Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013





Jerks of the Week for Sept. 23, 2013


JERK OF THE WEEK: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady

I've discussed my trips to Tampa and the Jersey Shore over the past two months. However, in doing so, I've neglected to mention what's been going on in my area. I wrote this Jerks entry several months ago, but I'm publishing it now that my summer series are over.

Let's quickly recap the Best Buy Trilogy for those of you who haven't read the first two entries. In Part 1, I purchased a new laptop that seemed to work well, except Microsoft Word kept crashing whenever I opened it. I Googled possible solutions and nothing worked, so I took it to Best Buy to let Geek Squad figure it out. Instead of pimply faced virgin nerds to assist me, crackheads with absolutely no clue attempted to solve my problem. They did half the things I tried online, and when that failed, they said they'd call me in a half hour after they fixed the problem. I returned an hour later, and they said they repaired the issue - except that they didn't.

I then left my computer there for what the crackhead employees would be two or three days, or maybe "a week, tops." I didn't hear from them in 10 days, so I went back to Best Buy in Part 2, which I dubbed Confrontation Friday. Another Geek Squad worker told me he remedied the problem. It seemed to work when he showed me, but all of the Office programs still crashed.

I once again tried Googling for a possible solution, but the more I searched, the more frustrated I grew. This old guy named Doug Robbins, who has been named a "community star" and a "World MVP" on some Web site, frequently posted the same message in response to someone's problem with their Office program. He wrote this every single time:



It actually goes on longer, but you get the point. Now, you might be thinking, "Oh, that's nice of that old man. He has a number of solutions for people to try and he's doing a good job of helping out." Except that he's not. I glossed over 20 pages of problems where this Doug Robbins guy tried to help, but the response to his identical message is the same every time:



This Doug Robbins a**hole has never helped anyone, ever. In fact, he hurts more than anything because other people who might be able to assist see his long post and think, "OK, he's got it covered - no need to post my solution."

I was actually beginning to lose all hope after I saw this exchange on another Microsoft Community page:



Wow, thanks for the solution, "support engineer" and "community star." I swear, if I actually posted a real solution on this Microsoft Web site, I bet I could get the Webmaster to dub me "the second coming" and "engineering god."

I was suddenly super stressed out. Was I doomed to suffer the same fate as this TasWake fellow? Would I never get Microsoft Office working on my computer? Would I have another support engineer and community star tell me how to get a refund when I presented my own problem?

I was not about to give up so easily. The following day, I decided that it was time to go to Geek Squad again - but this time I'd call rather than travel to that god-forsaken store. I dialed the number and was shocked to hear a normal-sounding person on the phone. In fact, I was overly confident that he was a pimply faced virgin. This made me so unbelievably happy that I couldn't contain myself.

Pimply Faced Virgin: So, what appears to be the problem?

Me: I BOUGHT THIS COMPUTER AND OFFICE DIDN'T WORK NONE OF IT WORKED I TOOK IT TO BEST BUY AND THEY SAID THEY FIXED IT BUT THEY DIDN'T AND THEN THEY SAID THEY FIXED IT AGAIN BUT I THOUGHT THEY DID AND THEY DIDN'T AND NOW I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK FOR A REFUND FOR MY COMPUTER!!!

Pimply Faced Virgin: Everything will be fine, sir. Would it be OK if I took control of your computer so I can identify the specific problem?

This guy said "control," "identify" and "specific" - three words the crackhead Geek Squad employees have never heard of before. I was so excited that I nearly forgot to close my porn windows before giving up control to my laptop. I managed to do this at the very last second. Phew.

Pimply Faced Virgin did some poking around and determined that he'd have to re-install Office to completely detect the root of the issue. I warned him that the crackhead Geek Squad people at the Best Buy store did this several times, but to no avail. Pimply Faced Virgin, however, assured me that he'd be able to fix the error if he could reinstall the program. He asked me for the Microsoft Office product key. There was just one problem. When you buy Microsoft Office, they make you scratch off something on the packet so the crackhead store employees don't steal the product codes. I scratched mine a little bit too hard...

Me: Umm... so when I was scratching, I did it too hard, and now I can't see five of the 25 characters in the product key.

Pimply Faced Virgin: Oh, that's not good...

Me: What can I do about this? Would giving you 20 of the 25 characters work? I think this first one is a 6.

Pimply Faced Virgin: Yeah, your best bet is to exchange this Office product for another one by going to your local Best Buy...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I swore never go to that particular Best Buy again after the events of the Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1, but this would be my second time back.

Realizing that I was cursed to travel to that Best Buy every week for the rest of my life, I put on some clothes, grabbed my stuff and drove over to the worst place in the world.





Back at Best Buy...

I was praying that Soulless-Eye Lady took the day off, but I saw my nemesis almost instantly. I described Soulless-Eye Lady in Part 1 as: "She was a fat, black lady with giant hoop earrings and soulless eyes who looked half-asleep."

Soulless-Eye Lady looked as bored and lethargic as ever, but there was something strange about her. It took me a few minutes, but I realized what was different. She was wearing this black ribbon that blended into her hair. It actually looked like there was a black cat living in her hair. I watched it for a while, seeing if it would move, but it didn't. It was either an actual ribbon or a dead black cat. I thought about it, and I came to realize that if a black cat actually died in her hair, she wouldn't have the energy to do anything about it.

There were two couples in front of me - both of whom were Asian. I knew then something was up. Everyone knows that Asians can fix their own computer problems, so what were they doing in the Geek Squad appointment line? Were they plotting to take over this particular Best Buy? Were they scheming to eat the dead cat in Soulless-Eye Lady's hair? If so, I'd help them on both counts.

Soulless-Eye Lady took her time, of course. She spent 20 minutes trying to enter the information that the one Asian couple gave to her. She then summoned the other Asian couple. I overheard the conversation.

Soulless-Eye Lady: Welcome to Best Buy, whachu want?

Asian Guy: Oh, we buy a Hewrett Packard printer at Best Buy and it no a work.

Soulless-Eye Lady: Oh, you gots a printa problem?

Thanks for paying attention to your customer, a**hole. I had the sudden urge to text this hilarious exchange to my friends, but I was suddenly distracted by two people who walked ahead of me in line. They just bought something, so the sales associate who assisted them was apparently going to work with them at another register.

What caught my attention was the conversation these two people had when the sales associate walked away. One of these people was a redheaded, tattooed-up, chubby guy in his 20s who was wearing a red baseball cap backward, which made him 20-percent cooler. The other was his mom, an unbelievably fat monstrosity who was breathing heavily because it apparently was too difficult for her to walk around Best Buy.

Backward Baseball Cap Guy: Yo momz, dis computa gonna be off da hook.

Fat Mom: Ahh ugghhh ahh ugghhh auhh ugggh, does this computer have Facebook?

Backward Baseball Cap Guy: Yee, it gotz Facebook and Twittaz!

Fat Mom: Oh boy, ahh ugghhh ahh ugghhh auhh ugggh, this is gonna be fun to use!

Backward Baseball Cap Guy: Hold up momz, we gotz to get the money back dat Shawn owedz us. He owedz us like 40 dollaz.

Fat Mom: Ahh ugghhh ahh ugghhh auhh ugggh, actually, $39.95, but let's round it up to $40 so we can have that five extra cent, ahh ugghhh ahh ugghhh auhh ugggh.

This was so ridiculous. I was worried this woman was going to collapse of a heart attack any second. She couldn't even say a whole sentence without gasping for air. And what's with this stealing five cents bit? I guess every penny counts when you spend all the money you have on doughnuts and Cheetos.

I was so distracted by all of this that I didn't notice that Soulless-Eye Lady finished up with the second Asian couple. She summoned me over.

Soulless-Eye Lady: Welcome to Best Buy, whachu want?

Me: I bought this Microsoft Office with my computer. I need to reinstall it, but I can't read five of the characters. I was wondering if you could tell me what those characters were or if you could give me a new product key.

Soulless-Eye Lady: Oh, you gots a Windas or Office problem?

Me: Yeah, that's what I just said. Office.

Soulless-Eye Lady said she'd check for a possible solution in the back. She waddled away and came back a few minutes later.

Soulless-Eye Lady: Sir, we cannot help you wit dis.

Me: What? Why not?

Soulless-Eye Lady: Sir, we usually accept it if it happen two or tree day after you buy dis, but you bought it two month ago.

Me: I called Geek Squad, and they told me you'd be able to replace it!

Soulless-Eye Lady: Oh, Geek Squads say dis?

Me: Yeah, that's what I just said.

Soulless-Eye Lady: Lemme get da managa, she be able to heps you out.

As I waited, I noticed this chick walking back and forth behind the counter. She had blond hair with these weird green streaks in it, but they didn't look half-bad. She also wore tight black pants. She was slightly overweight and had a thuggish accent, but was still bangable.

What really caught my attention was that she constantly kept talking to herself. She opened up this box and exclaimed, "Look wha I founded!" She also kept muttering "mmhmm" to herself. Strange. But still banagable.

It took Soulless-Eye Lady about five minutes to return with the manager. The manager was an average-looking, blond-haired woman in her 40s. She gave me the same spiel about not normally giving out a new product code more than a few days after the original purchase, but being a normal human being - or so I thought - she relented and went to retrieve another Microsoft Office packet for me.

As I waited, Soulless-Eye Lady helped out another customer - an equally sleepy-eyed Mexican man in his 50s. Their conversation was highly amusing.

Soulless-Eye Lady: Welcome to Best Buy, whachu want?

Sleepy Mexican: No turn on.

Soulless-Eye Lady: What don't turn on?

Sleepy Mexican: Com...computa.

Soulless-Eye Lady: Oh, you gots a computa problem?

Sleepy Mexican: Computa no turn on...

Soulless-Eye Lady: Where dis computa?

Sleepy Mexican: I no bring...

Soulless-Eye Lady: What happen when you try turn dis computa on?

Sleepy Mexican: No turn on.

Soulless-Eye Lady: When you buy dis computa?

Sleepy Mexican: I forget...

Soulless-Eye Lady: Do you gots a reeceet?

Sleepy Mexican: No bring receipt.

Soulless-Eye Lady: You buy dis computa at Best Buy?

Sleepy Mexican: I forget where buy...

It was the ultimate battle of lethargy. Soulless-Eye Lady didn't want to do her job, so she wasn't asking any sort of productive questions, while Sleepy Mexican didn't seem interested in answering any of them. I have no idea what he was doing there if he didn't have a computer, receipt or any relevant information to give to Geek Squad. He would've been more useful just staying home and napping.






The manager came back with a new Microsoft Office packet. She joked, "Be careful scratching the bar off this one!" and began entering my information.

Manager: What's your phone number?

Me: It's 215-9...

Manager: I miss you too.

Me: Wait, what?

Manager: I miss you too, Jimmy.

Me: I'm not Jimmy. I'm Walter.

Manager: I'll see you soon, Jimmy.

Me: What's going on here?

Manager: Oh, sorry, I was talking to Jimmy.

OK, so there was no guy around her. She was not on the phone. She didn't have any sort of Bluetooth thing in her ear. She was apparently having a conversation with an imaginary person named Jimmy.

I gave her my phone number. She then asked for my e-mail.

Me: It's wpc112...

Manager: Can't wait to see you, Jimmy.

The f*** was going on here? It only got weirder when the aforementioned bangable girl walked by.

Manager: Jimmy said he's coming in soon.

Bangable Girl: Oh dat's coo.

Manager: Maybe we'll all hit the bar together.

Bangable Girl: Mmmhmm!

Oh, I get it. This Best Buy has transformed into an insane asylum. Half the people are complete lunatics, while the other half are crack addicts.

And as for the customers? Well, I keep going back, so I must also be nuts.


Epilogue:

Before contacting Pimply Faced Virgin again, I decided to uninstall and reinstall Office again to save him the hassle. I did this and opened up Word, expecting it to crash. It didn't. Excel didn't crash either. Everything worked! Huzzah!

Words can't describe how happy I was. The prospect of never having to deal with Soulless-Eye Lady made me cry tears of joy. If only the cat that once lived on her head was as fortunate.




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Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2013: Pizza Gluttony
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2013: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo!
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 11, 2013: Redskins Team Name Controversy
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2013: WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2013: Cereal Trilogy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 23


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 23


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5



 





 

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