Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013





Jerks of the Week for Oct. 7, 2013


JERK OF THE WEEK: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13

I've discussed my trips to Tampa and the Jersey Shore over the past two months. However, in doing so, I've neglected to mention what's been going on in my area. I wrote this Jerks entry several months ago, but I'm publishing it now that my summer series are over.

If you don't live in the Philadelphia area, you may not know that many of the schools are being shut down due to a lack of funds. I won't bore you with the details - mainly because I don't feel like looking them up - but many schools have been closed, meaning hundreds of teachers have been laid off.

As you might expect, there's plenty of outrage about this. There have been so many protests around the city; my friend the Reverend complained that he was awakened on the one day he was able to sleep in a couple of weeks ago because a**holes were marching in front of his house. Many of the citizens have even taken to Facebook to post angry statuses. This was highly effective. Corrupt mayor Michael Nutter Butter considered funneling the entire city's budget into the school system upon reading those statuses, but decided against it at the last minute.

Mayor Nutter Butter came up with a brilliant plan instead. To remedy this issue, he decided to raise taxes. Ah, what a smart move. Increasing taxes has worked so well before - except for the fact that many taxpayers (including myself) left the city as a consequence, which ultimately decreased tax revenue. But it was an otherwise brilliant strategy.

I've always maintained that people who b***h and complain about certain issues should have a feasible solution to those particular problems. What I would do about this school situation is simple: nothing. I would do absolutely nothing (**).

(**) Actually, I'd close down most public schools and put everything online. The kids could then be "online schooled," in a sense. The parents would have to make sure their children actually take these courses, but that's a good thing because parents need to be involved as much as possible anyway.

How can I just let schools shut down by doing nothing, you ask? It's simple. It's a broken system that'll never be fixed. In economic terms, it's a sunk cost. There's no point in trying to salvage a piece of s***. Funneling more money into a piece of s*** isn't going to make it smell any better, so just let it stink and rot.

But what about the kids? Kids, shmids. That's what the administration thinks anyway. Had they actually cared about the students, they'd use some of the obscene amount of money they paid to the superintendent and other corrupt members of the Philadelphia School District on the children. For example, according to the Huffington Post, the average salary for a Philadelphia superintendent has been close to $300,000 over the past couple of decades. The most recent superintendent, a fat a**hole named Arlene Ackerman, received a $905,000 severance. I feel like anyone with a functioning brain can be a superintendent, so why not pay them 10 percent of Ackerman's severance per year? It's still way more than teachers make, so there's still incentive for them to take a promotion. Seriously, there's no reason any superintendent should be making six figures. It's just irresponsible spending that reeks of typical urban-government corruption.

Of course, the administration is just half the problem. The kids are equally at fault. They barely learn anything, and the stuff they do pick up is useless because they don't use it in their lives. You may think I'm stereotyping urban children in Philadelphia, but as you'll discover upon reading this entry, that's the furthest thing from the truth.

I was invited to an "end of school year" party at my friend Man-Eaters' house. Being a teacher in a Philadelphia school, she had me and some of her co-workers over for a dinner to celebrate the final week of their academic calendar. She and the other teachers there recounted some bizarre stories about the students and the school administration that would have completely boggled my mind, had I not already known how much of an abomination the Philadelphia public school system is.

They had countless amusing stories. I managed to remember seven of them. Once you're finishing reading through all of the stories, you'll agree with me that aside of somehow firing/deporting the corrupt, money-grubbing individuals, nothing needs to be done to help the Philadelphia School District.


1. Spelling:

Quick - spell your full name out loud. Manage to do it? Good job! You just accomplished something several 18-year-old Philadelphia school students can't do.

I wish I were joking about this, but it's true. Man-Eaters was in charge of reading off the names at the graduation. This involved putting the kids' entire names on the diploma. She had to call in some of the students to get clarification on the spelling of their middle names. Here is how some of the exchanges went down:

Man-Eaters: Can you spell your middle name for me, please?

Kid No. 1: Uhh... S- H- A- B- A- Z... uhh... Miss, I don't know if name have one Z or two Zs.

Man-Eaters: You don't know how to spell your middle name?

Kid No. 1: I gotta check with my moms.

It would be bad enough if this were just a one-time occurrence...

Man-Eaters: Can you spell your middle name for me, please?

Kid No. 2: My middle name Shakwanna. That's S- H- A- K... uhh... Q... uhh... K... uhh... Q... K... I forget.

Man-Eaters: You don't know how to spell your middle name?

Kid No. 2: I know how it sound like, but I forget how to spell it.

Spelling out middle names wasn't the only thing that befuddled these students.

Man-Eaters: Hey, I need some clarification on your first name, KaRon. Is the R capital or lower case?

Kid No. 3: I dunno.

Man-Eaters: You don't know if the R in KaRon is capitalized or not?

Kid No. 3: Ask my mom, she know how spelled it.

It's downright embarrassing that 18-year-old students don't know how to spell their name. Of course, the parents deserve the bulk of the blame. When you come up with completely idiotic names like Shabazz, Shakwanna and KaRon/Karon, what do you think is going to happen?


2. Pregnancies:

Think back to what you did when you were 13. I spent my entire summer playing hockey, football and basketball with my friends. I swam a lot. I traded sports cards. I played Super Nintendo for countless hours. You know, normal 13-year-old stuff.

I certainly did not impregnate any women. But that's exactly what these kids are doing. Per Man-Eaters, "getting pregnant is THE thing to do at 13." As a consequence, many of these girls take maternity leave as 14-year-old ninth-graders. Man-Eaters made it clear how ridiculous this was:

Man-Eaters: One of the 14-year-old girls who came back from maternity leave - what do you think her greatest concern was?

Me: I guess what to do with her child while she's at school?

Man-Eaters: Nope.

Me: How to take care of her child despite having no job?

Man-Eaters: Stop thinking about her child. Think about her.

Me: Umm... how she was going to catch up on her schoolwork after being on maternity leave?

Man-Eaters: Even simpler than that.

Me: I don't know. I give up.

Man-Eaters: Her greatest concern was that she always lost her notebook. Think about that for a second - this 14-year-old girl was now trying to raise a kid of her own, yet she's a kid herself who can't even remember where her own notebook is. If she keeps misplacing her notebook - and accusing the teachers of stealing it in the process - how is she supposed to raise a child?

One of the teachers at Man-Eaters' house joked that they should teach swallowing in health class in an effort to decrease pregnancies. It's a huge problem. These girls will continue to pop out children and transform into welfare queens, and then their children will have kids of their own at the age of 14.

If the Philadelphia School District thinks things are bad now, wait until 30 or 40 years from now when the inner city is overrun by these bastard children. There won't be any room for them at these schools for them, so what's going to happen then? Raise taxes yet again, which will drive even more taxpayers away? It's an endless, futile cycle. It's a sunk cost.





3. Dumb Girls:

The smartest women in the world can sometimes act like complete imbeciles when it comes to men. So, what happens to the thought process of a girl stupid enough to get pregnant at 13? Is she even dumber when it comes to men, or is it a weird inverse dynamic? Do they somehow become completely logical in this aspect?

It's definitely not the latter based on the stories I heard. There's a 17-year-old guy named Keenan at this school. He happened to be banging two chicks in his grade. When the girls found out about this, they broke up with him, right? That would be the logical thing to do, of course. Why not be with a guy who won't cheat on you or treat you like crap?

Instead, the two girls fought each other. Legitimately fought - as in punches were involved. When they were finally separated, someone asked Keenan about this situation. He just shrugged it off and said, "Man, these just my two b***hes on the side."

The teachers who told me this story dubbed Keenan the "new Khalil." A former student of theirs, Khalil, did the same thing the year before - but with five girls instead of two. He even told these girls that he was banging all of them, but that didn't stop them from fighting each other.

Hearing all of this made me jealous. All of these years, I've never cheated on anyone. I've had girlfriends I've been faithful to. But I must admit that having b***hes on the side kind of sounds like fun.


4. Illiterate Kids:

Perhaps a reason these kids can't spell their own names is because they can't read. The math teacher in the group told me a funny story. It involved some 18-year-old girl who couldn't solve a particular math problem. He spoke with her after class.

Girl: Hey, Mr. G, I can't get this problem.

Math Teacher: Just look at the example I gave you. It's the same exact problem, but the numbers are different.

Girl: Nah, it all different.

Math Teacher: No, it's not. I'll even circle all of the identical words for you. See? Every single word is the same, but the numbers changed.

Girl: I don't understand dis.

Math Teacher: Just take some time and look at the example, and just plug the different numbers in.

Girl: I try, Mr. G, but I stay up till 3 a.m. to try and solve dis but I get stuck.

Math Teacher: Well, you're either lying to me and you didn't try really hard on it, or you can't read.

Girl: I try, Mr. G, I real tire today cuz I stay up till 3 a.m.

Math Teacher: Then I think this is a reading comprehension problem.

Girl: Whatchu tryin' to say?

Seems like it's an overall comprehension problem in general.


5. Passing Grades:

I've only discussed the kids thus far, but the administration might be even worse. A passing grade at this school is a 75 - it used to be 65 when I was growing up, so I don't know what a**hole raised it 10 points - but when happens when a student gets a 74? It's ony fair to round up, right? But at what point do you stop? If a 74 is close to a 75, then a 73 is close to a 74. So, does a 73 pass? If so, then what about a 72?

As it turns out, they passed the aforementioned notebook girl with a 67. She was out all year because of maternity leave and scored a 67, yet they still decided to advance her. Not only that; they decided to give her some sort of award for this at an assembly.

Of course, there are students who can't even get close to a 67. There's a 20-year-old senior who is repeating the grade for a third time. You'd think that taking the same courses on three occasions would help him, but he fails every year.







6. Mr. Baratheon:

One of the teachers at Man-Eaters' house looks exactly like Robert Baratheon from Game of Thrones. They have the same body type and grizzly beard, and they both love to drink a ton. They also have an identical lackadaisical attitude when it comes to their job.

All teachers are permitted 10 days off during the school year. Mr. Baratheon took 28 days off, and he often just went home during lunch break. You'd think this would get him fired, right? Well, he was called into the office near the end of the school year...

Principal: I'm reviewing which teachers will come back next year.

Mr. Baratheon: OK, I'll pack my things and...

Principal: We love you as a teacher and would be happy if you would return next year!

Mr. Baratheon: Wait, what?

Principal: I'm also looking for someone to assume a leadership role, and we believe you're the right man for the job!

It's amazing how inept the school administration is. Based on stories I heard, perhaps the kids would've been better off with having a substitute more often.

Man-Eaters: You graded completely on participation! I remember you used to have a participation chart where you gave points for participation and subtracted points for those who didn't participate.

Mr. Baratheon: So, what's wrong with that?

Man-Eaters: You didn't teach them anything! You talked about random stuff like movies and sports, and graded them if they discussed those things with you.

Mr. Baratheon: Is that bad?

Man-Eaters: Yes!

Mr. Baratheon: Oh well. Maybe I'll try to be a better teacher next year.

This is bad news for the students, as they'll actually have to learn something. In one of his classes, Mr. Baratheon had his kids play a game of Family Feud. One of the questions was, "Which country do you think has the oldest life expectancy?" Here were some of the responses:

  • London
  • South America
  • Las Vegas
  • Rome

    Upon hearing Rome, Mr. Baratheon told the student he was close. "Now, which country is Rome in?" he asked. The response?

    "France?"

    The sad thing is that Mr. Baratheon is definitely not one of the worst teachers at this school...


    7. Teacher Slut:

    Maybe these kids wouldn't get pregnant at 14 if they had better role models. Being in a two-parent household would help, of course. Having teachers who aren't whores would also be a big boost.

    Man-Eaters and her friends discussed one woman in particular. She's rumored to be banging her students. She is sleeping with her former kids right now, and she takes her current students to the beach in Atlantic City.

    The most telling sign, however, is that she locks the door to her classroom after inviting some male students inside during her off periods. I'm sure they're really cramming very hard for tests during those sessions.

    All of this made me extremely jealous. Why didn't any female teachers want to take me to the beach and sleep with me when I was growing up? I now want to go back to school. People say I look young, so I think I can pass for a 12th-grader. With some luck, I'll bang some of my teachers. Maybe I'll even have some b***hes on the side too.




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    Jerks of the Week - March 3, 2014: Valentine's Day Commercials 2014
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 24, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 3: The Great Flood
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 17, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 2: Power Outage
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 10, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 1: Stomach Virus
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 3, 2014: Cooking with Me
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 27, 2014: Just Wright
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 20, 2014: People Who Steal From Me
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 13, 2014: Snowed In and Going Insane
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 6, 2014: Christmas Shopping 2013
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 30, 2013: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 23, 2013: Toyotathon Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 16, 2013: My Elliptical - Struggles of a Fat Man
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 9, 2013: Weird Food, Terrible Music and Rude Service
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 2, 2013: AT&T It's Not Complicated Commercials Part 2
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2013: Pizza Gluttony
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2013: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo!
    Jerk of the Year - Nov. 11, 2013: Redskins Team Name Controversy
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2013: WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2013: Cereal Trilogy
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
    Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
    Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
    Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
    Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
    Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
    Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
    Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
    Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
    Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
    Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
    Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
    Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
    Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
    Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
    Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
    Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
    Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
    Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
    Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
    Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
    Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
    Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
    Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
    Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
    Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
    Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
    Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
    Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
    Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
    Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
    Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
    Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
    Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
    Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
    Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
    Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
    Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
    Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
    Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
    Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
    Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
    Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
    Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
    Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
    Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
    Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
    Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
    Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
    Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
    Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
    Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
    Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
    Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
    Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
    Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
    Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
    Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
    Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
    Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
    Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
    Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
    Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
    Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
    Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
    Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
    Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
    Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
    Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
    Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
    Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
    Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
    Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
    Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
    Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
    Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
    Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
    Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
    Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
    Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
    Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
    Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
    Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
    Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
    Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
    Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
    Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
    Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
    Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
    Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
    Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
    Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
    Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
    Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
    Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
    Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
    Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
    Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
    Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




    NFL Picks - Nov. 22


    2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 16


    2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


    Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


    2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


    NFL Power Rankings - May 5



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