Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2016





Jerks of the Week: May 23, 2016


JERK OF THE WEEK: Bar Conversations

I have some good news and bad news:

The good news is that my favorite bar, Whiskey Tango - which I've written about extensively over the years - has re-opened after closing in January 2013! The location was shut down for a while, then became a country bar called Bull Shooters, which was always odd for an establishment in Philadelphia. Well, Bull Shooters is mercifully gone, and Whiskey Tango is back. That's right - there are more opportunities for stories about Blondtender (though she was fired), Lennon, Melvis and Slav, and the creepy guy who stalked my female friends!

The bad news? Despite Whiskey Tango being open for several months, I haven't gone yet.

You might be wondering, Walt, what the hell is wrong with you?, and to that, I can only say that I'm equally disappointed in myself. I was so devastated when it closed, and I would've given anything for more nights there. However, there are a few factors involved:

First of all, Whiskey Tango is different. It used to be a fun hangout to just drink and play pool/darts, and they were so chill about everything. They didn't even have anyone check IDs at the door; one time, this girl I know from my parents' neighborhood was there, and I knew for sure that she wasn't 21. Yet, no one cared. I guess maybe that's why they closed in the first place, but it was nice to go to a bar where they weren't uptight or anything.

Now, they have a cover charge to get in, and they do this so they can pay the band they have each weekend night. To this, I say f*** the band. I hate bands. They're loud and they're smelly. Plus, I'd rather just have music on in the background, just as long as it's not blaring so that I can actually hear what people are saying. That's my No. 1 pet peeve about most bars - I hate it when it's impossible to have a conversation. Forgive me, but I'd rather talk to people than dance, and I'm not particularly keen on having blood spew out of my ears by the end of the night.

Second, there's no guarantee that any of my favorite characters would be there. Blondtender, as mentioned, was fired, so there would be no one to rape me with a cucumber. Lennon may have married an Asian whore by now. Melvis and Slav are probably peering through windows with binoculars and jacking off to women undressing. And the guy who creeped on my female friends undoubtedly has joined Melvis and Slav in their new ventures.

And third, most of my friends don't go out anymore. We all used to meet up every Friday night at Whiskey Tango, but everyone has grown up and graduated, and now people are too tired/busy to go out all the time. This is absolutely horrible, as I expected us to all go through liver failure together.




At any rate, one of the people I used to go to Whiskey Tango with each Friday night was my friend Glimmer. She's getting married next summer, so she wanted to have an engagement party of sorts at a bar. I figured she'd choose Whiskey Tango, but she opted for another bar somewhat close by called Oh Bryon's. I'm not exactly sure why she eschewed having it at Whiskey Tango, but I imagine that she was disgruntled with the same things I was. Who wants to pay a cover charge and listen to some crappy band? I'd rather only pay for alcohol and be able to talk. I mean, if I can get raped by a cucumber, it might be worth the $7, but definitely not the case otherwise.

Something I quickly realized upon arrival is that the thing I missed most about going out to bars is the drunken conversations I used to have with my friends. I'd often mention them and everything that happened each night in Jerks of the Week, and that's been an element that has been missing in this section of the site for several years now.

So, here's a rundown of what happened at Oh Bryon's, and what we talked about that night. I'll warn you: Some of it is controversial, so if you're one of these microaggression pansies with sand in your vag, you should probably step away now before you have a brain aneurysm.


Girls Getting Hit on at the Gym:

This didn't exactly happen at the gym; it was something my girlfriend and I discussed at dinner beforehand. Dinner, by the way, was comprised of some potentially great food. There's this pizza place/deli near the local dog training place where we were earlier in the evening, so we decided to give them a shot. I ordered a cheesesteak, fries and buffalo chicken strips. Delicious and nutritious!

Well, maybe not so delicious. The chicken strips and fries were great, but the cheesesteak was missing one key ingredient - cheese! How can you forget the cheese in a cheesesteak? It's literally in the f***ing name! It's like if you buy a sailboat, and they forget to include the sails. Or maybe they give you the sails and forget the boat. I imagine the latter is much worse.

At any rate, my girlfriend's brother Jimmy called up and mentioned that he joined a gym. He talked about perhaps using it as a place to hit on girls, but my girlfriend shot down that strategy:

"Jimmy, don't hit on girls at the gym!" she exclaimed. "We find it creepy! We're all sweaty and disgusting and stuff, and we don't want to be hit on like that!"

From the sound of it, Jimmy seemed confused, and I more so. In fact, I interrupted their conversation to give my take on it.

Shouldn't women feel super complimented if a guy hits on them when they're sweaty and "disgusting?" Think about it: If a guy likes you in that manner, think about how much he's going to love you when all dolled up.

There's nothing wrong with hitting on girls at the gym, or even just ogling them. In fact, if you ogle a chick, she should come up to you and kiss you on the cheek for raising her self-esteem.

Like I said, this wasn't discussed at the bar, but it sounds like something I'd rant about while drunk, so I thought I'd include it. I also hopes this serves as a PSA to all women. Guys hitting on you at the gym is actually a great thing!


Rolling Rock vs. Miller Lite and Homicidal Maniac:

When I arrived at the bar, I did what I used to do: Offer to buy everyone drinks. Two people took me up on the offer, one of whom was my friend Pat, who asked for a Rolling Rock.

I ordered the two drinks, plus my own, which was a Miller Lite. The bartender, who was in her 40s, but still had a nice a**, set the mixed drink and the two beers down. The problem? She didn't specify which was which.

"Hey, which one's the Miller Lite?" I asked, but to no avail because she already walked away. I stood there utterly confused, unsure of what to do until she came back my way.

Another bartender - slightly younger, but a lot uglier - walked by, so I figured I'd ask her if she could help solve my dilemma. She looked closely at the two glasses, but came to the same conclusion I did: The two beers looked exactly the same, so it was impossible to tell.

She told me she'd ask the other bartender, who was now starting to help someone else. While waiting, it dawned on me that I could perhaps ask someone else at the bar. I looked at the one dude closest to me, and I immediately cowered in fear. He had red, spiky hair and wore an extremely angry expression on his face, almost like he was plotting to kill someone. I kept tabs on him, and he sat by himself for most of the night. Undoubtedly, he figured out his master plan to kill all those who made fun of his whacky hairdo. Ah crap, I hope he doesn't read this, or I might be next!

Anyway, the original bartender came over after a couple of minutes, and she looked frustrated.

"When I sat these beers down, I said this one is Rolling Rock, and this one is Miller Lite," she spat.

She definitely did not say that. I'd definitely recall it if she did. This got me so angry that I actually forgot which one was which.

"Wait!" I shouted as she was walking away. "Which one is the Miller Lite again?"

She looked even angrier, almost as if she wanted to grab a beer bottle and bash me over the head with it. I'm actually shocked she didn't enlist the services of Red Spiky Hair Killer to take me out.







Penis Doctor:

A few beers later, one of the girls mentioned something about a gynecologist. That's when my first truly drunken thought popped into my head.

"I'm glad I don't have a penis doctor!" I shouted, prompting quizzical looks from everyone around me.

"What the f*** is a penis doctor?" this one girl asked.

I explained...

Walt's Drunken Take: Women always go to gynecologists. Men don't visit doctors to check out their penis. Why is that? We don't get our wangs checked every month, or however often women take trips to the gynecologist. I imagine that would be awfully tedious.

The girls at the table were still somewhat confused, but as expected, Pat agreed. Penis doctors would suck. Well, not literally suck - otherwise they'd get sued for sexual harassment.


Global Warming:

I can't remember who brought it up, but someone mentioned global warming. I don't think anyone was actually complaining about it, as I make sure not to hang out with microaggression communist hippies, but I still had to rant about it.

Walt's Drunken Take: Global warming is such bulls***! This is the coldest May of all time. Seriously, we've had one nice day this month. If we have three nice days in December, the communist hippie douche bags will jump down our throats about global warming, but where the f*** are they when we have our coldest recorded May ever? I've seen my breath outside every night this month! It's May 13, and I can see my breath outside, and I'm wearing f***ing winter coats everywhere! This is f***ing bulls***! And I love how the global warming a**holes don't mention that we had a global cooling in the 80s and 90s because of the sulfur in the air from a massive volcano eruption, and now the temperatures are just readjusting. We actually need global warming because it's so f***ing cold outside!

As you can probably guess, this was my longest drunken rant of the night. Unfortunately, I lost about half my audience at least halfway through because they were already talking about something else. The people who still were listening to me looked at me sullenly, as if they thought I was about to have a nervous breakdown. And I don't blame them at all!


Girl Being Too Hot:

Someone asked Pat if he ever looked at a girl at a bar or a party and thought, "Yeah, I can do this." As in get in her pants that very night. Before Pat could answer, I had to interject with my own story, which occurred prior to the creation of Jerks of the Week (in 2009), so I thought I'd share it with you:

Walt's Drunken Take: One time at my house, my friend brought over these girls. One was perhaps the hottest chick I've ever seen. I normally don't like tall girls, but she was supermodel kind of tall, and her body was amazing. Anyway, I was getting a drink when she came over to me. She put her hand on mine and whispered, "Can you make me a drink?" I didn't know what to do. I just froze. I didn't even expect her to acknowledge me at all, as this occurred in my low-confidence days. I had some drinks in me but wasn't completely drunk, so I had the sudden urge to leave. "You're too... too hot for... for me," I stuttered and walked away. I later told my friend who brought her over about this, and he said I totally could've gotten her. I just shook my head, "Nah man, she was way too hot. I don't even know what I'd do with her." He looked at me and laughed. "You stick your dick in her p***y!"

Everyone seemed disappointed that I didn't nail this girl, and they were all more delighted to hear Pat's story, which ended much more successfully.


Going Potty:

Glimmer said that she had to go to the bathroom, prompting her friend Marlana to say that she'd go with her. This led to Pat asking a question no guy truly knows the answer to:

"Why do girls announce that they're going to the bathroom so that another girl goes with them? Us guys don't. We just go by ourselves. Why do girls do this?"

Of the seven people who heard this question, everyone had a different answer. One person said it was to invite another girl for gossip purposes. Another suggested it was for lesbian activities. Someone else thought it was for security (i.e. if a girl's not back for a while, people should be concerned.)

I didn't have an answer - I've given up trying to understand the thought process of women long ago - but I offered my take on the whole thing:

Walt's Drunken Take: That's gotta be super stressful! What if a girl announces that she's going to the bathroom, and all you hear are crickets because no one wants to go with her? Wouldn't that be super embarrassing? Like, this girl would have to go and cry in the bathroom by herself because she doesn't have any friends to go with her.

Man, I'm glad I'm not a chick. I don't think I could handle it.


Game of Thrones Party:

We were discussing having parties during the summer, and St. Stalin's Day came up. This year will mark the fifth-annual St. Stalin's Day, which is difficult to believe. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you can read all about the first St. Stalin's Day here, and once you do, I'm sure you'll want to wear red and celebrate it with me this summer.

When discussing what the date for St. Stalin's Day would be, Pat suggested a party with another theme - a Game of Thrones costume party.

That sounded like an awesome idea. Two thoughts popped into my head. First, would this Game of Thrones costume party be on my birthday, or would it be a totally different event? And second...

Walt's Drunken Take: That reminds me of a porno I watched recently! It was a Game of Thrones-themed porno. It was called Game of P***y!

Some of the girls looked at me strangely and just got up and left the bar. And that's when it hit me: People might still be going out Friday nights. Perhaps they're just not inviting me because of my drunken takes.

LOADING COMMENTS...



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Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2013: Cereal Trilogy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 23


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 23


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5









 





 

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