Jerks of the Week - Aug. 4, 2014





Jerks of the Week: Aug. 4, 2014


JERK OF THE WEEK: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2014

If you missed it, I wrote about my trip to Tampa and Disney World in a three-part series recently. We hung out mostly with Charlie Campbell, this site's senior NFL Draft analyst, and his wife Amanda. While my girlfriend and I were on the St. Pete's and Clearwater beaches with them, Charlie asked me how the Jersey Shore beaches compared to those in the Tampa Bay area.

If you've never visited both places, you might be wondering this as well. Let's compare and contrast, shall we?

  • The water in Tampa is a pleasant greenish-blue hue. The water at the Jersey Shore is black and disgusting.

  • The sand in Tampa is mostly white and feels nice to walk on. The sand at the Jersey Shore is dark brown and coarse.

  • The water in Tampa is warm; it was in the low 90s when we went this year. The water at the Jersey Shore is freezing (low 70s for us).

  • The people in Tampa, save for the bums in Ybor, seem to be nice. The people at the Jersey Shore are obnoxious a**holes.

  • You can swim anywhere at the Tampa beaches. You are restricted to thin swimming strips at the Jersey Shore, and if you venture outside of the area, or if you venture too far, the lifeguards who think they are cool will blow their whistle at you. If you don't listen, they'll kick you out of the beach.

  • It's free to go to the Tampa beaches. The Jersey Shore charges $5 for beach tags. You'd think the better beaches would cost more.

  • You are allowed to have fun at the Tampa beaches. You are not permitted to have any sort of fun at the Jersey Shore beaches.

    You may think I'm joking about the last point, but I most definitely am not. Here's a prime example:

    Remember those beach tags we had to buy for $5 each? Well, at one point during the afternoon, this 16-year-old douche bag went around to almost everyone - I say "almost" because he skipped us for some reason - and demanded to see people's beach tags. It didn't matter how old they were; both the young and the elderly were accosted by this a**hole.

    You might be thinking, Walt, this guy was just doing his job and seeing if everyone paid the $5 to be on the beach. See, that would be fine if he went around and harassed teenagers who might have snuck onto the beach without paying. Going up to older people with children, however, is just stupid. And that's not the worst part. This chode even hounded people who were asleep. There was a couple to the right of us - probably in their late 20s - and both of them were passed out. The 16-year-old POS stood over them and shouted at them until they woke up.

    I had a huge problem with this worthless piece of s***. There really was no reason for him to take his job so seriously - unless he happened to own this particular beach. Since an owner of a beach (or his son) wouldn't be asked to do this sort of grunt work, I think we can assume that he didn't maintain any sort of ownership. Hence, why would he care if someone snuck onto the beach? It's not like he's the one losing money. And again, if he questioned shady teenagers, that's one thing. But to harass a couple that was enjoying a nice nap on the beach is just pure douchebaggery.

    This stupid kid wasn't the only beach employee who annoyed me. This fat beach cop sped past us in his buggy every 15-20 minutes. This was frustrating because his buggy was loud and sometimes sprayed sand all over us. But he didn't care; he contently kept riding back and forth. I suppose ruining a paying customer's experience at the beach is inconsequential when there could be major trouble afoot.

    Major trouble being football players. The fat cop, who sported a buzz cut and a constant stern expression on his face, continuously leered at a group of 20-year-old guys playing football on the beach. I suppose he wanted to kick them off the beach if they accidentally hit someone with the ball, so good for him for paying attention to that instead of a potential thief who could be stealing stuff from people who happened to be in the ocean. I guess beach cop school teaches that 20-year-old guys playing football are infinitely more dangerous than thieves.




    Speaking of the football players, I watched them play for a while to see if they were any good. My girlfriend noticed this and said that I should go ask if I could play. My response: "I can't. I'm too old, and I'm too fat."

    Most of the players sucked anyway. There was a tan dude with a backward Duke baseball cap - wearing it backward made him look so cool - who kept throwing touchdowns to a tall pale guy, but everyone else was terrible. Every pass that didn't go from the tan dude to the pale guy fell incomplete because the other receivers would either drop the ball or watch it sail over their head. There was one guy in particular, an Asian, who was absolutely horrendous. He dropped every single pass thrown his way - he failed to catch a single pass all afternoon - and he would constantly trip over his own two feet and fall face-first into the sand.

    This Asian dude was so bad that even my girlfriend noticed how poorly he was playing.

    Girlfriend: Wow, that guy sucks!

    Me: Yeah, he's playing like he's blind.

    Girlfriend: Nah, he just can't play sports because he's Asian.

    I was ready to counter that statement by telling my girlfriend about Yao Ming, but then I recalled that Yao Ming couldn't play sports either.

    If the 16-year-old douche and annoying cop weren't enough, our afternoon was further ruined by a storm. It began drizzling while I was in the ocean. I was lying down for a while and got pretty hot, so I decided to suck it up and go into the freezing water. I thought the people on the beach might applaud me for being so brave, but I quickly noticed that there were plenty of women, children and elderly people already in the ocean. Whatever. They probably all rubbed themselves with numbing lotion so they didn't feel it. I was brave for going into the cold water, OK!?

    As I walked into the ocean, I overheard an exchange a 10-year-old kid had with his dad:

    Kid: Dad, I have a joke for you!

    Dad: What is it?

    Kid: A guy walked into a library and the librarian asked him, "What do you want?" And the guy said, "A cheeseburger, fries and a Coke!"

    Dad: ...

    Kid: Get it, dad?

    Dad: No, I'm not sure I do.

    Kid: Because you can't get a cheeseburger, fries and a Coke at the library!

    Dad: Oh.

    I wanted to interject, "That's gold, Jerry! Gold!" but I was too preoccupied with being frozen to death. I guess it's easy to tell jokes when you're all lathered in numbing lotion.






    The ocean was a disappointing experience. Outside of it being cold and black, the waves were conspicuously absent. It began drizzling after about 10 minutes, so I went back to our setup. My girlfriend already covered everything with her blanket. I sat down, and that's when the skies really opened up. It began pouring, and most of the people on the beach who didn't bother getting an umbrella packed up their things and ran toward the boardwalk. My girlfriend asked if we should go too, but I replied, "What's the point? There's no cover anywhere close, so we'll get wet anyway."

    Sure enough, the rain stopped after 10 minutes, and most people who sprinted toward the boardwalk came back. I don't know what they were thinking, but whatever. One of the families that returned featured an ugly mother and her two children. One of the kids began crying after some time. This prompted the following exchange:

    Kid: WAHH!

    Mom: IF YOU DON'T STOP CRYING, WE'LL GO BACK TO WEST CHESTER!

    Kid: WAHHHH!

    Mom: I'M NOT GOING TO BUY YOU A TOY!

    Kid: WAHHHHHH!

    Mom: GOING TO THE BEACH IS YOUR TREAT! YOU SHOULDN'T GET A TOY ON TOP OF THAT!

    Kid: WAHHHHHHHH!

    Wow, just get your kid the toy he wants, you b***h. Your kid really wants it, and what are you going to spend that money on, more dildos to stick up your a**hole? Then again, maybe your kid is whining so much because of the prospect of going back to West Chester. If I had to return to West Chester after a pleasant day at the beach, I'd cry and vomit all over the place.

    It began drizzling again after a while, so we decided to abandon the beach. I talked my girlfriend into going to the waterpark before a possible thunderstorm. It wasn't nice out, but that's the best time to go to a waterpark because there won't be any lines. Sure enough, I was able to go on each ride without waiting more than one minute.

    It was a perfect balance. There weren't enough people to get in my way, yet there were just enough to gather an ample amount of writing material. The first person worth making fun of was an 8-year-old Asian kid who obliviously walked into a wooden stair post and began crying. I was initially perplexed about why he wasn't able to notice it, but then I recalled what my girlfriend said. Had he not been Asian, he could have used some of his athletic ability to avoid the railing. Instead, he had no choice but to collide with it.

    As he was crying, some fat white lady ran up to him and consoled him. "There, there, it'll be OK," she said. The perks of being a math tutor for some woman's children, I suppose.

    Two other kids got into trouble. They were carrying a couple of tubes that they retrieved from the lazy river. They had to walk down a flight of steps to get where they wanted to go, so they opted to roll their tubes down. In doing so, the tubes hit a 6-year-old Mexican boy, who toppled over and started crying. The father, a mean-looking bald man with a handlebar mustache, grabbed the two boys and yelled at them, repeatedly dropping the F-bomb in the process. Hearing that was worth the price of admission itself.

    My girlfriend and I floated around the lazy river for a while after we got tired of the rides. It was pleasant, except for the instances in which stupid kids splashed us. I wanted to yell, "Hey, douche bags, this is a f***ing lazy river, where you're supposed to be lazy, so f*** off!" Unfortunately, there were lifeguards everywhere, so we would've gotten kicked out had I done that. I think that's bulls***, but whatever. My mood brightened when the sun suddenly came out. After such a crappy morning, weather-wise, it looked like it was going to be awesome for the rest of the day.

    We traipsed around the boardwalk after we finished with the waterpark. We shopped a bit and had some delicious food, including a hot dog with Cheese Whiz on it and numerous slices of pizza and ice cream at Prep's Pizza. All of this sent me to the bathroom the following day for five diarrhea sessions, but it was all worth it.

    The only person worth mentioning on the boardwalk was this chubby 12-year-old kid. He looked absolutely ridiculous. He sported curly hair, Joe Paterno-like glasses and braces, and he had a huge mole on his cheek. My girlfriend and I made fun of him the entire evening based on three words that he said as we walked by him. He looked at a sign that said "Go Kart Racing" and exclaimed in a squeaky voice, "OOOOOOHHH GOOOOO KAAAARTS!!!"

    I burst out laughing as soon as I heard it. It was so funny. I swear, if someone would have caught him on camera, he'd be plastered all over YouTube today, and it would eventually become one of the most famous memes of all time. Unfortunately, my girlfriend and I were the only people on this planet to witness, "OOOOOOHHH GOOOOO KAAAARTS!!!"

    I suppose we earned that sort of amusement after everything we had to deal with that day. OOOOOOHHH GOOOOO KAAAARTS!!!" was totally worth the freezing ocean, annoying rain and douche bag beach workers.

    LOADING COMMENTS...



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    Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
    Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
    Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
    Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
    Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
    Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
    Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
    Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
    Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
    Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
    Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
    Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
    Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
    Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
    Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
    Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
    Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
    Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
    Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
    Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
    Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
    Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
    Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
    Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
    Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
    Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
    Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
    Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
    Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
    Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
    Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
    Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
    Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
    Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
    Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
    Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
    Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
    Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
    Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
    Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
    Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
    Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
    Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
    Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
    Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
    Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
    Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
    Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
    Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
    Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
    Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
    Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
    Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
    Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
    Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
    Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
    Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
    Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
    Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
    Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
    Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
    Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
    Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
    Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
    Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
    Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
    Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
    Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
    Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
    Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
    Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
    Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
    Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
    Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
    Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
    Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
    Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
    Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
    Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
    Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
    Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
    Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
    Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
    Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
    Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
    Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
    Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
    Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
    Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
    Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
    Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
    Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
    Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
    Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
    Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
    Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
    Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
    Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




    NFL Picks - Nov. 23


    2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 23


    2019 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 20


    Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


    2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


    NFL Power Rankings - May 5









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