Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013





Jerks of the Week for March 11, 2013


Jerks of the Week: The Blizzard of 2013

I spoke in front of my former sports journalism class at Penn State a few years ago. My professor, Mike Poorman, invited me back to discuss my Web site and Internet journalism. Once I explained everything, this blonde girl asked me an interesting question in the Q-and-A session:

Blonde Chick: You can like work like anywhere right?

Me: Yeah, pretty much, as long as I have Internet and a TV.

Blonde Chick: So why don't you like work in like the south like Florida where it's like warm and stuff?

That was a damn good question. I told her that my family and friends were in the Philly area. I could always make new friends in a warmer climate, but that would be difficult because I work from home. I can't exactly go out drinking with new coworkers. Well, I guess I could make up some imaginary coworkers and hang out with them, but I don't think that would make for interesting conversation...

Me: Oh man, I need a beer.

Imaginary Coworker: Me too. Our boss is such an a**hole.

Me: Yeah, I know. Wait, that's me!

Imaginary Coworker: Oh, my bad.

Me: That's it! You're fired!

Imaginary Coworker: Nooo! Please don't fire me! I promise I'll never say anything bad about you again.

Me: Fine, fine. You can keep your job - but only because I don't have anyone else to talk to.

Imaginary Coworker No. 2: What about me?

Me: You're a loser. Shut up.

As you can see, I need to remain in the Philadelphia area at the moment to have any sort of healthy social life. But that begs the question - why did people settle in the northern parts of this country in the first place? I mean, I'm sure miners and stuff had to be up here a long time ago, but most people can basically reside anywhere now. Why are people remaining in the Philadelphia, New York, Boston, Chicago, Detroit, Milwaukee, Minnesota, etc. areas? Why not just migrate south where it's comfortable for most of the year?

I'd be all for that. If my family and several friends moved south, I'd follow almost instantly. I hate the cold and I hate the snow - I like to avoid going outside at all cost if it's cooler than 50 degrees - so as you can imagine, I didn't like the news that there was a massive blizzard headed our way a month ago.

A blizzard affects me far less than most people because I work at home, so I don't have to go anywhere. I also don't have to shovel snow because I live in a townhouse community, so there are illegal Mexican immigrants who do that for me. But I still hate the idea of driving through the snow and spending all day shoveling it. It sucks, and it needs to stop.

On the positive side, the Blizzard of 2013 provided me with tons of Jerks of the Week material. It all started with a phone call early that Friday afternoon...


1. Depressed Decision-Maker

My phone rang, and it was my mom. Before even picking up, I knew she was calling to warn me about the blizzard.

Mom: Hey, did you buy yourself food for tonight, tomorrow night and Sunday?

Me: No.

Mom: WHAT!?

Me: I might buy something for tonight. We'll see.

Mom: YOU HAVE TO PREPARE WE'RE GETTING A LOT OF SNOW AND YOU NEED FOOD FOR TONIGHT, TOMORROW AND SUNDAY JUST IN CASE!!!

Me: Meh. Weather.com says it's going to stop snowing Saturday morning, so maybe just something for tonight.

Mom: Well, if you're not concerned... just don't starve to death!

I thought about it, and purchasing something for myself that night sounded more and more appealing with each passing minute. Buying food is one of my favorite pastimes, and I hate leaving my house when there's snow on the ground, so this seemed like a good move.

I decided to go Primo's - the best hoagie place in all of Philadelphia, as far as I'm concerned. I've only tried two things on their menu thus far - the Italian primo and the buffalo chicken cutlet primo - and both are absolutely amazing. I have a tradition for the first day of the NCAA Tournament. I buy both sandwiches before the games start. I eat the buffalo chicken one for lunch and I refrigerate the other for dinner. I gain about 20 pounds that day, but it's sure as hell worth it.

There's just one problem with Primo's, and it's that it's too damn far away from my house. It's a 15-minute drive just to get there, and the area where the restaurant is located is full of insane drivers. I'm not exaggerating - and it's weird because the other three quadrants surrounding the intersection are fine. I want to draw a detailed map for you:



That's exactly what it looks like. If you zoom in, you can actually see people walking on the street. Google Maps has nothing on WalterFootball.com. But I digress. The drivers in that particular quadrant are such douche bags. They'll cut you off mercilessly, swerve in and out of lanes without using a turn signal and frequently drive in the wrong lane. For some reason, all of the drivers in that quadrant think that the bicycle lane near the sidewalk should be used for driving. As a result, three lanes form, which causes nothing but trouble. I guess there's a reason that a major insurance agency labeled this as one of the 10 most dangerous intersections in the country.

Oh, and don't get me started on the Primo's parking lot. I've nearly hit so many people in all of my trips there. I don't know why, but there's always an old, blind woman walking to the supermarket, or a fat black lady wobbling around or an obese fellow taking a stroll with his tiny dog in the parking lot. It's so damn annoying.

I somehow managed to survive my trek to Primo's without getting into an accident or running anyone over. I walked in and saw a gray-haired man in his 50s standing by the counter.

Me: Hey, are you waiting in line?

Gray-Haired Man: No, no, no, you can go, I'm still trying to decide, trying to decide, trying to decide.

Me: OK cool...

Gray-Haired Man: I don't know which sandwich to get... I just don't know... I just don't know...

This guy shook his head and sat down. I ordered and waited for my Italian primo to get ready. Minutes later, I paid for it and walked out of Primo's. As I was heading toward the door, I saw the guy still sitting at the table. He covered his face with his hands and was shaking his head frantically.

What an idiot. It's not like he was deciding whether to buy a house or not; all he had to do was select which freaking sandwich he wanted for lunch. It's not that important of a choice.

If this a**hole had this much trouble picking a sandwich, imagine the difficulty he'd have with a more important decision.

Wife: Honey, should I call the realtor and confirm that we're going to purchase the house?

Depressed Decision-Maker: Still trying to decide, still trying to decide, still trying to decide...

Wife: But honey, we need to make a decision soon because the house isn't going to be on the market much longer.

Depressed Decision-Maker: I just don't know... I just don't know... I just don't know...

Wife: Can you please decide quickly?

Depressed Decision-Maker: CAN'T DEICDE! CAN'T DECIDE! CAN'T DECIDE!

Wife: Please, for once dec...

BOOM!!!

Wife: Oh my God, my husband just spontaneously combusted and there are bits and pieces of him on me AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I'd feel sorry for this guy's wife, but at least he's one terrible driver I won't have to worry about anymore.





2. Homeless Clown Woman

My old gym is much closer to Primo's than my new gym, plus the pool at my old gym is actually heated, so I decided to go work out there. I had some extra time on my hands, so I decided to lift and swim.

I usually just swim. I hadn't lifted in quite a while. In fact, one of the more recent times I lifted weights was when I wrote about this lady called Homeless Clown Woman. I encountered her again, but I nearly didn't get into the gym in the first place. I scanned my gym ID, but the Russian woman behind the desk wouldn't let me in.

Desk Worker: You membersip expire January.

Me: What? That's not possible.

Desk Worker: Is possibles. I look in computer. Say you membersip expire von mons ago.

Me: No. I renewed in April. I'm an advertiser here so maybe that's why it's not registering.

Desk Worker: Ehh... no... you membersip expire von mons ago.

Me: No. It expired in April. You can call Carmine or Andy if you'd like and confirm this.

Desk Worker: Zey no vork today.

Me: Well then we're at an impasse.

Desk Worker: OK I let you pass today but you must renew membersip next time.

Thanks, a**hole lady. When I came home, I looked at my checkbook and confirmed that I paid in April, so I don't know what she was talking about. Maybe she couldn't see and mistook the month number "4" for a "1." That's my best guess.

At any rate, there were three people in the weight room: two old men and Homeless Clown Woman. If you don't feel like clicking the link, here's my description of her:

As I was doing a set of biceps curls, I heard the woman laugh. I looked over, and she was doing sit-ups and laughing randomly for no apparent reason.

If she were hot, I could live with this. But this woman was one of the most disgusting human beings I've ever seen. Her long, brown hair looked like it hadn't been washed in months. She had thick veins protruding the skin on her neck and forehead. She was wearing a purple shirt that had stains on it. And worst of all, it appeared as though a blind person put on her makeup.

I wish I were joking, but there were random colors all over her face. She had lipstick on her cheek and eye shadow just above her lips. She was seriously one rubber nose short of looking like a homeless clown.


Homeless Clown Woman looked exactly like she did two years ago. In fact, I think she was wearing the same clothes. She was on a machine across the gym, so I didn't pay much attention to her. I did some benching, tricep extensions and bicep curls. Right after a set of the latter, I took a pair of five-pound weights off the rack to add to the curl bar. I was in between sets, so I mindlessly killed time by holding the five-pound weights and raising my arms to get some sort of semblance of a shoulder workout.

I suddenly noticed this horrifying stench, but I assumed it was me. I continued to do my halfhearted shoulder thing, but the smell lingered. After about 25 repetitions, I finally put my arms down. I turned around and - WHOA! Homeless Clown Woman was standing right behind me. She didn't even say anything - it was like a scary movie where a creepy character lingers right behind someone.

I said, "Oh, sorry," and moved aside. She walked by, and I instantly knew that aforementioned stench was hers. And that begs the question - how long was she standing behind me? Why didn't she say anything? Why didn't she walk around me? And why, in God's name, can't she take a freaking shower?

It's been weeks since I've seen or smelled Homeless Clown Woman, but her disturbing face and nauseating smell are still fresh in my mind. I keep thinking I'm going to turn around and see/smell her. I've been having nightmares about this. I only hope I can regain my sanity soon.







3. Asian Pharmacist and Blizzard Bolaris

As it turns out, the weather forecasts were correct. The snow concluded around 9 a.m. Though New England and New York was hit pretty harshly, we got just a few inches. By the time I woke up around noon, people were driving and going about their business normally.

I planned to meet my friends Dale and Larry for dinner around 5:30. I left my house around 5:05 even though it was about a 12-minute drive to the restaurant. I had to stop at Rite-Aid first to refill my medicated toothpaste. My teeth are so incredibly bad - I had 17 cavities in one visit once when I was in college - that my dentist prescribes special toothpaste for me.

I walked into Rite-Aid and approached the pharmacy section. I had never been there on a weekend; it's usually bustling with tons of female pharmacists, but there was only one woman back there, an Asian chick in her late 20s. I handed her the toothpaste. She looked at it and said, "I'm going to see if I have this in stock. I'll be right back."

Asian Pharmacist didn't return for about five minutes, but instead of coming back to me, she went to the computer. She frantically typed away for minutes. I tried to get her attention, but all she said was, "wait a moment."

She finally approached me 10 minutes later with some confusing news.

Asian Pharmacist: I'm sorry, but they've discontinued your toothpaste, PreviDent 5000.

Me: What?

Asian Pharmacist: They now have something called PreviDent 5000 Plus.

Me: Oh, OK. I'll take that then.

Asian Pharmacist: Oh no, you misunderstand. I can't give you that without calling your dentist first.

Me: Are you serious?

Asian Pharmacist: Yes. Pharmacy regulations.

Me: But it's the same damn thing. They just added a "plus" at the end of it to sound fancier. Plus, my dentist is just going to prescribe it to me anyway.

Asian Pharmacist: Well, we have to know for sure. I'm sorry. We'll call your dentist, but we probably won't get an answer until Monday.

What a**holes. I hate pharmacies. Why couldn't they just give me the PreviDent 5000 Plus? It's not like I was asking for Vicodin or something. It's freaking toothpaste. Ugh.

I arrived late to the restaurant because of the Rite-Aid bulls***. One of the topics Larry, Dale and I discussed during dinner was past blizzards, including the blizzard that never was. Back in 2001, a local meteorologist named John "Blizzard" Bolaris predicted one of the worst snowstorms of all time. The entire city shut down because of this, yet all we saw were some flurries.

I asked about what happened to Bolaris. He's apparently in Miami now, which is good for him because he doesn't have to worry about projecting any blizzards.

Having said that, this mishap of his wasn't even the worst of his in the past decade. Larry and Dale told me about something that happened to him in Vegas. They said he paid for some hookers. They went back to his room and stole everything of his. That's definitely a bummer, but you won't be feeling sorry for him after you hear this - the following night, he apparently paid for more hookers and got his stuff stolen again!

There are plenty of promiscuous ladies in Miami, so maybe it's not such a good thing that Bolaris moved down there. Then again, he could always lead a more conservative lifestyle from now on. Maybe he'll even go to the bar with a pair of imaginary coworkers.




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Jerks of the Week - June 23, 2014: Therapy Pool Abominations
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Jerks of the Week - June 9, 2014: Jerks of the DMV
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Jerks of the Week - May 26, 2014: Night of the Six Stink Eyes
Jerks of the Week - May 19, 2014: Internet Idiots III
Jerks of the Week - May 12, 2014: Hate Mail, Part 2
Jerks of the Week - May 5, 2014: Hate Mail, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - April 28, 2014: People Plotting My Death
Jerks of the Week - April 21, 2014: How I Met My Cell Phone
Jerks of the Week - April 14, 2014: Bad Omens Monday
Jerks of the Week - April 7, 2014: Clothes Shopping
Jerk of the Year - April 1, 2014: How I Met Your Mother Finale
Jerks of the Week - March 31, 2014: April Fools and April Truths II
Jerks of the Week - March 24, 2014: Downtown Business Meeting
Jerks of the Week - March 17, 2014: Jerks of the Old Gym
Jerks of the Week - March 10, 2014: Winter Olympics
Jerks of the Week - March 3, 2014: Valentine's Day Commercials 2014
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Jerks of the Week - Feb. 17, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 2: Power Outage
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 10, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 1: Stomach Virus
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Jerks of the Week - Jan. 20, 2014: People Who Steal From Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 13, 2014: Snowed In and Going Insane
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 6, 2014: Christmas Shopping 2013
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 30, 2013: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 23, 2013: Toyotathon Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 16, 2013: My Elliptical - Struggles of a Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 9, 2013: Weird Food, Terrible Music and Rude Service
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 2, 2013: AT&T It's Not Complicated Commercials Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2013: Pizza Gluttony
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2013: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo!
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 11, 2013: Redskins Team Name Controversy
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2013: WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2013: Cereal Trilogy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Nov. 25


2019 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 25


NFL Power Rankings - Nov. 21


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 23


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23



 





 

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