. They didn't report all the facts - for instance, thanks to ESPN's incredibly biased coverage, most people don't know that Paterno spoke to the proxy for the chief of police at Penn State.
But no - Paterno had to fired right away because ESPN said so. There's no way it could have been done a week or a month later after all the facts were gathered. That wouldn't make ESPN nearly enough money.
3. Speaking of Paterno getting fired, if you still have biased-media blinders on, you may not have heard that the Penn State Board of Trustees may have violated the Sunshine Law when it fired Paterno.
Could Paterno get his job back? I don't really know, but I hope so. If he does, however, that's just more money in ESPN's pocket though, so it'll be bittersweet.
4. I love the quote from Makachopping's post in the aforementioned video:
"Come talk to me when you all know more than what was spoon-fed to you by the media. They had physical evidence of this nonsense and nothing was done. JoePa went to the head of Campus Police about this. Bet you didn't know that. Maybe you would if you stopped watching the news networks that villified him. Do you even know the name of the man that [sic] abused those poor children. Probably not, considering he hasn't been mentioned in weeks. "Sandusky" doesn't sell, but "JoePa" does.
Brilliant. Once again, it's all about money in ESPN's pocket, yet naive people continue to think that ESPN is preaching the absolute truth. It's a damn shame that most people are so influenced by the biased media.
Heads need to roll at ESPN. They had a taped conversation about a Syracuse basketball coach who molested a kid. How the hell can they get away with not going to the police when they were the ones who essentially fired Paterno for not doing the same thing despite the fact that unlike ESPN, Paterno had no proof?
More Jerks of the Week:
Jerks of the Week - Home
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein
2013 Fantasy Football Rankings - June 19
2014 NFL Mock Draft - June 18
Charlie's 2014 NFL Mock Draft - June 17
2013 NBA Mock Draft - May 22
NFL Picks - Feb. 3
© 1999-2013 Walter Cherepinsky : all rights reserved
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