Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2016





Jerks of the Week: March 7, 2016


JERK OF THE WEEK: Lucifer

Several years ago, my friend Josh stated that we're in the golden ages of TV and the dark ages of music. He was certainly right. Between Lost, the Wire, 24, Breaking Bad, the Walking Dead, Mad Men, Game of Thrones, Battlestar Galactica and countless other great shows, there was always plenty of entertaining programs to watch on TV.

Conversely, music has just been horrible. Whether it's rappers grunting incoherently as they steal the background music from some other musician, or pop singers spelling out words like "bananas" or "fabulous," or a**holes telling people to rest their head on their arm and pretending like it's the cool new Macarena dance, the music industry is in shambles right now. I don't know, maybe it's because I'm now in my early 30s and I don't get it anymore, but music has become hot garbage. Seeing morons "dabbing" only reinforces that belief.

Unfortunately, I think we might be entering the dark ages of TV as well. Game of Thrones and the Walking Dead are still on, but TV is now littered with horrendous reality shows like Keeping Up with the Kardashians or the Real Housewives of Cleveland, or things like that. Why the hell would anyone want to keep up with the Kardashians? Does anyone with an IQ above 40 actually truly care about what the dumbest family in America is doing right now? If I started injecting Botox into my butt and underwent sex-change operations solely for publicity, would people start watching Keeping Up with the Cherepinskys? God, I hope not. I wouldn't even tune into that trash.

Of course, networks are trying to air new non-reality shows as well, and thank the seven gods for that. Unfortunately, most of it is procedural tripe. I never understood how people got into the "crime of the week" type programs that barely follow an overall arc and seldom develop their characters. The latter is extremely important. Take a look at the best TV shows of all time - all of them had amazing characters. From Jack Shepherd, Sawyer and John Locke, to McNulty, to Walter White, to Rick and Darryl, to Don Draper and Peggy Olsen, to Tyrion Lannister and Arya Stark, to Commander Adama, Gaius Baltar and Starbuck, we've seen some of the greatest characters ever developed over the past decade. We tuned into those shows to see what our favorite characters were up to, and whether they would achieve their goals.

That's why I was excited about Lucifer on FOX. It wasn't a reality show - though one about Satan would be hilarious - and it sounded like it could be pretty cool. After all, the Devil sounds like a great character to develop. Yes, he's evil, but what does he want? Why does he want to torture people for eternity? Can he ever turn to the good side? Why is he on Earth instead of Hell? These were all questions I had pertaining to FOX's impending show.

"I heard it sucks," my girlfriend said when I made her sit down and watch it with me.

"No, it'll be great, trust me," I replied. "How can they screw up a show about Satan?"

Oh, how could they screw up a show about Satan? It's almost cute how naive I was.

I wish I were still naive and ignorant. Because I know the truth - which is that Lucifer is one of the worst shows of all time. No, it's no worse than Keeping Up with the Kardashians, but if Satan undergoes a sex-change operation just for publicity in one episode, it'll actually be worse.




I'm going to spend this Jerks of the Week entry walking you through the pilot of Lucifer. This will serve two purposes. The first is to prevent you from ever watching this God-awful show. The second is that on the off chance that some aspiring showrunner reads this entry, he/she can learn that torturing people with horrible TV programs is just not a nice thing to do.

Scene 1: After a text intro, citing that the angel Lucifer served in Hell for quite some time and then needed a vacation - ugh - we get to see our eponymous protagonist driving a convertible super fast. He's eventually pulled over a cop.

This should be good. I wonder if the officer is going to give him a ticket. I can feel the tension!

Lucifer completely disrespects the officer. He tells him that he's doing this to abuse his limited powers. Or, I don't know, to get a dangerous driver off the road, maybe? I mean, that's certainly a possible reason why he stopped you, Satan.

You know, I have to say that this scene truly baffles me. Think about it - Lucifer, although depicted as a hammy 30-year-old British guy, is really thousands upon thousands of years old. What do old people have in common? They're all extremely slow drivers, which is actually something I've never understood. I mean, they're going to die soon, so wouldn't they want to hurry up and do as much as possible in their limited time? Meh, whatever. The point is that Lucifer, being very ancient, realistically would be driving like 8 mph down Sunset Boulevard. If a cop were to stop him, it would be to tell him to speed up.

Anyway, Lucifer tries to bribe the officer. The cop is taken aback by this until Lucifer stares deeply into his eyes and has the officer reveal that he, too, breaks the law by "putting his sirens on driving real fast." Oh, that's cool.

The scene ends with the cop taking the money and Lucifer driving away, revealing his license plate:

FALLIN1

Fallin1? I don't get it. What could it possibly m... ohhh! Fallen One OOOOHHHHH WOOOOWW HOW CREEEEAATTIIVEEE!!!

Scene 2: Lucifer walks into a night club, and the bartender asks him where he's been. He says, "Shacking up with a woman named Faith. How ironic!"

Faith? I don't get it. What could it possibly m... OHHHH IIII GETTT IT!!!

Suddenly, everything slows down - literally slows down, as in slow motion - and a black guy shows up and demands that Lucifer to go back to the underworld. Lucifer whines about how his "dad" - i.e. God, for those of you not following - has been disrespecting him. The black guy then asks, "What do you think happens when the Devil leaves hell?"

Umm... he goes on vacation? Hasn't this been established already?

The black guy does a spin move and reveals that he has fried chicken and watermelon hidden. OK, that's a joke. He really has wings. The black guy says, "Dad won't be merciful much longer" and then vanishes. Things are about to get crazy.

Scene 3: Some chick named Delilah shows up. She's apparently some sort of music star, and she's worried that she sold her soul to the Devil to get famous. Lucifer tells her to buck up, buckaroo, and "pull yourself together."

See, Satan's not such a bad guy. Why does he get a bad rep?

Delilah says she'll get it together. Unfortunately, she'll never get a chance because a drive-by shooter blasts her with countless bullets. She's gone. The driver crashes, and Lucifer sees the car. He then looks at Delilah and is pissed. He walks over to the car and asks the shooter why he killed her. The shooter says, "Why do you think? Money," and then he dies after Lucifer laments not being in Hell to torture him.

Shouldn't Satan have some sort of power to keep him alive? Why can't he do anything to stop him from dying? The Devil is supposed to be one of the most powerful beings ever, so why limit him? It cheapens the show that way.

Scene 4: The cops show up. Lucifer and a somewhat attractive blonde investigator argue about what the motives were, and Lucifer expresses frustration that her "corrupt little organization" won't do anything about the crime. He then says he recognizes her and asks if they've had sex before, prompting her to storm off.

Let me guess. The two are going to work together, have some tension stemming from their conflicting personalities, have sex eventually, fight some more, and then ultimately get together. That can't possibly happen, can it? I mean, that would be waaay too original for a plot.






Scene 5: Lucifer shows up to a wedding. When the priest asks if anyone has a problem with the marriage, Lucifer calls the bride jaw-droppingly beautiful and says her soon-to-be husband is a sweating homunculus, and compares this wedding to a kidnapping. Lucifer is pissed at the guy getting married, as he's Delilah's former record producer and ex-fiance. The record producer tells Lucifer that some rapper was the one who shot Delilah. Lucifer then looks at the bride and gets her to admit that she doesn't want to have sex with her "homunculus" husband tonight, prompting many observers to gasp. Lucifer then storms off to find the rapper.

You know, for someone who's on "vacation," you'd think Lucifer could've stuck around and banged some hot bridesmaids (or the "jaw-droppingly beautiful wife herself). Instead, he's solving crimes. At least Encyclopedia Brown would be proud.

Scene 6: Lucifer's next stop is the rapper's house. The rapper is having a party, which is a surprise to me. Lucifer shouts at the DJ to turn down this "God-awful music," which the rapper sees as a sign of disrespect. I suppose that would be the way the guy who invented "dabbing" would feel about me, but that would require him to have enough brain cells to read anything, including this Web site.

The rapper's crew, all of whom have guns, of course, reveal their weapons, which Lucifer scoffs at, claiming that he's immortal. Lucifer charges at the rapper and holds him over the railing, but the rapper says that he loved Delilah and that she cheated on him. The rapper, who looks like he's s***ting his pants right now, tells him to check out a Dr. Linda, Delilah's psychiatrist.

The blonde cop shows up, and the rapper says he recognizes her from the adult film Hot Tub High School. Completely embarrassed, she arrests Lucifer for some strange reason. She cites that she put him in handcuffs because "you're pissing me off." Oh, so you can arrest someone for just that? I guess Lucifer was right about the police force being corrupt!

Lucifer gets out of his handcuffs quite easily and complains that "we should be out there solving a homicide and punishing those responsible!"

And that's when it hit me. This is going to be a f***ing police procedural! Satan is going to solve crimes with some bimbo cop!

I was astonished at how stupid this was the first time I watched it, and it sounds even dumber now. Satan, the ruler of the underworld, torturer of souls, main adversary of God, will be part of a crime-solving duo with a female police officer who took part in a porno when she was younger.

I don't know... I just don't know anymore. Who the hell greenlit this, and is it possible that he's not a functional human being? Is it out of the realm of possibility that the FOX executives found some human vegetable who has lost brain function as a result of some accident, and then went with an "idea" of his when he incoherently pointed at random words like "devil" and "crime" in a magazine article? I can almost hear them saying, "Devil... crime... good gracious, this man is a genius! For our next show, Satan will solve crime!"

I suddenly have the urge to vomit all over my keyboard. How can someone let a show like this be created? And how can anyone live with themselves knowing how much potential they wasted? Depicting Satan as the protagonist in a show had so much upsidel. Instead of him being on vacation and boozing around, why couldn't they give him some enigmatic reason for escaping Hell? It'd be great if we didn't know what his intentions were, especially if this weren't some damn procedural. I can't stand procedurals. And how many officer-plus-weird character tropes do we need on TV, exactly? We have a cop and a writer on Castle, we have a cop and Revolutionary War hero on Sleepy Hollow, we have a cop and forensics examiner on Bones, and now we have a cop and Satan on Lucifer. What's next? A cop and a monkey? A cop and an old-school Zack Morris cell phone? A cop and a bag of Doritos?

I think I should stop now before I give the FOX executives another horrible idea. I'll get back to the show, and hey, guess what? The officer just asked Lucifer if he can read people's minds.

"I can't read minds; I'm not a Jedi!" he responds.

But... BUT... JEDIS CAN'T READ PEOPLE'S MINDS, THEY CONTROL PEOPLE'S ACTIONS SOMETIMES AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

That's it. I'm done. I can't watch the rest of this garbage. I'm turning it off right now.

Boom. It's gone. No more Lucifer for me. And at this rate, no more TV for me either. I'd actually rather get into dabbing than watch this trash. Even a self-promotional sex-change operation sounds more appealing.

LOADING COMMENTS...



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Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 17


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 16


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5









 





 

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