Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013





Jerks of the Week for July 1, 2013


JERK OF THE WEEK: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress

I've discussed my weight-loss attempts in this section ad nauseum. For those of you who have not heard about it, my plan is to lose a tenth of a pound each week. I had been making great progress, but that was halted recently because of two things:

1. The enormous amount of food I consumed in recent weekends, including the May 18 wedding, which you can read about by clicking the link.

2. Slacking off at the gym with my friend Body Burner.

When I go to the gym by myself, I usually swim a mile. If I'm lazy or distracted by the hot blonde lifeguard, I'll do two-thirds of a mile. It's still a much better workout than I have when I go with Body Burner. We always warm up with a third of a mile, stop to talk about various things like Game of Thrones and then agree that we don't feel like finishing up. It's a pretty awesome time, but we're not exactly shedding much weight by utilizing this strategy.

Nevertheless, I Facebook messaged Body Burner about going to gym during a recent Tuesday (May 21).

Body Burner: I can't go. I volunteered for the election.

Me: Oh yeah, you told me that.

Body Burner: Did you vote?

Me: No. I don't even know who's running.

Sorry, but I'm just an ignorant American who doesn't keep up with local politics. However, as I got my gear ready for the gym, it suddenly dawned on me that I should go vote. The election center was on the way to the gym - it was held in the same building as the May 18 wedding - and in a township as small as mine, there's a better chance that I'd have the deciding vote than the presidential election. Thus, I figured that voting for this was more important.

I also had a third reason for voting, and you can probably guess what that is. Yes, I imagined I'd be able to rant about the many jerks I encountered throughout the process, and sure enough, I came away with tons of writing material.


1. Voting Area:

As I wrote in the May 18 wedding Jerks of the Week entry, my friends and I know the owner of the swim club where the election balloting took place because we used to swim and work there. He was a complete dick. He begrudgingly handed out 15-cent raises, yelled at everyone and was recently arrested for "simple assault, reckless endangerment to another person and harassment after his wife reported he pushed her and closed a car window on her forearm," according to the police blotter.

To give you a better idea of how much of an a**hole he was, he once approached Body Burner, then 15 years old, and asked if he could work on Labor Day Weekend. Body Burner truthfully told him he couldn't because of a family vacation, to which the owner replied, "I guess we'll see if you'll have a job here next summer." Seriously, who says something like that to a 15-year-old?

I used to post AIM away messages about this creep. Here are three that I unearthed:

1. People make up the weirdest days. I just discovered that today is National Boss's Day. That's right! All you swim club workers better call up our boss and wish him a happy National Boss's Day. His replies might be: A) "You're fired because I'm in a bad mood." B) "Make sure you do clean up camper poop in the bathroom with a toothbrush." or C) "I forgot to pay you your correct salary again, so you'll have to bother me until I fix it."

Shudder. I once had to paint the side of the pool with a toothbrush. I honestly have no idea why. At least I got a good tan.

2. Jen [co-worker] sent me this: "My boss is the biggest idiot out there. He could be the OFFICIAL spokesman for complete idiots and losers who wear high socks."

This guy had the worst fashion sense in the history of mankind. I don't know if he's changed his style, but he used to wear socks up to his knees, and he complemented that with a weight belt around his waist. He also had his tight t-shirts tucked in. He looked like a studly stud.

3. Yesterday morning, I walked into our pool, and the water was purple and cloudy, and there was trash at the bottom. Good stuff. Thanks. Way to have a swim team's pool ready three weeks into the season.

Ugh. This was the worst. The pool would never be ready on time because he was so cheap, so he'd fill the pool just as we'd go swimming. The result was that we had to swim in icy water. The pool was so cold once that I swam a 100-yard race and then forgot that I had done it. I was shaking for two hours after that. And now you see why I refuse to swim in pools that are 80 degrees or colder.

Luckily, I did not bump into this creep owner. I saw a bunch of old people instead. They were completely shocked that someone as young as me was voting. It was cool that they were in awe of me, but it was a bit annoying that they couldn't hear what I was saying. The old man who asked me to sign in asked me what my name was five times. Did his hearing aid break, or did he just keep forgetting? I don't know. Probably both.

I found it strange though that they didn't ask me for my ID. I don't get that. Couldn't I just have dyed my hair, changed my clothes and voted again? What was to stop me from doing that? I wondered about this as I voted and then started to walk out of the room. Coincidentally, a chubby woman yelled "excuse me, sir!" as I was nearly out of there.

Me: Yes?

Chubby Woman: Do you have a twin?

Me: Not that I know of.

Chubby Woman: Are you sure?

Me: Am I sure that I don't have a twin?

Chubby Woman: Yes. Someone who looked exactly like you was in here earlier.

Me: Well, that definitely wasn't me.

Chubby Woman: I better hope not, or I'd call the police for voter fraud!

Me: I don't know what to say.

Chubby Woman: He was wearing the same clothes too.

Me: Oh, really?

The chubby woman studied me carefully. Was I going to be the first person to ever be arrested for voting multiple times when really only voting once, and only doing so for writing material?

Chubby Woman: Turn around, please.

Me: What?

Chubby Woman: Turn around. I want to see something from behind.

Umm... perv, much? Nevertheless, I complied.

Chubby Woman: Nope, you're not the same person. You have a red stripe on the back of your shorts. The other guy didn't.

Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wooooow. What a freaking idiot. That's how she determined that I wasn't committing voter fraud - the stripe on my shorts? Are you freaking kidding me?

Seriously, how stupid can you be? What was to stop me from going home, putting on different-colored shorts and then voting again?

I feel like if I cared more about this process, I would have done this. But like I said, I didn't even know who was running.





2. The Injured Girl:

I finally made it to the gym. As I've written, I like to walk into the pool area before getting changed so I can see what the temperature the water is. The board said the pool was 80. I normally would have just gone home - I'm telling you, my former boss traumatized me - but it was so hot outside that day that I didn't care.

There was something else of interest. This girl in her 20s was sitting on a bench with her head leaned against one of those large blue balance balls people do crunches on. She looked pretty hot from a distance; she was a brunette who was wearing a black bikini top. I would have approached her and asked if I could "assist" her in any way, but there was already an older guy standing there. Thinking about it now, I probably would've gotten on time to "help" her first had I not voted. See, kids, this is why you should never vote in any election.

I changed and walked out to the pool deck. The lane second-closest to the window-less wall was open, which was perfect for two reasons. First, it would put me close enough to the injured girl so I could A) see if she was indeed hot and B) find out exactly what happened to her. Second, I'd be in the lane next to the hot blonde lifeguard, who was going to be giving swim lessons to some little girl.

Unfortunately, my plans were thwarted. The male lifeguard cleared out the lane closest to the wall for the hot blonde lifeguard, so the fat woman who was already in that lane shifted her blubbery body to the lane I wanted to occupy. Thus, I was forced two lanes over. This pissed me off greatly; I would not be able to find out what was going on with the injured girl, all because some fat lady wanted to bob up and down in that particular lane. As if she couldn't do that in the therapy pool where all the normal fat women hang out. See, this is exactly why there should be no male lifeguards. They ruin everything.

I swam a few laps to warm up and then I stopped to see what was going on. There were now eight people around this girl, including the gym owner, gym manager and pool supervisor. The owner spent some time yelling at the manager. I tried to hear what they were saying, but I was too far away. I did manage to see that the injured girl was attractive. However, she was wearing gray shorts instead of matching bikini bottoms. I wanted to go over and chide her for poor effort, but I realized that this might be in poor taste.

I continued my workout. A few minutes later, the ambulance arrived. The fat lady was no longer in that lane, so I moved over to where I rightfully belonged. I was then able to get a better view of what was going on. I still couldn't hear everything, but the EMTs had a stretcher with them. I found it troubling that the two EMT guys looked like they were 12 years old. I guess they'll let anyone be an EMT nowadays.

The hot blonde lifeguard was at the other end of the pool, so I swam down to ask her what was going on. She didn't know what happened, so I continued my workout until the injured girl was wheeled off. The hot blonde lifeguard finished her swim lesson at this time, so I suddenly lost all motivation to complete the final third of my mile.

I hopped out of the pool and grabbed my stuff. The male lifeguard happened to be walking by as I ventured toward the locker room. I had the urge to curse him out for almost ruining my evening, but I thought it might be more useful to gather some information from him.

Me: Hey man, do you know what happened?

Evil Male Lifeguard: That girl dislocated her shoulder.

Me: Really? How'd that happen?

Evil Male Lifeguard: I don't know, she was just swimming. She said that it happens to her all the time.

Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wooooow. What a wuss. Who calls the ambulance because of a dislocated shoulder - especially when it happens to be a chronic situation? I mean, I've never dislocated my shoulder, but I've seen countless TV and movie characters do it before. All they have to do to fix it is have someone else grab their arm and pull. It gets fixed every time.

Learning this new information, it suddenly dawned on me that the eight guys who surrounded the injured girl were geniuses. They could have just snapped her shoulder back into place by pulling her arm, but that would've just meant that she'd leave the pool area. By keeping her there, however, they'd be able to "assist" her for a longer period of time.

That's great thinking. It just goes to show that there are some super-slick people running my gym.







3. Yellow Wife Beater Man:

I drove over to Saladworks after I got out of the gym. They have $5.99 salads there on Tuesdays, so I always make sure I go there on that particular day of the week.

There are three types of salads that I get, one of which is just a plain Caesar salad with chicken and parmesan cheese. I hold the eggs because they don't belong in salads, as well as the croutons because I have better ones at home (the ones at Saladworks are too salty). I felt like getting the Caesar salad, but I had to wait until for this couple in front of me - a tan guy wearing an obscenely bright yellow wife beater and a short, hot chick who had dyed black hair and matching tight pants.

As they ordered, I texted Body Burner: "You missed it! There was a hot chick at the pool who had to be carted off into an ambulance!"

I heard my phone chime about a half of a minute after that, but it was my turn to order. I told the woman in her 40s behind the counter that I just wanted a salad with lettuce, chicken and parmesan cheese. She looked at me like I was insane.

Woman: That's all you get?

Me: Well, today, yeah.

Woman: You don't want croutons or anything?

Me: Erm, uhh, I have better croutons at home.

Woman: How about eggs?

Me: I hate eggs in salads!

Woman: How about corn?

Me: Meh, not too crazy about corn.

Woman: How about apple chips?

Me: In a salad? Why?

Woman: How about craisins?

Me: I'm not even sure what those are.

This final comment made the younger girl behind the counter laugh. The woman in her 40s just shook her head and said, "I don't know what I'm going to do with you." She poured Caesar dressing onto my salad and handed it to the cashier.

I was once again behind the couple. I heard the cashier ask, "Is this together?" A rhetorical question, right? Of course this dude was going to pay for the hot chick. But that was not the case. He said, "nah, separate."

I racked my brain for days, and yet I've still yet to come up with a scenario in which it makes sense for the dude not to pay for the hot chick. Let's go through all of the possibilities:

A. She's his girlfriend. Obviously not anymore. The one time I took the beautiful Awesome Girl Who Loves Football to Saladworks, I paid for her, and I was more than happy to do so.

B. She's just a friend. If she's just his friend, he's doing a poor job of trying to sleep with her. Seriously, dude, step up your game and get out of the friend zone.

C. She's just an acquaintance and they bumped into each other at Saladworks. The same applies. Dude, stop wearing heterosexually challenged yellow wife beaters and start trying to bang this hot acquaintance.

D. She's his sister. You should pay for your sister. And who knows? If you're kinky enough, maybe you can get some Jaime Lannister action going.

They left, and then I paid. As I walked out of Saladworks, I checked my phone and texted Body Burner back. We ended up having the following exchange:

Me: You missed it! There was a hot chick at the pool who had to be carted off into an ambulance!

Body Burner: NO NOT A HOT CHICK!!!

Me: I asked the hot blonde lifeguard what was going on, but she didn't know.

Body Burner: Poor hot chick so sad.

And poor Body Burner for missing all of this action. If he didn't have to volunteer for Election Day, he would've been right there with me to "assist" her. And that, my friends, proves that voting does more harm than good.




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Jerks of the Week - Dec. 15, 2014: Idiots at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 8, 2014: Septa Train Zombies
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Jerks of the Week - Sept. 8, 2014: Befriending Those Who Want to Kill Me
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Jerks of the Week - July 21, 2014: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 2 - Jerks of Disney World
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Jerks of the Week - June 30, 2014: Girl Meets World, Sushi and Soccer
Jerks of the Week - June 23, 2014: Therapy Pool Abominations
Jerks of the Week - June 16, 2014: Sprint Framily Commercials
Jerks of the Week - June 9, 2014: Jerks of the DMV
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Jerks of the Week - May 26, 2014: Night of the Six Stink Eyes
Jerks of the Week - May 19, 2014: Internet Idiots III
Jerks of the Week - May 12, 2014: Hate Mail, Part 2
Jerks of the Week - May 5, 2014: Hate Mail, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - April 28, 2014: People Plotting My Death
Jerks of the Week - April 21, 2014: How I Met My Cell Phone
Jerks of the Week - April 14, 2014: Bad Omens Monday
Jerks of the Week - April 7, 2014: Clothes Shopping
Jerk of the Year - April 1, 2014: How I Met Your Mother Finale
Jerks of the Week - March 31, 2014: April Fools and April Truths II
Jerks of the Week - March 24, 2014: Downtown Business Meeting
Jerks of the Week - March 17, 2014: Jerks of the Old Gym
Jerks of the Week - March 10, 2014: Winter Olympics
Jerks of the Week - March 3, 2014: Valentine's Day Commercials 2014
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 24, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 3: The Great Flood
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 17, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 2: Power Outage
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 10, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 1: Stomach Virus
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 3, 2014: Cooking with Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 27, 2014: Just Wright
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 20, 2014: People Who Steal From Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 13, 2014: Snowed In and Going Insane
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 6, 2014: Christmas Shopping 2013
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 30, 2013: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 23, 2013: Toyotathon Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 16, 2013: My Elliptical - Struggles of a Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 9, 2013: Weird Food, Terrible Music and Rude Service
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 2, 2013: AT&T It's Not Complicated Commercials Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2013: Pizza Gluttony
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2013: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo!
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 11, 2013: Redskins Team Name Controversy
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2013: WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2013: Cereal Trilogy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 23


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 23


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5



 





 

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