Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2016





Jerks of the Week: Oct. 31, 2016


JERK OF THE WEEK: Old Lady Hate, Old Lady Love

The title I conjured up for this particular Jerks of the Week entry makes it sound like some sort of porno involving an 80-year-old woman, but I can assure you that there won't be any nude pictures or videos of grandmas in this Jerks of the Week post. However, if you're into that, perhaps we can arrange something.

I've actually found that older women have always taken a liking to me. I'm not sure why, exactly. No one else will give me the time of day. My best friends from my childhood still haven't seen my house yet, and I bought it in 2010! Meanwhile, women my age or slightly younger all used to scowl at me whenever I'd approach them. I won't ever forget this one instance in a journalism class when I sat down next to a smoking-hot blonde on the first day. I tried to make conversation with her, and she blew me off instantly...

Me: Hope our professor is cool.

Hot Blonde: Ugh!

Me: What?

Hot Blonde: Don't talk to me!

She just got up and walked away, leaving me wondering what the hell I did wrong. I was chewing gum, so I didn't have stinky breath. I showered a couple of hours beforehand, so I didn't smell like rotting feces. And I was just making small talk, so it's not like I was hitting on her.

I've since become engaged, so maybe I exaggerated when I said that all women my age or slightly younger used to be repulsed by the sight of me. However, the converse is true. Old ladies love me for some reason.

Back in the summer, I wrote about how some meth head grandma licked her lips while staring me down at a bar. Several years ago, I wrote about how some older woman accosted me at Whiskey Tango. A story I've never shared occurred about a decade ago when I went out to a bar with my friend, who was a med student at the time, as well as my sister. Some lady who was about 55 started talking to me, and I engaged her in conversation. Before I knew what happened, she shoved her tongue down my throat. I was insanely drunk at the time, so I just went with the flow.

The following morning, I went downstairs to grab breakfast, and my mom - I just graduated from college, so I was still living at my parents' house - looked at me sternly and said, "Walt, your sister told me that you were kissing disgusting old women last night. Do we need to have a talk about this?"

I wish I were making this up. I was treated like I started doing drugs! Can you imagine what my parents would've done if I began dating the meth head from the Maryland bar? They probably would've shipped me off to some rehab clinic!




What spawned this entry was an encounter I had at Jared. As mentioned in my dreadful Vuse Odyssey, I went to the mall to purchase a gift for my fiancee. Perhaps it was because I was distracted by women I thought were prostitutes and safe spaces designated for alien beings and alligators, but I failed to find a worthy present for my fiancee. So, I decided to do the cliche thing and go to Jared.

I've learned the hard way to do research prior to going into Jared. I've gone into Jared a couple of times completely unprepared, and I've always been overwhelmed by all the shiny objects. Before long, some salesman is talking me into purchasing an $800 piece of jewelry when I didn't even intend to spend half as much there!

I went to Jared's Web site the night before and found some earrings I liked. I drove to Jared on a rainy Monday afternoon and confidently strolled inside. I flipped out my phone and opened the Web page I saved so I could quickly locate what I was looking for.

I held my phone out and scanned the display cases, searching for the diamond earrings I identified. I should note that I wasn't dressed very fancily - I had gym garb on because I intended to swim after my trip to Jared - so my appearance may have prompted the following:

I wasn't looking at who happened to be in the store at all because I was trying to match what was on my phone with the items in the display case. Suddenly, I heard an older woman's voice:

"Are you shifty?"

What? I looked up, and this 60-year-old woman with curly hair and an ugly frog face was staring at me. She was pretty disgusting-looking, though in my partying days, I still probably would've hooked up with her at a bar if she came on to me.

Me: Excuse me?

Frog Lady: Are you shifty?

Me: What do you mean?

Frog Lady: You look shifty to me. Do I have to move my bag?

Me: What?

Frog Lady: You're definitely shifty. I'm moving my bag.

She got up from her chair, clomped over to her bag, which was sitting on the other side of the counter, picked it up and then carried it back with her to where she had been beforehand.

Is this real life right now? I wondered. I was apparently shifty because I was dressed to go to the gym and was carefully scanning the display cases while having my phone on. Yeah, sounds super shifty to me.

A salesman quickly spotted me and rushed over to help me. He quickly located the earrings I was looking for and even talked me into an upgrade. Only a slight one though - I didn't spend $800 this time!

As he was ringing me up, I looked over to the woman who called me shifty. She was trying on every single piece of jewelry in the store, apparently, and the lady behind the counter kept complimenting her.

"Oh, you look so gorgeous in this piece!" "Oh, that piece looks amazing on you!" "You look breathtaking in this particular piece!"

I wanted to storm over there and shout, "You think I look shifty? Well you look sh*tty in all of these pieces, you ugly skank!"

I didn't do this, however, because that might be considered rude, and I wanted to be the bigger man. Besides, if they called the cops, I'd be arrested for sure, given that I apparently looked very shifty.






Still fuming about being called shifty, I got into my car and drove over to the gym. This wasn't a far trip, as this Jared was about 10 minutes away from the LA Fitness I go to now.

I actually didn't have enough time to do a full workout. It was already late, and Monday Night Football was soon approaching, meaning I had limited time to prepare. I still wanted to make it to LA Fitness, however, to soak in their hot tub. You see, hot tubs have this strange effect on me, as I get all my best ideas in there. They're not necessarily great ideas - just my best ones - but there's something about being in warm water that makes my brain overly active. I like to think about my NFL Picks while in the hot tub, quickly going over each game in my head, attempting to conjure up some thoughts I hadn't considered beforehand. Let me tell you, I started doing this in the middle of last season, and I think it's one of the many reasons I started winning.

Unfortunately, I was under even harsher time restraints for two reasons. The first was that I stopped into a supermarket to pick up some flowers, as my fiancee's birthday happened to be that particular day.

Believe it or not, I had issues with an old lady there as well. The woman at the register, some bespectacled lady with white, curly hair, asked me if I wanted a bag for the flowers. I said yes, and she shook her head and muttered, "I wouldn't have done that."

Really? OK, then, wise flower-bag lady sage!

I left the supermarket and tried pulling into the LA Fitness parking lot, but this proved to be difficult. Some old, fat woman was plodding along in the middle of the lot, and I had to drive slowly behind her. This frustrated me greatly.

"Ugh, come on, you old hag!" I shouted.

I forgot my windows were rolled down. The rain subsided, so I opened them, and she heard everything I said. She looked at me with a death glare and continued to plod along.

I actually waited until she left the parking lot in her vehicle, since I thought she might key my car, or something. I then strolled into LA Fitness, and as I opened the door, I looked behind to see an old crone carrying some luggage. I thought nothing of it, and went inside. While I waited for the person at the counter to scan my ID, I heard a loud noise. I turned around and spotted the crone walking inside with her luggage. She looked at me angrily.

Crone: You could've held the door for me!

Me: I didn't know you were coming in!

LA Fitness Clerk: You didn't hold the door for her? Shame on you.

Me: But she had luggage! She had luggage!

They both shook their heads in disappointment, and I trudged off into the locker room. How the hell was I supposed to know an old woman with luggage would be going into LA Fitness? What was she going to do with a heavy suitcase in a gym, anyway?

As you can tell, I was not having a good day. And it would only get worse.

I went into the hot tub as planned. There was an extremely old woman in there who looked so frail that she resembled Skeletor. I thought nothing of it until Skeletor began talking to me.

Skeletor: Did you come in from the pool?

Me: Nope.

Skeletor: It's much better when you come in from the pool.

Me: I know.

Skeletor: You should have come in from the pool.

Me: Yeah, probably.

Skeletor: I came in from the pool. It's always nicer when you come in from the pool. Why didn't you come in from the pool?

Me: I just don't have time to swim today.

Skeletor: There's always time to swim. And then, once you swim, you can go into the hot tub because it's nicer when you come in from the pool into the hot tub. You're cold from the pool, and then the hot water makes it feel nice.

Me: I know.

Skeletor: You have plenty of time. Go swim for a bit and then come back here into the hot tub. Trust me, I've been coming to this gym for 30 years and I always go swimming first and then I go into the hot tub from the pool because you're cold and the warmer water feels better on your skin. Go ahead, give it a try. The hot tub will still be here by the time you get back from your swim.

What the hell is going on here? Why did she care so much about how I felt in the hot tub? I told her that I didn't have time to swim, but she wasn't listening!

I hoped she would shut up, but that wasn't happening.

Skeletor: I heard there's going to be a lot of rain this week. It's such nice weather, such pleasant weather.

Me: Really? I'm not a fan.

Skeletor: You should enjoy it. You're young enough to enjoy the rain. I like to take walks in the rain. It's nice and pleasant. And then, when I'm all soaking wet, I come here to my gym of 30 years, and I take a dip in the hot tub like I did today.

Me: That's cool.

Skeletor: You should try it. Go outside and take a walk in the rain, and then come back here and go into the hot tub. You said you don't have enough time to swim, but you surely have enough time to take a walk in the rain, and then you'll feel much better being in the hot tub.

Me: I'm not going to leave the gym just to walk in the rain.

Skeletor: It would be the best decision you could possibly make right now. You don't even have to get changed. The door is right there. Go outside and walk around in the rain in your swim trunks and a towel, and you'll feel much better about going into the hot tub! The warm water will sooth your skin after being in the chilly rain!

Me: What? I'm not walking around the parking lot in just my swim trunks.

Skeletor: You can bring a shirt if you're bashful! But you shouldn't be because you are a strong-looking man. If an old lady like myself can take walks in the rain, a strong-looking man like yourself can go out in the rain and walk around the parking lot. This will make you feel so much better about being in the hot tub. It'll make a world of difference, trust me. I would suggest that you just swim, but you do not have time for this, but there is always time for walks in the rain because it's so pleasant. Rain is a gift from the gods because it's been such a dry summer, but now that the rain is back, I can enjoy long walks in it, and you can too, and-

Me: You know what? I'm going to take your advice and swim. See ya!

I couldn't take it anymore. Skeletor wouldn't shut the f*** up whatsoever. I couldn't do any of my deep thinking as a result, and I would've lost it if I had to hear her talk about long walks in the rain any longer. She literally talked me into doing a workout!

I swam for half a mile. Time was running out, however, so I wasn't able to complete the entire mile. I walked back over to the hot tub, hoping Skeletor wouldn't be there anymore. Unfortunately, she was there along with three new old ladies, and they all smiled at me, perhaps anticipating engaging in long conversations with me.

There was no way in hell I was doing that. I left the pool area completely and went back into the locker room, furious that I couldn't relax and think in the hot tub.

I didn't like it at the time, but life was so much simpler when old ladies hated me!

LOADING COMMENTS...



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Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 17


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 16


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


NFL Power Rankings - May 5









 





 

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