Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012
Jerks of the Week for Nov. 12, 2012
JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: The Blonde Kid
Two weeks ago, I discussed a crazy Chinese professor in my Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II entry. My girlfriend is unfortunate to have Chinese class four days per week with this loony tune. You'll sympathize after reading this conversation I had with her last Monday:
Me: How'd your Chinese test go?
Awesome Girl Who Loves Football: I know I missed one question, but I think I got the rest right.
Awesome Girl Who Loves Football: Yeah, except we have another test Wednesday.
Me: That's so stupid. Who gives two tests in three days?
Awesome Girl Who Loves Football: Three tests in five days. We have another test on Friday!
I was thinking about it, and I wonder if this is just how they do things in China. Did Mao force all of the country's teachers to give their students tests every other day of the entire school year? Or perhaps this professor is Mao's long-lost granddaughter. Either way, it must suck to be in that class - but for Awesome Girl Who Loves Football, there's no escaping the weirdos wherever she goes.
There's a guy in her dorm room whom she refers to as "Blonde Kid." She met him earlier in the school year and would later recount the story to me in an e-mail. Here's what she wrote:
I first met Blonde Kid on Saturday, Sept. 1 on the way to see our football team get blown out. He seemed normal and friendly on the bus, and we exchanged numbers so we could maybe hang out later. Since it was the beginning of the year and I was meeting many new people, I had been exchanging numbers with many other students, so I thought nothing of it.
During the game, we were having a casual conversation. I thought he was just someone who wanted to chill and be friendly until the following part of the conversation. I'm copying exactly what he wrote, so the spelling errors are his; not mine:
Blonde Kid: Mabye we could chill tonight where r u feeling like going?
Me: Yeah that would be good. Idk my roommate and I and some other people were talking about going out but we don't know what's going on and what's open
Blonde Kid: True true if I don't see u out then we could alway chill later
Me: Yeah for sure! It is the beginning of the year haha we've got so much time
Blonde Kid: Yea exactly haha but I meannt like later tonight too haha
Blonde Kid: Yea sorry to be forward or what ever lol where r y'all sitting?
He would go on to send me many more texts during the game, but I didn't respond.
What a creepy dude. Who texts a girl he just met and implies that he wants to have sex later that night? It's like this guy has never interacted with a female before. Luckily for him, I'm sure he was able to chill later that night with his hand, so at least he wasn't alone. The best part is, he didn't have to apologize for being forward "or what ever" with it.
Here's Awesome Girl Who Loves Football's recollection of the next time she saw him:
I encountered Blonde Kid again at a party the following Friday. Blonde Kid, being a Cowboys fan, said, "HA f*** the Giants yeahhh Cowboys killed them!" My memory is blurry, but I remember getting creeped out and texting you panicked texts because he was being touchy. Since I was drunk, I didn't have an immediate response to his insult of the Giants. However, I drunkenly decided to text him.
Me: Haha I don think you got me at the right time cause normally I'd have a response but now it's just like ahhh haha idk never Ind
I didn't know it at the time, but sending him that text was the worst decision ever because it made him think that I wanted to talk to him again. After I got back to my dorm, I was drunkenly sitting in the Floor 5 hallway. My friend George was sexiled by his roommate, so he didn't have anything to do and asked me to keep him company. After a little bit, he had to get up to go to the bathroom and throw up (he was very drunk).
I was left in the hallway alone, and the alcohol I had drank made it so that I didn't mind. Soon, though, Blonde Kid walked down the hallway. Until this point, I hadn't realized that he lived on Floor 5. When he saw me, he started tormenting me about the Giants' season-opening loss to the Cowboys again. Somehow, we started texting each other even though we were talking in person:
Blonde Kid: Cowboys!!!!
Me: Nooo giants!!! Go giants f*** the Coeboys the are gonna choke yet again
Blonde Kid: Cowboys r the s***!!q
Me: Heh always choke
Blonde Kid: F*** the gaint cowboys r the stuff!!!
During this conversation about football, I became uneasy. I was drunk, but not so drunk to not feel threatened because I was in a hallway with him alone. I was right to feel uncomfortable, because he then said, "Yeah, I have so much Cowboys stuff in my room. Come on, I'll show you!" My response was, "Noo can't go to a room with Cowboys stuff in it ew! I have a photo of the Mannings in my room and that's sooo much better." Taking this the wrong way, he said, "Okay we can go to your room instead!"
I was really getting scared now. I said "I'm really tired I need to go sleep in my room. Bye!" However, he followed me upstairs to my room.
I didn't know what to do at this point. I sat down and pretended to be too drunk to go into my room. He said, "Come on, I'll help you!" He started to get really touchy and creepy. When I wouldn't get up, he finally just leaned in and kissed me. I pulled away and was like "Nooo I'm too drunk" and put my head down. He asked, "Are you just gonna go to sleep?" I didn't respond, and he finally left.
Awesome Girl Who Loves Football didn't mention this in her e-mail to me about this loser, but she constantly saw him in her dorm lobby when she went down to either watch football or do homework. The Blonde Kid would always be there and creepily leer at her. She tried not to make eye contact with him, but he would continuously stare at her.
It's unfortunate for me that I'm so away from her campus that I can't do anything about it. I'd either kick his a** or ask the Russian mob to make him disappear, but the only thing I can do is ridicule him in Jerks of the Week.
On the bright side, the Blonde Kid is not trying to contact Awesome Girl Who Loves Football anymore because one of her friends intervened.
A few days later, my friend Austin saw Blonde Kid and thought it would be funny to ask him "Hey do you know that girl?" when he pointed to me across the room. The Blonde Kid felt awkward and said, "Yeah, the Giants fan...." and Austin just walked away. Because of this exchange, things are way more awkward between the Blonde Kid and me because the Blonde Kid now knows that I tell everyone about him. The real reason I tell everyone is because I'm creeped out by him and avoid him, but he probably thinks that it's because I'm in love with him or something.
The only bright side of this is that he hasn't texted me at all since then. I was embarrassed that Austin said that to the Blonde Kid, but I guess I should thank him because it weirded the Blonde Kid out enough to make him not text me anymore.
A few weeks later, my roommate and Austin were sitting on a picnic table outside of my dorm. I had drunkenly gotten separated from them and they didn't know where I was, but they thought that I might be coming back to the dorm.
While they were waiting for me, Blonde Kid walked down the sidewalk toward the dorm. Austin and my roommate took note of this because they know about the awkwardness between Blonde Kid and me. My roommate was slightly drunk, so she laughed at him.
Blonde Kid went inside of the dorm, and Austin and my roommate thought nothing of it. However, Blonde Kid walked outside again three minutes later and went up to my roommate and Austin. "I like jokes too!" he shouted, before slapping Austin twice in the face, turning around, and walking back inside of the dorm. Taken completely by surprise, Austin didn't even react; all he could do was stand there and try to figure out what had just happened.
I'd be scared if I were Austin. No, getting slapped is not much of a threat, but this is a guy who stares at girls, sends people creepy texts and stews for three minutes before retaliating. That means he does a lot of thinking - and that could mean that he spends his lonely nights smearing lipstick on his face and devising a plan to get revenge on all those who do him wrong.
Ah, crap. I just realized that my name will be added to the list if he reads this. I guess it's a good thing that I live so far away from him.
JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 2: Gay Tea Time James
Even if the Blonde Kid is a homicidal lunatic, Awesome Girl Who Loves Football's friend Austin has much more dire things to worry about. His main concern is someone else who lives in the building, a guy my girlfriend refers to as Gay Tea Time James.
Gay Tea Time James is very heterosexually challenged. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but he's way out there in terms of being out of the closet. For instance, when he says bye to people, he'll say, "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to have tea time." Who leaves just to have tea, and who says "tea time?" Only the most heterosexually challenged people on the planet, apparently.
Gay Tea Time James also does many other heterosexually challenged things. Instead of "hi," he says, "greetings." And instead of spelling the word "girl" the normal way in texts, he types "qurl."
Again, not that there's anything wrong with any of this, so why does Austin have to fear him so much? Well, I'll let Awesome Girl Who Loves Football explain:
Gay Tea Time James asked Austin to make out with him. I'm serious. I sometimes text Gay Tea Time James from Austin's phone as a prank when I'm drunk and mess around with him that way. Sometimes Austin lets other people do it too. One night he let a girl named Allison send a text, and she called Gay Tea Time James "f*** buddy" in the text she sent.
Gay Tea Time James thought Austin seriously considered him a f*** buddy, so that's what made him ask him to make out. He said something like, "I really want to make out right now. Does your proclamation of me as your f*** buddy still apply? Because I desperately need a snog."
How could Austin possibly resist that offer? A chance to have tea time and snog with a pseudo man who types "qurl" on his phone sounds like the evening of a lifetime.
I do have to wonder what sort of heterosexually challenged antics transpire during Gay Tea Time James' tea time. I can only imagine what goes on in his dorm room...
Gay Tea Time James: Jeeezth Chritthh is it really like 10 o'clock already, like OMG, it's tea time you guyth!
Polly Prissy Pants: OK James, you are such a cool guy and you have such cool tea parties!
Gay Tea Time James: I know, qurl. OMG these tea partieth are like tho amazing and thtuff!
Clyde Frog: So, James, you sexy, sexy man, did you end up snogging that dashing Austin fellow?
Gay Tea Time James: Ohh... no... it turnth out that thomeome elth wath texting me from his phone... Jeezzzth Chritthh...
Clyde Frog: It's OK, James, you can bang me up the butthole if you want tonight if that'll make you feel better. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Polly Prissy Pants: Or if you suddenly become homosexually challenged, you can do the same to me!
Blonde Kid: Speaking of which, do you want to chill later, Polly Prissy Pants? And by later, I mean tonight, haha. Yea sorry to be forward or what ever lol.
Polly Prissy Pants: Eww... get away from me, creep!
I guess we can assume that Polly Prissy Pants is now on the Blonde Kid's revenge list.
JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 3: Lisa Turtle
While I'm on the subject of the mentally insane, I feel as though I need to address Lisa Turtle. Yes, THE Lisa Turtle from Saved by the Bell, one of the best and cheesiest shows of all time. I'm proud to say that I have all of the DVDs - even the crappy college years season.
If you're too young to know of Saved by the Bell, here's a look at how cheesy it is. In this episode, Jesse gets addicted to caffeine pills, of all things.
Anyway, Lisa Turtle was one of the students on the show. She was played by Lark Voorhies, but since Lark hasn't done anything with the rest of her acting career, I'll continue to call her Lisa Turtle.
So, why is Lisa Turtle grouped with Blonde Kid and Gay Tea Time James? Because she's just as nuts as them. My senior editor recently alerted me that Lisa Turtle published a book. I thought nothing of it until he showed me an excerpt:
For, ages, we have learned, to, search, for, the, truth, about, life. The, truth, in, regard, to, the, opolous, insight. Facts, ascertained, according, to, the, willing, advance, of, theme, and, time. Fames, tolled, apart, from, steads. Standards, patrolled, in, union, with, the, ever, held, age, perfection, within, the, stales, of, solution. New, boarders, of, parental, discovery, taled, to, the, wind, of, true, shelter, and, destine. At, harmony's length, we, trivial, the, chiefs, of, known, ability, to, prevail, the, pronounce, of, hartmanship.
Wow. What the hell does any of this mean? And what sort of literary company would think it would be a good idea to publish such crazy rants?
Let's break this down - first of all, I think the telltale sign of any mentally insane person is that they use commas after almost every single word. I'm pretty sure some serial killers have done this in their memoires. Second, what's with the made-up words? Hartmanship? What the hell is that? Opolous? What planet is that word from? And taled? What? Third, none of this makes any sense. It's like she typed up random words, banded them together with commas and created a paragraph in her book.
If Lisa Turtle can do this, why can't I? In fact, I think anyone could do this. It's like Mad Libs. The template for a Lisa Turtle book would look like this:
For, (time period), (noun) have (verb, past tense), to, (verb), for, the, (noun), about, (noun). The, (noun), in, regard, to, the, (adjective), (noun). (Plural noun), (verb), according, to, the, (adjective), (noun), of, (noun), and, (noun). (Noun), (verb), (adverb), from, (noun). (Noun), (verb), in, (noun), with, the, (adjective), (adjective), (noun), (noun), with, the, (noun), of, (noun). (Adjective), (noun), of, (adjective), (noun), (verb, past tense), to, the, (noun), of, (adjective), (noun) and (noun). At (noun, possessive), (noun), we, (noun that makes no sense), the, (noun), of, (adjective), (noun), to, (verb), the, (noun), of, (made-up noun).
Did you give this a try? I have. I logged onto RandomWordGenerator.net to fill in the blanks. So, here's an excerpt from my upcoming book, the Crazy Rants of an Internet Football Writer...
For, months, sacrifices have stocked, to, reform, for, the, termination, about, injustice. The, generation, in, regard, to, the, fancy, vessels. Women, scanning, according, to, the, responsible, genius, of, redundancy. Ceremony, distribute, tightly, from, administration. Theory, continued, in, water, with, the, calculated, narrow, bubble, initiative, with, the, root, of intention. Useful, screen, of, countless, command, blocked, to, the, excess, of, sorrowful, check and mankind. At night's, frequency, we, thanking, the, profit, of, delighted, dread, to, wash, the, sector, of, bortunoww.
I actually think what I wrote makes much more sense than Lisa Turtle's rant. Why can't I get this published? Ah, if only I were a pretty black actress... I could release an awesome book AND get invited to James' tea parties.
JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 4: Howard Eskin
I usually list three jerks every week, but this is a late addition to this week's entry. If you're Facebook friends with me, you know exactly what this is about. If not, our own Charlie Campbell broke a story about Jon Gruden coming back to coaching. We posted this at 2:40 Thursday morning, as you can see by this tweet:
When I made the arduous 10-second walk to my office the following morning, I quickly discovered that NFL.com and several radio stations, including the two local Philadelphia ones, picked this story up. Pretty cool, I thought. I was hoping that ProFootballTalk.com and Rotoworld.com would have linked to us as well, but they didn't mention anything. Oh well. They either didn't hear about it or deem it worthy enough to write about. I got dressed and walked to Bottom Dollar to pick up some essential food items like milk, orange juice and Cocoa Pebbles.
I came back to my house about 20 minutes later. I reloaded my computer and began working on Jerks of the Week when I received a text from a friend who told me that ProFootballTalk.com finally mentioned the Gruden story - except that they gave credit to someone else.
Apparently, Howard Eskin of WIP and FOX 29 broke the story himself 11 hours later, as seen here:
Here's what ProFootballTalk.com's page look like:
This really pissed me off. I mean, I figured ProFootballTalk didn't see it from me, and it's my fault for not e-mailing them about it beforehand, but my anger focused on Eskin. Did he really just hijack our story like that? It's ridiculous. Charlie put a lot of work into breaking it, so it was unfair that he wasn't getting the proper credit for it. Imagine if you worked hard on something and then someone else reaped the rewards. How would you feel?
Now, I won't dismiss the possibility that Eskin came across this story on his own, but how would he possibly avoid listening to either of the two Philadelphia sports-talk stations - one of which he works for - or seeing the story on NFL.com for 11 hours? Perhaps his "sources" were WalterFootball.com.
I called my lawyer to see if anything could be done about this. I also contacted a highly trafficked journalism ethics Web site. I then e-mailed my college journalism professors, and I even spoke with a prominent Philadelphia sports analyst via e-mail, asking him for some advice, and he had this to say about Eskin:
So, that's essentially what I'm doing here. I considered trolling Eskin relentlessly - perhaps tweeting at him and congratulating him for breaking every single major story in every sport - but ProFootballTalk.com and Rotoworld.com have now both given Charlie the proper credit, so I'm not nearly as pissed as I was on Thursday and Friday.
I still may troll Eskin though. It sounds like fun. And maybe he'll go to another Web site for his "sources" next time.
More Jerks of the Week:
Jerks of the Week - Home
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein
2013 Fantasy Football Rankings - June 19
2014 NFL Mock Draft - June 18
Charlie's 2014 NFL Mock Draft - June 17
2013 NBA Mock Draft - May 22
NFL Picks - Feb. 3
© 1999-2013 Walter Cherepinsky : all rights reserved
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