Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2013





Jerks of the Week: Nov. 18, 2013


JERK OF THE WEEK: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo!

My sister's birthday is on Oct. 2. The night before, my mom called me to discuss preliminary dinner plans.

"We want to go out at 8," she said, "We're not sure where yet because Jackie's not sure what she's in the mood for."

Uh oh. I could already sense trouble. She didn't know where she wanted to go to dinner, which meant she was probably considering some sort of new restaurant. I hate new restaurants. There's nothing better than going to a place you're familiar with and ordering the same food every time. I don't get why people try new things. New means uncertainty. Sure, perhaps this new restaurant will be great. But there's a better chance your dinner will be ruined. Who knows, maybe this new restaurant is run by an evil mastermind who plans to poison all of his customers. Call me crazy, but I do not want to get poisoned.

My mom then called me again the following afternoon...

Mom: OK, we're going to a restaurant called Bravo!

(Note: I'm not putting an exclamation point there because my mom shouted this. The restaurant has one by default, much like Yahoo! Pretty pretentious if you ask me. Perhaps I should change my name to "Walter!")

Me: Ugh. I don't know what that is.

Mom: It's in Willow Grove Mall. It's supposed to be good!

Me: Why can't we just go to one of the usual places?

Mom: It's Jackie's birthday, and that's where she wants to go.

Me: Ugh. I don't think that's very fair.

Mom: OK, we're going at 7 instead of 8. Just go to Willow Grove Mall. You'll see it on the left-hand side near Macy's.

Me: Where the hell is Willow Grove Mall?

Mom: Walt... we've been there 5,000 times. Just go down Philmont, which turns into Old Welsh, and then cross... what's that road called... Route 611... Then the mall will be on the first right.

I could already tell this was an ominous sign that this birthday dinner would be a disaster. And it indeed was. I encountered seven jerks on my way to or at Bravo! - seven deadly jerks, if you will - but I didn't have a choice in the matter, so I got dressed at 6:45 and ventured off to this new restaurant.


1. Deer Sign

Old Welsh Road sucks. It's a two-lane road that suddenly transforms into one lane without any sort of warning until the last second. I nearly hit someone while switching lanes.

This particular road always goes through a heavily wooded area. I saw a deer sign. If you live in an area without these abominations, here's what it looked like:



Great, so someone took the effort to put a sign on the road to inform us that there are deer, yet they couldn't do that to warn us that the right lane was abruptly ending? That makes so much sense.

What's the point of a deer sign anyway? If any of those Bambi a**holes runs into the road right in front of your car, you're f***ed. You almost likely won't have enough time to swerve out of the way, regardless of whether you're watching out for deer.

Oh, and what's with the "1 mile" thing? How does this douche who put in the sign know that deer live exactly one mile beyond the sign? What if the deer have migrated and now live 1.2 miles beyond the sign? Is there some loser driver looking at his mile counter and going, "Hurrr durrr, I just went exactly one mile, so I don't have to look out for deer anymore!" What if a deer runs in front of his car at that very moment? If he survives, can he sue the POS who posted that dumb sign?


2. Route 611

I managed to avoid all of the deer in the one-mile stretch on Old Welsh Road, and I finally saw signs for Route 611, which happened to be Old York Road. OK, so the next light was Willow Grove Mall, right?

Well, I turned onto this road and continued down it. I drove for about three minutes, but saw nothing. My phone then rang. It was my mom, who asked where I was.

Me: I turned on the first right after Old York Road, just like you said.

Mom: Old York Road? You're supposed to turn after Easton Road!

Me: But Old York Road is Route 611.

Mom: So is Easton Road. There are two Route 611s.

Me: Ugh, why didn't you tell me that? And why are there two Route 611s!?

Mom: Hold on, one second. Uhh, yeah, I'd like to order for my son who's not here. He'd like the chicken parm with spaghetti and a garden salad.

Me: You're ordering already?

Mom: And I'd like to have the Penne Mediterranean...

Me: Mom, where do I go?

Mom: Now, does that come with...

Me: Mom!

Mom: Oh, OK, it does? Oh, what would he like to drink? Sprite's fine, thank you.

Me: I don't want Sprite.

Mom: Thank you, yeah, he'll be here soon.

Me: MOM!!!

I found my way to the restaurant five minutes later. Everyone looked disappointed that I had arrived so late. I blame the idiot who thought it would be a good idea to have two Route 611s. I sat down and grumpily sipped on my unwanted Sprite.





3. Women at Bravo!

Let's take a small step back. When I walked into Bravo!, I was immediately greeted by five hostesses. They were all super hot. I don't know why this restaurant needed five hostesses, but I wasn't complaining. In fact, I could barely say anything because I was so overwhelmed.

Hot Hostess: Hi, how many in your party?

Me: I... umm... uhh... family... already... here...

Hot Hostess: How many people?

Me: I... umm... uhh... three... maybe... no... four... uhh... four...

I saw my family - plus my sister's boyfriend - so I didn't have to stutter and stammer much longer. I walked over, and as I did so, I passed by a waitress who wasn't nearly as attractive as the hostesses. That's when I noticed the attire. All of these women were dressed exactly like the men - they had button-down shirts with red ties and dress pants.

I think this is a load of crap. I don't know whose idea it was to have the women dress like the men, but it's definitely some person obsessed with equality bulls***. I personally think it's sexist, and I'm offended by it. Women should be able to show off their bodies; that way, they'll get bigger tips. Having them dress like men means they'll take in less money each night. So, it appears as though Bravo! is a sexist establishment that wants to keep its female employees down.
Oh, and what's with the ties anyway? I absolutely hate ties. I think they're the worst things ever. They're tight and make it difficult to breathe. They're impossible to put on. And they don't even look good anyway. I'm a big fan of the open-collar look. It's the way of the future. If you don't believe me, check out Person of Interest's John Reese:



Now there's a man who knows how to dress fashionably. If John Reese can pull off the open-collar look, then why can't I? I don't mean to brag, but I'd say I'm just as attractive to women as John Reese - if not more so! With that in mind, I think we can all agree that I never have to wear a tie ever again.


4. Homophobic Neighbor

As we waited for our food, my sister recounted something that happened to her earlier that day. She was walking her dog when she bumped into a neighbor off hers, a Mexican man in his 60s, who was also walking his dog.

The two dogs, who had never seen each other before, started sniffing one another. My sister and the Mexican man struck up a conversation that lasted a couple of minutes. The Mexican man constantly looked down at the two dogs warily, but my sister said that she assumed he was just worried that his dog, which happened to be smaller, would somehow suffer some sort of injury.

And then it happened. The Mexican man announced that he had to leave because:

"I don't want my dog to keep sniffing your dog. I don't want him to turn into a gay."

I nearly spat out my Sprite. I never imagined anyone would think that an animal could transform into a homosexual by sniffing another one.

Humans are animals too, so perhaps I should try this out. Hold on, I'm going to drive over to my parents' house and sniff my dog to see if I become gay.

...

OK I'm like back guyth and like Jeezth Chriitthh I thaw thith one guy walking down the threet and like OMG he wath like thoooo hot likeee OMMMGGG. I need to like go cloth thopping and becauth I thaw thith thexthy top that would looookk FFFFAABULLLOUUTTHHH on me like OOOMMGG!!!

All right, all right, I know I fooled you all, but I was just kidding. I didn't turn gay. At least I don't think I did...


5. Salad

They finally brought our salads out. They looked weird. There was the usual lettuce, tomato and onions, but there were these weird white specks on top.

Me: What the hell is this white crap?

Everyone: CHEESE!

Well excuse me for not being so sophisticated! Cheese is meant to look yellow and tasty. It's not supposed to look like bird poop.

I'm usually a big fan of salads, but mine just didn't seem right. My mom exclaimed, "This is delicious salad!" but I grimaced and disagreed.

Mom: What's wrong?

Me: It just doesn't taste right to me.

Mom: That's probably because of the salad dressing.

Me: Wait, this isn't Ranch?

Mom: No.

Me: Why didn't you ask for Ranch?

Mom: They don't have Ranch.

Me: What!? Why don't they have Ranch!?

Mom: Because this is an Italian restaurant.

I almost lost my mind. Why does it matter if it's an Italian restaurant or not? This particular restaurant happened to have Sprite. Is Sprite Italian? Not in the slightest. Sprite is created by the Coca-Cola Company, whose headquarters happen to be in Atlanta. So, if Bravo! can have Sprite, why can't it also carry Ranch dressing? Blatant racism.

This made me realize how foolish I was. Bravo! sucks but I'm the one to blame. I should have brought an emergency bottle of Ranch dressing with me. I didn't trust Bravo! to begin with, so I should've known they'd screw me out of Ranch dressing. But I blame myself. Everyone should have an emergency bottle of Ranch dressing with them at all times.







6. New Car

Waiting for dinner to come was aggravating. Not only was I starving, but my parents continuously pestered me. You see, they've been on my case to buy a new car now for nearly two years. "Your car's getting old," they constantly say.

My car's not that old. It's a 2004 Honda Accord that I received on my 25th birthday six years ago. It's never had any trouble of any sort, and I'm comfortable driving it. I barely drive anyway because I work from home; it currently has 63,000 miles on it (it had 40,000 or so back in 2007).

Some people are all about buying new cars and stuff, but I don't want to. I'm fine with my car now, and I don't want to learn something new. Now, if my car were on the verge of breaking down, sure, I'd buy a new vehicle. But I just don't see the point to do that now.

My parents don't see it that way. Here's how the conversation went to give you an idea of how annoyed I was.

Dad: Walter, buy a new car.

Me: Nah, I don't want to.

Dad: Why not?

Me: Why would I?

Dad: You need a new car. Your car's old.

Me: It's not that old.

Dad: Trust me, it's old.

Me: It's not old, and I barely drive it. I like my car.

Dad: So, buy the same car.

Me: Why would I do that?

Dad: You'll be comfortable and you'll have a new car.

Me: I don't see the point. Seems like a waste of money.

Dad: You need to spend money to have fun.

Me: Fun? I wouldn't have fun with a new car. I'd be miserable!

Dad: Stop it. Just buy a new car. Girls will like your new car.

Me: What? If it's the same car, how will they know the difference?

Dad: They'll know. Trust me.

Me: I don't care. I barely drive anyway.

Dad: Hey, tell your son to buy a new car.

Mom: Buy a new car! You can even get the same type!

Me: UGH!!!

Mom: Or if you don't want the same car, you can buy a jeep!

Me: A jeep? What the hell would I do with a jeep?

My sister's boyfriend Rich overheard the conversation and seemed to think this was a good idea, though he was pretty much having fun with/trolling me.

Rich: Yeah, a jeep's a great idea!

Me: Ugh, not you too?

Rich: Dude, you can do so many activities in a jeep!

Me: Activities?

Dad: Listen to Rich. He knows.

Me: But I don't want to do activities.

Dad: Why not?

Me: I hate activities! I don't want to do activities! I just want to drive my regular car and not do any sort of activities, and that's that!

I still can't get over this. Do I seem like someone who wants to do any sort of activities? In fact, the fewer activities I ever have to do, the better. I can't even find a local mall, yet I'm going to drive off in a jeep and do activities?


7. Tomato Sauce

I was expected the chicken parm to be crappy, but it was actually pretty delicious - though it took me a while to start eating it.

The waiter brought us our dinner, but I noticed that my meal barely had any tomato sauce. I asked for more, and he came back with a tiny saucer.

"I don't think this is going to be enough," I said. He left and came back a minute later with another tiny saucer, which still didn't suffice. Why didn't he bring me an entire bowl of tomato sauce? Is Bravo! that stingy with it?

"I still need more tomato sauce!" I shouted in frustration. Looking completely miffed, the waiter left this time for about five minutes. He returned with another tiny saucer.

I had the urge to dump this tiny saucer on his head for being so niggardly with the tomato sauce, but I realized that wouldn't do anything because there was barely anything in these saucers.

It took this a**hole waiter a fourth try to finally get it right. He brought out a slightly larger saucer, which sufficed. I don't know why he didn't just do this in the first place.

Now that I think about it, someone in the kitchen probably splooged in my tomato sauce because I asked for so much. Perhaps that's why the chicken parm tasted so yummy.

Wait, did I just say that I enjoyed splooge? Holy crap, the Mexican neighbor was right!




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Jerks of the Week - Jan. 13, 2014: Snowed In and Going Insane
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 6, 2014: Christmas Shopping 2013
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 30, 2013: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 23, 2013: Toyotathon Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 16, 2013: My Elliptical - Struggles of a Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 9, 2013: Weird Food, Terrible Music and Rude Service
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 2, 2013: AT&T It's Not Complicated Commercials Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2013: Pizza Gluttony
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2013: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo!
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 11, 2013: Redskins Team Name Controversy
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2013: WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2013: Cereal Trilogy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 19


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 16


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5



 





 

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