Jerks of the Week - Dec. 23, 2013





Jerks of the Week: Dec. 23, 2013


JERK OF THE WEEK: Toyotathon Commercials

I have several holiday traditions that I cherish deeply. For instance, I go to my parents' house on Christmas Eve to exchange gifts. We used to stash the presents under the Christmas tree, but my parents' cat, who is the biggest a**hole this world has ever seen, peed on everything. I suppose he was jealous that no one bought anything for him. That, or he figured that his foul urine would be his gift to us.

I like to go to the mall as well - not during Black Friday, but maybe a few days before Christmas. I walk around, trying to figure out what to buy everyone, which includes myself. I also make sure I stroll by Santa so I can find a**hole brats to write about in Jerks of the Week. It's a personal goal of mine to see one of these spoiled kids pee on Santa's lap. Perhaps I can try to convince Santa's helpers that my cat is a human child. I'd then then place my cat on Santa's lap and have him urinate away. Sure, I'd receive some coal on Dec. 25, but it would totally be worth it.

And who can forget shoveling snow? I suppose that's a tradition. Most people don't like shoveling snow, but I find it very comforting. There's really nothing more relaxing, actually. If I knew how to make hot cocoa, I'd brew some up for myself and watch out the window as the illegal immigrants my township hires dig away and clean all the snow off my driveway. It's just so wonderful.

Perhaps my favorite holiday routine is writing Lexus December to Remember entries in Jerks of the Week (click the link to check out the 2012 version). It brings incredible joy to me to berate pretentious commercials about overpriced cars. These ads are the worst. They're so unrealistic, and they only appeal to an infinitesimal portion of the audience. I'd say 99 percent of the people watching those commercials can't afford Lexuses, and out of that 1 percent, how many are actually looking for new cars? Is Lexus actually banking on a one-in-a-million shot that it'll reach a wealthy person in need of an expensive car? And what if he or she doesn't want a Lexus? Why even run these campaigns anyway?

I actually thought I hadn't seen too many Lexus December to Remember ads this year. I wasn't too concerned - I figured I'd just search for them on YouTube - but upon streaming them, I realize I have watched them. They just haven't stood out to me at all.

Here's the first one I looked at. Some woman wearing a fancy-shmancy dress in a fancy-shmancy house is making a fancy-shmancy bow for a fancy-shmancy car. But why? Does she make bows for a living? If so, I need to stop this Web site gig and begin making bows because that appears to be quite lucrative. It'd be great - people driving Lexuses from all over the globe would drive to my house just so I could put a huge red bow on their car. I could even have a tiny dog that winks at them. That's so much cooler than a cat that pees on everything.

See, I was able to make fun of that Lexus December to Remember commercial, but all of them are pretty much the same. Here's another.

Is that Michael Jackson making these bows? If so, please get the kids away from him!

Lexus' December to Remember campaign this year involves nothing but a somehow-vivified Wacko Jacko making bows for Lexus drivers. I can't say I understand what Lexus is thinking, or why it continues to pay this advertising company tons of money to make these crappy commercials, but the sad truth is that there isn't much variety here for me to work with.

Fortunately, Toyota picked up the slack this year with their insanely stupid Toyotathon commercials. You've seen them - they feature this brunette woman named Jan who sits behind a desk and often says something snarky to people looking to purchase a new Toyota.

These ads actually appeal to almost everyone in the audience, which is an upgrade over the Lexus campaign. However, after watching Jan for the past year-plus, I never want to buy a Toyota in my entire life. She's just so damn annoying. The ads are unbearable, though perhaps having them as a Jerk of the Week will make me feel a little bit better.

Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find all of the Toyotathon commercials on YouTube. There have been about two dozen of them, but I've unearthed only seven. Still, I think that's a good number for my first-ever Toyotathon Jerks of the Week entry.





Jan Friends

Perhaps my favorite thing about this commercial is one of the comments on the page:
I just want to f*** her in the a** ... and if I here her say 4 thousand seventy seven ill just pound that something. ugly ..

I have no idea what language this person is speaking, but it does sound amusing. I assume he wants to bang the texting chick, as do other people posting on that page. I don't. Now, don't get me wrong; I don't think she's bad-looking. She's not hot either, but she's not ugly. I just hate it when people text non-stop on their phone in public, especially when talking to someone. If it's urgent, fine, but most of the time it's unnecessary.

Also, what's with 4,076 friends? That's more than I have, and most of them are readers of this Web site. But who's she friending, exactly? Given that she's willing to friend some random woman she met at a car dealership, I'd say she's not exactly "friends" with her Facebook friends.

That begs the question: Whom exactly is she communicating with? Is she discussing which color car she's going to get with a Nigerian prince and a person who has a picture of a hot chick on their profile, but nothing else? Yeah, I'm sure they really care about what color your next car will be.

This makes me sad for the Nigerian prince. All he wants is this annoying chick's bank account numbers so he can smuggle some of his dead father's money into this country before it's seized by his government, yet all she's doing is messaging him about her next car. Poor Nigerian prince!


Embarrassed Wife

I've ranted about this before, but I hate bangs. Wait, it's bangs, right? Or is it banks? Whatever the hairstyle is where women cover up their forehead with their own hair. It's hideous. Only about 1 percent of women can pull it off. Zooey Deschanel is one of the few who can, yet woman think they can be hot like her, so they copy her. And it fails miserably almost every time. This is why Zooey Deschanel should be deported. Yes, she's hot and acts fairly well, but she has uglified millions of women in this country.

I also have to take umbrage with Jan here. Why does she assume the man in the car wants to purchase that particular vehicle? Sure, it looks as though he's having a good time, but appearances can be deceiving. What if the man is having a seizure? What if he's an epileptic? Jan could be seen as a b***h for making light of someone with epilepsy, so perhaps her bosses would fire her. That would be the best thing ever because then these commercials would no longer be made.


Jan on Small Talk

How is repeatedly asking people questions considered "small talk?" This seems more like an interrogation to me, and the two men don't appear to be very comfortable with it. It actually looks as though they're about to conduct some illegal business. Perhaps they're going to use this Tundra to carry around several bodies so they can dump them into the lake.

If you think I'm a bit crazy, check out the silent guy. First of all, he's clearly the brains behind the operation because he isn't saying anything. Second, check out the look he gives his friend when Jan asks, "Skipping rocks?" It looks like he's thinking, Yeah, we'll be skipping something into the lake, all right. The eight bodies we disposed of last night for our mob boss.

If you still think of nuts, just listen to the first guy's nervous laughs. He's clearly hiding something. He's either looking to cover up multiple homicides, or he and his buddy plan on going to the lake for some romantic loving. Perhaps they'll get some man sex in between hiding the bodies.


Boat Guy

It's the serial killer from the first commercial, and he's wearing the same exact clothes! I suppose he changed out of his bloody clothes, and this was the only costume he had.

I'm really serious when saying this guy is a killer. Take a look at how shifty his eyes are throughout the whole ad. And when he's asked how big his boat is, he can't even answer that question - because there is no boat! He needs one of these trucks to carry all of the dead bodies to the lake. Shame on Jan for not alerting the authorities!

Oh, and I take back everything I said about this man being heterosexually challenged. Gay men tend to be very stylish, and they would never be caught dead wearing the same outfit. My apologies if this is racist, but it's true. Ask any gay guy, and they'll tell you how accurate I am with this. They'll also snap their fingers and call you girlfriend in the process. I'm also sorry if that's racist.







Sporks

Ooohhh, somebody likes Jan! Could this guy be any more obvious? He went over to Jan just to ask where the spoons are. Everyone knows that men hate asking for help, so he just wanted to use this as an excuse to talk to her. And then he kept going "pshoo" with her. Yeah, way to be subtle, bub.

Now, before you e-mail Jan and convince her to go out with this guy, I think should consider that A) He's cheesy enough to use the fake handgun maneuver with his hands, B) He looks like a serial killer and C) He makes corny car jokes.

I'm willing to bet this guy has pictures of Jan hanging in his bedroom. He probably has them organized by date, but not chronologically. No, he likely keeps track of how many words she says to him each day and has them mapped out that way. I can almost see him thinking, She said 15 words to me today, teehee. I'm counting those "pshoos" as words, so progress is being made teeheehee.


Chameleon

Ugh, this is the worst commercial yet. So many dumb things...

1. What kind of weirdo carries a chameleon around with him? I can understand having lapdogs or cats, or even a parrot if you happen to be a cool pirate, but a chameleon? I don't think I've ever seen any a**hole hauling a chameleon around with him.

2. Way to allow your chameleon to pick your car color, moron. For your sake, I hope the chameleon is gay because he'll at least get to choose a snazzy, stylish color. Again, with the blatant racism, I'm sorry. I just couldn't help it.

3. If the chameleon is gay, and the guy is too, do you think they have sex with each other? I'm not sure there have been any documented cases where a man and a chameleon have mated, but perhaps it's happened in West Virginia, or somewhere of that nature.

4. My thoughts concerning Janet: "What a dumb b***h." Who the hell is afraid of a chameleon; especially a gay chameleon?

5. WTF happened to the chameleon? Why did he just fall off the counter? Is he OK? Did he die? Why is this man not concerned that his gay chameleon lover plunged to his death?

6. "Did you find him?" I personally don't think he cares. He's willing to allow his chameleon to commit suicide, so why would he give a damn if he lost his gay lizard?

7. Why hasn't PETA gotten involved in this? Toyota apparently promotes lizards committing suicide. I feel like this is almost as bad as what QB Dog Killer did. Perhaps this man has chameleons fighting each other to the death in his basement. That's why this chameleon killed himself. He didn't want to battle his friend later that evening.


Jan on Greetings

I wrote earlier that I would never buy a Toyota. Well, I've changed my mind, and I have this particular commercial to thank for that. No, I wasn't convinced because Jan was talking to herself like a deranged lunatic. Rather, something else caught my eye. Look at the following comment below the video:

I'm the king of all thongs!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... all along, this has been an ad campaign about Toyota thongs; not Toyotathons? Well, why didn't Toyota make that clearer? Thongs on Christmas is definitely a new tradition I can get behind!




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Jerks of the Week - April 21, 2014: How I Met My Cell Phone
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Jerks of the Week - April 7, 2014: Clothes Shopping
Jerk of the Year - April 1, 2014: How I Met Your Mother Finale
Jerks of the Week - March 31, 2014: April Fools and April Truths II
Jerks of the Week - March 24, 2014: Downtown Business Meeting
Jerks of the Week - March 17, 2014: Jerks of the Old Gym
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Jerks of the Week - Dec. 30, 2013: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 23, 2013: Toyotathon Commercials
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Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 25


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 25


NFL Power Rankings - Nov. 21


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 23


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23



 





 

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