Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013





Jerks of the Week for Sept. 2, 2013


JERK OF THE WEEK: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party

I've always said that the Internet is the greatest invention since lesbian porn. Well, I guess one could argue that it's even better than lesbian porn, since you could just download it via the Internet, but that's just semantics.

The Internet is awesome for other things as well. If you ever need to look up a fact, trustworthy Wikipedia is just sitting there. If you need directions, just go to Google Maps or Mapquest - though I wouldn't recommend asking how to drive from the continental United States to Hawaii because they'll tell you to head up to Seattle and kayak across the Pacific Ocean:




I'm not exactly sure why you have to first go to Seattle to sail across the Pacific Ocean. Does Seattle have a monopoly on kayaks that I don't know about? If so, shouldn't this be illegal because the government doesn't want monopolies? There are shenanigans here, so I demand answers.

The Internet also allows you to communicate with people you'd otherwise never talk to in your entire life. For instance, on the WalterFootball.com forums, we have people posting from all over the United States, as well several countries in Europe, South America and the South Pacific. Though we have to deal with the occasional troll, it's fun to chat and play games like Mafia with everyone on a daily basis.

I set up the current version of my forums in the summer of 2007. I never would have ever imagined meeting any of the posters back then. However, two members of the forum, who happen to be two close friends in real life, Body Burner and Injured Reserve, came up with the idea to host a fantasy football draft and invite others who post on the forum.

I created a thread for this WalterFootball.com Live Forum Fantasy League, and the following people signed up to come to my house on Aug. 31 and play in this new fantasy league:

1) Walt
2) Injured Reserve
3) Body Burner
4) JLash
5) Clov
6) Rags
7) Cory
8) Tbod
9) uslydevil (also an in-real-life friend)
10) Gong
11) BCB
12) PSU

Others were slated to come as well. Clov was bringing his wife (aptly named Mrs. Clov on the forums), who made delicious brownies for all of us. Leelee, the female with the most posts on the forum, and moderator VBSiena said they'd come as well, but the latter canceled at the last second. As for Leelee, no one actually thought she'd show up - we discussed it the night before and came up with 50:1 odds of her actually coming - but then again, I can't exactly blame a girl for not driving down from Buffalo to hang out with 12 dudes she's never met before.

Most of the people who signed up were in the Philly-New Jersey area, but others traveled from afar. Clov came in from Maryland. Gong and BCB took a road trip from Ohio. Rags, meanwhile, trekked the farthest of all; he made a 12-hour drive from Nashville. Now that's dedication.

Since Gong, BCB and Rags were traversing long distances, they planned to stay the entire weekend. And it was definitely a crazy weekend. I'm going to recount my experiences based on what people wrote in the thread as this event was going on.


Gong: I also can't get arrested. I mean none of us can, but it will be worse for me.

This was posted a few days prior to the weekend. I didn't know whether to be excited or worried based on what Gong wrote. I could tell that this would be the start of an epic weekend, but then again, it's not every day that I have people over who tell me that they absolutely can't get arrested.


Rags: Hitting the road.
Gong: Gonna hit the road in about an hour, pick Bcb up in Youngstown, then make it down that way.


Both of these messages were posted prior to noon on Friday. Gong and BCB came in around 8:30, while Rags arrived about an hour later. Body Burner and Injured Reserve told me that all three forum members were pretty much how they pictured them. I couldn't agree, however, because I don't have that much of a descriptive imagination. For instance, I'm always asked by non-readers of the Game of Thrones TV show if the characters in the books are like I imagined them. I shrug my shoulders in response because I don't try to think about what characters look like.

Instead of trying to picture Gong, BCB and Rags' appearance, I just figured that they looked like their avatars. Here's what they are, respectively:



As you can tell, I pictured Gong to be a person with a circular, maniacal yellow face. Sort of like this:



Meanwhile, BCB is obviously second in terms of post counts for hot chicks. And Rags? Umm... let's just say that I'm glad I didn't s*** my pants when he walked into my house.


PSU: She was just pretending to go so she could get Walt's address and steal his identity.

PSU said this in response to Leelee's post about not showing up. I bet PSU was kidding because hot chicks are completely trustworthy. If Leelee asked for my social security and credit card numbers, I'd give it to her, no problem. She would never do anything bad with my information.


Rags: Me, Walt, BB, IR, bcb, and Gong are all in the same room.

While everyone's appearance shocked me, Rags, BCB and Gong acted exactly how I expected them to. Especially Gong - who went on endless rants about things, especially the Browns. I wish someone would've recorded him. He said stuff like:

"F*** THE BROWNS! AND F*** BRANDON WEEDEN AND F*** JORDAN CAMERON AND F*** ANYONE WHO DRAFTS JORDAN CAMERON AND F*** JOSH GORDON AND F*** GREG LITTLE AND F*** MIKE HOLMGREN AND F*** PAT SHURMUR AND F*** THE BROWNS, F*** F*** F*** THE BROWNS!!!"

Gong's rants are something you have to experience for yourself to realize how truly awesome they are.





Body Burner: Lots of drinking and I'm drunk. Bedtime for me. I had the hiccups and Rags punched me in the chest and they went away so he's a magician. Gong is a madman in a good way and BCB is cool voice of reason for the group. A group pic was taken, minus Walt, to be posted later. Day/Night 2 has a lot to live up to. Did I mention Rags is a magician?

So he's not a crazy, hooded swordsman, after all. My mind would've been blown a few days ago.

The best part of the night though was learning what BCB stands for:

Booty Call Bill.

Oh, and here's the picture Boby Burner referenced:




Gong: Hilarity. Don't think I was banned by anyone or anywhere. Good times.

Gong was the most hammered out of all of us. He played beer pong, but apparently had to be told that he did this the following morning because he didn't remember doing so.

Gong was awesome though because when I walked downstairs that morning, I smelled something delicious.

Is that... is that... bacon and eggs? But how is that happening in this house?

As you may know, I have no idea where to buy eggs because I'm not sure where the local eggery is located. And bacon? No idea. I never even imagined buying bacon before. I wasn't even aware such glorious food could be purchased in a store. I figured you had to call someone in the Yellow Pages, and they'd send someone out to deliver bacon to you.

As it turns out, there were bacon and eggs being made in my house. Gong prepared breakfast for everyone, which was very cool of him. And here I thought he was maniacal yellow face guy who would get multiple people arrested.


Clov: I'm running the league. So far, I have the best team. Gong is hammered and has no idea who's been taken. He tried drafting Larry Fitzgerald in the middle of the fifth round, even though JLash took him 24th overall.

Clov also sent me everyone's picks. I'll analyze the draft at the end of this article for those of you who don't like fantasy football.

Gong was absolutely hilarious during our fantasy draft. I'm not sure why he grabbed Steve Smith over Larry Fitzgerald in the fourth round if he had them both available. This wasn't the only instance that he tried to select chosen players. In fact, he went on a run of five consecutive picks in which he did this. The first occurred when he announced Andre Johnson in the middle of the third round. Body Burner shouted, "Andre Johnson's not available, and it's not even your turn to draft!"

Gong also provided us with a glorious Browns' rant and the following fantasy advice: "If everybody takes a defense, then f*** those guys who play matchups. Welcome to hell, f***ers!" Oh, and about Julius Thomas, the starting tight end for the Broncos: "Who the f*** is Julius Thomas? What the f*** are we doing here?"

The best Gong moment transpired during an alcohol break in the 11th round. Since Gong was completely intoxicated and had no idea which players were chosen, Body Burner came up with a brilliant idea to delete a player from his roster and add that player back to his cheat sheet. To do this, Body Burner told me to distract Gong, so I asked Gong if he wanted to get a beer from the fridge.

After I came back down to the basement, Body Burner told me that he deleted Lance Moore from Gong's roster and placed him back on his cheat sheet. Gong eventually returned and stared at his cheat sheet in bewilderment.

"Is Lance Moore really still available?" He asked. All I could do was nod my head and hold in my laughter.

When it was Gong's turn...

"I'll pick Lance Moore."

The entire room erupted in laughter and applause. We told Gong what happened, and he was a good sport about it. I figured this would be a great fantasy football story to tell for years to come, but it wasn't over yet.

A few rounds later, Gong asked what I thought of his team. I looked at it and told him that he forgot to add Lance Moore back in.

"Wait, I really do have Lance Moore!?" he asked in complete shock.


Clov: "Jay Cutler is full orgasm. Jay Cutler is the best ever. He seems like the dumbest a** you've ever met in your life, except if he was here, you'd be like 'I took you in fantasy' and he'd just shrug." - Gong.

Gong was, by far, the most entertaining person I've ever drafted with. He now holds that distinction over a guy who selected the Tampa Bay Buccaneers defense No. 1 overall back in 2001 because "Defense wins championships." Derp.


Rags posted this picture of us after the draft was over:



Speaking of full orgasm... I'm not sure why it looked like I had a boner in the picture. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with having a boner while lying on top of four dudes.

Here are some responses to my apparent erection (it didn't really happen; my belt caused that, I swears!):

El Guapo: Does Walt have an erection?

Leelee: Note the guy in the white shirt was on his knees.

BroncosCon: Damn, Walt stock UP.

Lukic: That's not all Walt's got up.

Body Burner: Btw Walt had an erection because a hot naked girl was taking the photo and my thumb was up his a**.

Prodigy, meanwhile, wrote down everyone's names and hilariously added something/someone:



Hey, it's Leelee! I can give her my bank info, and all will be fine!


Cory: Rags is dropping things. Gong is Gong. Bcb is bcb. Basically what you'd imagine.

We played beer pong and mafia afterward. I invited some people over, but most of them were no-shows because of the holiday weekend.

Among those who came was someone I like to call Anti-Facebook Girl (she doesn't have Facebook and is adamant about never creating a profile). I was hanging out with her outside while she smoked a cigarette. She asked me, "Walter, on a scale of one to five, how drunk are you?"

I thought about it for a second and said 2.5. That's when my neighbor pulled into his driveway. I tried to say hi to him, but I slurred my words, and he didn't understand me.

Anti-Facebook Girl: Bulls*** you're a 2.5!

Me: OK, fiinnne, hic, 2.75!

Anti-Facebook Girl: Bulls***! You can't even talk!

I wonder what was happening inside while I was on my front steps...


Cory: "Gong, do you take anxiety medication?" - Uslydevil

Again, I'm super depressed that we didn't tape one of Gong's rants.


Uslydevilyou: I honestly didn't realize how drunk/tired Tbod was until I left. Mofo is passed out.

Tbod did indeed pass out on my couch. Rags wanted to draw penises on his face, but as PSU and I quickly pointed out, Tbod was aware enough to take off his shoes. A disappointed Rags blamed us for having stupid northern rules.


Tbod: I dunno what time I passed out, probably fairly early, but this was good times. I'd also like to thank whoever drew the splooging ***** on my foot for not drawing it on my face.

Oh, but we allowed Rags draw a penis on Tbod's foot. We didn't want him to think that us northerners were that soft.

I don't know what happened after that because I went upstairs to get even "more excited" than I was before on the couch. I did hear Gong yelling though, which was not shocking to me at all.


Leelee: How much did everyone hate me there?
JLash: Don't kid yourself, nobody there wasted time caring about you.


Burn!


Rags: Running on addy, red bull and tobacco. 8 hours down, 4 1/2 to go. Then bar time!

Bar time after two straight days of drinking and 24 total hours of driving? Awesome. I would expect nothing less from one of the forum members who came to my house for a great weekend.

Oh, and click here if you want to read Gong's Weekend Recap.







Fantasy Football Draft Analysis:



As mentioned, Clov sent me the results of our fantasy football draft. Here they are:



MY PICKS, ROUNDS 1-4: I'm going by four rounds instead of the usual two because I'm wiped out from this weekend.

This league starts three receivers and a flex (along with the standard 1 QB, 2 RB, 1 TE, 1 K, 1 DEF). Thus, my choice of Calvin Johnson was a no-brainer.

I don't mind a one-two punch at running back with David Wilson and Daryl Richardson. I thought Demaryius Thomas was a steal at 3.08.

BEST PICKS, ROUNDS 1-4: One pick that might stick out right away is Arian Foster at 2.02. Everyone's down on Foster - including me - but there's no denying that he's a good bargain at No. 14 overall.

If David Wilson wasn't there, I would've chosen Matt Forte.

I liked the receivers who were taken late in the second (as well as Brandon Marshall at 3.01, Roddy White at 4.01, Danny Amendola at 4.02 and Wes Welker at 4.11). Again, this is a 3-WR league, so wideouts are very valuable.

WORST PICKS, ROUNDS 1-4: I don't think you can ever go wrong with Drew Brees or Arian Rodgers because they are bust-proof studs, but in a league that requires everyone to start six running backs/wide receivers, quarterbacks aren't valuable enough to be chosen in the first two rounds. I could maybe see Rodgers in the second because interceptions are minus-3 in this league (compared to six points for passing touchdowns), but still.

Body Burner likes Shane Vereen almost as much as I do lying on top of four dudes, but I feel like he could've waited one more round for him and drafted a receiver like Wes Welker instead.

And finally, I suppose I have to award Gong with a worst selection for choosing Steve Smith when he heard Larry Fitzgerald (incorrectly) available on his board. Steve Smith over Larry Fitzgerald...

MY PICKS, ROUNDS 5-8: Ahmad Bradshaw is a solid fifth-round flex. I had my eye on Eric Decker or Antonio Brown as my WR3, but Gong and Cory snagged them off the board.

I then went with my starting quarterback and tight end. I figure Andrew Luck's interceptions will go down in his second year. Antonio Gates needs a walker, but he'll still catch touchdowns.

BEST PICKS, ROUNDS 5-8: Gong made two solid picks in Rounds 5-6 before everything went downhill for him. I mentioned Cory's Antonio Brown, and I also need to credit Injured Reserve for James Jones at 5.10.

Rags made my decision easier in Round 5. I was strongly considering Pierre Garcon, who will be a stud if he's healthy.

WORST PICKS, ROUNDS 5-8: I've discussed Montee Ball and DeAngelo Williams on my Fantasy Football Busts page.

I like Kenbrell Thompkins, but not enough to choose him in the sixth round. Also, Chris Ivory and Le'Veon Bell won't be the starting running backs on their respective teams heading into Week 1 for various reasons.

MY PICKS, ROUNDS 9-12: I was desperate for a fourth receiver, and Mike Williams was the best I could get. Williams is the only Buccaneer I own in any of my six leagues this year. Tampa's going to stink.

I love Bernard Pierce's upside. Nate Washington is Jake Locker's favorite target. Owen Daniels is a solid backup tight end who could be used as a flex if I'm desperate.

BEST PICKS, ROUNDS 9-12: Body Burner has stolen Alshon Jeffery several picks before me in two leagues that we're in together. Justin Blackmon is another good receiver pick, though I didn't want him because I already selected Cecil Shorts.

Body Burner proved exactly why you can wait on tight ends. He grabbed two good ones in the 11th and 12th rounds, though Gong predictably trashed the Jordan Cameron selection.

Gong, by the way, made a power move selecting Isaac Redman just as we all learned that Jonathan Dwyer had been inexplicably released.

WORST PICKS, ROUNDS 9-12: You can never go wrong drafting Darren McFadden's backup, but Marcel Reece was chosen about three rounds too early.

Texans' defense in Round 9? Why, Gong, why?

Oh, and speaking of Gong, the famous "Lance Moore double pick" was the Joe Flacco selection. I'll be telling this amazing fantasy football story for years to come.

MY PICKS, ROUNDS 13-16: Quinton Patton, a fourth-round rookie, looked awesome in the preseason. He could emerge as a potential WR3, as Colin Kaepernick has to find someone to throw to besides Anquan Boldin and Vernon Davis.

Backup quarterback (Matt Schaub doesn't throw many interceptions), a kicker and a defense.

BEST PICKS, ROUNDS 13-16: I always look for upside here. Kendall Wright could be the top-producing receiver in Tennessee. Andre Brown may make it back by November and screw me out of David Wilson touchdowns. Denarius Moore is a dumba**, but he's the No. 1 wideout in Oakland.

WORST PICKS, ROUNDS 13-16: Jermaine Gresham is Gong's starting tight end. I have a feeling he's going to wish he had Jordan Cameron.




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Jerks of the Week - Dec. 1, 2014: Lifeguard Training Day
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 24, 2014: Too Many Cooks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 17, 2014: Halloween and Orange Juice
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 10, 2014: Dunkin Donuts
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 3, 2014: Kyoto and Japanese Food
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 27, 2014: Mario Lopez and Lily Adams
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 20, 2014: My Quest for a Lasagna Pan
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 13, 2014: Telling the Truth
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 6, 2014: Birthday Shopping at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 29, 2014: Dinners to Go
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 22, 2014: Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 15, 2014: All Waiters Hate Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 8, 2014: Befriending Those Who Want to Kill Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 1, 2014: Little League World Series, Morning Radio Shows
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 25, 2014: Why True Blood Sucks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 18, 2014: Selfies and Spammers
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 11, 2014: Shopping for Bras, Dominatrix Items and Stolen Goods
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 4, 2014: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2014
Jerks of the Week - July 28, 2014: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 3 - Jerks of the Hotel and Ybor
Jerks of the Week - July 21, 2014: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 2 - Jerks of Disney World
Jerks of the Week - July 14, 2014: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 1 - Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 7, 2014: Dumb Kids, an Old Pervert and a Lunatic
Jerks of the Week - June 30, 2014: Girl Meets World, Sushi and Soccer
Jerks of the Week - June 23, 2014: Therapy Pool Abominations
Jerks of the Week - June 16, 2014: Sprint Framily Commercials
Jerks of the Week - June 9, 2014: Jerks of the DMV
Jerks of the Week - June 2, 2014: Five-Year Anniversary: 50 Apologies
Jerks of the Week - May 26, 2014: Night of the Six Stink Eyes
Jerks of the Week - May 19, 2014: Internet Idiots III
Jerks of the Week - May 12, 2014: Hate Mail, Part 2
Jerks of the Week - May 5, 2014: Hate Mail, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - April 28, 2014: People Plotting My Death
Jerks of the Week - April 21, 2014: How I Met My Cell Phone
Jerks of the Week - April 14, 2014: Bad Omens Monday
Jerks of the Week - April 7, 2014: Clothes Shopping
Jerk of the Year - April 1, 2014: How I Met Your Mother Finale
Jerks of the Week - March 31, 2014: April Fools and April Truths II
Jerks of the Week - March 24, 2014: Downtown Business Meeting
Jerks of the Week - March 17, 2014: Jerks of the Old Gym
Jerks of the Week - March 10, 2014: Winter Olympics
Jerks of the Week - March 3, 2014: Valentine's Day Commercials 2014
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 24, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 3: The Great Flood
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 17, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 2: Power Outage
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 10, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 1: Stomach Virus
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 3, 2014: Cooking with Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 27, 2014: Just Wright
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 20, 2014: People Who Steal From Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 13, 2014: Snowed In and Going Insane
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 6, 2014: Christmas Shopping 2013
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 30, 2013: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 23, 2013: Toyotathon Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 16, 2013: My Elliptical - Struggles of a Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 9, 2013: Weird Food, Terrible Music and Rude Service
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 2, 2013: AT&T It's Not Complicated Commercials Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2013: Pizza Gluttony
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2013: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo!
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 11, 2013: Redskins Team Name Controversy
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2013: WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2013: Cereal Trilogy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 24


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 23


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5



 





 

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