Jerks of the Week - Feb. 24, 2014





Jerks of the Week: Feb. 24, 2014


JERK OF THE WEEK: Week of Hell, Part 3: The Great Flood

I discussed the power outage last week and how I had to update this Web site from Saladworks. Well, the kind people at Saladworks allowed me to stay there an hour after they closed, but everyone eventually had to leave. I was hoping that my power would be back on by the time I got home, but my entire neighborhood was still blacked out.

I called PECO again to see if they could offer an update. I expected the same pre-recorded message that had been playing for hours, but I heard a different voice this time. A black girl had the following update:

"Today's hipstoric winter storm have damage count list tree blimps and electrohcal wire."

I'm not exaggerating with that quote. She said that sentence with those exact errors. I even called back a second time so I could write it down as she was speaking. She said "hipstoric," whatever the hell that means; confused "have" and "has;" replaced "countless" with "count list;" referred to tree limbs as "tree blimps;" and mispronounced "electrical."

You have no idea how infuriating this was. It's one thing for a company to be incompetent enough not to restore power within 12 hours; it's another for them to have a person who can't speak the English language inform customers of what they already know without any specific updates. Is it that difficult to find a literate person within PECO's organization?

Unfortunately, I still had plenty of work to do, so I had to go somewhere. The local hotel was an option, but I wondered if any of the 24-hour diners would have an outlet in one of their booths. There are three diners that stay open all night around my area, so I set off into the frigid night.

The first diner, which is right down the street, had a ridiculously icy parking lot. I nearly slipped and fell a dozen times. I finally made it inside to be greeted by the host, a big, tan man with some sort of Eastern European accent (maybe Greek?) I asked him if he had a table or a booth with an outlet near it. He didn't even bother looking, pointing behind me instead. There was a little stool by the door.

"You can charge your laptop here while you sit and eat."

OK, no. Let's forget the fact that I wanted to actually work while my laptop charged for a second; placing a computer right near the entrance of a restaurant hardly seemed like a good idea. What's to stop someone from nabbing it on their way out? I doubt anyone would be keeping watch, so stealing it would be extremely easy.

I went back to my car and nearly died again in the process. Luckily, I survived, and I ventured off to the next diner, which was about a 10-minute drive away.

I asked the hostess of this establishment whether there was a table with an outlet near it. I expected her to not even search like that Greek a**hole, but she actually looked around and found one table right near an outlet.

I sat down and began working. I had issues keeping the laptop plugged in because the sockets were so loose, but hey, beggars can't be choosers.

I didn't want to be a dick and order nothing, so while I considered the cheese fries, I opted for hot chocolate and fudge brownie, which was described as a huge brownie topped with vanilla ice cream and hot fudge. My hot chocolate was delivered to me first. I inhaled all of the whipped cream and then the marshmallows before working my way to the actual beverage. Unfortunately, the chocolate wasn't hot at all. It was essentially cold chocolate. But hey, beggars can't be choosers.

My fudge brownie wasn't what I anticipated either. It wasn't exactly a "huge" brownie; it was a bunch of tiny brownies that were still topped with vanilla ice cream and hot fudge. I wanted a huge brownie, but hey, beggars can't be... actually, forget that. It was delicious, and as a fat man, I'm happy with any sort of tasty food.




Believe it or not, my power wasn't restored for another two days. I spent the entire following day at my parents' house, as their electricity turned back on the previous night. I was happy that things returned to normal when I finally came back home. I had to go to the grocery store to replace some of the spoiled items in my fridge, so I grabbed my car keys and some money and went down to the basement to access my garage.

As I walked down the stairs, I heard a strange dripping noise coming from my main basement area. I turned the corner and my jaw dropped: There was a cascade flowing down one of my walls. It looked like a waterfall. Some of the ceiling paint had completely fallen off, and there was now a huge hole in one of the corners:



The carpet on one side of the room was completely soaked, but the water luckily hadn't reached my pool table. I grabbed a couple of buckets I had in the garage and placed them where the water was dripping down. I then asked my parents if they knew a plumber.

Hours later, a short, chubby Russian man showed up at my door. I led him downstairs, but I was not prepared to hear what came out of his mouth.

"Holy f***ing s*** mazzer-f***er... s**t. S**t!!! F***ing s**t! Mazzer-f***er s**t! F**k! Mazzer of f***k! F***ing s**t!"

Again, I'm not exaggerating. He dropped the f- and s-bombs 20 times in a span of a minute as he pulled the stepladder toward the wall and investigated what was going on. I feared for my house at this point. Was my house about to cave in? Is that why he felt the need to curse that much? Would I have to gather up two of every DVD I had to preserve all of my belongings in my house?

I was lost in thought when Russian Plumber tried to get my attention.

Russian Plumber: Vhere sveetch to make vater no go?

Me: What?

Russian Plumber: Sveetch! Sveetch!

Me: Maybe the boiler room?

I showed him to the boiler room, but he didn't find what he was looking for.

Russian Plumber: I no see sveetch!

Me: What sveetch, I mean switch?

Russian Plumber: Sveetch to no make vater go!

Me: I don't know!

Russian Plumber: Need sveetch! Need turn sveetch to no make vater go! Show me vhere sveetch! Qveeck! Qveeck!

Me: AHHHHHHH!!!

I was about to have a nervous breakdown, but then I remembered that my circuit breaker was in a closet down the hall, so I led him there.

Me: Is this what you're looking for?

Russian Plumber: No iz sveetch for eloocreecity! Need sveetch for no vater! Qveeck! Qveeck!

Me: I... I... I...

Russian Plumber: Whoopa, I find sveetch!

I had no idea there was some sort of vater sveetch/water valve in the corner of my closet. He turned the knob and then went to the sink. He turned it on, yet no water came out. I was amazed. I guess I'd have no need for an ark. Suck it, Noah.

Russian Plumber grabbed some tools from his truck and got to work. And by "work," I mean fidgeting around in the hole I showed you earlier and dropping more f- and s-bombs. Minutes later, he stepped down and had a strange request.

Russian Plumber: I need go Home Depot. Vhere Home Depot?

Me: OK, you make a right out of the development, then at the light you make a left, then...

Russian Plumber: No, no, no. You drive me Home Depot.

Me: Oh... I guess I can.

Russian Plumber: I have big truck go boom, boom, boom, boom, finito. You drive me OK.

Me: All right.

Russian Plumber: Vait, you no drinking?

Me: No, I'm sober.

Russian Plumber: Finito! Vee go Home Depot.

Granted, I don't have much experience with plumbers, but I've never heard of any requesting to be driven to Home Depot. And what is this "boom, boom, boom, boom, finito" about? If his truck was in that bad of a condition, why did he risk driving to my house?






The drive over to Home Depot was quite entertaining. I did not expect to have this type of conversation with my plumber:

Russian Plumber: Vhat type alcohol you like drinking?

Me: Umm... whiskey, vodka, gin, beer.

Russian Plumber: You no have absinthe?

Me: Absinthe? I've heard of it, but I have never tried it.

Russian Plumber: Oho, absinthe iz good! You must drinking absinthe!

Me: Really?

Russian Plumber: Mazzer-f***ing s**t iz good! You drinking a little beet and you go boom, boom, boom, boom, finito!

Me: Well, I don't want to pass out when I drink. I just drink with friends.

Russian Plumber: I understand. I drinking vis friends before too. I alvays make party. But now I no drinking vis friends.

Me: What happened?

Russian Plumber: My vife, f***ing b***h no let me drink vis friends! Drinking finito.

Me: Oh wow.

Russian Plumber: She f***ing b***h say I no must drinking. So I stop drinking, f***ing b***h. I no drinking for long time! Finito!

Me: Really, how long?

Russian Plumber: Two veek I no drinking!

Me: Oh... congratulations!

This guy had been sober for a grand total of two weeks, which apparently constituted as a "long time." Well, regardless, I was thrilled that he wasn't intoxicated on the job. Or, is that why he didn't want to drive...?

I pulled into a parking spot, but right as I stopped the car, Russian Plumber tapped me on the shoulder.

"No parking zis f***ing s*** spot. Parking zat spot," he said, pointing to a spot in the next lane over. It was just as far from the entrance, so I have no idea why he preferred that spot over the one I was currently parked in, but whatever. I wasn't going to argue with a man who was fixing my pipes.

It took a while to find what we needed - Russian Plumber continued to curse as he was browsing the shelves, and he even spooked some old guy standing behind us - but we eventually were back on our way to my house.

Now that Russian Plumber had everything he needed, I expected things go smoothly. Unfortunately, that was not the case. He grabbed one of the bolts he purchased and tried to screw it into the pipe (at least that's what I think he was trying to do.) It didn't fit, however.

"Mazzer-f***er piece of s**t no fit into mazzer-f***er s*** pipe. S**t pipe is mazzer-f***er whoever made zis pipe is f***ing mazzer-f***ing a**hole s*** a**hole mazzer-f***er."

About 15 minutes later, he finally noticed what the problem was. The bolt that he purchased was missing something on the inside that the other one had.

"F***ing Home Depot piece of s*** mazzer-f***ers, alvays sell bad sings, mazzer-f***ers piece of s*** a**hole f***ks. Maybe zis old guy make bad sing, mazzer-f***ker piece of s***."

What old guy? The one he spooked in the store? Yeah, I'm sure he happened to be a conniving douche who meddled with the products at Home Depot just to piss people off.

Russian Plumber: Zis von broke. Finito. You take to Home Depot, get $10.

Me: OK I'll do that.

Russian Plumber: You buy little bottle alcohol vis zis $10.

Me: Oh... OK?

Russian Plumber: You drink zis because I no can drink, mazzer-f***ing vife piece of s***.

I found it outrageous how mad he was at his wife just because she made him stop drinking. He installed the other bolt and said that he had to wait for it to dry. He took this opportunity to tell me about his wife. After hearing his story, I'm now convinced that she is a "mazzer-f***ing piece of s***."

Russian Plumber: Who live zis house? Just you or you have vife?

Me: Just me.

Russian Plumber: Oho, I have vife. Vee marry 15 year!

Me: That's cool.

Russian Plumber: Cool? Ha! She make me sign paper for divorce yesterday!

Me: Wow, that sucks, sorry.

Russian Plumber: Zis mazzer-f***er vant everysing! She vant house. I build zis house! She vant car! I buy zis car! She vant my truck! I vork vis truck! She vant money! I say, I give you $50,000, finito. No! She vant everysing! She say house vors $180,000. She say, you taking house, you need give me $180,000. She no understand house have mortgage! How much house have mortgage?

Me: Your house or my house?

Russian Plumber: House have $130,000 mortgage. So you only have $50,000. She vant me to take house, I give $50,000. Iz even. But vooman no understand mortgage. F***ing b***h vant $180,000 for house. I no have zis money! If vooman have brains understand mortgage, vee split boom, boom, boom, boom, finito.

Me: Wow. Why'd you get divorced?

Russian Plumber: Zis American vooman! If zis Russia, if she vant divorce, I give her money, she go, finito. But she now American vooman, she read she get my money for divorce, so she get divorce because she vant money!

So, this supposed gold-digger married a plumber? If so, worst. Gold-digger. Ever.

Russian Plumber then gave me some advice on really getting to know someone before marrying them. He then delved into drinking in front of a woman.

Russian Plumber: I giving you advice. If you vis vooman, no drinking vis vooman. Only drinking vis man.

Me: Why?

Russian Plumber: Vhy? Ha! You drinking. Zen vooman call police. Police coming. Vooman tell police "zis man hitting me." Police smell you drinking alcohol, boom, boom, boom, boom, finito. You go jail. My vife do zis.

Me: Wow, really?

Russian Plumber: All vooman do zis! Never drinking vis vooman! All she need to do call police. If you drinking, you go jail. Finito.

Me: That's crazy!

Russian Plumber: Of course crazy. Vooman crazy! Now you know vhy I stop drink!

I don't know what to think. On one hand, his wife sounds bat-s*** crazy to do something like that. On the other hand, this guy could have been so drunk that he was domestically abused his wife without knowing it. Perhaps they were both a**holes.

Regardless of this guy's domestic life, he was a damn good plumber. Once everything dried, he turned the water back on, and the pipe was no longer leaking. He then gave me advice on how to get my ceiling fixed.

Russian Plumber: I have friend, Printer. He nice, Printer. Good, Printer. Vhen ceiling dry, you call me, I give you number Printer. Finito.

Me: OK I got it. What's his name? Printer?

Russian Plumber: Who name Printer?

Me: Your friend, I think you said his name was Printer.

Russian Plumber: I no tell you Printer name.

Me: I am so confused right now.

Russian Plumber: You sure you no drinking?

It took me a while to figure out what was going on, but Russian Plumber meant that he has a friend who's a painter. He's a nice painter. A good painter. And his name apparently isn't Printer.

I paid Russian Plumber $100 for his service. He then left. I still had to vacuum my soaked rug, but after the week I had been through, I didn't want to do anything. I just felt like cracking open a bottle of absinthe, chugging half of it and then going boom, boom, boom, boom, finito.




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Jerks of the Week - March 31, 2014: April Fools and April Truths II
Jerks of the Week - March 24, 2014: Downtown Business Meeting
Jerks of the Week - March 17, 2014: Jerks of the Old Gym
Jerks of the Week - March 10, 2014: Winter Olympics
Jerks of the Week - March 3, 2014: Valentine's Day Commercials 2014
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 24, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 3: The Great Flood
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 17, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 2: Power Outage
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 10, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 1: Stomach Virus
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 3, 2014: Cooking with Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 27, 2014: Just Wright
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 20, 2014: People Who Steal From Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 13, 2014: Snowed In and Going Insane
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 6, 2014: Christmas Shopping 2013
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 30, 2013: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 23, 2013: Toyotathon Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 16, 2013: My Elliptical - Struggles of a Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 9, 2013: Weird Food, Terrible Music and Rude Service
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 2, 2013: AT&T It's Not Complicated Commercials Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2013: Pizza Gluttony
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2013: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo!
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 11, 2013: Redskins Team Name Controversy
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2013: WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2013: Cereal Trilogy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 19


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 16


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5



 





 

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