Jerks of the Week - Jan. 20, 2014





Jerks of the Week: Jan. 20, 2014


JERK OF THE WEEK: People Who Steal From Me

I recently wrote about an experience I had at my gym's pool in August. Some chubby Russian a**hole commanded me to jump into the pool and swim one lap of butterfly. I injured my shoulder in the process, which prevented me from swimming for several weeks. I exercised on my elliptical instead, all while doing some strengthening workouts for my rotator cuff.

I was ready to test out my shoulder on a Friday afternoon in September. I like to walk out onto the pool deck before getting changed so I can see what the water temperature is. I'm a fat man, so anything below 80 degrees is unacceptable. It just so happened that the board said the pool was 79 degrees. Outraged, I tried to retreat to the locker room so I could head home, but Smelly Swim Coach stopped me in my tracks.

Smelly Swim Coach: You svim five minoot!

Me: What? Nah, I think I'm going home because the water's too cold.

Smelly Swim Coach: Vater no cold! You svim five minoot! Five minoot!

What the hell was he talking about with this "five minoot" thing? Why did he want me to svim, I mean swim for five minutes? He didn't look like he was kidding either, as he had a stern expression on his face. He even cleared out a lane for me, shouting, "You svim here! Five minoot!" I went into the locker room steaming, as I was frustrated that I'd have to trudge through a workout in ice-cold water.

I eventually hopped into the pool - nearly suffering a heart attack in the process because of the shock - and began swimming. I hated being in the freezing water, but I was at least pleased that my shoulder was holding up OK. It felt a little bit weird, but it definitely didn't hurt at all.

Anyway, I swam for about 10 minutes. I stopped at the wall to fix my goggles when Smelly Swim Coach got my attention by standing right over my lane.

Smelly Swim Coach: You svim five minoot!

Me: I think it's been like 10 minutes.

Smelly Swim Coach: Finish svim! Finish svim!

Me: I'm not sure what you're talking about...

That's when Smelly Swim Coach motioned over to a hairy Russian man in his 60s. Hairy Russian walked over to my lane and stood next to Smelly Swim Coach.

Hairy Russian: I no have place svim.

Smelly Swim Coach: Svim zis line! He svim five minoot!

Hairy Russian: No, I no vant svim vis him.

Wait, why doesn't he want to swim in a lane with me? Not that I was eager to share a lane with him - not that there would be anything wrong with that - but I don't know why he was so adamant about not swimming with me. Hairy Russian had this look of revulsion on his face at the mere thought of hopping into a lane with me. However, that's not what Smelly Swim Coach was hinting.

Smelly Swim Coach: He finish svim! He svim five minoot!

Hairy Russian: Ah, I no know he finish svim!

Smelly Swim Coach: Five minoot he svim! Five minoot he finish svim!

Smelly Swim Coach then motioned at me to get out of the pool.

Smelly Swim Coach: You finish svim! Svim five minoot!

Me: It's 10 minutes, actually, and I'm not really finished my workout.

Smelly Swim Coach: He vant svim! You finish svim! Svim five minoot! Whoopa, time go home!

Did Smelly Swim Coach really tell me to go home when I wasn't finished my workout? I normally wouldn't have stood for this. I would have stubbornly remained in the water and completed my usual mile. Instead, I followed Smelly Swim Coach's instructions and allowed Hairy Russian to steal my lane. Like I said, the water was cold, and I didn't feel like being in the pool in the first place.




Another reason I was so willing to give up my lane and cut my workout short was because I had to get my work done before 8 p.m. Anti-Facebook Girl (**) was coming over, and I was planning on taking her out to a restaurant and a bar afterward. Thus, I wanted to get all of my work out of the way.

(**) I made up this nickname for her because she doesn't have a Facebook account. She opined that it sounds like a superhero's name, and she's right. Her mission must be to bring down the evil Mark Zuckerberg, so that he can't keep confusing everyone by changing Facebook's formatting. As an added bonus, those poor Arian orphan twins he stole money from can finally get the financial compensation they deserve.

Anti-Facebook Girl eventually arrived, and I drove us over to a restaurant around the corner from my house called Chow 284. I'm not a huge fan of Chow 284 - a bunch of my friends and I went there for St. Stalin's Day in June - for a couple of reasons:

1. The menu is limited. It doesn't even look like a menu. It's basically a one-page tablet with a three or four columns. They don't have chicken parm sandwiches - seriously, who doesn't have those? - and they offer just one wrap. It's chicken Caesar, which is pretty good, but how about a Buffalo chicken wrap or a cheesesteak wrap? Why can't there be more options?

2. They have live music in there, which is just way too loud. I went there sometime in June with my friends Body Burner and Man-Eaters, and I could barely hear them talk the entire time.

So, why do I continue dining to Chow 284? Their sign gets me every time. There's a giant bottle with ketchup dripping out of it, as seen here:



Now, some of my friends have argued that this is actually a bottle of wine, but as a fat man, I found this very offensive. Wine sucks, so who would choose wine over ketchup? Ketchup is both delicious and healthy (Al Gore said it counts as a vegetable). I put it on everything. When I was a kid, I used to eat ketchup sandwiches. Just bread, ketchup and then bread. It was so good.

At any rate, the music was louder this particular Friday evening. I had to yell "WHAT!?" every time Anti-Facebook Girl said something. To make it even worse, the music was pretty excruciating to listen to. I don't even know what they were trying to play. In one conversation - we got there by talking about music - I told her that I don't have any music on my iPod. She joked that I should ask the band where I could find their music on iTunes so I could put their work on my iPod. It was a funny suggestion, but one that I could obviously never do because listening to their crap repeatedly would make my ears bleed.

The loud music disrupted our ordering process. I had to tell the waitress what I wanted like three times. I tried ordering a "giant turkey sandwich" while holding the mayonnaise and onions.

The food came out about 15 minutes later, and I immediately noticed that there were onions in the sandwich. There was no mayonnaise, fortunately, but I also didn't notice any cheese (it was supposed to come with Swiss). I tried complaining to the waitress.

Me: There are onions in here, and I don't see any cheese.

Waitress: What? The music's too loud!

Me: There are onions in here, and I don't see any cheese!

Waitress: There's a scab on my knees? Where!?

Me: THERE ARE ONIONS IN HERE, AND I DON'T SEE ANY CHEESE!

Waitress: Mr. Freeze!? No, he's not my favorite Batman villain!

Me: THERE ARE ONIONS IN HERE, AND I DON'T SEE ANY CHEESE!

Waitress: Oh!!! Onions and no cheese... I can take that back into the kitchen for you so they can fix it.

I thought about it, but declined her offer. I've been told by many people in the food industry to never send anything back into the kitchen. Best-case scenario, they spit in your food. Worst-case, the chef whacks off and splooges into your meal. That's exactly why I ask them to hold the mayonnaise. Some men enjoy swallowing splooge - not that there's anything wrong with that - but I'd rather avoid consuming it.






Anti-Facebook Girl and I went to the bar to meet my friends. After buying some beers, I was asked if she and I wanted to play two other people in pool. Anti-Facebook Girl looked hesitant, almost as if she didn't really know how to play. It took some convincing, but I finally got her to agree to it.

Someone on the other team broke. I missed a shot, and then the other opposing teammate knocked in a striped ball. After they whiffed on their next attempt, I gave Anti-Facebook Girl some instructions.

"They hit a stripe ball in," I said. "That means we're solid. You have to get all of the solid ones in - not counting the 8-ball, the black one over there - and then we can try for the 8-ball once we knock in all of the solids." Anti-Facebook Girl looked at me like I was an idiot.

"I know how to play pool, you jerk!" she shouted.

She wasn't kidding. BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, just like that, she knocked in four solid balls. Everyone stopped what they were doing to see her run half the table. Before the other team knew what hit them, the game was over. I was in awe.

We eventually got bored of pool and then decided to play a game of darts, which Anti-Facebook Girl was more eager to try. Pretty much expecting her to nail multiple bull's-eyes, I announced that I was getting more drinks. Everyone else went outside to smoke.

Unfortunately, I got stuck at the bar for a while. My friend Marlana requested a Sex on the Beach, but the bartender didn't know how to make one.

Bartender: I'm not sure how to make a Sex on the Beach. Do you know?

Me: No idea.

Bartender: I think there's orange juice in there. Do you think there's orange juice?

Me: I dunno, probably.

Bartender: I'll have to ask the other bartender.

As I was waiting, this old man who was sitting by himself at the bar started talking to me about the Phillies, who were on TV at the time. He said he was disappointed in this team, but was excited about next year.

"Thish team remindsh me of the 19-sheventy-nine team," he said in his old-man voice. "You weren't around back then, but the Philliesh shtruggled that year, but then they won the World Sheriesh the next sheasonsh."

The old man wouldn't shut up about the 1970s Phillies teams, while the two bartenders couldn't quite figure out the Sex on the Beach drink. The first bartender eventually returned with a red concoction that didn't look quite right.

"I think we made this Sex on the Beach correctly!" she announced proudly. I wanted to reply, "Umm... no, it's supposed to be an orange color," but I was tired of standing at the bar and listening to the old man drone on and on about Phillies players who are probably dead by now.

I walked back to our area, drinks in hand, when my friend Wild Ginger gave me some troubling news.

"Someone stole the darts machine!" she said.

If I were sober, I would've understood that she meant someone started playing on it. However, I wasn't sober, so I replied with the first thing that popped into my head:

"What!? Who's the a**hole who carried away the dart machine!?"

Wild Ginger looked at me as if I were an imbecile - I had a lot of that going that night, apparently - but I suddenly realized what really transpired when three douchey-looking dudes took turns shooting darts. I overheard what they were saying as they did this.

Douchey-Looking Dude No. 1: We play darts all the time, man!

Douchey-Looking Dude No. 2: We're awesome at darts!

Douchey-Looking Dude No. 1: Yeah, bro! Yeah, bro!

Ugh. So in a span of about eight hours, I had a pool lane, cheese, my eardrums, my sanity and a dart board stolen from me. I was obviously cheated. I felt like I needed to be compensated. I guess I now know what those poor, Arian orphan twins went through.




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Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 19


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 16


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5



 





 

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